Good morning, America. Do you know why this is a special time to be an American? Because this is an amazing year for peanuts!

Sunland Inc., based in New Mexico, has expanded a recall of its products to include peanut, almond and cashew butters, as well as tahini and "blanched and roasted peanut products." The initial recall began last month, after several people became sick with salmonella from peanut butter bought at Trader Joe's and made…

Beware the turkey jihad! Unsuspecting families across Christian America will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner this week, completely unaware that they are about to feast on a bird that was slaughtered in accordance with Shariah law and will therefore give them Islamic cooties!

Bad news for those of you planning to ride out this recession on a diet of peanut butter and jelly, spread atop tiny Saltine cracker "sandwiches," consumed by candlelight in the single dry corner of your leaky urban squat, as the howls of alley cats and junkies serenade you with the symphony of the night: peanut…

Egypt! It's so complicated. Is it a popular democratic uprising? Or is it a collusion between the Muslim Brotherhood and Bill Ayers in the hopes of instating global Sharia law? Or is it just a sign of the Muslim antichrist?

With pecan prices rising, the AP reports pecan thefts are becoming more common. Unsurprising. After macadamias and cashews, pecans are the third-tastiest nut. Though some people argue that peanuts are tastier. Insanity? Commenters: rank nuts in order of tastiness below!

Ever wonder just how hot your balls get under your laptop? "Within 10 or 15 minutes their scrotal temperature is already above what we consider safe," says one doctor. Turns out that cooking your testicles is also bad for reproducing.

[California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger peddles totally ripped California pistachio nuts during a vist to Tokyo today. Image via Getty]

Today in the Serbian village of Ozrem the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship took place, where, as you've probably guessed, people cooked and ate testicles. One of the more popular dishes? "Bulls' testicles" cooked "goulash style." Yum.

The New York Times: brave enough to write a story about "China's Taste For Nuts," but too timid to laugh about it. Shame.

Following his anti-civil rights and pro-BP gaffes, people are now turning to Kentucky Republican senate candidate Rand Paul's historical nuttiness. Here, via TPM, he talks about a giant conspiracy to found the 'Amero' — the American version of the Euro.

The FBI sent warnings to police after a group called the Guardians of the Free Republics mailed letters to over 30 governors warning them to leave office within 3 days or the Guardians would remove them. [AP]

It appears that members of the right-wing Hutaree Militia were arrested in raids in Michigan last night. Fox News reports that the seven in custody were selling pipe bombs. The FBI refused to comment.

James O'Keefe, the Teabugger/conservative rapscallion is pleading guilty to reduced charges for sneaking into a Senator's office to do... something. He once "investigated" ACORN. So we've conducted an in-depth, O'Keefe style psychological "investigation" of him, using only his Facebook pictures.

Healthcare reform has passed. It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing and almost universally a good thing. Unless you're Fox News or Sarah Palin, in which case it's the end of the world. We watched today's apocalyptic coverage, mystified.

It's one thing to get racked in the berries flying down a hill at 70 MPH, it's quite another for the announcer to add insult to injury with some hilarious commentary. Ohhh monsieuuuuuuur!

The Way We Live Now: Unfulfilled. We can't enjoy our bonus check. We can't scam others. We're finally building casinos when nobody has the money to gamble. Worst of all, we may never know the taste of hot nuts again.

Harold "Hal" Turner, pitiful racist guy with an internet radio show, is living out a fantasy by being put on trial by the Feds for advocating the murder of judges. Which is less hardcore when you consider he's a snitch.