-
bubbies 'n things
No RHoNJ Sex Tape... Yet
Don't be sad, but a judge ruled today that we cannot see the Real Housewife coke queen Danielle Staub's sex tape. The nightmare-reel was banned from distribution today, pending further law stuff. Something good has finally happened in New Jersey. More » -
drugs
Red Bull Realizes Its Unspoken Potential
Authorities in Germany have found traces of real cocaine in Red Bull. That's the sound of thousands of young New Jersey men simultaneously booking their tickets for Berlin. -
fashion
Poppin' Your Collar: Foppish?
For years, men who made the very personal decision to pop their collars—sometimes while gettin dollars—have been ridiculed. But now the august Wall Street Journal officially declares that collar-poppin is not "foppish" a bit! More » -
scandal
Rielle Hunter's Final Indignity: Stuck in New Jersey
When Democratic party uber-lawyer Fred Baron died this year, he left poor Rielle Hunter with nothing. So she's back on the East Coast and ready to party! More » -
new york observer
Observer At Center Of Exciting Criminal Conspiracy, Maybe!
Did you know the Observer is subsidized by an illicit slush fund? It shamefully is, according to a lawsuit filed by the former president of one of the Kushner Companies. When developer Charles Kushner bought a $1.8 billion office tower, he routed $18 million back to himself as commission on the mortgage, then allegedly siphoned $5 million off that for son Jared's cash-bleeding weekly newspaper. More » -
parochial news
Hero Jersey Pol Pisses Off DC
When does America care about a Jersey City Councilman? When a Jersey City Councilman urinates on people in Washington, DC. Steven Lipski was arrested in our nation's capital this weekend, because he went to the 9:30 Club to see a Grateful Dead tribute band, got wasted, and peed off the balcony. Idiot drunk middle-aged politicians are DC's cross to bear, of course, and Lipski has given the 9:30 Club staff trouble before: More » -
crime
New Jersey Man Got Engaged After Burying His Parents
A horrifying true crime tale is unfolding today in our neighboring state. In South Brunswick the bodies of couple Michael and Kathleen Maltese were found in a park, and suspicion quickly pointed to their son, Michael A. Maltese, and his girlfriend Nicole Taylor. In a twist reminiscent of the current direction of Showtime series Dexter, the two decided to subsequently get engaged. It might not be Truman Capote macabre, but the full story will disturb you. More » -
race
Racists Seek, Receive Attention For Anti-Obama Flyer
The League of American Patriots, a New Jersey-based white supremacist organization, is apparently distributing these leaflets in Roxbury, New Jersey. "Do you want a black president," the paper asks, noting that Haiti is very dangerous. Sigh. The Smoking Gun has the full-sized copy of the flyer in case you want to get pissed off at some barely relevant neo-Nazis. THEY JUST WANT ATTENTION, GUYS. You know, like the attention we're giving them right now! This will probably help Obama, because it's basically the literal version of the subtext of a million "legitimate" conservative anti-Obama lines (lol inexperienced). Ha ha MEANWHILE the United Auto Workers is maybe (maybe!) sending out literature to Michigan union members announcing that Obama "was raised by all white people." Which, uh, at least the union is... factually more accurate than the internet rumors, right? National conversation on race time! Those always go well! -
-
new jersey
If You Lived In New Jersey, You Would Be Home By Now. In New Jersey
Good morning, mysterious "weekend" readers! Where are you rising and shining from today? New York City? Kansas City? A garbage-strewn gutter somewhere in Mexico City, wondering what happened to your wallet and your dignity? Hey, at least you're not waking up in New Jersey, amirite? Zing. Apologies to those of you who are waking up in New Jersey. But not to fear: the reputation of postindustrial wastelands like Newark and Trenton is being revived. Not by reality itself, but by luxury real estate developers. Open your wallets! More » -
summah summah summahtime
New 'Guido Beach' Tourism Video Sure to Attract Visitors
Not sure what you're doing this weekend? Why not venture on down to Guido Beach, the Jersey Shore vacationland where the girls are orange and the boys are oranger. Down there you'll find a huuuuge bouncer guy who wears a teeny tiny little leather vest. Maybe it's a souvenir from the swinging gay hotspot Studio 54, where his father used to bounce. Then there is the crazy girl who drinks and grind dances in front of her mother and then punches some other girl in the face. It's terrific! Just like St. Tropez except with more Guidos, pink plastic drinking vessels, fist pumping, house techno, teeny tiny leathuh vests, and people from New Jersey. Watch a heinous video of the relaxing paradise after the jump. More » -
