The Onion News Network imagines a terrible future in which the cinemas are overloaded with Katherine Heigl films: specifically nineteen romcoms, fourteen screwball romps, and one attempt at indie credibility.
Imagine that! Personal massagers being used for more than a backache. Here the Onion News Network offers an alternative to the wand-style that would prove harder to manipulate.
In this hilarious Onion News spoof, Al Qaeda has brought Americans to their knees...all because of a picture of a piglet wearing rain boots. Beware—the next kitten video you receive could be a cyber terrorist attack!
A new Onion report discusses the troubling new activity among high schoolers: teen toping. Toping, or Isotoping,is the practice of illegally enriching uranium. Between raging toping parties and "Nuke rap," it's clear that teens across America are toping up.
In true Onion style, this report mocks the super alarmist attitudes many of us see soon after a tragedy happens. Here the potential threat is taken out before he can even do anything and the proactive jock is the hero.
Watch this hilarious Onion News Network story reporting that Obama will give a two-hour speech to explain the moral, and philosophical reasons for this morning's pardon of Cranberry the Turkey.
Critiques of major media outlets are common these days, except when they're so good they render further critiques moot. This video from the Onion News Network which mockingly paints Time Magazine as aimed at children is a perfect example.
The faux-news report begins, "In a desperate attempt to fill 24 hours of programming, here's some bullshit that happened somewhere today" where "residents were shocked to see this fairly common thing happening." We couldn't have said it better ourselves.
