John Lundberg at Huffington Post asks the natural question: What sort of accused child molester carves in stone lines like

Children of the world, we'll do it
With song and dance and innocent bliss
The soft caress of a loving kiss
We'll do it

?

Answer: One whose utter lack of self-awareness also allowed him to blow a staggering fortune on baubles like a custom Rolls Royce interior, a baby-orgy decanter, and outdoor statues of children touching each other.

Besides, child-abuse prosecutors could already access the poem using subpoena powers, so it's not like Jackson is getting himself into any immediate legal trouble. Now the rest of us get to be creeped out by it.

Jackson seems to say we should get past our hangups:

Psychologists probe, analyze the tears
Of hysterical notions, phobias, fears

While priests take confessions
In a serious session
And people struggle
In the hustle and bustle
In the noise and din
On the meaning of sin
We'll touch the stars, embrace the moon
Break the barrier, arrive there soon
Ride the rainbow, the cloud, the storm
Flying in the wind, changing our form

You can read the whole thing here. If, you know, you haven't had quite enough already.

He tells the New York Daily News that they have a dialogue where he talks to the 16-year-old (out loud maybe?) and she responds through her various paparazzi photos. So... that's... Um. That's good. He'd also like to marry her, but probably first needs the permission of his FLDS leader and maybe Pa Cyrus, Billy Ray, who, probably, plans to declare prima nocte. So! Everyone's terrifying!

Thanks, Videogum, for the scary story.

Jared Leto? Start practicing your twang.

"This Is It" is apparently not MJ's medical prognosis, but rather the name of his upcoming tour. Who exactly will do the actual performing for the King is unclear. The top clip, from MSNBC, is pretty much the whole thing. They tried valiantly to piece the thing together, but ultimately gave up. "Uh... okay, a lot of posing and basically MJ reiterating what the banners said."

Meanwhile over at CNN, Tony Harris once again couldn't figure out what the hell was going on and couldn't muster the care enough to try and figure out. Though he did muse on a Kenny Loggins song.

So, this is it. A Michael Jackson tour. A career rebirthed. Good luck to all of us.

Yes, the shop's owner Ted Kefalinos decided to make a batch of cookies with bleary red cherry eyes and oversized nose and lips and give them the charming, sunshiney moniker. To, you know, celebrate our new darker-hued President. Adding to the insult, his sales pitch reportedly included vaguely ominous insinuations of assassination. He supposedly said to one customer:

Would you like some drunken negro heads to go with your coffee? They're in honor of our new president. He's following in the same path of Abraham Lincoln; he will get his.

So, shit. A reporter from New York's Fox affiliate went on the scene ("Shame! Shame! Shaaaame!") and met with an unrepentant Kefalinos. He said that the cookies are "not unflattering," adding, "I think it's a fun face... And anyone who says anything else should be ashamed of themselves." Plus, you know, his brother-in-law is Cuban. So he can't be racist.

Terrible. Plus, there's no way they could be as tasty as his previous novelty creation, last week's "Dead Geese Bread."

[via Gothamist, which has the full news clip]

I can say that Midler and her crew are going to need every minute of the next 10 days to make it work. And maybe a miracle. And maybe even Barry Manilow. Very much a work in progress, "Showgirl" may even require that most Vegas of renovations — demolition and reconstruction.

Oh and, by popular demand, here is her dreadful performance on last year's American Idol finale.