jared kushner
Kushner Eyes Jersey Paper
"New York Observer owner Jared Kushner, who had been among the potential buyers for Newsday, might be interested in buying the Star-Ledger if it were for sale, according to a person familiar with Mr. Kushner's thinking." [WSJ, Previously] -
print is dead
Depressing New Jersey News About Depressing New Jersey News
The Newark Star-Ledger, the biggest daily newspaper in all of New Jersey, is NEAR DEATH. If 225 workers don't accept buyouts like now, the Newhouses (specifically Si's brother Donald) will sell the paper along with the Trenton Times. The Star-Ledger will lose $30 million to $40 million this year, so it's a great buy! Soon Jersey residents will have to go back to getting all their news from Springsteen lyrics and Kevin Smith movies. This just in! They closed down the amusement park and also marijuana is quite popular. [NYP] -
chaunce hayden
Entire New York Gossip Agenda Shaped By One Dude in Jersey
Recently, Steppin' Up editor Chaunce Hayden got himself banned from tipping Page Six because of an inaccurate item he sorta sent them about a sex tape involving the wife of radio morning show host Opie. Does that sentence confuse and upset you? It should, because there's no fucking reason you should've ever heard of Chaunce Hayden, Steppin' Out, or "Opie," as Chaunce Hayden more or less admits in a Radar profile today. The unread free New Jersey magazine is actually just a vehicle for Mr. Hayden to meet famous (or "famous") women and land his name in the columns. More » -
endorsement
Lou Dobbs For Governor
CNN shouter Lou Dobbs is apparently "mulling a run for New Jersey governor." Oh, please let that be true! Current governor Jon Corzine is quite unpopular and "Republican officials" claim the oddly orange-hued pseudo-populist pundit is "taking steps toward running" for that prestigious office himself. We cannot think of a better idea! For so many reasons! More » -
facebook
Jim McGreevey Can't Come to Your Birthday Party :(
Do you remember Corey Johnson? He was the kid who was the co-captain of his high school football team, and maybe "the first high school athlete in the nation to declare his homosexuality so publicly while still enjoying the support of his teammates, parents and coaches," back in 2000. It's his birthday! He invited all his Facebook friends! One person, though, can't make it. Former New Jersey Governor and Gay American Jim McGreevey. He has a totally valid excuse! More » -
advice
New Jersey Turns to Dear Abby For Desperately Needed Help
Yesterday's Dear Abby column featured the sad tale of a 38-year-old woman, five months pregnant, who is concerned that when she goes clubbing with her fiance (of five years) "Troy," he sticks her with his "best friend" and disappears for hours. When she finds him, he is "sweaty and has a weird look on his face." He insists there's nothing up. Signed, "Suspicious in New Jersey." That is the most stereotypically Jersey advice column letter ever, right? Well, besides the one immediately following it: More » -
the cinema
HBO Preserves New Jersey For Possible Sopranos Movie
Recently Nick D'Urso, manager of New Jersey's Satin Dolls gentleman's club, got a call from HBO asking him to hold off on his planned renovations. You see, Satin Dolls also doubles as the Bada Bing strip club from HBO's stunning, somber, and definitively over mob series The Sopranos. D'Urso swears that he heard legit info that a Sopranos movie could be in the works and HBO is making sure its top locations stay as much the same as possible. Soprano Sue, a crazed fan of the show who did some amateur location scouting for HBO, also says she heard about a movie from a crew member. And that pretty much sucks. If it does happen, it will completely negate the series finale's brilliantly confounding and expressive abrupt cut to black. Unless, you know, it's a prequel or something. Though that would probably involve unfortunate hairpieces and casting new kids and ick I think that would be much, much worse. HBO honors their omerta and says "No comment." Though they seem to like the show to movie idea. A lot. Give it a rest, everybody. [OhNoTheyDidn't] After the jump, that famous final scene. More » -
murderer for a day
Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?
