An Australian man rather understandably says his trip to Bali was "ruined" when he had a horrifying run-in with a disturbingly determined spider.

Jack thought he was living every dork's dream. After sleeping outside of an Apple Store in Perth, Australia, he was the first to purchase an iPhone 6, landing him an unboxing interview on Today. The dream turned to nightmare, though, when poor old Jack pretty much immediately dropped that thing on the ground.

Incredibly, a Kentucky camper is expected to make a full recovery after sleepwalking off a 60-foot cliff last week.

A college student named Nyjah, who goes by @dearfashionn on Twitter, became an overnight internet celebrity when she inadvertently texted a nude photo to her dad instead of her dude. Disclaimer: It's not that tough to stage iPhone screenshots, so this could be a hoax. But if it's not, poor Nyjah is living a…

Former Vice President and all-the-time warmonger Dick Cheney has been busy lately, writing insane Wall Street Journal op-eds and appearing on Fox News with his (failed senate candidate) daughter, Liz. According to Politico, this new spree of activity is just Dick and Liz being friendly.

Last week, a man shopping at a Pittsburgh-area Walmart reached into a box of bananas, only to have a fucking scorpion latch onto his hand with its pincers.

On tonight's The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, disgraced New Jersey governor Chris Christie danced like no one was watching in the "Evolution of Dad Dancing" skit. The "joke" is that Chris Christie dances like a buffoon that makes you want to scrub your eyes with bleach, and it is also "true." Way to get in front of…

A man was injured after an elevator he was riding in traveled up 31 floors in 15 seconds while he desperately pushed buttons in an attempt to stop it.

A student in Portsmouth, England named George Neal recently awoke to a living nightmare: 20,000 bees covering his Nissan Micra, which was parked outside of his home.

During a rain-drenched Red Sox-Tigers game at Boston's Fenway Park last night, a 22-year-old woman fell down an elevator shaft onto the roof of the elevator's second floor when the fourth floor shaft doors opened, according to the Boston Fire Department.

Oh good, another thing to fill our nightmares! A rare "goblin shark" was caught by Georgia fisherman Captain Carl Moore about 10 miles off the coast of Key West in April. The last recorded sighting of this species of deep-sea nightmare shark was in 2000.

Well, that's as good a reason as any to cancel finals.

This bizarre GIF of Emma Watson revealing that she's actually Sofia Vergara in a rubber Emma suit has basically swallowed the internet whole this morning. But what the fuck did we just watch? Don't worry, there's an explanation. Kind of.

For decades, we've had nothing to fear but fear itself—and el chupacabra, the mythical beast that sucks the blood out of goats and humans alike. Well, now we can go back to just fearing fear, because the chupacabra has reportedly been euthanized.

Today in Things You'd Look Up on Snopes if There Weren't So Many Photos, a 2-year-old boy was injured at a park after someone glued razor blades to the playground equipment.

... Nic Cage would look pretty much the same.

A 10-foot snake ate a crocodile whole after a titanic struggle that will probably inspire a SyFy original movie.

Chesley Sullenberger? Fuck that amateur. He ain't shit.

Today, in terrifying clown news: A Wisconsin man dressed as a clown was arrested after drunkenly holding a young child over a railroad overpass.