This piece was packed chock-a-block with crap that I've already read/heard/assumed/divined, etc. This isn't a criticism of the piece as much as it's a wake-up call that I need to get a frigging life.
I see a certain Dentonesque irony created by a website constantly reporting the lay-offs in the magazine industry and then -- Thanks, Gawker! -- a summary of this special issue so that I don't have to read -- let alone buy -- the bloody thing.
@smithhimself: if you seriously aren't going to read a 5,000 page piece which was already readily available online (starting a couple days ago) because ten paragraphs of it were reposted on other websites...well...sir...you weren't going to read it in the first place.
You forgot the best story! Where one of his female aides talks about returning home after the 2004 DNC with bruises all over her body as she tried to keep DNC delegates from pawing at him and women from removing his shirt from his pants. I worry how he will stay faithful to Michelle.
My eyes glazed over just seeing the posting, let alone the original. If I never read another word about this over-covered "news" event (sorry, I'm so old-fashioned, I think "news" is actually something that happens unexpectedly; electing a president is about as unexpected as picking a beauty pageant winner), it will be too soon.
And not to sound like a right-wingnut, but: I'm not accepting anything about Palin's stupidity, wardrobe or bubba family until one of these mysterious "unnamed sources" has the guts to go on the record.
@HK_Guy: you know, it is really easy for you to not read another word about this news event! for example, don't click on gawker posts about this news event! or read newsweek articles about this news event! presto! profit!
btw? palin's stupidity and wardrobe ARE on the record, unless you think the rnc receipts and her numerous interviews and stump speeches were fakes.
"So what's the difference between a snowmobile and a snow machine, anyway?" Salter asked. "They're the same thing," Todd replied. "Right, so why not call it a snowmobile?" Salter joshed.
@allyzay: you know, when i first posted this, there was a picture of puddy from seinfeld in there, but now it isn't showing up, and this makes no sense. oh well.
I read the whole thing. My favorite tidbit about Obama -- made me LOL:
"Nothing seemed to rattle Obama. He had a way of retreating into his own little world. During one of the debate preps, the lights blew, flickering on and off like a strobe light from the 1970s disco craze. Obama stood behind the podium, quietly singing the song 'Disco Inferno,' last popular in the heyday of 'Saturday Night Fever.'"
@user5000: yes! and the part where he keeps poking michelle's glittery belt and saying "beam me up scotty!" or something to that effect, and she is just rolling her eyes and all STFU already is pretty priceless.
@allyzay: I would pay to see video of both of these things. Also the giggling when he couldn't sustain mock outrage in debate prep. Man, I didn't think it was possible for me to love him more.
@sarrible: God, between the crying and swooning and giggling over the man this week, people are starting to think I'm not a bitch. This is unacceptable!
@allyzay: McCain seems like kind of a jerk, but one who is also deeply deeply funny. If he could have shown voters another emotion besides near-murderous rage, he might have done a little better.
@Taigan: I gotta say, he seems like a pretty awesome stand-up guy that got kinda screwed again! These were the anecdotes that moved me the most about McCain: "McCain also was reluctant to use Obama's incendiary pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, as a campaign issue. The Republican had set firm boundaries: no Jeremiah Wright; no attacking Michelle Obama; no attacking Obama for not serving in the military. McCain balked at an ad using images of children that suggested that Obama might not protect them from terrorism. Schmidt vetoed ads suggesting that Obama was soft on crime (no Willie Hortons). And before word even got to McCain, Schmidt and Salter scuttled a "celebrity" ad of Obama dancing with talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres (the sight of a black man dancing with a lesbian was deemed too provocative)."
"McCain was dumbfounded when Congressman John Lewis, a civil-rights hero, issued a press release comparing the GOP nominee with former Alabama governor George Wallace, a segregationist infamous for stirring racial fears. McCain had devoted a chapter to Lewis in one of his books, "Why Courage Matters," and had so admired Lewis that he had once taken his children to meet him."
@DorothyMantooth: Oh. But that being said, I'm obviously so glad this dude isn't president for the additional reason of his being able to be pushed around so easily.
@DorothyMantooth: yes, exactly. the article was really sad when it turned to john mccain. it's like, he really didn't understand why his dickish behavior would turn ppl against him, nor did he have any control over what was going on that was making ppl hate him. which, of course, says millions about his ability to lead a freaking cat herd, much less a government, but he still seems just like a sad man in the end of things.
Srsly, thank you Pareene for this digest, it's an absorbing read. My favorite bits:
-Okay, what's up with Lindsay Graham? McCain's mom wants to marry him (he's unmarried, right?), he is in love with John McCain, and likes to get little girls hopped up on Mountain Dew, his drug of choice when in polite company. Graham is deeply, creepily weird.
-Newsweek being decorous: that "large" woman with the martini t-shirt McCain was ogling til she fled? They meant, "big-tittied."
