Andy Dick, comedian

How drunk: Groping minors, getting arrested — classic Andy Dick, basically.

Latest: Nabbed by the police in Murrieta, California for drug use, posession of marijuana and Valium and for sexual assault after Dick grabbed a 17-year-old's breasts at 2am outside (sigh) "Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar."

Outlook: Given his long and distinguished track record, a relapse is virtually guaranteed.

Low point: Beaten up at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles in July 2007 by fellow comedian Jon Lovitz, who blamed him for the death of comedian Phil Hartman since Dick allegedly sold cocaine to Hartman's wife, a recovering addict, before she killed Hartman.

Jessica Simpson, singer

How drunk: Drunk at lunch, but not drunk driving.

Latest: Perhaps distraught at pictures of ex-flame John Mayer with actress Jennifer Aniston, Simpson last week went on a four-hour margarita binge at LA's Mexicali Cocina Cantina that ended with her friend puking under the table and Simpson abandoning her car.

Outlook: Her clean track record offers hope this was an isolated boozing, but she needs to get over Mayer.

Low point: The restaurant thing. Simpson was once a goody two-shoes, having started singing in a Baptist church before transitioning to harmless teen pop. She remained a virgin prior to her first marriage.

Amy Winehouse, singer

How drunk: Epically.

Latest: Thinks her home is inhabited by ghosts; caught smoking crack or something on video; punched, headbutted and stiffed three different people over the course of a single night; has a skin condition associated with crack addicts.

Outlook: Will probably deteriorate until she runs out of money or comes, somehow, closer to death. Rumors continue to circulate she'll seek treatment abroad, for example in Israel or South Africa. Whatever — these reports have been floated repeatedly in recent months and have yet to pan out.

Low point: Probably whatever is in the British tabloids on any given morning. Has had major issues at least since she's been famous. Her first U.S. hit was called "Rehab," after all.

Drew Barrymore, actress

How drunk: Engagement-breakingly, allegedly.

Latest: Dumped by actor Justin Long (whom she reportedly planned to marry) after he "got tired of having to help Drew to the car at the end of the night," according to the National Enquirer. After battling drugs and alcohol as a child star, Barrymore thought she had things under control.

Outlook: Decent: Continues to work, and normally tends to keep herself out of the tablouds.

Low point: Entering rehab at age 14, having already snorted cocaine.

Mischa Barton, actress

How drunk: Problematically.

Latest: Pled no contest to drunk driving charges dating to December, got three years probation and mandatory alcohol-education classes.

Outlook: Decent. Has largely avoided the tabloids save for the December incident. Recently declined to join the case of Gossip Girl to work on another project, so apparently staying (soberly) busy.

Low point: Puked in the street last year while partying with celebrity friends Kirsten Dunst and Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

Kirsten Dunst, actress

How drunk: Not? Rehabbed and hopefully not backsliding, despite that one rumor.

Latest: Dragged All Good Things co-star and rumored boyfriend Ryan Gosling to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, a recovery no-no. Is fresh out of two-month rehab stint in April.

Outlook: Decent chance of a relapse. She's 26 with no kids or long term relationship, and with one hell of a track record.

Low point: When so many anonymous tipsters emailed us about her getting drunk around New York that we had to run a special report.

Scott Weiland, singer

How drunk: Problematically.

Latest : The bipolar Stone Temple Pilots frontman served a 10-hour prison term earlier this month for a November drunk driving incident, his second in five years.

Outlook: Worrisome. With a wife of eight years and two children, hopefully the drunk driving incident was just a rocker's aberration, but it was his second in five years.

Low point: A two-month drug binge with Courtney Love in a hotel in 1998. Runners-up: Convicted of buying crack in 1995 and of driving drunk in 2003.

Eva Mendes, actress

How drunk: Menacingly, but supposedly all better.

Latest: Checked herself into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah in January to "privately attend to some personal issues."

