Wall Street Pay Plummets; Wall Streeters Do Not
Weep, weep children, for surely now we are in the darkest of hours. Wall Street pay suffered its worst decline in modern history last year. Is this not a "wake-up call," America?
Emergency at Vanity Fair!
A tipster emailed the Vanity Fair customer service department this week because his magazine stopped being delivered. He received an alarming response!
America's Love Affair With Breasts Is Over
Chicken wings are cheap, tasty, and more popular than ever. How popular? They're the most expensive part of the bird, these days. The real victim here: The once-beloved breast.
Matthew Winkler: 'But'
Bow-tied screamer Matthew Winkler, the chief enforcer of The (Insane) Bloomberg Way—the style guide that sternly discouraged journalists from starting a sentence with "But"—had an op-ed in the WSJ this weekend. Check it out, everyone!
Snuggie Wars Go Interspecies
Dog Snuggies are here.
PANDEMIC LEVEL 5!
The World Health Organization just raised the pandemic alert to Level 5! That is is the second-highest level! We will literally all be dead by the end of the year, it is now 100% certain.
Sad Olds Take Sad Jobs in Sad World
Oh GOD, as if the recession and the layoffs weren't all heart-rending enough, now the poor old geriatric retirees are being forced to shuffle back into the workforce. Why is economic collapse so sad?
Government Job Database Hacked
Were you looking for a job, maybe with President Obama? Hah, you just got identity thefted! USAJOBS, the government's online job database, has been hacked.
Why This Is Very Bad News for Barack Obama
US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald made a point of saying Barack Obama was unaware of the wrongdoings of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, but that decidedly does not mean that our president-elect will emerge from this unscathed. No, this is the kind of distracting, dragged-out mess than can derail a first term—or at the…
Michael Medved Becomes Sentient, Self-Aware, Will Soon Turn Against Creators
"Increasingly," the right-wing radio host writes, "interests of commercial talk radio in a fractured market diverge from the needs of a viable national movement. A radio show (locally or nationally) that draws just 5% of the available audience can achieve notable success in ratings and revenue, but a conservatism that…
RedLasso Gives Up, Bloggers Everywhere Screwed
We have vast banks of TiVos and staffers trained to use them to feed us material from the magic lightning box called television for use on this internet. But sometimes (often!) we use the amazing gift from god called RedLasso. Not anymore! NBC and Fox joined forces (inspiring!) to sue them. And now RedLasso is back to…
Entire East Side Falling Apart!
Cranes collapsing! Threatened power outages! Scary parades full of rowdy Spanish-speaking people! Manhattan's East Side is a veritable third-world country this week! Now, our Midtown East correspondent Ray Wert reports that, uh, "boulder-sized pieces of buildings" are falling from his apartment onto cars below.…
Fox Blonde Warns of Obama's "Terrorist Fist Jab"
We tried to explain that Barack Obama's exchanging of respect knuckles with his lovely wife was NO BIGGIE, but in writing about it, all we really did was add to the deluge of maddening idiocy. The most repellent reading comes, of course, from Fox News, who actually ask if perhaps the fist-bump was "a terrorist fist…
END TIMES: TERRIFIED CONSUMERS CAUSE RUN ON RICE
The world is running out of food! And not even fancy foods like heirloom cherry tomatoes or Sonic's deep-fried macaroni and cheese bites, but the basic boring foods that it seems like we should have plenty of, like rice. Rice! So Sam's Club, the warehouse division of Wal-Mart, is now "limiting sales of Jasmine,…
Nina Garcia Ankles 'Elle'!!
Oh dear, what a week for Project Runway. First, the show is moving to the cat-lady network and now judge Nina "fashiondirectorforEllemagazine" Garcia is apparently gone as Fashion Director of Elle, according to WWD. Elle threw a party for Simon Doonan and Nina was "notably absent." Garcia was reportedly in the office…
NIGHTMARE AT SOHO STARBUCKS!
Is this a cruel hoax? A Gawker Operative reports: "I just came from the Starbucks on Spring/Crosby and they got no hot coffee! They got water pressure problems. I fucking bought a frappucino!" This could cripple the internet media.
How to Explain a Recession
One reason for the evergreen popularity of those "explaining the coming financial collapse for dummies" pieces is that 99% of journalists—even on the business beat!—don't know a damn thing about money and finance, and writing these pieces is a convenient way to get paid to try to figure it out. New York weighs in wth…
Hedge Funds Win 'Times' Board Seats
The Sulzbergers' grip on the New York Times has loosened, a bit. The Times Company announced today that they've given in to the hedge funds that have ammassed 19 percent of the company's publicly traded stock and given them two seats on the company's board of directors. Harbinger Capital and Firebrand are now free to…