-McCain: "Who are all these Germans? Why are they cheering?" John, they are the inhabitants of Germany- don't hit me!
- I liked the scene of Hillary's, "Why am I doing this? I'm comfortable here." "The WH isn't so bad." "I've been there."
So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I f---ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective'. Oh my God. I fucking love him. You know how they said Bush won back in the day because he was "the guy you wanted to have a beer with"? I want to have a beer with BARACK, is who I want to have a beer with.
@katastic: I don't, because I drink Colt 45 bought with change scrounged from under the sofa, and find that kind of behavior only acceptable in the Secretary of the Interior.
Michelle was shaken by the vituperative crowds and the hot rhetoric from the GOP candidates. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" she asked Valerie Jarrett.
This is all fantastic. I especially love the bit about Obama complaining about the stupid debate questions! The whole "global warming isn't going to stop because I changed an f-ing light bulb" is brilliant, and makes him more human to me. I want a Prez who drops the f-bomb every so often.
It's also interesting how Obama somehow made Bill Clinton go nuckin futs.
@inflammatorywrit: There's a guy who turns off the light in the gents' facility at my office. Doesn't flush the urinal. Thinks he's saving the Earth. I hate that guy.
@inflammatorywrit: When the article described their big-spending, four-star hotel luxury accommodations and private jets in the beginning of the campaign, it really shows how the Clinton hubris destroyed itself. They just didn't think they would have to work that hard, and Bill was clearly personally offended that this guy came out of nowhere and got more votes. Just goes to show a sense of entitlement will get you nowhere in life.
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Also, we're all well aware of the fact that Michelle could cut a bitch.
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And not to sound like a right-wingnut, but: I'm not accepting anything about Palin's stupidity, wardrobe or bubba family until one of these mysterious "unnamed sources" has the guts to go on the record.
This isn't reporting. This is typewriting.
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btw? palin's stupidity and wardrobe ARE on the record, unless you think the rnc receipts and her numerous interviews and stump speeches were fakes.
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When Barack Obama legalizes gay marriage on day 1 of his administration, just wait... the Graham-McCain nuptials will be gorgeous.
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"Because it's a snow machine," came the reply.
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"Nothing seemed to rattle Obama. He had a way of retreating into his own little world. During one of the debate preps, the lights blew, flickering on and off like a strobe light from the 1970s disco craze. Obama stood behind the podium, quietly singing the song 'Disco Inferno,' last popular in the heyday of 'Saturday Night Fever.'"
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ok, i've already said this, but in fairness to both of these crazy, creepy coots, that is really, really, really funny.
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These were the anecdotes that moved me the most about McCain:
"McCain also was reluctant to use Obama's incendiary pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, as a campaign issue. The Republican had set firm boundaries: no Jeremiah Wright; no attacking Michelle Obama; no attacking Obama for not serving in the military. McCain balked at an ad using images of children that suggested that Obama might not protect them from terrorism. Schmidt vetoed ads suggesting that Obama was soft on crime (no Willie Hortons). And before word even got to McCain, Schmidt and Salter scuttled a "celebrity" ad of Obama dancing with talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres (the sight of a black man dancing with a lesbian was deemed too provocative)."
"McCain was dumbfounded when Congressman John Lewis, a civil-rights hero, issued a press release comparing the GOP nominee with former Alabama governor George Wallace, a segregationist infamous for stirring racial fears. McCain had devoted a chapter to Lewis in one of his books, "Why Courage Matters," and had so admired Lewis that he had once taken his children to meet him."
That last one makes me sad.
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-Okay, what's up with Lindsay Graham? McCain's mom wants to marry him (he's unmarried, right?), he is in love with John McCain, and likes to get little girls hopped up on Mountain Dew, his drug of choice when in polite company. Graham is deeply, creepily weird.
-Newsweek being decorous: that "large" woman with the martini t-shirt McCain was ogling til she fled? They meant, "big-tittied."
-McCain: "Who are all these Germans? Why are they cheering?" John, they are the inhabitants of Germany- don't hit me!
- I liked the scene of Hillary's, "Why am I doing this? I'm comfortable here." "The WH isn't so bad." "I've been there."
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The Delaware senator raved about future first lady Michelle Obama, calling her "the most impressive person I've met in 35 years."
"I like him. I LOVE her," he said of the Obamas.
;D
^^ that's my "joe biden ascii face"
11/07/08
Oh my God. I fucking love him. You know how they said Bush won back in the day because he was "the guy you wanted to have a beer with"? I want to have a beer with BARACK, is who I want to have a beer with.
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Michelle was shaken by the vituperative crowds and the hot rhetoric from the GOP candidates. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" she asked Valerie Jarrett.
Is heartbreaking.
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It's also interesting how Obama somehow made Bill Clinton go nuckin futs.
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haha seriously though what a giant girl he is.