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Patriotism

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Flag-Waving American Companies Cheat On Us With China

You may never find a better moment in history to marvel at the craven pseudo-patriotism of international corporations than now, when all the world's major consumer companies are fighting to ingratiate themselves to Chinese consumers. That's China, the Red Menace! Did you know that Pepsi ran a promotion changing the color of its cans to red to honor China('s communism)? It's true! Did you know McDonald's ads now say "I'm lovin it when China wins"? The traitorous scum! Where is the xenophobic backlash? Also, ad execs are scoffing at the robot-like sameness of all these new commercials touting various companies' Chinese patriotism. Below, one McDonald's spot, and one Pepsi spot. Do the Chinese really scream so much? More »

canada

Canada Is Amazing!

Canadians! Did you know they get their own day? It's true! And it's today! We've been celebrating all day by ragging on Canadian Malcolm Gladwell for no good reason and also extending more publicity to creepy scumbag Canadian Dimitri the Lover! It turns out the FreeCreditReport.com guy is also Canadian! But French Canadian so he probably doesn't even want to be Canadian. Go celebrate the nation that oppresses his people by watching that video where not knowing his credit rating made him marry that total bitch and take on her stupid girl debt (probably incurred by shoe-buying and driving poorly). [HuffPo]

patriotism

Amy Winehouse Is Stealing the Classic American Meltdown

Sirens! Sirens! Amy Winehouse has fainted and been hospitalized. "Doctors are unsure of the cause of the incident," says a rep for the fantastically addled singer. We took a biology class in high school and our grampa's a doctor so let us, if we can, offer our medical insight: It's. All. The. Fucking. Drugs. But that's not what troubles us, really. What bothers us is that Winehouse is, at present, the most dazzling trainwreck in town. But! She's not in our town. More »

More Votes, That Is Headline to an email plea from Democrats.com: "69 More To End The War." Okay!

magazines

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Soldiers are fighting back against a government attempt to take their men's magazines away! Stars and Stripes talked to a bunch of our military men at a base in Germany, and they voiced universal opposition to a proposed bill to ban "sexually explicit" magazines—including Playboy, Penthouse, Maxim, FHM, and the like—from Army bases. They're good for morale, the soldiers say. And besides (everybody together now), they read them for the articles! More »

patriotism

Why Do You Hate America?

Celeb-economist and Holbert C. Harris Chair of economics at George Mason Tyler Cowen was accused by a commenter at his blog of harboring a too-rosy view of America's future. So he listed each and every one of his "anti-American attitudes." As he is an academic who writes for the New York Times, he has many. Well, six. Some of them obvious—too many people are in prison!—and some a little more brow-raising: "America faces a massive current and future problem resulting from the apparent uneducability of a large chunk of its citizens." Now let's all list our anti-American attitudes! Here's mine: you're all too fat.

patriotism

Pundit Lapels Shockingly Bare

Doesn't anyone wear flag pins anymore? HuffPo's Rachel Sklar, who carries an actual maple leaf pinned to a beaver pelt with her at all times, pitted the cable news network talking heads against each other in a brutal MS Paint collage battle, and discovered that while people get all up-in-arms about Barack Obama not wearing his little American flag pin, no one else does anymore either. Except Brit Hume, Neil Cavuto, Karl Rove, and Lou Dobbs. The last defenders of patriotism! Everyone else in America is too bitter.

patriotism

US Military Brings Freedom To The Blogosphere

Here in America, we take a lot of freedoms for granted. Sure, it's fun to get on the internet and talk freely, expressing our opinion about everything under the sun—whether the political issue of the day, or just popular music and culture. But we have to remember that those freedoms come with a price. Our brave troops overseas are putting their lives on the line in the War on Terror so that we can sit around chatting and making jokes. That said, the US Military understands the value of the internet—and blogs—as a communications medium. So when the US Special Operations Command comes out with a study [WIRED] that expresses interest in starting military blogs, co-opting existing bloggers, and hacking the sites of enemy bloggers whose message could be detrimental to US interests, should we really be so quick to dismiss it? More »

your workplace

Bullies Across America

Are you being bullied at work? Who cares, as long as a media outlet can make a good listicle out of it! Forbes assembled an illustrated list of the "10 Signs You're Being Bullied At Work." It features a bunch of stock photos of people striking typical poses in typical office work environments (pictured). "We can condense and improve on that crap!" we thought, immediately sensing the opportunity to simultaneously rip off Forbes' idea and mock it in a shady philosophical tightrope act. Below, our photo-illustrated guide to the top five ways to know if you're being bullied at work. Because these days, the most bullied people don't work in offices, anyhow. More »

cash

Big Changes To Small Denominations

Breaking news guys. Take your wallet out, find a five. See that green hue? It's about to change. In fact, everything about how we exchange goods and services in five dollar increments is changing. The new $5 bill will be purple. Look, US Mint, American money is green and I don't care if that's made our money easy to counterfeit. Our greenbacks make me proud to be an American. Have you even seen the fruity bills they use in other countries? And don't get me started about the dollar coin. Look, if I wanted my change to be worth more than 8 minutes on the dryer, I'd move to Canada. [Reuters]

patriotism

How To Flick Off A Hummer

"My brother did 3 tours in Iraq so someone could drive around in this!?!?!!?" That's what Rebecca from Minneapolis wants to know about this stupid Hummer. So she flipped the bastard off! Luckily for her, there's a website called FUH2.com, devoted exclusively to pictures of people flipping off Hummers (H2 version only). We judge this to be a good thing. After the jump, five pictures illustrating the different styles that patriotic Americans have used to give the gas-guzzling monsters the one-finger salute. May this be the first step towards justice in the world! More »

patriotism

Woman Not Sufficiently Proud Of Nation With Multi-Generation Legacy Of Oppression

When last we heard about Michelle Obama, she was merely (and repeatedly) "sarcastic." Now, though, she rapidly transforming, before our very eyes, into anti-American. Or at least uppity. The problem? She's too proud of her husband and not very proud of her country. More »