Fashion's Night Out is on Thursday, September 10 — Anna mentioned it on the Late Show — and it is an evening to fight one of the great ills of society: people not buying enough clothes! Yes, go out and buy things or else fashion will die and we will have to dress in sack cloth and Ed Hardy T's for the rest of our lives!

The FNO website describes:

In a global initiative to promote retail, restore consumer confidence, and celebrate fashion, U.S. and international editions of Vogue are coordinating evening extravaganzas in their respective world fashion capitals.

Even though they're trying to sell it like one (and even asking for volunteers) it is not a charity. That's right, it's bunch of store parties across the five boroughs. In Manhattan just about every fashion emporium is participating from Balenciaga to Banana Republic and Narcisco Rodriguez to Nine West. If you live in the Bronx, you're stuck with only Macy's and Lane Bryant. Sorry.

What exactly will be going on? Some highlights:

• The Misshapes will be spinning at Versace.
• Tom Ford is having a cocktail party (Tom Ford not included)
• Our Hero Grace Coddington will be "telling a visual story" in the SoHo Prada store.
• Cindy Crawford will appear at the much maligned JCPenney in Herald Square.
• Oscar de la Renta will be singing at the Carlyle Hotel. Vogue editor Hamish Bowles will be singing at Juicy Couture. How that is helping humankind, we have no idea.
• Carolina Herrera herself throws a party for photog Larry Fink at her boutique.
• Anna Wintour told Letterman that she'll be at Macy's in Queens, but she didn't say which one. We are determined to track her down and get a photo.
• Bergdorf Goodman seems to be the most fun of all, with windows by Zac Posen, a celebrity designer cook-off judged by Padma Lakshmi, the Olsen twins tending bar, and André Leon Talley hosting some sort of game show.

The plan seems to be to spend a lot of money getting people in the stores to spend a lot of money. The one thing we haven't heard anything about is discounts. Just because Catherine Malandrino is converting her Meatpacking showplace into a French cafe for the evening doesn't mean that suddenly more people will be able to afford one of her cocktail dresses. Also, none of the money made will go to charity, it will go right into the pockets of retailers, where it belongs. Most participating locations will have stations for visitor's to donate used clothes for charity, but it seems a bit like bringing a canned good to get access to an open bar.

So, just why is Anna doing this? Of course if all the brands go out of business, so will Vogue. But times of crisis are also the best times to consolidate power. Who knows if this one-night shopping event will save New York's fashion industry (it won't) but it already has people talking about Anna as if she's the one and only person who can save the fashion world from crumbling. Also, Condé Nast is sure to give her another 5-year contract (and, we hear that the deal is already done). Well played, Anna. Well played.

Us
"Inside Her Family Tragedy." Honestly? Too sad to read about J. Hud's awful triple murders. Also, the latest news is that kid had his hand hacked off. What else was inside? Dancing With The Stars' Maksim Chmerkovskiy was quoted saying that his costars Lacey Schwimmer and Cheryl Burke needed to do something about their weight, but now he says that his words were taken out of context: "I want them to know that I wasn't calling them heavy, because they aren't." Lastly: Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are only going to be in five or six episode of the new season of Project Runway. Celebrities will fill in the rest of the time. Plus! Mood fabrics has an L.A. branch, but it was too far from the filming site, so producers "simply placed a Mood sign on a different storefront." WTF?
Grade: F (razor blade-filled apple)

