Gawker
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sex wars
Guys: Want to Be Paul Janka's TV Wingman?
Paul Janka—the poor man's Mystery, a super-aggressive Manhattan pickup artist who's been known to get rough with unwilling ladies, may or may not have a new reality show in the works. That's what he claims in his latest newsletter—and he's looking for a wingman! You know, "one intermediate player and a true beginner, a guy who has real difficulty with meeting girls." Hey guys: do you have what it takes to be Janka's wingman? Previous activities include hanging around parks and appearing on Dr. Phil's "sad perv" segment.
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By SheilaComment by it takes a lot to laugh: Denim cut-offs? Is he a never-nude? 19 Responses | Other threads
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because we're immature
How Hard is Janka's Wood?
Imagine our delight when we found this sentence while reading a New Yorker story about gourmet beer: "Wood experts rate a species’ hardness on the Janka scale—a measure of how many pounds of force it takes to drive a half-inch steel ball halfway into a board." It sets up perfectly a lowbrow joke: of course super-aggressive date-a-holic Paul Janka would have a last name that refers to measuring the hardness of wood, right? So we did some research to estimate where on the Janka scale Paul's personal wood would actually be. More »
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By SheilaComment by Unfun: What's that cheap shit they make Ikea furniture with? His cock is like that. 11 Responses | Other threads
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sex wars
Paul Janka Extends His Reach
CNBC covered the "Sugar Mamas & Boy Toys" speed-dating event, and we noticed a picture of a young gentleman who... AHHHH no! It's sexually over-aggressive date-a-holic Paul Janka! He's infiltrated yet again. Let's do a body-language analysis: More »
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By SheilaComment by abe_frohman: At least they properly placed him at table D. So many words describing him start with that letter! 4 Responses | Other threads
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critical stalker
Paul Janka's Class Act Does Not Impress Dudes
Sightings and anecdotes of creepy sexual compulsive/sexually aggressive dataholic Paul Janka are way funnier when written by a dude who could easily kick his ass. That's why we're pleased to bring you this very special Janka sighting from Cajun Boy, who spotted him in Madison Square Park, talking loudly into his cell. "You know how you can come in contact with someone, even from afar, and you just know all there is to know about them immediately, like within a matter of seconds?" he asks, before qualifying Janka as a "cheesedick." Why, yes; yes we do. The overheard phrase that caught his attention? "Whenever I'm at home and I have a girl in my bed..." More »
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By SheilaComment by Imogen Quest (was Percy Bishounen Shelley): I feel unclean just from reading this. more » | Other threads
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paul janka
Presented Without Comment
The cost for early registration for the aforementioned Paul Janka "Rock Solid Game" dating seminar is $1,485, according to a tipster who thought about registering. "P.S.," Paul writes in an email to me, "See you on the 25th at the Gawker [commenter] gathering…." -
sex wars
Let's Find a Way to Disrupt Paul Janka's Dating Seminar!
A while back, I signed up for creepy sexual compulsive/sexually aggressive dateaholic Paul Janka's e-mail list, which sends newsletters with tips on how to pick up hot chicks—or, more accurately, confused and lonely women. Now he's planning a dating seminar! It's called "Rock Solid Game" (heh), and it'll be at the Hotel Gansevoort on August 30th and 31st! Click for the e-mail—we have plenty of time to think up ways to make this event unpleasant for Paul. (Ladies, we don't want a group of guys being educated by the likes of him.) More » -
Gawker Stalker
Sex Creep Paul Janka Invades Brooklyn
Sexual compulsive Paul Janka was last spotted barely responding to charges he sexually assaulted a woman by pinning down a woman, trying to finger her and shoving his tongue down her throat. Gawker commenters thought he should be brought up on criminal charges. Even before that incident, Janka's reputation was starting to precede him in Manhattan, and now a tipster has spotted the New York Casanova in a whole other borough, his game working disturbingly well: More »
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By Ryan TateComment by AnnasFatAssistant: @StrawBerryShortCake: I second that. I did see him on the L train when I was coming home from work ... more » | Other threads
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take back the internet
Late Execution
Bottledservice: banned for being rapey. We are accepting nominations for anyone else who thinks a girl who goes to a dude's apartment "under false pretenses" has it coming!
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By PareeneComment by StrawBerryShortCake: @Multiphasic: I am pretty sure you are safe since you are currently the champion of women's rights and "a total... more » | Other threads
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snark break
Paul Janka's Attempted Date-Rape Brush-Off: the People Respond
In small towns, shame is used to regulate people's behavior. In New York, we have Gawker. Welcome to the town meeting! Guess what—it's not okay to try to force a girl to do things she doesn't want to do. OK? It's also not okay to grab them! Something like that happened to me once, and it was scary! So what did everyone have to say about the Paul Janka debacle—in which, after reading an account of a tipster's night with him (he grabbed her, touched her, and wouldn't let her leave) he responded with, "I'd say going on a date under false pretenses is pretty underhanded, wouldn't you? I'm not interested in disputing her account, tit-for-tat. Suffice it to say she's spun it to serve her interests." Here are some of the quality comments from the Paul Janka debate.
