Lies: They travel halfway round the world before the truth gets its boots on. If you don't tell them, you never have to remember anything. Ask me no questions and I won't tell you any. The year that now comes to an end was, like all years, riddled with them. Grand lies and small ones, grave ones and frivolous ones,…
2011 was a great year for instafame. With cameras and Twitter users providing blanket coverage of each big news story, the whole world became a potential micro-celebrity. Let's take some time to remember 2011's best flash-in-the-pan celebrities, and then forget about them, forever.
Last year, the FBI admitted to using large portions of a random Spanish politician's campaign photograph for an age-progressed mockup of Osama bin Laden, which happened to look a lot like the random Spanish politician. Now he's suing.
IRA terrorist Rep. Pete King already has a lot on his plate, namely the numerous "Muslim radicalization" hearings that he's always convening. Thankfully he's found enough spare time to do the nation's other important work, like harassing the White House about an upcoming Osama bin Laden death movie.
The Wall Street Journal has new details on what intelligence, exactly, we got from the Abbottabad compound Osama bin Laden was living in when he was hunted down and killed by Navy SEALs. Top among the discoveries: Bin Laden wanted to mark the 10th anniversary of 9/11 with another 9/11.
In the weeks before the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound in Abbottabad, the CIA had a prominent doctor organize a fake vaccination drive, in an attempt to secretly collect DNA from him and his family.
How do you market a worldwide campaign of mass murder? This question perplexed Osama bin Laden until his death in May, according to a letter recovered from his "hideout" in Pakistan. In the letter, he lamented the fact that Al Qaeda was losing the PR war for hearts and minds after years of negative media coverage. The…
An announcement on jihadi message board Ansar al-Mujahideen today states that Osama bin Laden's right hand man, Egyptian surgeon Ayman al-Zawahiri is now in charge of Al Qaeda. As the old man celebrates his promotion, here a few facts about "The Doctor":
What is Pakistan doing with the $2 billion in military aid we gave it last year, and the additional $2 billion we'll be spending on it over the next five years? Oh, just arresting people who helped the CIA kill Osama bin Laden, like the soldier who secretly recorded the license plate numbers of cars entering his…
This week, reports suggested that Osama bin Laden offered great HR benefits to al Qaeda members and also kept a close eye on the group's purse strings. So on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert gave the departed terrorist a tip of the hat for "not just being al Qaeda's charismatic leader, but also their annoying guy…
Osama bin Laden was many things: Terrorist, mass murderer, psychopath, sociopath, chronic masturbator, poon hound. But for all of his faults, bin Laden was a pretty decent employer, in jidahi terms, at least. Much of that stems from his degree in economics and public administration. From NPR, we have more tales of…
The Walt Disney Co. has withdrawn its ill-considered bid to trademark "SEAL Team 6," forever robbing us of the family film franchise that could have done for pinniped commandos what G-Force did for guinea pig spies.
USA Today is what used to be called a "newspaper" back in the days before the internet, but after the majority of adult Americans became functionally illiterate. In this confusing "new media" age, USA Today has pursued a strategy of becoming the news outlet of choice for angel-believers. Hey, it's a demographic!
Today on Lavish Gifts That Make Me Uneasy, China has agreed to provide Pakistan with 50 JF-17 fighter jets — or roughly the equivalent of a new pony for a 7-year-old girl. It's a direct outcome of Prime Minister Gilani's visit to Beijing this week, a four-day jaunt intended to send a clear signal to the U.S. that…
So which secret fairy-tale chamber in the skies or, alternately, below the earth's crust, is Osama bin Laden kickin' it in these days?
You've probably never heard of Marty Martin. He spent most of his life as an anonymous CIA operative. But he very recently came out of the closet as the man Bush put in charge of finding Osama bin Laden in the aftermath of 9/11, and guess what? It turns out the man Bush put in charge of finding bin Laden is an…
Depending on who you ask, Osama bin Laden might be dead, but he's certainly not forgotten. And just when you thought people were starting to forget, a new tape has surfaced on jihadi websites of the Qaeda honcho praising the so-called "Arab Spring" uprisings across the Middle East and North Africa.
Hey guys! Can I have everyone's attention, please? Where's Heather? Does anyone know where Heather is? Well, can you go grab her? We've got a big announcement. Yes, that's right, we've decided to appoint an acting chief of Al Qaeda.
Jon Stewart was looking forward to covering Friday's news that a stash of porn had been found in Osama bin Laden's compound. But then the head of the IMF was arrested on sexual assault charges over the weekend and Donald Trump called off his imaginary plans to run for president earlier today, and Stewart had to…
Investigators recovered a "fairly extensive" cache of "modern, electronically recorded" pornography from Osama bin Laden's compound, according to Reuters. Considered in concert with the fact that he also reportedly had natural boner juice on hand, one can reasonably conclude that bin Laden spent the balance of his…
