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breaking
oh no
Fox Blonde Warns of Obama's "Terrorist Fist Jab"
We tried to explain that Barack Obama's exchanging of respect knuckles with his lovely wife was NO BIGGIE, but in writing about it, all we really did was add to the deluge of maddening idiocy. The most repellent reading comes, of course, from Fox News, who actually ask if perhaps the fist-bump was "a terrorist fist jab." Then they bring on a body-language expert to analyze what is a modified high-five, people. WE WARNED YOU. So let's watch E.D. Hill and her legs explain what that crazy threatening fist thing was! More »
end times
Monkey-Piloted Robots Will Kill Us All
This is just like the other night when we flipped past ABC and Charlie Gibson said "up next, the robot revolution," which is a story we thought he probably should've led with. Anyway, monkeys finally control robots with their thoughts and mankind is basically defunct, now. [NYT, Drudge]
END TIMES: TERRIFIED CONSUMERS CAUSE RUN ON RICE
The world is running out of food! And not even fancy foods like heirloom cherry tomatoes or Sonic's deep-fried macaroni and cheese bites, but the basic boring foods that it seems like we should have plenty of, like rice. Rice! So Sam's Club, the warehouse division of Wal-Mart, is now "limiting sales of Jasmine, Basmati and long grain white rices." [Reuters]
oh no
Nina Garcia Ankles 'Elle'!!
Oh dear, what a week for Project Runway. First, the show is moving to the cat-lady network and now judge Nina "fashiondirectorforEllemagazine" Garcia is apparently gone as Fashion Director of Elle, according to WWD. Elle threw a party for Simon Doonan and Nina was "notably absent." Garcia was reportedly in the office this morning, but gone by the afternoon. What does it mean? How will Heidi explain who she is next season?
NIGHTMARE AT SOHO STARBUCKS!
Is this a cruel hoax? A Gawker Operative reports: "I just came from the Starbucks on Spring/Crosby and they got no hot coffee! They got water pressure problems. I fucking bought a frappucino!" This could cripple the internet media.
Is this a cruel hoax? A Gawker Operative reports: "I just came from the Starbucks on Spring/Crosby and they got no hot coffee! They got water pressure problems. I fucking bought a frappucino!" This could cripple the internet media.
oh no
How to Explain a Recession
One reason for the evergreen popularity of those "explaining the coming financial collapse for dummies" pieces is that 99% of journalists—even on the business beat!—don't know a damn thing about money and finance, and writing these pieces is a convenient way to get paid to try to figure it out. New York weighs in wth "An Idiot's Guide to Financial Crises", the casual version of the New York Times' Can't Grasp Credit Crisis? Join the Club. New York's take is more personal: apparently a recession means that Adam Sternbergh will lose his job! Considerably more alarming: the recession is already causing the prices of cheeseburgers and bagels to skyrocket. [NYM, NYM]
new york times company
Hedge Funds Win 'Times' Board Seats
The Sulzbergers' grip on the New York Times has loosened, a bit. The Times Company announced today that they've given in to the hedge funds that have ammassed 19 percent of the company's publicly traded stock and given them two seats on the company's board of directors. Harbinger Capital and Firebrand are now free to demand the Times sell the Boston Globe in person at the next board meeting. "Under the truce with the hedge funds, the number of directors elected by Class B stock will rise from 9 to 10. The number of Class A directors will rise from 4 to 5." (Class B is the Sulzberger family-controlled non-publicly traded stock.) One of the new directors will be douchey NYU marketing professor Scott Galloway. Banks and Australians are taking over everything! Journalism is dooooomed! [NYT]
never forget y2k
You People Are Breaking the Internet!
The Times warns us that because so many people watch funny videos of talking cats and dancing teenage girls on the internet these days, there might not be enough internet left for the rest of us! It's true: there is only so much internet, and YouTube is using like all of it. "In a widely cited report published last November, a research firm projected that user demand for the Internet could outpace network capacity by 2011." Oh no! We were totally planning to watch "I'm fucking Seth Rogen" that year! This is almost as bad as the time the internet totally suffered that "catastrophic collapse" in 1996, according to that 1995 prediction by engineer Robert Metcalfe. Man, the internet never recovered that that nonexistent disaster, we can only imagine how it'll fare after this one. [NYT]
oh no you didn't
Tyra Banks Almost Kills A Model
Everything was going so well for Kimberly, 20, of Worcester, Massachusetts on America's Next Top Model. She had a "stunning" photo shoot, "one of the best so far." Then she had to go and tell host Tyra "Cross Me And I Will Claw Your Eyes Out" Banks that "fashion does not interest me at all... I don't find it interesting." Oh holy god. The judges' jaws dropped, the other models started to lose it, and Tyra yelled "WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!" Never mind that Tyra cut six other models to keep this girl in the running, which is bad enough.No: You do not badmouth fashion to this lioness of modeling. The girl of course barely made it out alive, mostly because she agreed to leave the show. Hopefully on Wednesday Tyra will have to snap someone's neck like a twig, because watching people (try to) cross Banks is awesome: More »
Kat Porn
The second animated installment of Jim Behrle's epic, award-winning Kreepie Kats Saga has arrived. Enjoy sticker-on-sticker love and a special birthday tribute to Kreepiest Kat of all, below.
The second animated installment of Jim Behrle's epic, award-winning Kreepie Kats Saga has arrived. Enjoy sticker-on-sticker love and a special birthday tribute to Kreepiest Kat of all, below.
oh no
'Times' Takeover Continues
Harbinger Capital, the investment firm that is trying to BUY THE NEW YORK TIMES, has formally proposed adding four directors of their choosing to the paper's board. The Times is all "no thanks we have plenty of directors guys!" but Harbinger will probably point out to the SEC that they own 19% of the damn company, just as much as the Sulzbergers. One of Harbinger's candidates, NYU marketing professor Scott Galloway, founded online retailer RedEnvelope, shares of which recently "sank to an all-time low." [AP, Earlier]
oh no she didn't!
Publisher Nan Talese Has Giant Figurative Testicles
Asked about the book during a session at the Mayborn Literary Nonfiction Writers Conference of the Southwest on Saturday, [Doubleday publisher Nan A.] Talese said her experience with author James Frey had not changed the way she handled memoirs. 'I'm afraid I'm unapologetic of the whole thing,' she said. 'And the only person who should be apologetic is Oprah Winfrey,' who she says exhibited 'fiercely bad manners — you don't stone someone in public, which is just what she did.'Wow, Nan is right about everything—except, of course, not changing the way she handles memoirs in the wake of James Frey's fake one, and saying that "you don't" stone someone in public when in fact "you," if by "you" you mean any American televised entertainment, basically does nothing but. Okay, so she's just wrong all around! But she stood up to Oprah, and she has those great teeth. We love her.
Publisher Blasts Oprah [Dallas Morning News]
Rodale—home of Men's Health superhunk Dave Zinczenko and the South Beach Diet—is looking to expand. Bono's Elevation Partners may want in. [NYP]