Life & Style
"Carrie Calls Jessica Fat." Intern Margaret says, "It's not that there wasn't stuff in this magazine, it's just that the stuff in there made me want to vomit." Here's the deal: A "friend" of Carrie Underwood's said that Carrie has been sniping about Jessica Simpson's body. Carrie thinks Jess is attractive but wouldn't want to be "so buxom and top heavy." A "pal" of Jessica's says her current stylists don't know how to dress someone with big boobs. Jessica says: "I dress for men and myself. If I'm dressing for men, then I know it's good for myself." Um. Okay. Then the story spins off into a four-page battle of "skinny vs. curvy" — side by side pictures of women, sometimes battling themselves. The magazine talks to men — Zac Efron, Penn Badgley, Christian Siriano! — and asks them which they prefer. One guy actually says, "A hybrid of skinny and curvy would be the ultimate." It's such a mindfuck (Fig. 1, 2). Travis Barker had dinner with his daughter; he's out and about a little bit. There's a six page "exclusive" with Larry Birkhead called "Saying Goodbye To Anna Nicole." It involves staged pictures of Larry and baby Dannielynn packing up all the pink stuff in the house. They're moving because there's no backyard. Lastly, in a new section called "Dr. Rey's Casebook," Dr. Robert Rey from Dr. 90210 "weighs in on which A-list assets deserve top billing, and which ones could use a little work." He says Heather Graham needs a boob lift and Cameron Diaz would look better with Lindsay Lohan's chest.
Grade: D- (tooth brush)

In Touch
"Jen Looks Pregnant." Apparently it is cover-worthy news that some people think that Jennifer Aniston's tummy looks enlarged and she's been hiding it (Fig. 3). The magazine notes that "all of her friends have kids." Also, if it's John Mayer's baby, "it would explain why they are back together." Moving on: Reese is finally ready to marry Jake Gyllenhaal. A "pal" says she is "not a very spontaneous person" and the wedding will happen "in 2009." Very specific! There are two pages called "Why Won't Tom & Katie Put A Coat On Suri?" (Fig. 4). George Clooney is back with ex-gf Krista Allen because she is "independent" and "not clingy." A-Rod sent Madonna a 22-karat gold bracelet with a single charm that reads "bashert," which reads "meant to be" in Yiddish. They're planning to spend Thanksgiving together. Angelina went to Afghanistan on October 21 to visit refugees left homeless by the fighting against the Taliban as part of her work as a UN Goodwill Ambassador. She cried. Lastly, everyone in Hollywood is wearing the Black Halo Jackie O. dress (Fig. 5).
Grade: D (marshmallow "circus" peanuts)

OK!
"Wedding & New Baby In Weeks!" So, if Brad and Angie get hitched, it wouldn't be a "big, white affair" says a "family friend." It will be "very elegant, though" with "vows they write themselves." And it will either happen at the French chateau or in New Orleans. Expect no more than 25 guests: Jonny Lee Miller, Brad's mom and dad, James Haven. The same friend says, "To Brad and Angie, marriage is a piece of paper." Moving on: The story titled "Jen & Gerard's SEXY DATE" informs us that Ms. Aniston and Gerard Butler are in talks to star in a comedy together. Fourteen-year-old Mark Indelicato, who plays Justin on Ugly Betty, is gonna be Hannah Montana for Halloween. "I'm going to get a Hannah Montana T-shirt, the wig and the guitar that sings," he says. "It's going to be awesome." Oh, Tyra was a bully! "In elementary school, I was a mean girl," she says. "I would kick girls out of our group and make them go play with the non-popular kids. I was pretty bad." Nick Cannon was DJing a party in New York, and ten minutes into Nick's set, Mariah snuck out to talk to Donatella Versace. "She clearly wasn't into Nick's music at all," a source says. Page 59 asserts that Tina Fey's 3-year-old daughter Alice wears a $1300 Judith Ripka pearl necklace. Tina, say it ain't so! Or maybe it was a gift???
Grade: D+ (stale candy corn)