If you feel like killing someone, make sure you do it in Jersey—starting today all you'll get for it is a roof over your head and three square meals a day for the rest of your life. (Also: the inability to walk more than 6 steps in one direction.) If we were us, which we may very well still be, and in a particularly vengeful state of mind, which we also may be, we'd want dibs on whoever miscalculates our ConEd bill every single fucking month. And maybe that little smart mouth from our fourth grade class who taunted kids by saying "I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you." Also totally worth it—people who don't seem to understand that sidewalks in New York City operate the same way as major highways. Dawdle in the passing lane on the left at your own peril, got it? But surely there are better candidates for a one-way ticket to the afterlife under our sister state's friendly new policy? More » -
giant fucking rats
20-POUND RATS INVADE JERSEY; "HOW COULD THEY TELL" JOKES BREAK OUT ACROSS NATION
In solidarity with striking T.V. writers, huge 20-pound rats have been spotted in creeks and marshes in New Jersey. Sort of. They're actually nutria, not rats, but they're giant, furry rodents who are apparently very damaging to fragile natural ecosystems like those of the Garden State. More » -
on death traps and suicide raps
Mental Health America, an organization looking to get mentioned in brief wire reports reprinted across the nation, released a study claiming that New Jersey is the third least-depressed state in the union. We're supposed to be shocked that some stereotype about Jersey isn't true but honestly, the sheer number of zillionaires inexplicably residing there guarantees a good placement. Jersey is depressing to the rest of the nation, who ever said they were self-aware about it? (New York ranked 19th because of its proximity to New Jersey.) [NYP] -
a view to a kill
Plane Makes Emergency Landing On Steve Martin Book PR Tour
Today Channel 7 interrupted "The View" with promises of an awesome plane crash televised live but all we got were a couple sparks followed by the Cremaster-inspired covering of the plane in a thick layer of suggestive foam. Then they back to the tail end of a Steve Martin anecdote and a commercial. If you're gonna interrupt the ladies of "The View," we demand explosions! More » -
communication breakdown
FCC To Force Station To Care About Jersey
Television station WWOR (My9, currently playing: Divorce Court), owned by NewsCorp, just may become the first television station in years to have its broadcast license rejected (but probably not). And not because of that quaint law barring newspaper owners from owning T.V. stations in the same market—NewsCorp is one of 11 companies that both control all the media and hold "temporary" waivers of that particular law. Instead their renewal is being challenged by community groups because My9 is a New Jersey station that doesn't actually cover New Jersey. More » -
mysterious ways
Charles Kushner: God Will Not Forgive My Sister For Putting Me In Jail
Apparently Yahweh has forgiven Charles Kushner—real estate magnate, recently released felon, and Observer publisher Jared's father—for the whole "getting his brother-in-law a prostitute, filming their encounter, and sending the tape to his sister" blackmail thing. But, according to Charles, He has not forgiven his sister for ratting on Charles to the Feds. Or, in Charles' words: "For instigating a criminal investigation and being cheerleaders for the government and putting their brother in jail because of jealousy, hatred and spite." God did not return multiple phone calls and an email before press time. More » -
poker dens
We're becoming obsessed with the story of the shoot-out on Friday night at the poker game in "unmarked office on the seventh floor of a commercial building at 251 Fifth Avenue, at 28th Street." There isn't much new on the story—but as a former math professor from New Jersey was killed in the poker den, it gave the "North Jersey Media Group"> the opportunity to write this immortal line: "Those who knew Frank DeSena say the Wayne man had been dealt a good hand in life." URK. [NYT] -
it's chinatown
Aww! New York Observer publisher and Ivanka Trump-lover Jared Kushner's dad Charles, who sponsored the work visa for then-Jersey gov Jim McGreevey's supposed Israeli lover-employee, has now hired his buddy McGreevey's new boyfriend to be the Kushner family corporation's chief investment officer! [NY Post] -
wildlife
To Catch A Ruminant: Deer Gone Wild!
