Abel Maldano is a longtime Republican state senator from a family of Mexican immigrants who built a successful agricultural business.

But check out the joke Arnold tries to crack at the end of the clip—almost makes Leno seem a master of comic delivery. Obviously what Leno needs is a nightly appearance by Arnold, during which he makes terrible jokes to make him look good while announcing political appointments to boost ratings. (Or announce his candidacy for some new and exciting office.) "The Jay Leno Show": Solved!

Writer/performer Kent Jones (Who Wikipedia tells me works for something called "Air America") picks a good target to satirize. As everyone on the Internet has already noted, "Pie Spy" is a pretty funny name for a thing. And Palin? She put the "old chest" in "that old chestnut!"

It was at the "satirizing" part that everything went horribly, horribly wrong.

Consider the following sentences aimed at eliciting laughter. (You must never refer to them as "jokes"):

EXAMPLE 1

According to recently revealed financial records, during Palin's last agonizing months of lame-duck-itude as Alaska Governor, she started up a small marketing business called "Pie Spy". Just what are we talking about here, Governor? Lemon meringue? Jason Bourne? Some weird combination of the two!?*

*This is supposed to be funny because the name of Sarah Palin's business contains the word "Pie" and the word "Spy". These are two things that are not usually thought of as complementary. Also, "lame-duck-itude" is a made up word.

EXAMPLE 2

Is this some kind of complicated espionage network infiltrating international dessert cartels? After all, she can see Russia from her house!*

*This is supposed to be funny because, during the 2008 presidential campaign, Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her house. You could not, and still cannot, see Russia from Sarah Palin's house.

EXAMPLE 3

According to documents filed w/ Alaska's Department of Commerce, Palin's business is described as involving services for the elderly and persons with disabilities. And so she called it "Pie Spy"!? MMMM-KAYYY!!!*

*This is supposed to be funny because "Pie spy" in no way suggests services for the elderly and persons with disabilities. An "edgier" joke would have referenced the fact that Sarah Palin's running mate was extremely old, and that she has a developmentally disabled son—both of whom could have benefited from Pie Spy's services.

EXAMPLE 4

There's an eerie silence around this whole "Pie Spy" situation. And as an American I want—no, I demand—to know the truth about Pie Spy. Before it explodes in our faces!*

*This is supposed to be funny because, kill me?

Oscar Bravo, who worked as a clerk at Coach's giant handbag emporium on Madison Ave, accused his manager Brandon Williams of coming on to him. In his suit, Bravo says that Williams joked, "Oh you gave me a kiss," after Bravo handed him a Hersey Kiss. Bravo — who told the News "I'm not gay... I don't know why he would have any reason to assume I was interested" — says that Williams was just trying to get in his pants.

If that is sexual harrassment, then every office manager who trades in crappy and obvious jokes is now on notice. Next you're going to say that at a work happy hour he asked if Bravo wanted to have a Sex on the Beach.

But that wasn't Williams' only bad joke. When showing off his dachshund, Williams reportedly said, "Ok, I have a big wiener, you wanna come see my wiener?" Yuk yuk. No, really. Yuck.

Also Williams once untied Bravo's apron strings and squealed, "I'm undressing him." Oh, you are just so racy and original, Mr. Williams. Is your first name Robin? You should take this on the road!

Come on! You know you've wanted to know if your grandparents ever take the dentures out, put them on the nightstand, throw some Count Basie on the gramophone, and get bizz-ay with the sizz-ay. And you know you've always wanted to read something about it the started like this:

I sat on the examining table in my urologist's office...

Woah. Stop it right there, GRANDMA. Is that an ass-doctor you're talking about in the lede? [Ed. No?] Let's get to the good stuff! Are. You. Sexually. Active? Let's see here, blah blah blah, friends joking about not getting laid, it's funny, ha ha, words words words, sharing the same urologist with your husband, blah blah blah, hmm. I don't see anything, ah, wait! We might have a winner...

Physically, cuddling is high on our list. Back rubs are important. Holding hands on walks and in the movie theater is automatic. Yes, we are active - actively involved in each other and in our love of our life together.

