Good Looking Kids to Be Made Ugly for Our Entertainment

Easy A just sounds more and more intriguing, though little else coming out of the West does. It's still all remakes and reboots and robots and, sometimes, carnival barkers. More »

Brad and Angelina Are The Best Actors in All of Cannes

The Sun claims that Brad and Angelina are on the rocks and they're just pretending to love each other, Ed Westwick and Jessica Szhor partied together last night, a Gossip Girl spinoff is definitely in the works, and Patrick Swayze poses for a photo so everyone knows he's still alive. More »

Rachel Zoe Returns, Patrick Swayze Whithers, Mandy Moore Is Less

It's technically shabbos but the gossip wheels keep churning. No rest for the weary, I suppose. Up next: broken hearts, broken contracts, broken skin and the return of demon Zoe. More »

Jennifer Aniston Rumored Single Again

Bad couple day: Robert Pattinson's Tina Fey lust would be inappropriate, except she started it; there's a conspiracy against the Rihanna-Chris Brown reunion; and John Mayer maybe dumped Jennifer Aniston. More »

Patrick Swayze Gives Up On Treatment, Reportedly

Supposedly, nothing more can be done for Patrick Swayze. More »

Madonna Demands to Be Less Domineering

Everyone is trying calm down before the weekend. Courtenay Semel totally made up for setting Casey Johnson's head on fire. Madonna tried to not be a demanding, terrible ball-buster constantly. More »

Hair Arson Caps Billionaire Lesbian Brawl

Patrick Swayze is battling a reportedly rapidly-advancing disease beyond his control while young heiresses Courtenay Semel is viciously fighting with her heiress ex for no real reason whatsoever. More »

Patrick Swayze on His Cancer Survival: 'Two Years Seems Likely'

With rumors flying about how much time Patrick Swayze had left after his pancreatic cancer diagnosis, the actor sat down with Barbara Walters to come clean. More »

Birthday Brings Britney Spears Much-Needed Attention

• Despite showing off her cleavage, Britney Spears managed to attract only the likes of Lance Bass and Ciara to her big 27th birthday party at Tejune. But that's still a better guest list than she'd have been allowed at either of the mental hospitals she visited this year. And she's finally the center of America's attention!
• A judge and prosecutor totally framed Roman Polanski for having sex with that kid. And the 30-year U.S. fugitive has a documentary to prove it! [P6]
• Mary-Kate Olsen is NOT pregnant, just 102 pounds. Such a cow. [Us]
• Patrick Swayze is NOT on his deathbed or last legs, just a victim of rumors. [Daily Star]
• The Post pre-reviewed Cher's forthcoming album of covers: "Delight of trannies everywhere." Wow. [P6]
• How many times did Donald Trump tell his idiot brother Robert to get a prenup? How many times?? [P6]

Surf On: Reports that a cancer-stricken Patrick Swayze had suffered a setback and said goodbye to his friends and family are false, said the actor. "It's a battle, and so far, I've been winning. I'm one of the lucky few that responds well to treatment," he told People magazine. Still, he had a word or two for the dark-sided media that's been tracking his health: "It's upsetting that the shoddy and reckless reporting from these publications cast a negative shadow on the positive and good fight I'm fighting." [People]

Patrick Swayze Says Goodbye After Cancer Resurgence

Back in March, we learned that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had mere weeks to live. Since that time, the actor has steadily held on, even shooting the upcoming A&E drama The Beast (set to premiere in January). Sadly, word is now out that Swayze's cancer has spread to his liver:

Patrick Swayze: 'Oh, I Have Changed, What Am I Saying?'

Patrick Swayze, like other media and entertainment personalities, opted to work through his treatment for pancreatic cancer. The Times got the first interview with Swayze since his diagnosis, and reported he's working 12-hour days on his TV show, has restored some healthy bulk to his physique and missed less than two days work. But it also indicates Swayze's doctors are still battling his disease, which kills 95 percent of patients within five years. The actor couldn't help but sound a contradictory note amid the Times' reverentially upbeat story: More »

Cloris Comes Alive!

· Well, Cloris Leachman killed it on Dancing with the Stars last night. We'll now hand the mic over to Bruno, who has a much better way with words on such matters: "The grrrrrandma from hell has become the grrrrand duchess of lussst." More »

Buh Bye Frappuccino! How Britney Got Back In Shape

Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favorite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you. More »

Everything Sucks For Madonna Right Now

The Curse Of Billy Bob Thornton Overtakes 'Dark Knight' Curse In Hollywood Death Toll

Bernie Mac's tragic death sparked a surge of postmortems around the Web over the weekend, with many invoking his role as the bad-ass mall gumshoe opposite Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. But one perceptive observer commenting at Hollywood Elsewhere noted that the late comedian's passing is the latest in a string of similarly untimely demises for other Thornton co-stars as well: More »

This Week In Tabloids: Jamie Lynn Is Jilted, Angelina Is Hormonal

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where we wade in murky magazine waters so you don't have to. This week has tabloid stalwarts the Jolie-Pitts featured on two covers: Shiloh's wee face is plastered all over Ok!, while Brad and Angie's alleged marriage woes are featured in In Touch. Us scrapes the bottom of the "celebrity" barrel by featuring a former Bachelor on their cover, while Katie Holmes is a "prisoner" according to Life & Style and Star is squawking about Jamie Lynn Spears getting jilted. We explore John Mayer's penis prowess and ponder Lauren Conrad's pain, after the jump. [Jezebel]

Patrick Swayze is Back!