Outlook: Bad. Has taken a movie role playing a Spanish drug lord in Queen of the South. This could mean the rehab stint was just method acting; more likely the drug lord role will do to Mendes what Less Than Zero did to Robert Downey Jr.

Low point: The recent rehab. No history of erratic behavior, unless you count posing topless in Italian Vogue.

Sean Young, actress

How drunk: Freshly rehabbed as of February.

Latest: Completed a sting in rehab earlier this year after being ejected from a Hollywood awards ceremony for bad behavior.

Outlook: Poor, due to a history of emotional volatility and bizarre behavior. According to Wikipedia, her role in Wall Street was reduced due to fights with Oliver Stone; she was sued by actor James Woods for harassment; she unsuccessfully tried to win a role on Batman Returns by confronting the director in a homemade Catwoman costume; she was fired from the movie Dick Tracy. Her last marriage ended in 2002.

Low point: Heckled director Julian Schnabel during his speech at the Director's Guild of America awards in January. Believed to be intoxicated, she was escorted out.

Justin Chambers, actor and former model

How drunk: Not. Finally getting rested after a recent hospital stay.

Latest: Checked himself into UCLA Medical Center with what he said was a sleep disorder. But after his discharge, was spotted passing out and acting bizarrely at the Village Pub in Palm Springs.

Outlook: Good, if you make the difficult assumption he's telling the truth about his sleep disorder and that reports he was only drinking non-alcoholic beer at the pub are true.

Low point: The Village Pub incident.

Miley Cyrus, singer and actress

How drunk: At 15, has possibly never been drunk. Then again, maybe there is something to these pictures of her stumbling out of a club in Hollywood.

Latest: Her scandalous, topless-except-for-a-sheet photo spread in Vanity Fair, obviously. Also, she keeps emailing underwear pictures to her boyfriend, which somehow end up online. None of which indicates she is on a path toward drinking or addiction, just that she is growing up and clearly ready to move beyond her goody-goody image on the TV show Hannah Montana.

Outlook: Very good. But the relentless pressure from Disney to never grow up could finally make her snap.

Low point: Vanity Fair incident.

Kate Moss, model

How drunk: Modestly, and only via booze. Yay!

Latest: On the one hand, she's reportedly engaged to be married, practicing yoga and tending to her fashion line. On the other, she looked scary and strung out in the last of these February pictures, and sometimes will randomly go without underwear. In March, she had a "boozy lunch" in Paris and then licked her boyfriend's neck.

Outlook: Good. She's avoided any public cocaine relapses over the past three years, though clearly drinks sometimes. She should be further grounded by continuing to raise her daughter, six, and by a reported engagement to guitarist Jamie Hince.

Low point: In 2005, was famously photographed by British tabloid the Daily Mirror snorting cocaine at a recording session for Babyshambles, band of her junkie boyfriend Pete Doherty. She was subsequently dropped by both Chanel and Burberry and entered rehab.

Courtney Love, singer

How drunk: Epically.

Latest: Despite recently handing out sobriety advice to Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and declaring herself rehabbed, Love was spotted in London this spring looking drunk and carrying copious prescription drugs, which she has abused in the past.

Outlook: Poor. Love insists she's reformed but somehow few people are convinced.

Low point: So many to choose from! Probably the time she thought she was going to die so her hangers-on, according to Love, stole $20 million.

Lindsay Lohan, actress (at one point, apparently)

How drunk: Constantly, visibly and criminally.

Latest: Accused of stealing someone else's fur coat from a nightclub. Also recent: getting plastered with her girlfriend at Hawaiian Tropic Club, falling limply while trying to get into a car outside a Hollywood.

Outlook: Surprisingly pretty good. She's getting good report cards on the set of her new movie, and is a newly minted femme lesbian.

Low point: When walking medicine cabinet Courtney Love told her she really needed to shape up. Also: five car incidents in three years, including one where she was alleged to have been chasing someone in her car while drunk.

