Gawker: not funny

Obama's VP Quandary: Is Prison Rape Funny?

Pareene — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:46:56 EDT

Big news on the "who will Barack Obama's John the Baptist" front! First: his Vice Presidential choice will not be Hillary Clinton, because he just hired Patti Solis Doyle as his eventual Veep's chief of staff. Which is odd, because she was incompetent as Hillary's campaign manager, but less odd when you consider that choosing her is just a "fuck you" to Hillary and her terrible people. Second: Al Gore is endorsing Obama tonight, so obviously that means he wants to be Vice President again so that Americans can go back to not liking him very much in 2016 when he runs for do-over president. But this is the most important VP-selection-related news of all: if Barry Obama chooses Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius, the candidate will have to answer some very touchy questions about precisely how funny he finds prison rape. No, seriously.

But as Obama's vice presidential vetters are surely aware, a board game created by Sebelius' son – 23-year-old John – could become a campaign issue if the governor joins the ticket.

The game is called "Don't Drop The Soap," and it is, as The Capital-Journal delicately put it, an "adult-themed board game based on life in prison."

Oh ho ho. John created the game when he was a student at—three guesses—the Rhode Island School of Design. Aaaand you can still buy it!

A Republican state senator called the game obscene and racist, which is probably true, and Sebelius said he was picking on her son. [CBS News]

John McCain Needs to Stop Being Funny

Pareene — Wed, 14 May 2008 13:41:55 EDT

Old Man John McCain will appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Just a cameo, of course. Though he hosted in 2002, back when was still a maverick beloved by liberals and elite coastal types. Details of the sketch he'll appear in are scarce, though it will probably be toothless and unfunny, as all SNL political material tends to be. McCain might be funny, though! Presumably less wooden than Obama and Clinton were in their toothless, unfunny cameos. McCain's a natural comic (have you heard the one about how Chelsea Clinton is ugly?). Which, as we all know, is utterly unpresidential.

The funnier candidate nearly always loses. This has been true since time immemorial. It's why Lincoln was the best President ever and why LBJ only got in accidentally. Is a dude who was in Wedding Crashers really suited to run the nation? Really?

The nation does not care for irony or wisecracks. The nation hates smarty-pants who think they're better than everyone else, which describes most good comedians. Adlai Stevenson was witty. Al Gore, painted as a stuck-up nerdlinger, has a deft, ironic sense of humor. We still think Hillary making fun of Barack Obama was funny. Big fat losers, all of them.

And John McCain can crack wise with the best of them, which is why reporters love him. He's got no filter (though he's working on it), he invites the press to bullshit with him, and they eat it up. He's been on The Daily Show 500 times. Of course, the last appearance was his least funny appearance. And this SNL cameo will be appropriately bland.

We Love Our New Blind Governor

rebecca — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:28:22 EDT

"All eyes are on Lt. Governor David Paterson this week, who is poised to become the first legally blind governor in United States history, and the first African-American governor of New York." That's the American Federation For The Blind, showing the blind can do anything the sighted can, like use awkward wordplay when discussing David Paterson's vision. [AFB]

Stereotype-Mocking Hamptons Editor Reinforces Stereotypes of Hamptons Residents

Pareene — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 17:47:13 EST

Congratulations to the Hamptons Independent for publishing the single most offensive newspaper column ever. In "satirizing" the Obama/Clinton feud, the offending column manage to insult and degrade women, blacks, and every literate person on Earth in equal measure. Oh, it was written by the editor. Under the pseudonym "YoMama Bin Barack." That doesn't even make sense. Anyway—black people speak pidgin english, and many of them are in jail. "White women" enjoy being "bitch slapped." Too bad Bloomberg's not in the race, the only thing the column's really missing is blood libel. [Plum]

Hungry Screenwriters Strike Out On Their Own

Sheila — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:15:10 EST

Now that they're on strike, it seems like screenwriters are busier and more productive than ever. But left to their own devices, it turns out that they are a distinctly unfunny bunch. Put a bunch of 'em in a room and eventually they'll write Six Feet Under, but in the end they're just monkeys—monkeys writing for the LA Times and New York mag and making their own blogs and getting all up on the HuffPo. Here's our Striking Screenwriter Roundup—clearly the work of simians. All they can think about is food!

Late Show With David Letterman writers strike blog: "...I have to say, it was arguably the finest sandwich I've ever enjoyed as a participant in a temporary work stoppage."

Writers Strike Guide: "What do we want?/More Twizzlers!/When do we want them?/Now!"

WGA member Neal Pollack speaks truth to power in Slate: "People kept bringing us boxes of doughnuts. A husband-and-wife team went on a Subway run. A car full of UTA assistants came by to offer us cookies." God, did you know that Alternadad got optioned? Well, it did!

"'And, if you look to your left, you'll see the TV writers' strike,' the [tour bus] guide said in the same adorable tone one would use to point out a petting zoo. People leaned over to take pictures. I thought they might start throwing feed pellets." [New York Post]

"Today, another little girl and her mom brought us these awesome cupcakes." [NY Mag]

In the words of a Daily Show writer: "Lacking any other site to express myself (for money), I am forced to record my thoughts in my diary: the 'New York Times' Sunday Styles section."

Honey, don't worry, that's pretty much what it is for the rest of the world too.

They Killed Cancer Boy's Pony

Pareene — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:50:23 EDT

The Make-A-Wish Foundation gave a little cancer-stricken child a 31-inch tall horse, a couple stray pit bulls killed it two days later, and then some CNN web editor wrote the best headline ever. The foundation will not be giving cancer boy a second tiny horse. :(

Pit Bulls Kill Miniature Horse Donated To Cancer-Stricken Child [KSAT]

Advertising and marketing people spent $223.3 ...

Choire — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:19:19 EDT

Advertising and marketing people spent $223.3 million in 2006 to convince the gays to go various places. God, it was so much cheaper 65 years ago when they used to just load them into boxcars. [WSJ]