This whole story about US swimmers Ryan Lochte, Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger, and Jimmy Feigen maybe or maybe not getting robbed at gunpoint by men who were maybe posing as Brazilian police officers is fishy and riddled with inconsistencies. Brazilian police cast doubt on Lochte’s story, and earlier today, a Brazilian…

The idea of all the security we put up with at airports—the lines, the scanners, the bullshit—is so that when there’s an attack, we’ll all be orderly protected. On Sunday night at JFK Airport, we found out how wrong that is. Cheering for Usain Bolt at the Olympics appears to have been mistaken for gunfire and complete…

The Games of the XXXI Olympiad seem cursed for a number of reasons—but this particular tragedy, no one could have foreseen. For this is the tale of proud volleyball mom Cindy Lloyd’s exploded luggage. And shampoo was fucking everywhere.

On Wednesday, The Daily Beast published an article describing a reporter’s attempts to use several dating apps, such as Tinder and Grindr, near the Olympic Village in the Rio de Janeiro suburb of Barra da Tijuca. The piece, which was written by London correspondent Nico Hines, was widely condemned after readers…

“Hey kids, winning the gold feels great. But you know what feels even better? A winning tax plan!”

The organizing principle of the Olympic medals functions as a universal language. Gold means first place, silver means second place, bronze means third place. The games have changed over the years, but this concept has remained a constant.

Close watchers of the Olympic games will notice that there are swimming medals awarded for four different “strokes.” That’s three strokes too many and we’ll tell you why.

Could swimmers one day get ear-removal surgery to reduce their drag in the pool—and would such a move be considered “fair play?” We must think about these hypotheticals before they become reality.

My opinion: The Olympics are boring and bad and nobody actually cares about them.

Riding a horse? That’s not a real sport.

NBC says it will air the opening ceremony of the Rio Olympics on a one-hour delay in order to “curate [it to not show any possible Zika deaths, riots, terrorist acts, or faulty stadium collapses].”

Following a complaint by a female student, Olympic and World Championship gymnastics coach Marvin Sharp was arrested in Indianapolis Monday morning on suspicion of felony child molestation, NBC News reports.

Brazil, which I’m sure is a perfectly lovely country, has an overload of naturally occurring resource. That resource, unfortunately, isn’t diamonds or oil—it’s human excrement, which Olympic athletes will have to swim through if they want to win a medal next summer.

An appeals court decided this week that Dutee Chand—an Indian female sprinter whose testosterone levels qualify her as male under Olympics guidelines—cannot be banned from competing against other women because of her hormones.

Staying abreast of Boston’s rousing Olympic spirit: only 39% of people in Massachusetts now support the idea of holding the 2024 Olympics in Boston. Fortunately, support among the Olympic Committee itself is no doubt even lower.

A new poll indicates that support among Bostonians for the idea of hosting the 2024 Summer Olympics has risen—all the way up to 40%! You can almost see the Olympic spirit dripping from the orifices of two in five Bostonians! With this level of passion, the games are a lock.

Despite promises to clean the Rio de Janeiro bay in time for the 2016 Olympics, mayor Eduardo Paes was forced to admit this week that some of the athletes are just going to have to deal with competing in the raw sewage expelled by a large, poorly managed city.

The image of Michael Phelps as a fish in the streets and a real kinky guy in the sheets just got a big boost from Kim Petro, a plus-size dominatrix who apparently passed a lie detector test before selling her story to the National Enquirer.