Naomi Campbell, abusive supermodel

How drunk: Unconvincingly reformed.

Latest: Campbell is trying to redeem herself following a spitting, racial-epithet-hurling attack on police at Heathrow airport. She bought coffee for cast members of TV show Ugly Betty and smiled at Heathrow police.

Outlook: Poor. Campbell has falsely claimed to be reformed in the past. In 2006, Campbell told W magazine, "Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realize that, for me, it’s all or nothing — and it has to be nothing." She was later photographed drinking wine at dinner.

Low point: In 2006, after being arrested for her latest cell-phone beating of the help, she was forced to scrub toilets as part of a community service sentence. She claimed the experience was sobering before moving on to further meltdowns.

Pat O'Brien, TV host

How drunk: Freshly rehabbed, working again — for the second time.

Latest: Entered rehab in February (his last rehab had been in 2005). Despite speculation to the contrary, he returned to his hosting gig on The Insider.

Outlook: Weak, since he has relapsed once before.

Low point: A drunken, horny voice mail left prior to his most recent rehab stint.

Paris Hilton, attention-mad socialite

How drunk: Very, but in a totally older, more responsible way.

Latest: Hilton now says she's become more domestic, staying home (heavens!) some nights and even cooking dinner for serious boyfriend and rocker Benji Madden. She's taken to wearing a diamond ring on her wedding ring finger and reportedly even talks of children.

Outlook: Precarious. Marriage and increased sobriety are possible; more likely is a breakup and total Hilton meltdown. The starlet has failed at reform before: The Times in March reminded everyone that Hilton still had not taken a charity trip to Rwanda or set up a transitional home for women, as promised on Larry King Live following a jail term.

Low point: Was sent to jail for repeatedly driving on a license suspended in connection with a drunk driving conviction. Runner up: When her cat was reclaimed for alleged neglectful treatment.

Nicole Richie, actress, fashion plate

How drunk: Minimally.

Latest: Richie gave birth in January and subsequently said her daughter and relationship to boyfriend Benji Madden, the girl's father, gave her life new meaning and helped her "move on" from her wilder days. Richie's friend Paris Hilton is said to be hoping for a similarly grounding relationship with her boyfriend, Benji Madden, brother to Joel.

Outlook: Decent. Richie raised $1 million by selling pictures of her baby, and her dad Lionel is rich, so she's well funded to either raise a family or have a Britney Spears-style post-baby meltdown. She's 26 so the chance of the latter is not insignificant. But there are no immediate warning signs.

Low point: In 2003, was arrested for possession of heroin. Runner-up: Becoming dramatically thing after a falling out with party buddy Paris Hilton and a brief jail sentence on drunk driving charges.

Britney Spears, wayward singer

How drunk: Only on Frappuccinos (this month).

Latest development: Spears is back in the recording studio, has appeared in repeated successful TV cameos and gained new visitation rights with her two sons after a court commissioner said he was "extremely impressed" with her progress.

Outlook: Good, for now. With her father in control of her money and many aspects of her life, Spears is unlikely to backslide anytime soon, particularly given how much she wants to regain custody of her kids. The question is whether she'll be able to stay sober once she has her kids back and is in full control of her bank account.

Low point: Flashing her vag to paparazzi in 2006 while clubbing with Paris Hilton. Runners up: Her two psych-ward stays this year; brief, recent relationships with scuzzballs Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lutfi; shaving her head and bashing a car with an umbrella.

Robert Downey, Jr., actor

How drunk: Stone cold sober.

Latest: Downey's film Iron Man has been a critical and financial success, with Downey now expected to take part in sequels. He appears in blackface in the forthcoming comedy Tropic Thunder with Ben Stiller

Outlook: No reason to think he's anything but clean and sober from here on out. Unless you've heard something. What, have you heard something??

Low point: In 2000-2001, when a series of arrests saw him kicked off the hit TV show Ally McBeal. Struggled with drug abuse throughout the 1990s, and eventually served at least a year and a half in jail and several years on probation and in drug treatment.

