Gawker
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relocating
Sarah Jessica and Matthew Fleeing to Brooklyn?
We knew there was a reason we're leaving the neighborhood. Sarah Jessica Parker and her mighty steed Matthew Broderick might be movin' on over to Park Slope. The New York Post thinks they've found the family's apartment.
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69
Comment by mathnet: Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge? Bray it ain't so. 21 Responses | Other threads
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brooklyn
If you read one profanity-laced diatribe about labradoodle owners today, let it be this one.
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shut up, brooklyn
Killer Dog Rampage in Park Slope 'Tot Lot!'
The perpetually put-upon parents of Park Slope have yet another outrage to face! Already battling listserv fees and fighting sexist hats, the yups must now contend with dogs trying to eat their babies! More »
8,070
Comment by SpecialK: I might have to side with a ParkSlope parent in this one. After all, if there's one thing more annoying... 6 Responses | Other threads
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from the mailbag
The Mommy Flip-Out Too Hot For 'Park Slope Parents'
"Park Slope Parents," the Brooklyn listserv, is in the midst of a civil war between yuppie parents and list moderators. One combatant finally just snapped, and she's shared her rant with us. More »
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By Ryan TateComment by Not The Red Baron: "The kid who fell from the rock fell because he was French and impatient." Brilliant! The 21st century needs more reminders... 15 Responses | Other threads
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shut up, brooklyn
Park Slope Parents in Tribal Stroller War
The stroller-and-laptop-wielding factions of Park Slope have not yet broken out into open rebellion in the streets over the Park Slop Parents Messageboard Fee Outrage, although a splinter group may be increasing the palpable tension:
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Comment by SigSauer: Somehow it happened that in all the years I've lived in New York City, I'd never been to Brooklyn. But... 7 Responses | Other threads
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shut up, brooklyn
Park Slope Parents Fee Battle Threatens to Spiral Into All-Out Yuppie War
This bitter war over a fee(!) to post on the Park Slope Parents listserv is perfectly in character. Park Slope is where New York's most annoying parents sequester themselves in a twee, self-important doombubble. More »
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Comment by Defeater: I don't understand the carriage in this photo. Are you supposed to put the cuter kid facing you? Is the... 16 Responses | Other threads
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park slope
Hey, Mr. Mom: Your Wife Wants To Bang Don Draper
Hey, fey Park Slope stay-at-home dad who's taking care of the kids and cooking dinner because you've been freed from the yoke of oppressive gender roles: your wife wants to fuck a real man! A swarthy, hard-drinking, two-timing, emotionally distant sex hound who's not going to stop in the middle of things and think about whether he packed the kids' lunches properly. Sorry, Park Slope dad; your wife thinks you're a pussy. More »
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Comment by SinisterRouge: There is a healthy middle ground between pussified Mr Mom and Don Draper. A man can be manly without... 28 Responses | Other threads
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urban anthropology
Park Slope Baby Ban Should Maybe Extend to Sex Shops
Babeland, the upscale sex-toy shop that recently opened a branch in strident-mommy nabe Park Slope, is thriving, reports the Observer. Why is this a surprise? Everybody knows that marriage and babies kills sex! But—like the neighborhood's babies-in-bars infestation—the owners have had a bit of a problem with parents who insist on their God-given right to bring their kids everywhere: More » -
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gentrification
A Black Park Sloper's Thoughts on The Real World Brooklyn
We stumbled onto the words of an angry, succinct blogger who calls himself Blognigger; he's black and a software engineer and lives in Park Slope. He's at the forefront of several wars: he's black in America, and in a mostly-white neighborhood, which he will soon have to leave: "I make $106,000 a year, and I'm a pauper in Park Slope. No, literally - we have to leave. I have two kids and my rent has just been raised to $3500 a month. I've lived here since 1999 (when 5th avenue was still a total shithole), and now I'm going to have to uproot my family and move out of brooklyn... I can't afford to live here anymore without my wife doing online surveys and shit to supplement our income." But what are his thoughts on the Real World decamping to downtown Brooklyn for their upcoming season? More »