The Garden State is one step closer to sewing up the title of Most Awesomest Hudson River state. The Asbury Park Press reports that a four-point buck, demanding his right to an equal education and his very own fifteen minutes, broke through a double-paned window yesterday to join Lloyd Road Elementary's fifth-grade vocabulary lesson. Even when school officials put the whole place on lockdown because of one disoriented deer, the kids stayed calm, to their credit. The same can't be said for their school nurse. "When he saw me, he started climbing in," [Rosalie] Preuss told the New York Times. "I thought he'd back up, but he started coming forward, so I shut the door and went, 'Eek! Eek!'" Oh Nurse Preuss, you're the best; Hump Day thanks you for your service. -
daytime tv
Former New Jersey first lady Dina Matos McGreevey was just on It's Your Call With Lynn Doyle on the Comcast network, and we learned a lot about gay Americans. Like: you're probably married to one right now! According to some graphic they showed, "there are an estimated 2 million marriages where one spouse is gay." There wasn't really a source for that number so we'll assume Lynn and Dina just gave their best guess. Also there was an insane return from commercial where they showed the USS New Jersey and Lynn said "it is appropriately lit in pink, for breast cancer awareness, and also appropriate because of our guest." Because an estimated 2 million husbands across the country are secretly captaining huge pink battleships, sailing through the strait of betrayal and torpedoing the Good Ship Family. -
compare and contrast
Is New Jersey Just So Much More Awesome Than New York?
You know, we sympathize with just-resigned Atlantic City Mayor Robert W. Levy's personal health situation and all. The heretofore absent-without-say-so city leader turned up earlier this week after spending the last couple of weeks hiding out at home and at a clinic for substance abuse and depression. If we'd been consulted, we might have recommended a subtler exit strategy from his job—say, an apparently spontaneous trip to visit long-lost relatives in outer Mongolia! Or perhaps a sudden deep and abiding devotion to the melting of the polar ice caps, necessitating an in-person look-see? Hell, if Levy had said he'd taken a day trip to Trenton, everyone would have just assumed he was recovering from gunshot wounds someplace, no big deal. More » -
celebrities
George Clooney, Girlfriend Hurt In Motorcycle Accident In New Jersey
The smug-causing star of Oceans91011 and his girlfriend Sarah Larson were injured on Friday when Clooney crashed the motorcycle they were on while driving on a narrow road across the Hudson River in Jersey. Clooney's reportedly suffered a broken rib and Larson broke her foot. Both have been released from the Palisades medical center where they'd been treated. According to Sgt. Sean Kelly, the Weehawken police officer in charge of the investigation: [Jalopnik] -
liquid puppies
"A New Jersey stockbroker and his wife maintained an animal house of horrors — a feces-filled mansion where they kept more than 100 malnourished and neglected dogs and cats... One dog's fur was so matted and caked in feces, rescuers couldn't figure which end was its head." [NYP] -
garden state
Did Jon Corzine ditch the aide who survived his near-fatal wreck with him because he was getting "too close" to the "tall and attractive" 25-year-old? Page Six conveys rumors and innuendos that the New Jersey governor's 62-year-old girlfriend was apparently suspicious of the relationship. (And our favorite rumor: that the aide was sitting with Corzine in the back seat during the crash.) Our take: The guy has more money than God, he's the most powerful state executive in the country, and he's dating some broad who's two years older than him? Public service really is a thankless task. [NYP] -
empowered women
What Was In Miss New Jersey's Dirty Facebook?