• Natalie Portman was with her hippie boyfriend in a park when she got peed on by a dog. There's a picture and everything! Happy Tuesday! [Post]
• Lindsay Lohan told Ashley Olsen to keep her "Full House ass" away from Lohan's girlfriend. [P6]
• Kanye West broke up with his fiancée due to West's, ahem, "busy schedule." [E!]
• Paris Hilton is supposedly getting married in a double wedding with Nicole Ritchie and their Madden brother husbands. There's a picture of Paris holding a book with a picture of a bride on it, so the whole thing is basically confirmed.
• Rudy Huxtable from the Cosby Show will ply a hooker in a movie, since being a hooker is kind of the new black. [ET]
• Britney Spears will keep doing cameos on that one TV show until the ratings stop spiking. [LAT]
• Porn star Jenna Jameson's vagina was stolen from a sex shop. [CBS2]

• Kate Hudson is, once again, riding the Butterscotch Stallion. She and fellow actor Owen Wilson had a weird double-date in Miami with Jennifer Aniston and Eric Dane the night after Hudson spent time with Wilson at a 10-bedroom mansion, having been spotted on the way in by crafty paparazzi. Their friends are totally against it.
• Actress Bai Ling said her arrest for shoplifting $16 in batteries and celebrity magazines was a big misunderstanding. Which actually makes sense, given the state of martial law under which most airports seem to operate, and given that no celebrity magazine (Star included) is remotely worth trying to shoplift. [P6]
• To make "those panties slide right off," rapper-turned-chef Coolio recommends "Sautéed Shrimp and Soul Rolls, baby." [Serious Eats]
• Late night host David Letterman jogs with two iPods and headphones with a proper headband, none of this "earbud" business. [P6]
• Professional rich girl Nicole Richie hates looking "slutty," so she wants her mama boobs to go away. [Showbiz Spy]
• Bizarre: Parker Posey and Keanu Reeves said to be an item. Maybe he was just sitting so close to her because he's weird and dense? Though she is weird and smart and you know what they say about opposite weirds: whichever one is freakiest kills and devours the other. [OK!]
• Rosie O'Donnell is launching a redesign of her website April 1. y do you have 2 change? [Ask Ro]
• Singer Britney Spears cannot stop dancing. Excellent activity, among the range of possible choices, to do compulsively. Bravo! [Faded Youth]
• Salma Hayek, the actress, really wanted a boy but is making do with her daughter. [P6]
• Chinese restaurant Philippe has potentially awesome hidden-camera videos of celebrity guests. [P6]

New Yorkers have a love-hate relationship with the fashion industry, which culminates to quite a crescendo during these special ten days in September. As Guy Trebay notes, "fashion remains the most culturally potent force that everyone loves to deride." While proud of the global cosmopolitanism and attention that fashion brings to the city, New Yorkers still remain skeptical that all the fuss of Fashion Week may amount to nothing.

This sentiment is not unique to New York, and it's arguably worse once one is off the island. At least in New York many people actually know designers, models, and PR people who work in the fashion industry. For a majority of the country's population, fashion is regarded as frivolous and superficial, the icing on the cake that adds to the culture of global cities such as New York, Paris, London or Milan, but doesn't drive their economies. Then there's the general envy and resentment towards the models who strut down the runway wearing a real size two—not the size two in Banana Republic or Dress Barn. People hate the elitism of the fashion world itself, the members-only club that requires excessive skinniness and insouciance, all the while presciently knowing what's "in fashion," which means it's certainly not at any department store in the Midwest. Without a doubt, it's a member's only club you must be invited to join, not dissimilar to the Skull and Bones society.