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By SheilaComment by Miss Pontificating: "i am hoping that she has contacted an authority besides gawker?" Is there one how do you get there? more » | Other threads
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paul janka
Paul Janka Brushes Off Attempted Date Rape Charge
We've made fun of self-styled pickup artist and creepy sexual compulsive Paul Janka countless times: he's slept with 146 (or so) women. He wrote an e-book layguide on how to get girls. He's shopping an Entourage-type TV show to Showtime. However, he's graduated from amusing obnoxiousness to distinctly unfunny sexual assault, according to Emily, a woman who went on a date with him. Paul doesn't even dispute her claim that he grabbed her, pinned her down, tried to fingerfuck her, and shoved his tongue in her mouth. (She only got away after fighting and hitting him with an umbrella.) Her account, and Janka's reply (she was on a date "under false pretenses," he says), after the jump.
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By SheilaComment by KillBuzzington: "Naturally, I wondered what it was like to hang out with a pile of shit, so I said we should... 2 Responses | Other threads
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fameballs
Paul Janka Will Seduce You Via the TV
Creepy sexual compulsive Paul Janka is, predictably, trying to stretch his 15 minutes of fame into a TV series. (As if a humiliating appearance on Dr. Phil wasn't enough!) A acquaintance of the self-styled Manhattan Casanova told us that "a friend of mine, who is an aspiring actor, recently auditioned for Paul Janka and an unknown production company who is producing a spec pilot that Showtime has an interest in (but not so interested that they funded the pilot.)" In fact, Paul was just in L.A. last week meeting with Showtime. What kind of television classic do we have to look forward to? More » -
books
Sad Perv Paul Janka's E-Book Will Be a Bestseller
The creepy sexual compulsive has slept with 146 women (probably 147 by the time this post goes up)—and his layguide has been circulating the internet for a while. Now there's an e-book, for the low price of $39.95! (Looks like his proposal finally succeeded, sort of.) He describes himself on the promotional website for The Attraction Formula as a "legendary New York Playboy"—don't push your luck, Paul—and says he used to spend "many nights going to bed ALONE and waking up in an EMPTY bed. I felt DISCONNECTED from women and I didn't know what to do about it... So if you're not already VERY successful with women, it's NOT YOUR FAULT..." No, but the unintentionally hilarious table of contents definitely are his fault. (Example: "Case Study: I'm Not Ready to be Physical, Right Now.") More » -
not afraid to be servicey
We Rescued A Girl from Paul Janka's Clutches Last Night
Occasionally we do good here, instead of the usual evil. Case in point: when a young lady met Manhattan Casanova and creepy sexual compulsive Paul Janka at a restaurant recently, she almost fell prey to his inexplicable charms. But she figured out who he was after he had her come to the Upper East Side for drinks, and then refused to come down from his apartment, hoping that she would feel pressured to enter into his lair. (That's his M.O.!) "Your blog basically saved me tonight," she wrote. "Last thursday I was at JG Melons and met this guy who gave me the F*** me eyes..." The story, and text convo, after the jump.
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douchebags
From Paul Janka's Ex
Sure, it's one thing to watch sad, sad man Paul Janka make an ass of himself on Dr. Phil. But no matter how much you shout at the screen, he can't hear you. Well, problem solved. Comedian Heather Fink, who briefly dated Janka until he answered his door tossing-off, helpfully informs us that Janka will be at The Cake Shop on Ludlow Street Monday night at 8:00. As part of a comedy show? After the jump, Fink tells Dr. Phil all about what romance with a gross person is like. More »
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Comment by HeatherFinkDeux: @Hot Foot: It's hard to convey the whole story when you are being edited by someone else. It was pretty simple.... more » | Other threads
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gawker stalker
Paul Janka's Morning Make-Out
Sex pervert and known prick Paul Janka (no, not him, but close!) may have been spotted this morning in Astoria. Janka, some sort of writer who was also recently spotted making a gigantic ass of himself on the Dr. Phil show, was, of course, infuriating to look at: "swear to Christ almighty that I saw skanktasmagoria himself Paul Janka this morning on the N train -Broadway platform in Astoria. I don't think I am great at recognizing people, but I'm sure it was him. Allow me to submit my evidence..." Continued after the jump. More »
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Comment by Charlotte Rae's Web: @marmot: Nahh, I do too. I'd never touch him with a 10 foot pole of course but he's an attractive... more » | Other threads
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clips
'Sad Perv Day' II: The Legend of Janka's Gold
After nightmare dater John Fitzgerald Page met Dr. Phil today there came a person we feel is in the running for "even worse worst person in the world": Paul Janka, the creepy deviant who masturbates before more uninterested women than Dov Charney, pens glorious odes to date-rape, and who famously went on depressing media joke dates with Moe and Kelly Kreth. While visiting Dr. Phil, Janka apparently just perved on the staff. More » -
clips
John Fitzgerald Page Joins Dr. Phil For 'Sad Perv Day'
So. Remember this? Online Dater John Fitzgerald, the worst person in the world, was going to be on Dr. Phil, the worst show in the world.Why? We are not really sure. It aired today! Dr. Phil copied his drivers' license—even his drivers' license is creepy—and discovered the horrible truth: John Fitzgerald Page is almost 41. Then they sent him to a bar, where he terrorized women and wore suspenders. "He needs his own table, really, for his head," said one lady. IT GOT WORSE. MUCH, MUCH WORSE. -
reality tv
Paul Janka: Do We Have the Reality Show for You!