Star
"Angie's Humiliating Betrayal!" Brad Pitt has been flirting with his Inglourious Basterds costar, Diane Kruger. They were in Troy together, but she was married back then! Angelina is scared that Brad is gonna do to her what he did to Jen. Plus, Brad went on an Oktoberfest bender with Quentin Tarantino, which Quentin called their "whores and beer" night. There's no confirmation that whores were in attendance, btw. Brad came home super late and he and Angie got into a "screaming match." She told him she'd leave if he started up with Diane. Moving on: Blind item! "Which reality starlet had a blonde moment and forgot to turn off her mic in the bathroom? No, the crew couldn't hear her flush, but they could hear her do a few lines of coke." Funny headline: "Parents To Miley: Don't End Up Like Jamie Lynn!" Another great headline: "Twin Peaks: Mary-Kate & Ashley Battle Over Matching Boob Jobs." Ashley Olsen wants to get implants, so she asked MK to get them at the same time, so it wouldn't be as obvious that she got work done. A source says: "That way they could say they both matured and are filling out naturally." They are 22. MK was horrified and said no way. They've already had nose jobs, btw (Fig. 6). Katie Holmes has a crush on her All My Sons costar, Patrick Wilson. He's married. Tom has bodyguards around Katie at all times; they spy on her and report back to him. Jennifer Aniston has hired a wedding planner! Last week she popped the question to John Mayer, now she's planning her ceremony. She says she's meeting with celebrity wedding planner Mindy Weiss to plan a 40th birthday party, but Star says Aniston's working on a beach wedding in Los Cabos, Mexico. She wants people doing tequila poppers and listening to a mariachi band. Jen wants to wear a simple white dress with flowers in her hair; a flowing "Mexican peasant" look. Coco Cox-Arquette will be the flower girl. Pete Wentz will be the best man. Lastly, there is a 5 page feature on laundry tips with pictures of stars picking up their dry cleaning.
Grade: C (generic chocolate bar)

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

Fig. 4

Fig. 5

Fig. 6

The details of the Olsens' forward march don't come until the end of the NYT piece, but it's important to digest every word:

A visit to their Web site, Mary-KateandAshley.com, provides the opportunity to view the modernist bracelets the Olsens produce with the well-regarded jeweler Robert Lee Morris and also to buy “Our Lips Are Sealed,” an eight-year-old movie in which they star, about two girls forced into a witness-protection program on the beaches of Australia.

The Olsens seem to regard themselves above all as artist-moguls, and the challenges they describe are the challenges of businesspeople. They have to figure out how to deal with expanding the Row while still letting it feel like a quiet discovery for whoever is buying it. As Ashley sees it, her career is brand building, in fashion and beyond. "It is what I love. There are so many voids in the market, and I want to find those opportunities and make the most of them." It isn’t the cover of Vogue they seem to seek as much as the cover of Fortune.

The duo's forthcoming book consists of long interviews with people who have photographed them, designed for them, and directed them. Interviewing intelligent/famous people is the easiest way to be taken seriously yourself — didn't you know?

With speculation already beginning about what the subject of Steve Jobs' Macworld address in January will be, let us suggest: iMKAsh. We'll try to be supportive of the pair's America takeover efforts, but part of us sides with Karl Lagerfeld.

In his interview in Influence Lagerfeld admits he agrees with the going interpretation of the two:

AO: We're five feet and one inch.
KL: Oh, I thought my office told me that you were four-foot eight or something. Not that it matters. What you need is a face. If you have a face you don't need height or a voice. Models know this; that's why the good ones don't need to talk much.

No Labels for the Twins But Their Own [NYT]

Boomp3.com

Pint size media mogul Ashley Olsen took further advantage of her mogul status as she cut through the line at LAX early on Tuesday morning. In addition to moving ahead in line, Olsen did not have to crawl on her hands and knees to breeze past the rest of the line. Olsen said, "Airport lint is hell on my jeans."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Seligman started in the real estate game at 18, and he's already a millionaire. Cool kids love him!

Seligman isn't selling to any old rich Manhattanites, either: The broker is representing Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen's $10 million-plus Morton Square listing, and he's reportedly sold condos to a raft of young bold-faced names, including Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein and Tommy Hilfiger's daughter.

Of course, the young man tries to "remain as private as possible," he told the Real Deal in an interview for an extensive profile. We respect his comically empty wishes.