Its elitism is what makes fashion simultaneously fascinating and annoying. As much as the naysayers like to say fashion doesn't matter, most wouldn't mind an invite to a runway show, but even better to the after party. And this is not irrational: Fashion Week looks really fun and everyone who's anyone gets to go. But more importantly - and this is why Fashion Week has real economic implications - the potential to access those who shape fashion and dole out jobs is extremely high.

All those who matter to fashion or in fashion are in attendance, bringing limitless possibilities. Aspiring young designers get the chance to meet top editors, while celebrities attend the shows and after parties dressed in designer X, which gets reported in US Weekly and Vogue, instantly increasing value and sales. Celebrities talk to fashion houses about establishing their own clothing line, while the music played on the runway of Marc Jacobs or Diane Von Furstenberg may become popular among the bohemian chic set. Fashion Week is far more than the clothes and celebrity reportage: It's where the business of fashion gets done, even if it's conducted with a cocktail in hand.

My colleague Gilad Ravid and I wanted to quantify the potential of important interactions that could emerge from Fashion Week. Using Getty Images data from September 2006 Fashion Week, we analyzed the network of people photographed during the course of the week attending fashion shows and related events. We looked at approximately 212 clustered events (meaning that some events included pictures of backstage, front row, runway and arrival of attendees) and 1318 people photographed at the events. What we found is that Fashion Week is easily one of the most critical nodes for mixing business and social. The most important people within the industry attend the events, along with many leading cultural gatekeepers in other industries. Further, the actual potential for one person to interact with many other attendees is extremely high (what social networkers call "diversity of network size").

An example: in analyzing the photographs, the director of Fashion Week, Fern Mallis and the socialite and hotel heiress Nicky Hilton lead with regard to network size. Each has the potential to shake 355 people's hands. Socialite Tinsley Mortimer isn't far behind at 329 potential handshakes, while the Queen Bee, Vogue editrix Anna Wintour, can shake 315 and Mischa Barton 279. Wintour and Mallis make sense—as fashion is their thing they will be attending the most events and interacting with the most people. Hilton and Mortimer can be chalked up to ladies who lunch and party an awful lot, and Fashion Week has plenty of that. Mischa Barton is, well, Mischa Barton. She's a darling of the fashion industry and the media (which means that Getty photographers would tend to photograph her more than most at any event she would attend).

While Hilton and Mortimer's ubiquitous presence at the shows and after parties can be expected (they are socialites after all), there are a few others that emerged out of the top ten that are surprising candidates. For example, 1995 Former Miss Massachusetts Teen USA and sometimes Today Show correspondent Maria Menounos is a bit of a random outlier with a network of 250, as is R&B superstar ("The Boy is Mine") Brandy at 245. These scenesters may be actively cultivating their popularity or media presence (in Brandy's case she may be gearing up for her soon-to-be released album), or they may have nothing better to do than go to runway shows all day.

But what's the point of potential if it doesn't actually happen? We used a measure called "density", to see how many people within one particular network end up interacting with one another. For example, Nicky Hilton is photographed at events with 355 people, of these 355 people density measures how many potential interactions between those in her network occur, including interactions at events at which Hilton doesn't even attend. In other words, density measure the ratio between the actual connections to the potential ones (which in Hilton's case would amount to hundreds of different possible interactions given that her network is so large) . We found that within the echelons of the "most connected", those with a network size of more than 100 people, the average density is 27%, which means that on average those within a most-connected network end up in photographs (e.g. meeting and interacting) with almost a third of those also in the network.

There are some people, however, that translate every potential encounter into an actual interaction: Fashion designer Oscar De La Renta and fashion publicist Kelly Cutrone have networks of over 100 people and a density of 100%, meaning that every possible connection between people within their network actually occurred, including events in which Cutrone and De La Renta weren't in attendence. The people at events De La Renta attends may just be social and gregarious, while Cutrone is clearly doing her job well. You don't become a top notch fashion publicist unless you're doing high level networking (Though it might be noted that one can do their job a little too well: Just last year, Gawker reported that Cutrone barred reporters from her clients' runway shows because she didn't like what they wrote).

