167 Days and a Wake Up
Audio: Cop, Security Guard Agree New Mexico Governor Was Drunk During Hotel Tantrum
In listening to New Mexico governor Susan Martinez argue with and vaguely threaten officers and security personnel who responded a noise complaint coming from her hotel room after her staff’s holiday party, one unconfirmed assumption could reasonably have been made: The governor was drunk.
Listen to the Governor of New Mexico Defend Her Hotel Pizza Party To Cops
If you really are only as old as you feel, then audio released today by Santa Fe police regarding a little hotel pizza party that got out of hand indicates that New Mexico governor Susana Martinez is... maybe 17 years old.
Judge to First-Time Offender: "You Would Probably Be Raped Every Day" in Jail
Isiah Gay appeared in a New Mexico court this week after being arrested for burglary, his first alleged criminal offense. Judge Christina Argyres sentenced him to five years probation, but not before dangling a 15-year prison sentence in front of him during which he would “probably be raped every day,” she said.
Police: Binge-Drinking Walking Dead Fan Beat His "Zombie" Friend to Death With an Electric Guitar
A New Mexico man who said he had recently binge-watched The Walking Dead has been charged with murder after telling police he attacked his drinking buddy. He said he believed the other man had started “to change into a zombie” and wanted to bite him, Albuquerque news station KOB4 reports.
Man Confesses to Road Rage Shooting That Killed 4-Year-Old New Mexico Girl
In a statement on Thursday, police said that Tony Torrez, 32, confessed to the fatal shooting of Lilly Garcia, 4, in a road-rage incident in Albuquerque this week.
4-Year-Old Girl Killed in New Mexico Road-Rage Shooting
Police said a 4-year-old girl was shot and killed in a road-rage incident in Albuquerque on Tuesday, KOAT 7 Albuquerque reports.
"You Can't Even Describe It": EPA Screw-Up Stains Animas River Orange
The governors of Colorado and New Mexico declared states of emergency on Monday after a federal clean-up crew accidentally dumped three million gallons of toxic wastewater into the Animas River, the Albuquerque Journal reports.
"Deal With It Yourself": 911 Operator Hangs Up On Caller While Teen Dies
A 911 dispatcher with the Albuquerque Fire Department has been reassigned after hanging up on a frustrated caller attending to a dying gunshot victim, NBC News reports.
Autopsy: Former White House Chef Died of Accidental Drowning
According to the New Mexico Department of Public Safety, an autopsy has determined that Walter Scheib, the former White House chef whose body was discovered outside Taos this weekend, accidentally drowned.
In America, Public Art Is Satanist Muslim Terrorism
In America, we love our advertising. So much so that when a vessel that's ordinarily used to assault our eyeballs with neon-colored laundry detergent advocacy suddenly stops trying to sell stuff to us, we immediately assume that the terrorists are finally at our door.
Here Is The Bad Newspaper Cartoon of the Week
There are thousands of newspapers of all types in the United States of America. Not infrequently, they publish very bad editorial cartoons. Hey, here's a new one.
Three-Year-Old Shoots Dad, Pregnant Mom with Handgun in NM Motel Room
A toddler accidentally shot his father and his eight-months-pregnant mother in an Albuquerque motel room on Saturday, the Albuquerque Journal reports. According to the paper, both parents are expected to survive.
Thanks to energy drilling operations, northern New Mexico is now covered by "a permanent, Delaware-sized methane cloud."
Report: Gyno Ditches Woman Giving Birth to Fuck Another Patient
The New Mexico Medical Board has suspended Dr. Christopher S. Driskill, calling the doctor "a clear and immediate danger to the public health and safety." The doctor is accused of frequently being drunk at work and having inappropriate relationships with patients, apparently once leaving a woman giving birth…
Driver: I Woke Up Like This (In A Field of Donkeys)
A driver who had gone missing on the road in New Mexico after a one-car accident says he woke up the following morning in a field of donkeys and wasn't so clear on how he got there.
Albuquerque Grasshopper Swarms Are Showing Up On Weather Radar
According to The National Weather Service, the worst infestation of grasshoppers to hit Albuquerque in twenty years is so dense that it's showing up on weather radars like rain.
Congress Opposes National Monument It Wanted Until Obama Wanted It Too
John Boehner does not want 500,000 beautiful acres in New Mexico to be designated a national monument. I mean, he does, but Obama wanted it more and, you know, fuck that guy.
New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez, a rising GOP star who's spearheaded the party's outreach to women, was caught on audio calling her 2010 opponent "that little bitch" and complaining that teachers are overpaid because "they already don't work, you know, two and a half months out of the year."
Supreme Court Doesn't Want to Be Involved With Your Gay Wedding Photos
Today the Supreme Court turned down the opportunity to rule on a case about same-sex wedding photography that fulfills every nightmare religious conservatives in America have about our new era of gay rights. The state of New Mexico had ruled that if you are in the wedding-photography business, you must be willing to…