BOOOOO.

Yes, We Do. Even at Our Age. [Modern Love]

On last night's show, O'Brien aired footage from Williams' Obama sit-down of the newsman asking the president about the Leno-O'Brien transition. Here's the exchange:

Williams: I couldn't help but notice your trip this week coincides with Conan O'Brien's first week on the air. Is it because of that, or were there considerations perhaps that you almost cancelled to stay and watch his first week as host of the Tonight Show?

Obama: Well, I think that Conan will do an outstanding job. This is something we've discussed several times in the Oval Office—how to manage this transition between Leno and Conan. And I think he's up to the task. But I just want him to know that there's not going to be any bailout coming from Washington if he screws it up.

HA HA HA.

Brian Williams is so caught up in his persona as an indie-rock loving hipster funny guy that he's actually doing bits for comedy shows on the job while interviewing the President of the United States. And Barack Obama is so caught up in being cool and relatable that he went along with it. Both of these men have very serious jobs, and many, many people have very important questions to ask Barack Obama. Instead of asking one of them, Williams wasted a little time yukking it up so that he could help promote one of his parent company's entertainment properties.

We're all for having a cool president, and for news anchors with a sense of humor. But interviews with the president are not a fucking joke. And if you're going to turn one into a fucking joke, it should at least be a funny one.

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She writes, "Did you hear the one about the stockbroker who’s been sleeping like a baby? Every hour, he wakes up and cries." I can't imagine this is a McCain original — sounds like an old one — but see him tell it yourself at the beginning of this clip from his Nov. 12 appearance on The Tonight Show.

But as Obama's vice presidential vetters are surely aware, a board game created by Sebelius' son – 23-year-old John – could become a campaign issue if the governor joins the ticket.

The game is called "Don't Drop The Soap," and it is, as The Capital-Journal delicately put it, an "adult-themed board game based on life in prison."

Oh ho ho. John created the game when he was a student at—three guesses—the Rhode Island School of Design. Aaaand you can still buy it!

A Republican state senator called the game obscene and racist, which is probably true, and Sebelius said he was picking on her son. [CBS News]

The funnier candidate nearly always loses. This has been true since time immemorial. It's why Lincoln was the best President ever and why LBJ only got in accidentally. Is a dude who was in Wedding Crashers really suited to run the nation? Really?

The nation does not care for irony or wisecracks. The nation hates smarty-pants who think they're better than everyone else, which describes most good comedians. Adlai Stevenson was witty. Al Gore, painted as a stuck-up nerdlinger, has a deft, ironic sense of humor. We still think Hillary making fun of Barack Obama was funny. Big fat losers, all of them.

And John McCain can crack wise with the best of them, which is why reporters love him. He's got no filter (though he's working on it), he invites the press to bullshit with him, and they eat it up. He's been on The Daily Show 500 times. Of course, the last appearance was his least funny appearance. And this SNL cameo will be appropriately bland.

Late Show With David Letterman writers strike blog: "...I have to say, it was arguably the finest sandwich I've ever enjoyed as a participant in a temporary work stoppage."

Writers Strike Guide: "What do we want?/More Twizzlers!/When do we want them?/Now!"

WGA member Neal Pollack speaks truth to power in Slate: "People kept bringing us boxes of doughnuts. A husband-and-wife team went on a Subway run. A car full of UTA assistants came by to offer us cookies." God, did you know that Alternadad got optioned? Well, it did!

"'And, if you look to your left, you'll see the TV writers' strike,' the [tour bus] guide said in the same adorable tone one would use to point out a petting zoo. People leaned over to take pictures. I thought they might start throwing feed pellets." [New York Post]

"Today, another little girl and her mom brought us these awesome cupcakes." [NY Mag]

In the words of a Daily Show writer: "Lacking any other site to express myself (for money), I am forced to record my thoughts in my diary: the 'New York Times' Sunday Styles section."

Honey, don't worry, that's pretty much what it is for the rest of the world too.

Pit Bulls Kill Miniature Horse Donated To Cancer-Stricken Child [KSAT]