Someone is going to burn in hellfire for eternity: The only question in today's Outrage-Off is whether it will be the relatives of British troops killed in Afghanistan or Democrats.

African terrorists are poised to strike America knowing that their Kenyan brother will prevent real Americans from fighting back. Outrageous conservative outrage is our only hope. Today's outrage-off contest of strenuously asserted puzzling sentiments: Mary Matalin vs. Jo-Ann Armao.

Obama is collaborating with Tiger Woods' Muslim followers to screw America, for the homosexual movement. The only way to stop the outrage: Outrageous right wing wingnuttery. Today's contestants: Kevin McCullough and Charles Lane.

As if a Muslim president wasn't bad enough, now we have a Cablinasian golfer trying steal the white man's women. It's outrageous. The only solution is outrageously stupid pundit statements. Today: Rush Limbaugh vs. Eugene Robinson. Vote below!

We're a Christian nation with a Muslim president who hates Charlie Brown. It's outrageous. The only solution is more outrage, in the form of outrageous right-wing idiot statements. Today's outrage-off: a Jesus-fearing Tennessee mayor vs. Fox News and News Corp.

Lib bigots are faking climate change and electing a British monkey to the presidency. Only outrageous crypto-conservative statements in the media can save us. Time for your daily outrage-off! Today: Andrew Breitbart vs. Birthers. Vote in the outrage poll below!

Lib bigots and Muslims are sending America to hell. The only thing that can save us is the one-upmanship of right wing psychos competing to say the most outrageously xenophobic thing. Today's contenders: a television crazy, and a newspaper crazy.