The New York Parks Department has yet to return our phone calls on the official identification of the wet slab of species found along the East River over the weekend. Why? Because they're busy. Apparently, the top priority of this local agency doesn't involve keeping New York City's residents safe from being overrun…

Just a couple hours ago we posted a story about how a washed-up varmint on the East River had some locals spooked, but then the New York City Parks department said it was just a damn pig carcass so everybody should just chill with the spooky otherworldly theories about the beast.

Think back to the summer of 2008, when city-dwellers and scientists were all vexed and perplexed by the hook-nosed carcass stinking up the craggy shores of Long Island. Later dubbed the Montauk Monster, the apocryphal stories emerged about secret nuclear animal test centers and, for a brief instant, New York appeared…