She's over there in filthy old England (though she's been bountied to the Russians.) As is her baby sister in catastrophe, Lily Allen, who is well on her way to Disaster City. All of the good meltdowns these days have been across the pond. Maybe American gossip is dying, after all. Add the treading-on-me insult of the Chrysler Building being bought by an Arab company, and it begins to feel like what makes America great — our drunken supernovas and towering phalluses — are being spirited away to foreign lands. We're gonna lose the Olympics, aren't we? Even the basketball. (Well, there's hope.)

"We all read 'em," said Pfc. Paul Rubio, 31, of Bakersfield, Calif. "There are times we just read 'em for the technological parts like the new gadgets that come out. They have good stories sometimes too."

Sgt. Simon Brown, 34, of Daytona Beach, Fla., said men's magazines build morale. "It's not all about the pictures, although 80 percent of it is," he said.

Pfc. Greg Smith, 21, of Northboro, Mass., a regular Playboy reader, said soldiers should be allowed to buy nudie magazines at the exchange.

"Playboy is good entertainment while you are on the can. They have jokes and good stories," he said...

"It would suck if they ban it," he said. "It's bad enough we are down there to begin with. Taking that away would be like a knife in the chest. I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

[Military.com via Dan Savage]

WlRED has the 2006 report, in which consultants suggest "clandestinely recruiting or hiring prominent bloggers or other persons of prominence... to pass the U.S. message," as well as putting in the effort to build blogs from the ground up. What about when an unfriendly bloggers appears on the scene?

Hacking the site and subtly changing the messages and data—merely a few words or phrases—may be sufficient to begin destroying the blogger's credibility with the audience.

While blogger types who typically rail against imagined "injustices" might oppose such actions, it should be understood that the military has one single underlying goal: the safety of American citizens. That includes you, me, and even "liberal" bloggers who insult our government even as it's trying to guarantee them the right to do so by stopping threats where they start—in Iraq.

It's easy to spew out a knee-jerk reaction with phrases like "COINTELPRO," "Government lies," or "The Bill of Rights." But do you know how all these ideas came about? Through intellectual warfare, much like the one the government is seeking to wage in the blogosphere, for the collective benefit of us all.

So before you go off and criticize this new covert military blogger strategy, ask yourself: Isn't it better than getting shot, or blown up with a bomb? Then, consider whether you are between the ages of 17-45, and call us now: 1-800-USA-ARMY, or visit GoArmy.com. It may be the best decision you ever made.

"Constant Criticism"

"Lots of Yelling"

"You're Not Invited to Lunch or Meetings"

"You Always Need Mental Health Days"

"Sabotage"

Stop the war!

A double!

A cyber!

A showroom!

A moonshot!

A Happy Meal!

[via Kottke]

Before a crowd in Milwaukee yesterday, Ms. Obama said: "What we have learned over this year is that hope is making a comeback. It is making a comeback. And let me tell you something — for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country." Which, obviously, everyone took to mean that she hates this nation and is a big commie whiner. Look, here's Mickey Kaus! We can always count on him to not write like the single biggest asshole you've ever met:

If Michelle Obama's default position is set to "Aggrieved," it also suggests something personal, no? Maybe, like many strong wives, she wonders why her husband is the one on the top of the family ticket—which might also explain her strange occasional habit of belittling him in public ("snore-y and stinky" ). Beats me. For whatever reason, she sure seems to have a non-trivial chip on her shoulder and it's not a winning quality.

Yes! White men across the nation demand an answer: why the hell is this black woman anything less than constantly pants-wettingly thrilled with the greatest goddamn nation in the history of the universe?

Kausfiles [Slate]
Michelle Obama's Deep American Shame [Wonkette]
Earlier: How Many Ways Can Journalists Call Michelle Obama 'Sarcastic'?