Equally important, if you do want to meet (or be photographed) with any particular person attending the same event as you, it's as easy as pie: The average person attending a Fashion Week event is only one degree of separation away from others in their network. You just have to go talk to someone you do know and they will likely be able to introduce you to the person you actually want to talk to. It goes without saying that those with the highest density also have the least degrees of separation (or they maintain the highest "closeness"). Overall, all measures of connectivity correlate with one another: If you have a high closeness measure you also tend to also have short degrees of separation and high "eigenvector centrality" (an unnecessarily complicated term which means you are an important node in the network).

A few outliers are model/actress Carmen Electra and musician (better known as father of soon-to-be released Nicole Ritchie spawn) Joel Madden: Both of these celebrities are not particularly close to those in their networks but are important as linkages in paths between other people. In other words, they're good people to know if you want to meet someone else.

It's not just the people that are important connectors; getting into the right events counts too. For example, last year, Zac Posen, Marc Jacobs and Heatherette's runway shows were strongly connected, meaning that those attending one of these events tended to attend the others and that these events are central nodes for Fashion Week with regards to the closeness and the degrees of separation between those who attended. In general, getting into the tent at Bryant Park indicates a much greater possibility of getting into the runway shows, a somewhat obvious conclusion. Though actually procuring a ticket may be next to impossible.

So as it turns out, getting into Fashion Week isn't just fun. It might actually be the most important thing you can do for your career in fashion or in any other creative industry. Since it's not just that everyone is in attendance but everyone is interacting with one another, the chances of meeting exactly who you want to - important gatekeepers who will offer you a job, editors who will write up your work or even Carmen Electra suggesting you two collaborate on a own clothing line - spikes way up. So instead of grumbling about the big, overwhelming tents taking up Bryant Park and the excessive security at Stereo or Bungalow 8, you might just want to smile at the bouncer and security guards and get yourself in so that you can party your way into a brand new Spring 2008 fabulous life.

Elizabeth Currid is assistant professor at University of Southern California's School of Policy, Planning and Development and the author of The Warhol Economy: How Fashion, Art and Music Drive New York City, (Princeton University Press).

Gilad Ravid, a lecturer at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev Israel, assisted with this column.

Previously: When The Art Bubble Bursts Into A Splash

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Nicole Richie Wears Moschino

July 26, 2007. Glendale, California. Nicole Richie arrived this morning to the LA County Superior Court wearing a black Moschino dress with high collar and tie in back. This dress is part of the Moschino Fall/Winter 2007/8 Pre-Collection.
—
Lindsay Krauss
Moschino Public Relations
Aeffe USA, Inc.
[email redacted]

Nicole Richie: Big Stomach, Big House [TMZ]

So watching last night, as Lauren and Brody grew creepily closer together, was kind of anticlimactic, because you totally know what's going to happen to them. (Not anticlimactic was the brief, unexplained cameo by Project Runway Season 2's Nick Verreos as Lauren's professor. Weird!) Anyway, this is just our way of saying that Brody gave an interview to Details all about his relationship with Nicole, and the truth has FINALLY come out.

Also! Lauren's friend Heidi's creepy boyfriend Spencer? Brody's manager! There's something ... not quite right about the whole thing, but we're not smart enough to put our finger on it. Anyway, brace yourselves.

In a dialogue exchange that is part of a profile of Jenner in the March issue of Details, Spencer Pratt, described as Jenner's "manager- slash- publicist-slash- agent-slash-stylist" says to Jenner, "Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you're gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that shit, bro. You'll be, like, a fucking hero to America."

The plan, which was devised last August (just when Jenner and Richie did begin dating), was actually part of Jenner's scheme to ride Richie's coattails and become a more familiar name himself - which, as Details points out, proved successful, because here it is interviewing him.

Brody Jenner Tried to Get Nicole Richie to Eat [People]
Nick and LC [Nick Verreos]