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By SheilaComment by GrumpyMcGillicutty: Hahaha, this guy's blog is hilarious. more » | Other threads
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stroller derby
Park Slope Hate Reaching Critical Mass
So yesterday the Times weighed in on everyone's most detested yuppie mecca, Park Slope. Today, the new issue of Time Out New York piles on! "Websites like Gawker and Curbed crackle with anti-Slope invective, hurled at the twin bugaboos of the 'Stroller Mafia' (pushy, indulgent yuppie parents) and the bleeding-heart 'People’s Republic of Park Slope' (headquartered at the Food Co-op)." Update: Via email from Maureen Shelly: "Hi Ian. I'm the EIC of Time Out Kids. Just wanted to point out that the Park Slope piece you turned up is from last year — not the upcoming June issue. Our piece was also by Lynne Harris, who penned the Times story. I guess she felt she had more to say on the subject." More »
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Comment by SpyMagician: I grew up in Brooklyn, lived on Union Street near 8th Avenue in the early 1990s, and live in Boerum... more » | Other threads
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Magical Brooklyn
'NYT' Explores Park Slope Hell
"To its detractors, Park Slope is both haunt and hatchery of New York’s smuggest limousine-liberal yuppies. It is, if I may further summarize the bad publicity, overrated and hypocritical. Its glorious brownstone blocks and jaunty cafes are awash in carpetbagger entitlement, ruled by snarling 'Stroller Nazis.' The neighborhood is a ground zero of all that is twee and lame. It is, God forbid, the suburbs." Well done. But what do the anonymous blog commenters have to say, New York Times? More »
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Comment by notthatpopular: @if_i_only_had_a_heart: So it is ok to be a hypocrite as long as you have a prius in the 3 car... more » | Other threads
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television
The Park Slope Mom Show
Sex and the City creator Darren Star is working on a new show about moms in stroller-infested Park Slope. (Imagine a spinoff of Miranda, SATC's sensible one, her partner Steve and baby Brady.) Daily Intel suggests some plotlines. -
in bad taste
Can't Wait For Tomorrow's 'Post' Headline
Cyanide Death Rocks Park Slope! Yes, it may be a slow news day, but a senior citizen died under mysterious, poison-y circumstances in a posh neighborhood of Brooklyn. With the Pope finally gone, this gives the tabs a pittance of material. [via Gothamist]
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By rebeccaComment by CopyofBlueboy: ...argh I meant "when" the word 'Post' is in quotations and....stupid, sexy internet. more » | Other threads
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we hate your kids
"Once Your Children Learn How to Google, the Universe Is the Limit"
An actual letter from an actual Park Slope parent, sent out this afternoon on the "Park Slope Parent" listserv, does all the work for us when making fun of the uptight helicopter anal-retentiveness of this self-fascinated breed! The problem? "My daughter's good friend was at another friend's house for a playdate and the children were left unsupervised in a room with a computer with no software protection on it for inappropriate content... They googled 'naked women and men', were on for quite a while, and you can imagine what they saw (everything, according to the mom, videos and all)." Adds our tipster, "If you Google the search in question, you'll get a Youtube video, a feminist porn site and an essay by Naomi Wolfe." We'll show you the full email and then we'll Google "naked women and men" and "show" you something else! More » -
shut up, brooklyn
Brooklyn Race War Over Yuppie Poodles
On that bastion of important community issues known as the Brooklynian messageboard, a user named BrownStoneOwner has a question about taking her doggie to Prospect Park: "I noticed recently that whenever I take my frenchie and poodle off the leash in Prospect Park, I get screamed at by people playing soccer or cricket to put them back on the leash. These people are usually very rude and agresssive." But wait, there's more! (As if advertising your brownstone-owning status isn't annoying enough.) Not only are these people rude, but they're also black and Mexican.
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parochial news
Poll: Do You Srsly Hate Park Slope? Would You Live There?
