The Yankees started playing "God Bless America" over the loudspeakers during the seventh-inning stretch shortly after 9/11. At a game last August, Bradford Campeau-Laurion attempted to use the seventh-inning stretch for the reason God intended it—to take a leak. But two New York City police officers—the NYCLU believes they were off-duty and working security for the stadium—tried to bodily prevent him from leaving his seat because everybody knows that relieving oneself while patriotic music is playing is a grave offense to the freedoms we all hold dear. From the NYCLU press release:

Campeau-Laurion quietly watched the game, ate a bag of peanuts and drank two beers. He decided to use the restroom at the start of the seventh-inning stretch – a period when fans often choose to use the restroom. He got up and made his way down the aisle as "God Bless America" began playing. A police officer blocked his path and indicated that he could not leave during the song. Campeau-Laurion explained that he needed to use the restroom and was not concerned about "God Bless America." Then he attempted to walk past the officer.

Before Campeau-Laurion could take a step, the police officer grabbed his right arm and twisted it behind his back. A second officer twisted Campeau-Laurion's left arm behind his back, and the two officers then marched him down several ramps to the stadium's exit with his arms pinned behind his back. The officers refused to ease their grip, even though Campeau-Laurion was not resisting them.

The encounter ended with one of the officers telling Campeau-Laurion to leave the country if he didn't like it.

If you ever go to the bathroom on the Fourth of July in New York City, expect a beatdown from the NYPD.

Campeau-Laurion, who works for Forbes.com (according to his Plaxo profile), is suing the NYPD, the Yankees, and the City of New York.

1. He has a young son named Dante and a daughter named Serena—like the chick from "Gossip Girl"!

2. Photographic evidence (above!) proves that Dante hates baseball! Mmm hmm. Or the media. Either way.

3. The Yankees could have hired Don Mattingly (sorta hot in that big-mustache 70s way) or Tony Pena (not at all hot) but they did not! Yay!

4. He looks a lot like Vin Diesel but without the overcompensating thing!
5. He is a catcher.

6. He hates Texas Rangers designated hitter Sammy Sosa, and so should you!

7. He is totally stroppy with obnoxious busy-body bosses—he had an on-the-field knock-down drag-out with Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria. Loria, as art world homos will know, was a bigwig collector who has some super-serious self esteem issues. Plus he's cheap. He thinks it's all about him, foreal! So, though Joe is pretty close-mouthed, there is the potential for serious tabloid catfights with the Steinbrenner family down the road!

8. He is 5'11" and probably a little down from his game weight of 200 pounds.

9. He is 43, which is actually just the right age for a man.

10. A talking point: "It's too bad that New Joe will probably be just like Joe Torre; always sounding like he's saying something meaningful and straightforward, but not really saying much at all. Man, it'd be nice for once to see someone ready to mix it up with the junior Steinbrenners in front of the press!" Also: "Wow, this is gonna be rough on the bullpen. He's hard on the pitchers!"

Heh. That sounds dirty!

After twelve seasons, twelve postseasons and four World Series titles, it must have felt pretty good to tell the Steinbrenners to go fuck themselves.

"We respect his decision," Yankees president Randy Levine said. "We appreciate everything he's done. But it is now time for the New York Yankees to move forward, and we will be doing it very quickly." Classy!

After this month, Torre might want to reconsider that zany idea of running for mayor. Denying George that extra parking he's been after for years would just be so fun.

YANKS' SURGE STARTED WITH 'STRAY-ROD' [NYP]

Says Yankees manager Joe Torre:

When you get into that area, I think it's over the line. It's what people seem to think is important or seem to think they have to do. In New York, there are so many more things that you talk about on a regular basis in addition to baseball. When I took this job I certainly knew it wasn't going to be about hitting and running and changing pitchers.

Another Classic 'NY Post' Headline: 'Stray-Rod' — Tactless Ballplayer in Topless Bar? [AP]

Just two days after his teammate Cory Lidle's plane hit a Manhattan high-rise, New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez had a plane scare of his own when his Gulfstream Jet overshot the runway, and TMZ has the video of the clearly shaken Rodriguez. No one was hurt, however, as A-Rod can't hit anything in October.

A-Rod: Terrifying Day, Wild Night [TMZ]

Plane That Crashed Into NYC Building Licensed To Lidle [Deadspin]

Earlier: First Photos: Plane Crashes into Manhattan Building

Fast-forward half-a-decade, and we find the deposed emperor perhaps not lacking clothes, but certainly sporting a tattered worn-down version of his previous robes. The buzzwords these days are: old, crabby, overpaid, chokers, and most importantly, losers. Yes, we did get the memo on the five-game sweep of the Sawx. And we know they still win their fair share of regular season games. But that only emphasizes the point, used to be the regular season was a formality for the Yankees, every season they were given automatic VIP passes to Club Playoffs. Now they have to stand in line and hope to get in with the rest of the herd.

Rolling with the rest of the pack wouldn't be so bad if, like the rest of the pack, the NY Yankees paid standard retail prices for their wares. But no, the Yankees, and their two-hundred million dollar payroll, almost double the amount of any other team, prefer to pay designer dollars for K-mart production. Like secret clubs and Gawker, the Yankees are the epitome of overhyped and overpriced New York egomania (yes beloved reader, even at the cost of free we question our value to you). And in true New York style, the Yankees find a sucker to foot the bill, namely the fans. Yes those obstinate obnoxious Bronx Bomber fans who have yet to let the air out of their chest-puffery, despite having over five years since their last title to do so.

Look around you Yankees fans, Rome is crumbling. Randy Johnson, Yankee Stadium, even the owner himself appears to be reaching end-of-days. At the recent ground-breaking for the new stadium, George Steinbrenner III, the notorious micromanaging blowhard who never met a press conference he couldn't dominate, only complained of the heat, and could barely muster an acknowlegement, "It's a pleasure to give this to you people. Enjoy the new stadium. I hope it's wonderful." Hmmm doesn't sound like he's planning to stick around for the grand opening. We're not surprise, because like us, he must know the New York Yankees are already over.

We're gonna go out on a limb here and guess at some future subheads. Should Wang continue to do well, expect to see some of these:

WANG COMES UP BIG
WANG "WAY TOO FAST"
EVERYONE WORRIED ABOUT FACING WANG
"YOU DON'T WANT TO GET IN A DUEL WITH WANG"
WANG DELIVERS PERFECT CLIMAX TO SERIES

Should Wang falter down the stretch, these are more likely:

DROOPY WANG
WANG IN A HOLE
WANG LOSES CONTROL
THREE HIT BY WANG
PUFFED-UP WANG NOT FOOLING ANYBODY

There's also "COMMON CHINESE SURNAME SIMILAR TO AMERICAN SLANG FOR PENIS," but we don't expect that you'll be seeing that any time soon.

Coming Up Aces [NYP]