We saw this casting call for a new WE reality show and thought it'd be a great fit with all the sexual compulsives in our lives, noted or otherwise. (Wait: the show is for women only. Damn!) More »
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By SheilaComment by PimpMyCouch: @collegecallgirl: Have I told you lately that you're my girl crush? more » | Other threads
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gossip
"Just a Man With a Compulsion:" Kelly Kreth's Date With Paul Janka Just Sad
"I have been putting off doing this Rate-A-Date because I genuinely liked Paul Janka. I felt bad for him in a way," writes Kelly Kreth, the ousted New York Press sex columnist, PR bunny, and seeker of any and all forms of attention. Paul Janka, Manhattan's slimiest bachelor and minor internet-celebrity, "seemed lost and confused and completely harmless... He is just a man with a compulsion that needs to be addressed... He graduated from Harvard and is pretty smart and intense, but it would seem that a few years ago he became aimless. He worries, too, that he isn't contributing to society." Not with a tract called How To Get Laid in NYC, he isn't. Her five-hour date with him is full of frankly disturbing scatological descriptions that cross the line into the clinically weird. It also reminds us where all the smart girls are on a Sunday night: not going on dates as a "media joke." More » -
love is a bataillefield
Kelly Kreth Bares Junk In Trunk For Hunk Paul Janka
Kelly Kreth used to work in PR doing stuff for real estate or something. Now she writes about her rear end in myriad and upsetting ways for the New York Press. In her latest column in the Press, Kreth has written what seems like a Swiftian satire of currently internet-famous New York Casanova Paul Janka's rampant and blatant misogynism. But really maybe it's just a chance for her to talk about her butt in very graphic terms.
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By Joshua SteinComment by pufflehuff: @SylviaPlathWasFramed: Michael Moore made much the same point in Sicko. She and her ilk are the reason finding freelance assignments is... more » | Other threads
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the janka letters
"I Met Paul Janka At Pastis During A Snowstorm"
So many women have had experience with our current obsession, New York Casanova Paul Janka! Including this woman: "Listen Gawker, this is the Paul Janka I dated. He was an educated, good conversationalist that I met at Pastis during a snowstorm, and he never got in my pants. He was upfront about his spread sheet. I said that it was gross. I told him I would never touch his thingy unless he got tested and showed me the results .. which meant never, cause who does that? We talked on the phone mostly about politics, family and life. He never said gross pervy things to me. Until.... One night I met him at his place and he answered the door jerking off. I ran away. I stopped answering his phone calls. He left voice mails here and there over the years." He also left this epistolary record!
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By Joshua SteinComment by Furious George: @newyorkwannabe: The funny thing about most "field reports" on that site is that the girls don't seem to get that... more » | Other threads
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scary sex chat
Inside The Dirty Dreary Mindrape Of Paul Janka
For those of you who haven't met him, Biblically or otherwise, last week we introduced you to the greatest Casanova of all time, Paul "Jenkem" Janka. One of our intrepid readers took it upon themselves to begin a textual relationship with him. Something we learned is that Janka plays "Would you rather..." quite well and once did it with a dude. WHAT FOLLOWS ARE WORDS THAT ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Or society.
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By Joshua SteinComment by SpicyMeatball: "a salad where the dressing was your dad's semen" Wait...we always called that "ranch." more » | Other threads
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strategist
This Is How New York Casanova Paul Janka Works
Paul Janka, who shot to internet infamy this week over his lady-killing ways, delights in the titillation of the written word. A recent or soon-to-be-recent conquest of his sent us this writing of his; she received it from him. It looks to be a form letter. Its content is something of a mix between a instruction manual, street directions and high schooler's version of Les Petits Oiseaux. He calls his penis a "warm muscle." If words can be NSFW, it's definitely NSFW.
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By Joshua SteinComment by Tattertotter: Thank you so much for printing this! My daughter just asked me where babies come from (she's 11!) and now... more » | Other threads
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