All writer Lynn Harris did was ask people on the Brooklynian messageboard why people hate Park Slope, and all that it represents, so much. (She's working on an article for New York.) The brownstone neighborhood used to be cheaper and down-to-earth, with lots of lesbian couples and artistes, but these days it's known for armies of anal-retentive richie moms with their passive-aggressive strollering. The article will "focus not just on WHAT people say they hate about Park Slope, but also WHY the hate seems to have become a meme of its own. Why PS and not other gentrified, Bugaboozled parts of Manhattan? Why has Park Slope become shorthand for all that is evil and twee?" Answer our poll! More » -
urban anthropology
Babies: 1; Park Slope Bars: 0
Among creative, evolved-ish Park Slope parenting types, bringing your kid to the bar is perfectly acceptable. After all, what better way to express your feelings of, "I'm not sure I'm really ready or equipped to be a parent! I still haven't been a rock star/fashion designer yet!" Last week, Union Hall put an end to nonsense and banned strollers. Outrage ensued—how dare parents not be allowed to drag their spawn to whatever inappropriate venue they want? It was babies versus a bar, and the babies won, the The Brooklyn Paper reports. More »
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By SheilaComment by backseat_driver10023: My single-ness reaction was get these kids out of my turf. Then I remembered my grand dad brought my... more » | Other threads
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there goes the neighborhood
BREAKING: Hostages, Bomb Squads In Park Slope
It's not just babies and lesbians anymore in Park Slope. There are hostages too. Gridskipper's Hunter Walker lives there and files this report, "The yuppified Sunday evening calm in Park Slope has been shattered by what is reportedly a hostage situation in a brownstone on 9th Street between Seventh and Eighth Avenues. Neighbors heard gunshots and say that a man inside the home has taken hostages. The block has been roped off and the area is swarming with police personnel including a hostage negotiation team and a bomb squad robot." [Gridskipper]
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By Joshua SteinComment by WetHotAmericanSummer: I've always thought the babies in park slope were pushed too hard to grow up. more » | Other threads
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the shitting tree
There's a tree in Park Slope and on this tree there is a ziploc bag, crucified there with silver pushpins. And in that bag there is a bag and on that bag there is a note and on that note there is some writing and that writing, it does say: "Hey You—The Juvenile/Adult Delinquent, Stop cutting off the bag and get an education and maybe even a life!" And no one notices that the punctured tree is silently weeping for where it is and to whom it gives shade. [Passive Aggressive Notes]
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By Joshua SteinComment by Trampoline: @habibi: Habibi, are you and Nutmeg ganging up on me? more » | Other threads
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anything can happen on halloween
Park Slope Candy Shortage Ends In Violent Melee!
First they came for the strippers—and now Park Slope has apparently turned against Halloween completely and denied its precious and bright children candy itself. According to an irate reader, nearly every store along 5th Ave ran out of sweets before the sun had even set!
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By PareeneComment by Spirit Fingers: Can I just tell you how much I freaking hate Park Slope. Fucking soulless yupsters and their organically grown, natural... more » | Other threads
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tropes of the slope
From the first MenuPages review of Park Slope Restaurant, a diner in that oft-caricatured neighborhood: "Thankfully a dying breed. Ever since buying my brownstone here a year ago and becoming a resident of Park Slope, I've been put off by the type of greasy spoon this place represents. Thankfully, month by month, these types of places are being pushed out to make way for more refined establishments more suitable for the next gen of Park Slope: educated, affluent and discerning. No thanks, I don't need burned toast, mushy bread, manufactured pasta in red sauce and other tired dishes just because the're [sic] cheap. I want to pay a lot for my food and get a lot for what I've spent. When my broker said 'Park Slope is the next Chelsea," and I said "but what about the Park Slope Restaurant?' she waved her and dismissively and said 'the days of that place and the cheesy dollar stores that go along with it are numbered.' I hope so. I'm growing impatient." Even if this is parody, it's still chilling.