Back in March, it was reported that Ghost, Dirty Dancing, and Roadhouse heartthrob Patrick Swayze had just five weeks to live before succumbing to pancreatic cancer. Well, screw that, says Swayze. His doctors have cleared him to return to work and the A&E Network's just ordered up a new season of his FBI drama The Beast. "A&E has ordered 13 hourlong episodes to go into production this summer in Chicago, with a tentative premiere set for early 2009." More »

Celebrity Tattoo Horrors: Why Inking Bald Britney And Bob Barker's Menacing Grin Is Never A Good Idea

At some point in all our lives, we must ask ourselves: to tattoo or not to tattoo? We have yet to take the plunge, but when and if we do, we most certainly will not be inking our bodies with Pee Wee Herman, Bald Britney or (gasp!) Patrick Swayze as a centaur. But as a photo gallery over at EW proves, there are more than enough insane fans out there who are so in love with their favorite stars that they’ve etched a permanent image of their visage on their bodies. One might think a popular celebrity tat would be, say, Pamela Anderson or Scarlett Johansson, or maybe even Brangelina. But, sadly, it seems the sort of fan who goes through the pain of imprinting rainbow-colored images of their idols are mainly of the Jack Jordan stalker variety. The bad, the ugly, and the downright nightmarish tattoos in question, after the jump. More »

Genius of Point Break Finally Recognized By Government

Who among us could not be a changed person after seeing the 1991 beach-based thriller Point Break? Patrick Swayze as the surf gang leader Bodhi; Gary Busey as the world-weary cop Pappas; and Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah, trying to do whatever he imagined an actor's job to be. The movie became an instant classic, of a sort, in 1991. It took 12 more years before the inevitable stage version of the show, "Point Break LIVE!," hit theatergoers like a surfboard to the face. And that show—in which an audience member is selected to play Johnny Utah each night, and "reads their entire script off cue cards in order to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance"—has put in five long years on stage before being awarded its own official day in a formal proclamation by San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom. As the immortal Bodhi said, "Goddamn! You are one radical son of a bitch [MAYOR NEWSOM]!" They should make it TWO days: More »

Swayze 'Has No Association' With Cancer Site Bearing His Name — But Will He Fight It?

After passing along word of the new CureConnieAndPatrick.com Web site devoted to getting the word out about a possible "cure" for pancreatic cancer — and the site's unauthorized use of the disease's most famous afflictee — Defamer heard from Patrick Swayze's publicist Annett Wolf. The news didn't sound terribly good: "Patrick is not aware of this Web site, and he has no association with it or the medication it advertises," she told us. "He is not affiliated with the woman from the site; Patrick had no knowledge of her." So even if it's a good cause, would Swayze align himself with what essentially amounts to a campaign against a pharmaceutical manufacturer? More »

'Cure Possible For Patrick Swayze' — According To A Fan In Indiana

The news of Patrick Swayze's cancer woes have drawn support from virtually every corner of the Web. Few have organized the type of outreach conjured by the family of Connie Loughman, however, whose press release hit Defamer HQ this morning with the curious subject line: "CURE POSSIBLE FOR PATRICK SWAYZE & INDIANA FAN SUFFERING FROM PANCREATIC CANCER":

An Indiana family is hoping for an Easter miracle - in the form of obtaining access to a revolutionary new treatment that holds the potential to cure both Hollywood legend, Patrick Swayze, and their beloved mother and wife from the ravages of pancreatic cancer - one of the most deadly forms of cancer.

More »

Patrick Swayze Not Having The Time Of His Life, Having A Cigarette Instead

When we watched the last season of The Sopranos, we remember watching Johnny Sack freely smoke cigarettes in his hospital gown despite having terminal cancer and feeling completely indifferent. One more of Tony's adversaries going down in a puff of smoke was, in the context of the show, actually something to smile about. But seeing the cancer-stricken visage of Patrick Swayze doing the same thing? Frankly, it guts us. At this point, we're not sure whether to watch the last scene of Dirty Dancing over and over again while fighting back tears or to hop a plane to wherever Swayze is at the moment and personally pluck the cig from his lips. Seen here post-diagnosis, it seems Swayze just can't kick the habit, no matter how brutal it is on his body:

"Pals say he can't quit smoking despite it being linked to a third of pancreatic cancers...Patrick's wife Lisa, 51, is liquidising high-fat dinners as he is having trouble keeping down solid foods."

