While towing a couple of buddies back to their home port, a drunken sailor asks to be tossed a beer while not fully in command of his basic motor skills.

An attempt to make a clean getaway turned into a scene right out of a screwball comedy for one Australia thief who slammed into a glass door on his way out of a shopping mall in Perth.

Police in Chicago say a teenager with gang ties tried to blame a self-inflicted gunshot to the groin on a pair of ninjas before eventually coming clean.

An ordinary Valentine's Day outing ended in bloodshed for one Illinois man after his girlfriend allegedly "bit off a large portion of his tongue" when he went in for a kiss.

Getting dumped on Valentine's Day. Happens to the best of us.

When police in Trinidad and Tobago were dispatched to investigate reports of a gunshot coming from the area of a car parked in the town of Rio Claro, they did not expect to find a security guard slumped over the wheel after having just shot his penis off.

On the one hand, you might say Dan Bob's trust fall failed to achieve its goal, but, on the other hand, you might say it achieved its goal perfectly by teaching him that you can't trust anyone.

Doctors in Shanghai are reiterating a warning to consumers to use sex toys as directed after a man arrived at Zhongshan Hospital with a nine-inch dildo that had been stuck inside him for five days.

A Philadelphia man claims in a suit filed last week that a bachelor party visit to a local strip club concluded with a ruptured bladder after an erotic dance went awry.

This video purports to show footage of a young Russian schoolgirl giving her belligerent English teacher the ol' Bobby Hill.

A man who suffered a traumatic penile fracture last year is suing the makers of an herbal "sexual enhancement supplement," alleging it was directly responsible for his terrifying injury.

A Chinese kid was forced to learn the very hard way what happens when you open a carbonated beverage can that's been sitting in the freezer for a few hours.

A Yahoo! Answers user who posted an urgent request for help with a book report on DC Pierson's The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To received a reply from the most unlikely source: The author himself.

The Galaxy water park in Erding, Germany, has barred women from using one of its "X-Treme" high-speed slides after several female guests required medical treatment for "intimate injuries."

It's fair to say that no one — not even Rupert Sanders wife and two children — were hit as hard by the news of Kristen Stewart cheating on boyfriend Robert Pattinson as Twilight fanatic NuttyMadam3575.

Don't you just hate it when Alien Chestbursters take a wrong turn at Albuquerque and end up in your calf? This guy's leg knows what I'm talking about.

Yasser Lopez is an extremely lucky young man: Not only did the 3-foot fishing spear that pierced his 16-year-old skull miss every major blood vessel in his brain, but doctors expect him to make a full recovery.

Talk about dick moves: Two British drug dealers, one of whom is named Richard Johnson, are in jail after admitting that they attacked a late-paying mephedrone customer by putting his penis between hot straightening tongs. The customer, 18-year-old Anthony Dabbs, was so traumatized that he fled the town. Small business…

Bad news for West Coast junkies (is there really any other kind of news for junkies?): Two cases of suspected botulism in Seattle have been blamed on tainted black tar heroin, in addition to four recently in Texas, according to the Los Angeles Times. It's especially bad because the only real way to find out your stash…