[Real Deal via Daily Intel]

• The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget [Comedy Central]

In fact, she was forced to do two separate interviews. Which, OK, so I understand that they want to start becoming individuals rather than this packaged twosome, but, um, isn't their business entirely based on the fact that they are sisters and, yes, twins? Their billion-dollar corporation, built on silly movies and books and TV shows and clothes that were very much about being twins, is called Dualstar for God's sake. I guess Mary-Kate has had some acting roles by herself and Ashley... Uh, Ashley probably does stuff alone, too. But c'mon. To her credit, Tell went on to call them "diminutive twins" anyway.

Before Bartha, Ashley was most recently linked to one ball wonder Lance Armstrong; prior to the bit part actor/bicyclist, the working twin had dalliances with Jared Leto before Lindsay Lohan stole him away. Most curiously, perhaps, was her brief sting dating the Prince of Annoyingness Wilmer Valderrama. The only pattern we see for our Ashley is the common presence of blue eyes (minus Wilmer), a solid but not intimidating bad boy rap sheet (minus Bartha, far as we know), and a general goal of dating the most random Hollywood outcasts in town. Were we not so envious of her newest paramour, we'd quite possibly applaud her diverse taste, even with Wilmer in the pack. Jared will always be Jordan Catalano in our eyes, no matter how much makeup he piles on.

MK has a wildly different (and yet unnervingly similar!) pattern of her own. Currently dating euro billionaire Lapo Elkann, the prunier Olsen counts artist/Uma Thurman cousin Max Snow and every Hollywood bimbo’s favorite throwaway make-out partner Stavros Niarchos among her ex-boyfriends. It seems MK’s requirements include long, mangy hair, an incredibly ambiguous “career” despite being labeled heirs, and guys who are afraid of showers. In the end, we get the sense that the more pragmatic and naive Ashley tends to chase after those who shoot excellent game and resemble knights in latex/guylighter/hair gelled armor, while MK has a far more pointed system: the dirtier, sleazier, greasier, and potentially damaging boys feed (hey, something has to feed her) her masochistic mania. Analysis complete.

[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• THEY CAN'T HIDE FROM US [NYP]

After making PETA's 2005 Worst Dressed List and earning particularly mean reason from the group's trademark bag of bitchy tricks, ("If she keeps on wearing fur and eating at Carl's Jr., she'll be back on the list next year as Star Jones."), Paris allegedly sat through animal torture videos from China and promised to stop wearing fur. As a reward, PETA removed the "heirhead" from next year's list. Christina Ricci followed a similar path after making the 2006 list, sitting through a Martha Stewart expose (shudder) on how mean it is to hurt the fuzzy wuzzies, and PETA obliged by removing her from the list as well. And the always crafty Lindsay Lohan managed to put a stop to her inclusion on the 06 list before its release date by assuring the PETA prez she was working on "weeding out" fur from her wardrobe. Too bad last month's whole fur bandit shenanigans didn't exactly make our favorite chic lesbian look like a woman who keeps her word.

As for those stars who've decided to fight back against all the haters at PETA, Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen have made the Worst Dressed List more than a few times, but quietly made their reactions known by including tons of animal fur in their clothing collection last year. As for the queen of Best Dressed Lists (just not PETA's), fur lover extraordinaire Kate Moss has continued to sport everything from beaver to rabbit to mink to who knows what kind of lizard skin onesies after hours despite PETA's threats and cutting remarks ("Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super tramp like a fur coat.")

Bonus: Britney Spears, endless black hole of lovely surprises, was cut from PETA's poll earlier this year because, according to a PETA spokesperson, she "needed a break." While it doesn't quite fully endear us to the red paint sabotage army, we can't help but think that it's a positive gesture.

[Photo Credit: X17, Bauer-Griffin]

• TOP FIVE REASONS ONLY STUPID GIRLS BRAG ABOUT EATING MEAT [PETA Blog]
• EXCLUSIVE: PETA NAMES WORST DRESSED CELEBS OF 2008 [Us]

”Thin-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are about to get some publicity that will have them running away faster than if they'd spotted a calorie...As the Olsen twins prepare to celebrate their 22nd birthday this Friday, they'll be getting some unusual 'gifts' in the mail... from countless young people who object to cruelty to animals.”