More »

Cartoon Britney Also Self Destructive

Britney Spears Actually Investing At Least $2,500 Per Week Wisely

• Singer Britney Spears, said to be worth around $50 million, has become steadily more sane since her father was placed in control of her finances and other affairs several weeks ago. She parted ways with hanger-on ex-paparazzo Adnan Ghalib and earned the right to see her children more often. Apparently her father is compensated at $2,500 per week for his oversight, and the many tabloids that make money off Spears insanity are incredulous. So is comedian Rosie O'Donnell, who wrote in her Web Q&A forum that Spears' dad's high pay has become "the problem." Apparently these people have never priced rehab, or done some simple math on the scale of Spears' image problem.
• Singer John Mayer wrote the sweetest song while at the airport. It starts, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you." It just gets even more tender from there, if you can imagine that. [Mayer blog via Perez]
• Jerry Seinfeld's pitch for his new network show: "Just like Curb Your Enthusiasm, but with Jerry, instead of Larry [David]." Curb Your Enthusiasm, of course, was like a slightly more improvised version of Seinfeld, but with Larry David instead of Jerry Seinfeld. Just admit you want your old show back, Jerry. [P6]
• American Idol Season One star Nikki McKibbin had a Feb. 21 breakdown in the wake of weak album sales, her mother's August death and abuse of migraine medicine. [Star]
• Posh Spice at last gets her Vogue cover, but notice only after the Spice Girls finally promised to finally just stop existing.
• Irish actor Colin Farrell told off by boyfriend of model Meghan Lowther at the Rose Bar in Gramercy Park Hotel. "You tried. Now get out of here." [P6]
• Sad: Harvey Weinstein wants a meeting with novelist Linda Fairstein, so she makes swanky reservations at a Midtown restaurant and alets the maitre d' about exactly who is coming. Turns out, it is Harvey Weinstein all right — the "octogenarian tuxedo manufacturer" who just loves her books. [P6]
• Another girl got between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "the Hills." Shocker! [Us]
• Kelly Rowan of "The O.C." is being kept hidden away by a reclusive Canadian billionaire, who doesn't like media attention. If you read between the lines in this item, it's like she's sending coded messages just begging some brave paparazzo to come rescue her. [P6]
• Actor Will Smith is hosting world icon Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party in London. [Sun]
• Actor Patrick Swayze maybe not really going back to work, because he dropped out of a gay role in this one comedy flick. [OK!]
• Actress Natalie Portman on Hillary Clinton: "A lot of the stuff people say about her, I hear it and my stomach falls because it's so sexist... You ask people why they don't like her and it's because her husband cheated on her! That was obviously not her choice." [Us]

(Photo: WENN)

We've Had The Time Of Our Lives

It was sad news indeed to find out that actor Patrick Swayze, suffering from pancreatic cancer, has been given a grim prognosis. Though faded from the limelight for a time, he's remained a mostly beloved actor, as liked for his rough-and-tumble fighting in Road House as his dancin' and romancin' in Dirty Dancing. A supremely talented physical performer, at the height of his career Swayze perfectly embodied, and perhaps helped create, a certain type of sensitive, maybe even thoughtful, machismo that could be seen as a direct precursor to today's better rounded, more casually masculine movie stars (Matthew McConaughey owes him a debt of gratitude.) He's had a lasting effect on cinema, and that's about as much as any actor can hope for. However he's done it, he's brought people joy. And for that, we're grateful. Clips of some of his notable work after the jump. Update: Reps for the actor say his status is better than some are reporting. More »

Breaking: Patrick Swayze 'Has Five Weeks To Live' Due To Spread Of Pancreatic Cancer

Sad news to report. Patrick Swayze, the always charming, dirty dancing, clay massaging late '80s acting stalwart (and star of everyone's favorite SNL skit), has allegedly just received news that his previously diagnosed pancreatic cancer has spread. According to the National Enquirer, doctors have told him he has approximately five weeks to live:

"[Swayze] has lost more than 20 pounds in the past few weeks and is restricted to a liquid diet because he has trouble keeping down solid food, added the insider. 'It's time to start praying for a miracle.'"

Our thoughts and prayers go out to one of the nicest actors in the biz. More »

Jack Heads North

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Sarah Connor at a 7-11. More »

Friday Fun Time: Gwyneth, Mel, And A 'Depressurized' Swayze

More »

Gwyneth's African Ad Inspires Imitators

The mocking flows fast & furious regarding Gwyneth Paltrow's "I Am African" ad. We naively wondered how long it would take for the parodies to start flooding in after the inevitable Mel Gibson treatment, and we received a fair flood of same. Most were crap, but the above strikes just the right tone of righteous indignation. After the jump, a couple more reader contributions that are even more disposable, but then we never can leave well enough alone. More »

Nobody Puts Gibson in the Corner

Admittedly, we are a little behind on this one, but as the BBC reported this week: More »