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By Emily GouldComment by forgetitjake: Excellent new format for hating on douchebag subclasses. Would be more convincing if "Prescott" had ever posted any other restaurant... more » | Other threads
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taking candy from babies
So the Scores strippers maybe shouldn't have gone to the Daily News with word of their date with all the Park Slope kids. Now the school has disinvited them from the party and may cancel the event altogether. What has our society come to when a group of exotic dancers can't hand out candy to children? [NYM]
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By PareeneComment by Fishnets and Cigarettes: It's the strippers against the breastfeeders. Breastfeeders are winning. Showdown is at noon at the Teat Lounge. more » | Other threads
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no sexy witches
Park Slope Middle School Wastes Strippers On Little Kid Party
Strippers handing out candy to your children! It could happen to you! (If you live in Park Slope.) According to the Daily News, a half-dozen Scores exotic dancers are heading to Brooklyn's Middle School 51 to work the candy booths at this Saturday's Haunted Halloween Carnival Benefit for the Puppetry Art Theatre. And parents are outraged! Well, like one parent is outraged. It's Park Slope, parents would probably only get up in arms about this if one of the strippers said Carroll Gardens kids were better behaved or something. More »
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By PareeneComment by TimeWarnerRhymeAnaheim: Makes me miss the pure old days of Park Slope -- then limited to Caribbean diaspora and (me) indentured book... more » | Other threads
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vandalism
A Park Slope mom is incensed! It's Tuesday, and also, her daughter has been issued a warning letter from the Sanitation department for 'vandalizing' her own stoop with a chalk drawing after a neighbor called 311. Says the mom: "Admittedly, this drawing was not her best work—she usually sticks to cheerful scenes, not abstracts, frankly—but to send a warning letter like that is outrageous." Also: "This whole thing is ridiculous." Yes. [Brooklyn Paper]
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By Emily GouldComment by Fishnets and Cigarettes: @LolCait: Go over the dailyslope.com. They complain about children drawing on sidewalk all the time. That, and a... more » | Other threads
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school daze
Park Slope Parents Of Partying Private School Kids Demand 'Times' Retraction
Last week's very special issue in the New York Times about seventeen-year-olds in the city caused something of a scandal with a certain set of Park Slope parents—a group usually known for their calm, undemanding approach to life. David Helene, a resident of Cobble Hill and a senior at Packer Collegiate Institute, discussed the differences between his school and rival Brooklyn institution Berkeley Carroll: "I don't go to Park Slope much. I have friends who live there, but I think the kids who go to Berkeley Carroll are kind of cocky. The partying is also way more intense there than over here. They drink a lot more than we do, and I've heard that the drug use may be a little more." And now there's big trouble.
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to serve man
Frightening News From The Park Slope Farmer's Market
Spotted at the Park Slope Farmer's Market on Saturday. "Evidently," notes the photographer, "not everyone in Park Slope is a vegetarian." -
gentrification
Park Slopers Mourn Whorehouse Condo Conversion
Park Slope residents are saddened that a de facto brothel, a "by the hour" hotel, is being developed into expensive condos.When it was an hourly rate hotel, "it was a dingy place, yes, but added a colorful" aspect to the neighborhood, said Lincoln Place resident Joshua Brown. Like others, Brown said he was sorry to see it transformed into condos that would help raise housing prices throughout the neighborhood.
Can't figure these Slopers out. The local blacks are too loud, but the dainty neighborhood hookers trigger nostalgia? Related! The bodega that sells porn just closed and someone's daughter just lost a pair of Crocs on 5th Ave.—won't you please do something? More » -
wtf
Who Is The Brownstone Bride?
Once upon a time—well, last week—a beautiful woman in a bridal dress was found asleep. She was perched above the doorway of a brownstone on FourthAvenueStreet , in Brooklyn. The cops were called. Inside her bag was a ring from Tiffany. The Park Slopers wondered: Was this real, or just some N.Y.U. project? Was it art? What is art anyway? The message boards soon swelled with theories. More »
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By Joshua SteinComment by PS182: Is this an outtake from Engaged & Underaged? Or Bridezillas? more » | Other threads
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users guide
Park Slope
Our jury is still out on Park Slope: Do we love or hate the expensive, brownstoney neighborhood that sprawls down westward from Prospect Park? As part of our User's Guide series, we sent Joshua David Stein and Richard Blakeley to deliver us the definitive report on Park Slope.
