Lyor Cohen and Al Sharpton are both celebrating today: The Warner Music chief (and boyfriend of Tory Burch) turns 49; the rabble-rousing clergyman is 54. Others marking the special occasion: socialite Alexis Bryan is 32. Clive Owen is 44. Jake Shears is 30. Gwen Stefani is 39. Ashlee Simpson is 24. Composer Steve…

(1) The 9th annual Art For Life Benefit took place on Saturday at Russell Simmons' East Hampton house. Despite tickets not selling out as fast as usual, the event played host to Aretha Franklin, Christy Turlington, Lorraine Bracco, Soledad O'Brien, David Paterson, Diddy, Padma Lakshmi, Brett Ratner, LA Reid, the…

With Nicole Richie playing house for the next five minutes or so, Kim Kardashian having moved on to mall clothing endorsements and her own show, and sister Nicky entrapped in a brand new anorexia scandal, Paris Hilton has no one to play with. Not even her hypersexual litter of puppies. So she's prepared to do what…

You think it's easy being a Hilton? Think again.

You read Us Weekly for the articles. You can't help but be interested in what Lindsay Lohan snorted, ran her car into or slept with this week. But, you went to college, you read the new Chabons and Lethems as soon as they come out! You're not a vapid person! Good news: Celebrity is not only a major driver of the…

We weren't familiar with Red, what appears to be AOL Teen's rebranding attempt at capturing the Zac Efron-obsessed segment of the online market. Now that we have sampled their content, however—in the form of their lovingly compiled slideshow, "Red's 20 Ugliest Celebrities"—we have never felt more confident that the…

As the pulverized Swarovski crystal sands runs through Paris Hilton's Hourglass of Freedom, members of her support network (consisting of various family members, sycophantic hangers-on, and exotic pets lacking the brain capacity to know any better) continue to bang the drum loudly on behalf of the persecuted…

· "Owen Wilson Voice Impersonator" sounds like a pretty easy gig for anyone who's seen Zoolander and has some weed lying around. And it should be a lot easier to get than the Butterscotch Stallion Ass-A-Like job.
Celebutard shocker: Dilletante heiress might not be taking her hotel design responsibilities seriously!
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• Diddy reveals that he's just too damn old for this shit: after staying up all night and partying, he overslept and showed up over 5 hours late to his White Party. When you're too tired to go to your own vanity event, it's time to throw in the towel. [Page Six]
• Christie Brinkley comes face-to-face with…

• David Hasselhoff is barred from Wimbledon because he sweats vodka and tried to get in without a ticket, screaming, "Do you know who I am? I'm the Hoff!" David, that shit only works on the set of Baywatch Nights. [Page Six]
• Nicky Hilton plans to open her own chain of hotels. The girl loves a challenge. [People]
•…

• Thanks to her lost diary, we all get a glimpse into the frighteningly intellectual world of Lindsay Lohan.
• A Times sports reporter gets unacceptably frisky with a Rangers cheerleader; coincidentally, Times reporter Jason Diamos just happened to be covering the Rangers that night.
• Time Inc. brings the bloodshed…

While it's hardly as "hot" as losing one's Sidekick, Nicky Hilton's cell phone number has made its way online (917-929-0223). Alas, by the time most people caught on, she had long given up on answering her calls.

We're sure you tried to avoid it, but you all know damn well you read the profile of Paris Hilton in the October issue of Vanity Fair, in which her sister Nicky was quoted as follows:

It's Day Three of This Week's Fake Engagement of the Century, and developments in the Kimberly Stewart-Talan Torriero impending nuptials are flying at us faster than $20 bills at a homeless man willing to humiliate himself for Paris Hilton's amusement. When last we posted, Stewart was flashing her five-carat…

It's not strange to see Nicky Hilton and Kevin Connolly at Chelsea megaplex Marquee at 3 AM. It is, however, rather strange to see them partying at said hour with Nicky's parents. Seriously: What were Kathy and Rick Hilton doing at Marquee at 3 AM on a recent school night? (Not that they'd be any less out of place…

You know what today is, don't you? No? Why, it's the one-year anniversary of Nicky Hilton's ill-fated Vegas wedding to "hipster money manager" Todd Meister! (Or it's approximately the one year anniversary; the follies of rich drunkards don't adhere to the restrictions of common calendars.)

Speaking of celebrity news, the latest issue of Maxim has a revealing quote from cover girl Nicky Hilton: