• Erin Andrews, the ESPN reporter who was filmed in a bathroom, thanked police officers for their "dedicated service"in nabbing the perv and promised to use the scandal for good, not evil: "I will make every effort to strengthen the laws on a State and Federal level to better protect victims of criminal stalking." [ET]
  
  
• Seth Rogen got Kevin Smith to start smoking pot, now Smith smokes three times a day and encourages you to do the same: "Do weed! Don't do the other stuff, but weed is good." [Page Six]
  
  
• Chris Noth and his lady love, Tara Wilson, are engaged. Pathetic women everywhere are finally snapping out of their "Mr. Big" fantasy. [ET]
  
  
• The alcoholic mother of the HIV-positive baby Elton John wants to adopt swears she won't let the pop star have his way. That's fair. [The Sun]
  
  
• Madonna's daughter yucked it up for the paps while walking around New York with her pop. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Don Imus starts his simulcast on Fox Business today, and he's sure the struggling cable channel's the place for him because, he says, it's not corrupt, like NBC. Oh, snap! [NYDN]
  
  
• Actor Tony Roberts, perhaps best known for his roles in Woody Allen movies, like Hannah and Her Sisters, has been hospitalized, thus holding up the preview of his Broadway revival, The Royal Family. [AP]
  
  
• The whole world knows that Eddie Cibrian and his wife are splitting up because he was screwing LeAnn Rimes, but don't worry: the couple puts on a happy face for the children. They're too young to read tabloids, anyway. [People]
  
  
• Happy 40th birthday, Gwen Stefani! [People]
  
  
• Desperate Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss has released a more detailed statement following the death of her former fiance, AJ. And, as you can imagine, she's "devastated." "My heart is heavy with grief," she says. [Us]

• Initial reports cited DJ AM's death as a simple overdose, but a medical exam found 8 undigested OxyContin in his stomach, which leads at least once source to say his death was suicide. A Valentine's card from his ex-girlfriend was found near his body. TMZ, however, talked to police sources who insist it was not suicide. Still, this is sad and we don't like it. [People and TMZ]
  
  
• Britain's food-obsessed Harden Guide cited four of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants as a "disappointment." Another reviewer suggested the celebrity chef "hang [his] head in shame." [Daily Mail]
  
  
• David Beckham's so worried that his children will be America-fied that he makes them watch BBC. Isn't that child abuse? [The Sun]
  
  
• Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will speak at a memorial for fallen newsman Walter Cronkite. Oh, so will Les Moonves, Katie Couric and many, many others. [B&C]
  
  
• Rumor has it that designer Derek Lam's company has been losing about $1 million a month. [Page Six]
  
  
• Holy God, why? Spencer Pratt wants to legally change his name to "King Spencer Pratt." What a prat. [Star]
  
  
• Kate Hudson and A-Rod have only been dating for five months, but she's always at his apartment, even when he's not there. That's creepy and weird and sad. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Hahahaha! Real Housewives of New York cast members Ramona Crazy Eyes, Kelly Bensimon and "the Countess" all accosted Alec Baldwin in the Hamptons, but he didn't recognize them. Sad! When he was told who they were, he made fun of the show. But, he did ask about Bethenny Frankel, who he did want to meet. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Madonna's youngin' boyfriend Jesus Luz fancies himself a deejay, but those familiar with his musical selections say otherwise: "In his last gig at Pacha, in Buzios, guests at the club said his set list wasn't captivating at all, and the dance floor was almost empty." Tear. [Page Six]
  
  
• Gossip Girl actors Penn Badgley and Matthew Settle hung out with hooker-beating ShamWow pitchman Vince Offer. [Page Six]

Okay, well, "eat" may not be the proper, scientific term, but a new study from a team headed by UCLA neurology professor Paul Thompson indicates that obesity - and its accompanying fat - can clog up that pretty little head, lead to "brain shrinkage," and may eventually cause dementia.

People with higher body mass indexes had smaller brains on average, with the frontal and temporal lobes - important for planning and memory, respectively - particularly affected.... While no one knows whether these people are more likely to develop dementia, a smaller brain is indicative of destructive processes that can develop into dementia.

The team also found that the brains of the 51 overweight people were 6 per cent smaller than those of their normal-weight counterparts, on average, and those of the 14 obese people were 8 per cent smaller.

Yowzer! So, basically, fat folk have teeny-tiny little brains and the leaner masses can feel even more superior. Great!

Now, before you go out and ostracize the overweight - this means you, admonished New York Times Style writer Cintra Wilson - some scientists pin the blame not necessarily on fat, but on the dastardly brain itself. You see, the areas impacted by the atrophy are the same regions that control metabolism and eating behavior, like whether you shovel it in like a voracious beast.

Regardless, we're pretty sure there's no need to worry about a demented overweight person going on a premeditated rampage: remember, the frontal and temporal lobes control planning and memory, which means any potential onslaught will either be a) massively disorganized or b) abandoned completely in favor of voracious snacking. So, never fear! Unless you're overweight, in which case you and your brain should be very, very afraid.

[Image via]

Surely you've heard about the notorious Twilight Riots of '08? An unruly girl-mob, outfitted in capes and uncomfortable training bras were forced to wait hours just to glimpse the fanged protagonist of a beloved vampire franchise AND THEN THEY WENT INSANE!

Well, those girls got tickets to Comic Con. And so did some varsity-level sci-fans anxious to see footage from James' Cameron's Avatar.

What is Avatar about? No one really knows! But what we do know (or at have at least heard) is that Cameron has rejected eight different versions of a promotional trailer. So the Sci-Fi enthusiasts (who generally carry the Y-chromosome) savage from their diet of Cheetos and Red Bull will be aggressively gobbling up all things Avatar. Should they get in the way of estrogen frenzied vamp girls, there will be mayhem. Or maybe a few less virgins and a few more future citizens of middle earth if you know what I mean! Hey-O! Either way, concern for the public's safety abounds.

Image via The Daily What

They could just call it The Hillbillies of Wasilla. Or The Yukon. Or Governor 911.

To catch you up: The romance culminated late last night in a trailer-park interview of Levi conducted by a daring Associated Press reporter. Standing outside his home, Levi confirmed a report in Star yesterday that he and Bristol had called it quits "a while ago."

The Star story that got the ball rolling yesterday morning was a "world exclusive" interview with Johnston's trouble-making sister Mercede, who told the magazine—in exchange, perhaps, for some Oxycontin pills or whatever other painkillers are commonly used as chattel in Alaska?—that Bristol had cut Johnston out of their son Tripp's life. "She tells him he can't take the baby to our house because she doesn't want him around 'white trash'!" Mercede told the magazine. ("Yeah, we could name her 'Mercedes,' but I think 'Mercede' just sounds a little classier," one of Mercede's parents once said.) Mercede was the first to warn America of the brewing tension between the Palins and the Johnstons in January, when she posted on her MySpace page that Palin considers Johston to be "white trash" and he newest grandson half-white-trash. She likes to say "white trash."

In a nugget reserved for the print edition of Star, Mercede claims that Palin sent Johnston a text message reading thusly: "I hate you, and when I found out I was pregnant I wished the baby wasn't yours." Wouldn't it be fantastic if it weren't?

Red lights immediately started flashing in the offices of People, which dispatched a reporter to the Alaskan wilderness posthaste. By 5:40 p.m., the magazine had two anonymous sources confirming the report and rather snidely mentioning that "it's common knowledge" so it's not such a big deal, Star magazine.

What an epic waste it is that none of this was caught on camera, that our children will have no Bristol Palin confessionals to watch on DVD, that there won't be a cast reunion where Julie Chen makes us wait for the full hour before asking Bristol and Levi what really happened in the trailer that night when they ripped off their hot mics.

It is not too late, Palins and Johnstons. American Idol is sliding big time. We need new heroes.

The previous record for single-year Oscar futility is shared by 1977's The Turning Point and 1985's The Color Purple, both of which went 0-for-11. More recently, Miramax failed to capitalize on a single one of Gangs of New York's 10 nominations in 2002 — an accomplishment hinting that the Academy can willingly defy even the most art-directed, costume-designed, massive-budget prestige exercises of their respective years. Be afraid, Paramount, and here's why:

· Best Picture and Director: If the Slumdog juggernaut were stoppable, Button would be the likeliest candidate to step on its spry urchin heels at the Oscar-night finish line. It's a hit, after all, and an Academy with any populist conscience after last year's glum-indie orgy would at least give it Picture. Where's the harm? Except in recent instances where that's happened — most notoriously with Crash's win in 2005 — the Picture bone-throw has favored indies. So maybe David Fincher gets Director? Probably not; Danny Boyle's got his own momentum from critics associations, guilds and Globes behind him. If the DGA nods Fincher's way on Jan. 31, then it may be a race. If it doesn't, forget it. 0-for-2

· Actor: We know we were among those steering the Brad Pitt bandwagon back in those early, glimmering autumn days before the Oscar Turnpike froze over with Rourke/Penn hype and our man went skidding into an uncool embankment. That's no reason to choose to burn to death in the ensuing fire. We're out, Brad — help is on the way. Next year. 0-for-3

· Best Supporting Actress: This is Penelope Cruz's award to lose, and anyway, Taraji P. Henson swears she was asleep when the nominations were announced. Oscar is not impressed. 0-for-4

· Best Adapted Screenplay: Eric Roth already won this one for the same film 14 years ago. The writers branch loves him, but it loves John Patrick Shanley (Doubt) and Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog Millionaire) — in that order — far more. Even David Hare (The Reader) would probably trump Roth on the lone basis of adapting a short book to a film under two hours. 0-for-5

· Best Cinematography and Editing: There's a faction among technicians who cream over the potential of what Fincher and shooter Claudio Miranda accomplished digitally both in camera and with the aid of their visual effects crew. The problem is that The Dark Knight's Wally Pfister and editor Lee Smith did more fitfully revolutionary work with IMAX, and TDK eventually has to win something, so... 0-for-7

· Best Score: It's nominated alongside WALL-E, for which the score essentially is vast swaths of the film and for which voters who were passionate enough to nominate it will be passionate enough to nudge it to a win. 0-for-8

· Best Visual Effects and Makeup: Button's likeliest and probably most deserving shots at wins, it still must contend with not only TDK's admittedly inferior technical achievements but the more formidable politics of snub-backlash. The bottom line is it's more of a coin toss than anyone probably wants to believe, and this late, any when-in-doubt scenario would seem to automatically favor The Dark Knight. 0-for 10

· Best Art Direction and Costume Design: As mentioned above, Gangs of New York proves that no craft category shall be taken for granted as a token for losses incurred elsewhere — especially not opposite an actual, accomplished period drama like The Duchess. 0-for-12

· Best Sound Mixing: At this point Button's already got the record, but why not go all the way with it — 0-for-13, sort of the Detroit Lions of the Oscars. Should Fincher's quartet win, here's hoping the technicians refuse their statuettes in a gutsy act of loser solidarity with their taskmaster director. It's the least they could do for history's sake, and that lone "Academy Award Winner - Best Sound Editing" sticker on the DVD would look stupid anyway.

So what are Martin Nesbitt, Valerie Jarrett and Eric Whitaker doing about it? Why, last Sunday, they met in Hyde Park, a sinisterly academic enclave on the South Side of Chicago which houses the University of Chicago, where Obama taught law before beginning his unexpected journey of hope and change and audacity to becoming the most powerful man in the world. (Full disclosure: I graduated from the University of Chicago and lived in Hyde Park for four years, and boy am I sorry I didn't go to the right political fundraisers at the time!)

The subject of the meeting: How to keep their claws sunk deep into President Change. Oh, the New York Times makes it sound like they just want to keep playing Scrabble and throwing barbecues with Barry and Michelle. Suuuuuure.

Jarrett is following Obama to D.C. to join the administration, while Whitaker, who works on public-health programs at the University of Chicago Hospitals, is staying. But he's going to fly into D.C. on the weekends! The plan echoes a campaign rule of "no new friends," when Obama's inner circle hit the road to make sure Obama did not acquire any new hangers-on. Completing the Hyde Park honor guard: Desirée Rogers, who will jealously guard the White House calendar as Obama's social secretary.

Here's what's ridiculous about the whole plan: Jarrett and any other former friend who goes to work in D.C. will be an employee, not a BFF. The president has no friends, new or old. It's part of the job, which invariably isolates its holder in a bubble. His Chicago friends are just mad that theirs has been blown.

(Photo by David Katz/Obama for America)

David Fincher won his first directing award of the season for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but the film failed to turn up hardware for Brad Pitt or Cate Blanchett. Instead, Clint Eastwood won Best Actor for his racist-grump musical swan song Gran Torino, and the Supporting Actress Award went to Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Anne Hathaway's turn in Rachel Getting Married earned Best Actress honors; and in a bit of a surprise, Josh Brolin's undercooked role as Harvey Milk assassin Dan White coaxed a Best Supporting Actor award from the mysterious NBR fraternity. (Slumdog lead Dev Patel, whom Fox Searchlight is pushing for a supporting slot at the Oscars, was recognized as the year's "Breakthrough Actor.")

The org's Top 11 of '08, meanwhile, comprise a typically tame late-year consensus: In addition to Slumdog, Button, Milk and Gran Torino, the NBR selected The Wrestler, WALL-E, Frost/Nixon, Defiance, The Dark Knight, Changeling and, in what we guess is its biggest upset, the Coens' Burn After Reading over the omitted Revolutionary Road, Doubt and/or The Reader. If you're reading this within 25 feet of Scott Rudin, duck.

• NBR names 'Slumdog' best of year [Variety]

But between mentions of a modelizing Leonardo DiCaprio, a sweaty Doutzen Kroes and Jay-Z's $100 bills, a reader may start to wonder if Morgan's marquee party boys aren't getting a bit long in the tooth. P. Diddy, for example, is 39; Venture capitalist Vivi Nevo, 43; supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle, 56. They're the "old guy in the club," as comedian Chris Rock has it. Then again, pray they never grow up: They're probably keeping the club in business.

Morgan's article/

[Now in convenient link form!]

To wit: Please! Make! The Heath Ledger posthumous Oscar talk! Stop!

"That's what Warner Brothers are saying, but they'll do anything to publicize their film," says Gilliam who was directing Ledger in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus in January only days before the Australian actor died at the age of 28 of an accidental prescription drug overdose.

"That's just what they do and you can't get upset because it's bull——. They're like a great white shark which devours whatever it can."

To be fair, it was Parnassus that coincidentally (or otherwise) launched its official Web site in the days after Ledger's death, when the film was in limbo with its fate yet to be determined. And Ledger is still set to appear in Gilliam's fantasy, their first collaboration following the poorly received The Brothers Grimm in 2005. Parnassus benefits as much from the Ledger hype as The Dark Knight, the majority of which — let's face it — owes to the actor OD-ing at 28 than Warners pimping out a legitimately grand film.

Still, there is a certain ghastliness to it all. We recall interfacing with Ledger around the time of Brokeback Mountain, his naturally squirmy, nail-biting press-day tics exacerbated by his unchecked loathing of The Oscar Question. But at least he could deflect it, which he did in a manner closer to self-defense than self-effacement. It came up again and again — he hated the race, the hype, the politicking, the earnestness, and mostly the shadow over his co-stars, Ang Lee and others. And that was at year's end, when the mention (and arguably even the award) made relative sense against what preceded it.

But it's July, people. We know another nomination must be be coming, but if these vultures can't let the guy rest in peace, at least let him work in peace. There's only so much hype to go around — he's still got to do press for Gilliam's movie, for Christ's sake.

• Article Name [The Telegraph]

Jill and daughter.

Jill and her "gay husband" (Barf.) Correction: There is a gay husband, and he was there, but this is not him. This is her actual hubby.

The ladies who lunch at the second most expensive restaurant.

"Later on I'm going parasailing."

"I'm still heeeere."

Pool partay!

It's about balls.

She's not married and has a job, and yet she's still a housewife.

Ghosts of guests.

I was this little girl once.  Trying to get back there.

[itsmejulia.com]

Over on his blog, in addition to mentioning his wife who hasn't yet left him (although the last mention was on July 25th so you never know), Beavan also tackles some hard questions:

Why was I born?

Where is it that I'm hurrying to before I die?

What is the thing in this life that has true value?

Does anything endure?

How should I spend my life?

If life is over in the blink of an eye, who or what is it that is doing the blinking?

Earlier: No Toilet Paper But Plenty of Ass