What the Olsens’ birthday present(s) will be from PETA and why, after the jump.

Rather than sending a months-long supply of trendy Detox lemon and maple syrup drinks to their 24/7 New York party palace, the animal lovers have recruited their junior committee, known as Peta2, to chop off their granola-laced dreadlocks and ship them to Casa Olsens by the truckload. As the LAT reports, the group's site has "posted a 'mission' on its highly trafficked web site, Peta2.com, urging young people to send the fur-wearing twins snippets of their own hair along with a note that reads, 'Please, use my hair instead of the animals.'" As brilliant and crafty as PETA may deem their master plan, we suspect the improvisational fashionistas will prune with delight after receiving the massive human hair delivery. Judging from their bizarre sartorial decisions in the past, look out for human hair earrings, human hair buttons and ties made out of narly dreadlock braids to appear on the pages of Vogue next month.

• OLSEN TWINS INCUR THE WRATH OF PETA [LAT]

What makes this particular game of bingo far more fun than usual is struggling to figure out which Olsen is which. And in an effort to help you out, we'll clue you in to the fact that Ashley, who hasn't clung to The Prune as obsessively as MK recently, appears only thrice in our montage. Let the guessing games begin!

[Photo credits: FilmMagic, Getty, Wireimage]

• SECRET OF THE OLSENS' SMILE? SAY 'PRUNE'! [MSNBC]

The twins' publicist said the whole (heh) thing is "ridiculous," and an anonymous friend of the twins says "it's also my worst nightmare — that and getting a huge diet fountain soda that is mistakenly regular Coke — but I can def(initely) taste the difference, so it's their own fault if they fell victim." Oh, def. When I'm guzzling grande lattes to get off the no-food shakes, I'm definitely piquing my taste buds for milk fattiness. Worst. Nightmare. Ever. [The Scoop]

boomp3.com


A forlorn Mary Kate Olsen was seen entering a Century City parking lot and no, she wasn't upset because of how much she was going to have pay for parking. Olsen was more upset that she was photographed wearing what most would consider a rather normal outfit. Olsen asked if the photographer could come back in twenty minutes or so and she'll be wearing something wackier than what Bjork wore to the Oscars that one year. Yet the photographer persisted with his picture taking and explained that this is worth more money. Olsen sighed, then asked, "How do you know that I'm Mary Kate? Maybe, I'm the sane one. Ashley?" The photographer shrugged his shoulders and said, "Same difference."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

boomp3.com

The always fashion forward Mary Kate Olsen told reporters that she was running late and just threw on whatever she could find. Whatever she could find happened to be a patio chair and a piece of her cats' scratching post. Olsen told a reporter that she got caught up with her Blackberry and just lost track of time and she just thought that the scratching post looked really cool.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

First we have the blonder Ashley, who appears to be obeying every women's magazine advisory to apply sunscreen everywhere from your areolas to your inner wrists. But we're digging the squeezable thighs and the curvy tummy:

And though the more messy-haired Mary-Kate isn't quite revealing as much skin in these pics, we're pretty sure we spot an actual boob. Of the non-concave variety. We're also overjoyed to see that infamous back of hers, once featuring vertebrae so prominent you could open a bottle of Coors off them. All we see is a nicely tan rear with no signs of starvation.

But you tell us: are the Olsens officially hot, or have they just mildly improved?

[Photo Credits: Egotastic]

• MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN BIKINI PICTURES [Egotastic]

Fear!

Deprivation!

And despair!

• Heidi Montag's song 'Touch Me' is online and it makes you realize how talented Britney Spears is. [P*r*z, sorry!]
  
• Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling were spotted sharing a "cozy cigarette" outside a restaurant, which means they must be doing it. [Page Six]
  
• 'Full House' castmembers John Stamos and Bob Saget reunited with the Olsen twins for a night of drinking, which is weird. [Page Six]