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By Joshua SteinComment by alanpartridge: I can't tell if Josh- who deftly describes limo liberal hoods- wanted us to lust after his hard, hot i-phone... more » | Other threads
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hey jealousy
Why Hating On Park Slope Just Makes Us Look Bad
When we first clapped eyes on Samantha Storey's first-person exploration of what it's like to live in Park Slope, we automatically started sharpening our knives. That stroller shot almost guaranteed that the article would be full of easy-to-mock tropes of the Slope, and of course, it was: "open and comfortable breast-feeding is quintessential daytime Park Slope." And! "When I buy fish from the Ocean Fish Market the man behind the counter always asks after my mother." And! "My baby carrier is a $150 torture device." Yes, writing a mean post about this article would be easy-peasy. Our knives were honed! When, suddenly, we put down the whetstone and looked within. Ask the question in your best Carrie Bradshaw voice along with us: Is it time to get over hating on Park Slope? More »
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By Emily GouldComment by Josh Michtom: I thought we hated Park Slope because we found it a sign of weakness that there were people who insisted... more » | Other threads
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culture clash
Park Slope Parent Uncomfortable With Neighbors' Children
The Park Slope Parents listserve hums with the type of ennui specific to a section of the borough brimming with liberal guilt-slash-condescension. Today's entrant comes from an unnamed parent who's uncomfortable with the behavior of her next-door neighbors' children. Also, they eat junk food and are fat. And Muslim. What to do?:We have a growing problem with neighbors of ours, whose 2 girls (4 and 10 years old) are pretty much unsupervised and constantly come to our door and ring the bell to play (ringing it over and over even if we don't respond), and even coming into our house when the door isn't locked. (our son is 2+ and enjoys playing with the 4 year old, who is a cutie) I've never met the mother, and met the father once; they seem to be part of an extended family with lots of men and women living in the house, so I'm not even sure who the responsible adult (s) is/are.
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Comment by kss67: I am new to Park Slope, and stumbled across this site. I read the Park Slope mother's post; she may... more » | Other threads
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fertile breeding grounds
Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Babies Invade Park Slope
A new movie called Baby Mama is being filmed today in Park Slope. The description, from IMDB:A single professional woman (Fey) opts to hire a surrogate mother (Poehler) so she can have a baby and keep her career on track.
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so hard to find good help these days
Nannies Burn Babies In Park Slope Starbucks!
Spotted on several lampposts in the vicinity of the Starbucks at 7th Ave. and Garfield Place in Park Slope.
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Comment by 9c3: Snap, Did you actually read my post? I simply stated a few facts and empathized with the parents. As it... more » | Other threads
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amy sohn
Amy Sohn Spits On Your Matzo
Poor former New York magazine dating columnist Amy Sohn. She is trapped between two worlds! In Park Slope, where she has mated and bred, she is surrounded by the Jews. In an exchange of letters with Oprah's fave rabbi, Shmuley Boteach, she says she feels "a mix of contempt, curiosity, and envy" about "your people." Annoyingly, she is also surrounded by the Gentiles! She's "sickened by the total indulgence, lack of affection between parents, and general dog-wagging-the-tail" of the atheist-Protestants of the Slope. Oh and then she goes off about this "imagined" sexless relationship where the husband looks at online porn all the time and the wife stuffs Ben & Jerry's into her craw while watching America's Next Top Model. Time for someone to get the hell out of Egypt, Amy? Can't wait for her New York mag column to morph again: As Naked City became Mating, so shall a column called Trial Separations be popped out. More »
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By ChoireComment by JupiterPluvius: @Edward Lionheart: Well, there you are. Attarctive is in the eye of the behodler, I guess. To me, the appeal... more » | Other threads
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park slope
Park Slopers Forced To Send Kiddies Into Ghettos!