Good for Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo! She's taking a brave stance against the would-be blackmailers who threatened to publish photos taken from her "private" Facebook page. Apparently the photos were from an event called "I Survived Colins' Bootcamp Cabaret Part III," and Amy says "I don't think the photos are that bad." Seriously, maybe in them she is doing a really wacky acting exercise or drinking a glass of white wine or something. Or maybe she is having a lesbian orgy wearing the costumes from Pippin! Even if that's the case, we think she's handling the situation perfectly. More » -
accidents happen
Jon Corzine Keeps Crash Driver, But Ditches Survivor Aide
What do you get the employee who survives a brutal high-speed accident with you? Well, New Jersey governor Jon Corzine may be retaining the same driver who was behind the wheel during his vicious crack-up back in April, as the AP says—but he won't retain the traveling companions. We hear Samantha Gordon, the Huma to his Hillary, his mid-20s body woman who emerged largely unscathed from the crash, has been reassigned from her job. In the crash, Corzine was supposedly in the front seat, and not wearing a seatbelt, unlike his primary aide Ms. Gordon, who, though also not wearing a seat belt, was in the back seat alone. Ms. Gordon did not return a phone call this afternoon. Sounds like a rough deal to us. -
translating new jersey
Jersey Girl Totally Has Dirt On Governor, For Reals
It's taken a while, but we've somehow shed our embarrassment about having grown up in the Jersey suburbs. (Our therapy included a combination of Springsteen and "The Sopranos.") So it was with some amusement, and a good deal of interest, that we read today's Cindy Adams love-in with Carla Katz. Katz is the head of the Garden State's Communication Workers union; more importantly, she used to bang the governor. She tells Cindy that, contrary to speculation, she's got "nothing on" seatbelt-averse Jon Corzine, who apparently proposed to her but then backed out when it became clear that he could leave the boredom of the Senate behind for the top job in Trenton. While Cindy chooses not to air the rumor that former New Jersey Senator and ethical weasel Bob Torricelli set Corzine up with Katz for the express purpose of getting something on the Goldman Sachs millionaire, she does give Carla the chance to explain herself. More » -
new jersey
In Wishing Corzine Well, Sympathy Is Mixed With Lack Of Self-Awareness
Today's Times has a story on the reaction to New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine's recent injuries. Apparently, Garden Staters are concerned for their governor, but also resentful because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. How are the palpably angry Jerseyans feeling besides angry? More » -
jared kushner
Jared Kushner Buys Another Thing!
New York Observer publisher Jared Kushner has bought something new! It's a website called Politics NJ.Right now it looks like 5 websites threw up on each other. Wow, the redesign just went up! Historically, PoliticsNJ has tons of local oomph—of course, their most fascinating and long-running story has always been the Krazy Kushner family itself. Awkward! Well, good timing, as the market's wide open since the Times has given up entirely on covering Jersey. Kushner's plans include installing Governor Christine Todd Whitman and former U.S. Senator Robert Torricelli as bloggers. It's just like the Huffington Post, but everyone's blogging at the bar of Tony Soprano's strip club! More » -
pole-dancing
Pole-Dancing In New Jersey: A Reporter's Cry For Help
The story of Jersey pole-dancing housewives from this weekend's Times is already rocketing up the most-emailed list. The slideshow is much creepier than Inland Empire. To be honest, it made us think of our moms, and how we wouldn't want them enshrined in the paper of record as crazy menopausal raccoons. Why were these women set up by a reporter to be the victims of media exposure? But a more extensive investigation revealed that the truth might not be what we first assumed. More » -
new jersey
New Jersey Gays: Just Sorta Married!
The 'mos across the river have begun rushing to get civilly committed, which is gay for "married." Steven Goldstein and Daniel Gross land in the record books as the first Jerseyans to accept the second-rate nuptials, but the Daily News took a look at two other soon-to-be-not-exactly-wedded couples. More »



