There's a crisis brewing on the streets of Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, and the Upper West Side, one that threatens the very fabric of these communities and could, possibly, disrupt the way of life there for years, if not centuries, to come. New York magazine reports this week that THERE IS NOT ENOUGH DAY CARE space in those neighborhoods, forcing hapless parents to venture far afield for little Madison and Aiden's day-care needs. And by far afield, we mean into one of those "other" Brooklyn communities where, like, real immigrants live and shit. More »
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Comment by Clevertrousers: Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! For fuck's sake don't start telling any more goddamn white people about Sunset Park! If my... more » | Other threads
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park slope
Park Slope: Where You Can't Please Any of the People Any of the Time
The current debate raging over at the Park Slope message boards takes on one of the relative newcomers to the neighborhood, the bar/concert venue/bocce court/faux-library Union Hall, right in the shit on Union St. between 5th and 6th aves. The message board thread has devolved into a veritable perfect storm of Park Slope mud-slinging: There's old-timers vs. new-timers, people with kids vs. people without kids, people who go out vs. people who don't go out. Oh, and people who complain about the racial makeup of the bar's clientele:Not to mention that fact that the crowd is really, really white or at least that's been my experience the couple of times I have been there.
Of course, some people like it that way. More »
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Comment by SpyMagician: Fairly typical but for one thing. Daily Heights/Daily Slope/Brooklynian was actually an interesting local board that was not as... more » | Other threads
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ned vizzini
Ned Vizzini Is The Craigslist Park Slope Novelist
Yesterday, we asked you to help us ID the novelist looking for a "female" personal assistant with "experience in being a personal assistant to a writer, filmmaker, artist or similar person in a creative field" on Craigslist. Some of you threw out wildly hopeful suggestions — yes, we wish that Jonathan "Saffy" Foer and Nicole Krauss used Craigslist too, but their assistants have assistants to look for new assistants for them. Fortunately, we live in an era when writer types obsessively document every detail of their lives and transactions online; aging teen phenom Ned Vizzini is no exception. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by lypocenes: female is a requirement because, face it, any male who would respond to an ad like this would have to... more » | Other threads
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park slope
Who's The Park Slope Novelist Hiring On Craigslist?
It can be so hard to find a "female" who's "textable 24/7," especially one who's had "previous experience being a personal assistant in a creative field!" That's why we're sharing this Craigslist ad with you, in the hopes that you might know someone who's perfect for it — if you do, maybe we will get a finder's fee! Oh, and... guesses? Full ad is after the jump. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by raincoaster: Colin Farrell is writing a novel? more » | Other threads
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park slope
"Help, My Fave Hipster Bar Has Been Overrun By a Bunch of Black People"
Today's installment of Casual Indie Racism comes courtesy of that old chestnut, the Daily Slope message board (why not start with the best, right?), where a poster laments that his late, great hipster hangout, the Royale, has seemingly become overrun with ... well, you can read for yourself:A little tip to those long time Park Slope folks who dig having a drink at Royale and listening to progressive, modern rock. Learn from this mistake. I used to go to Royale a lot, it's a very groovy bar, that is, until recently. The place has apparently changed hands and kids, it's not pretty. We went there about two weeks ago and as the evening progressed, sure enough I started to notice a change in the music and then the crowd. And while we all sat in a booth realizing what a mistake we had made, our table became increasingly surrounded by angry, pissed off looking ghetto thugs.
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park slope
The Moral Dilemmas of the Park Slopiscenti
Really, it's so hard to find good help these days! Delivery men who shit in your hallways are only the half of it. An imploring email went out recently on a Park Slope parents' listserve from a father who has just had it up to here with his nanny's incompetent ways—she's now "lost" two toy strollers that belonged to his son. (Somebody's been listening to a lot of "William Wants a Doll," apparently.) Not only did they cost a whole $10 each, but this poor dad actually had to bring the stroller all the way back to Park Slope from the Union Square Toys R' Us ... on the weekend! Oh, the horror. After the jump, the email in its gloriously horrifying entirety. More »
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Comment by Trai_Dep: When the help loses 2, 3 of his boy's dildoes is the time to bitch to the parkslopwhiners listserve. Not... more » | Other threads
park slope
New York, 9:28 PM
Fri Jul 10
48 posts in the last 24 hours
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