John Boehner Endorses Paul Ryan's Imaginary Presidential Campaign
Ex-Speaker of the House John Boehner, clearly a little bored in retirement, has announced his support for non-candidate Paul Ryan’s presidential bid, which does not exist.
Paul Ryan's Brain-Twisting Rationales For Why You Should Be Ripped Off
Paul Ryan—the lovable Republican, who cares in theory about poverty. Right? My friends, I’m afraid that the only thing Paul Ryan demonstrably cares about is breathtaking levels of pro-Wall Street doublespeak.
Paul Ryan Forgot to Turn Off His Lamp
Speaker of the House and noted fiscal conservative Paul Ryan has been livestreaming the view from his office all day and into the night. He also, apparently, forgot to turn off his lamp.
Look At How Big Little Paulie Ryan Has Gotten!
House and Senate Republicans are in Baltimore for their annual retreat today, which explains why Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan got to break out their best Casual Friday wear on a Thursday. But it doesn’t explain why 45-year-old Paul Ryan looks exactly like a fussy 11-year-old whose mother dressed him up for church.
Paul Ryan’s “daily gym workout is from 6:30 am to 8 am: P90X, yoga, crossfit, cycling/spin.” Every fitness nightmare made flesh. Appropriate.
Paul Ryan Vows To Continue Depressing Ritual of Sleeping on a Cot in His Office
Sen. Paul Ryan, the newly-elected Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, will not let the new title go to his head. He will not be moving over to the the Speaker’s office in the Capitol, he will not stop his daily buns and guns, and he certainly will not start sleeping in a real bed in a real home during the…
Crafty Catholic John Boehner Used "Catholic Guilt" To Force Paul Ryan Into Speakership
As a descendant of Irish peasants and a graduate of a Catholic high school, I personally know that “Catholic guilt” can be a cruel and unyielding master. Little did I know that that same Catholic guilt is used to decide some of the most important decisions in the United States government.
Paul Ryan Clinches Speaker Nomination in Stunning Landslide
Lean In Award of the Day winner Paul Ryan won the Republican nomination for Speaker of the House Wednesday in a stunning landslide for the job literally no one else wanted.
House GOP Now an Ouroboros With the Snake's Butt Eating the Head
Here’s a fun timeline:
Here is One Man Who Will Support Paul Ryan, and Is a Dirtbag
Meet Andy Harris of Maryland. He is a member of the Freedom Caucus, he will throw his support behind Paul Ryan, and he is a hypocrite and a dirtbag from hell.
Paul Ryan Declares Candidacy for Speaker of the House
Folks—he’s going for it. After winning Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In Award of the Day” on Wednesday, Paul Ryan has declared his candidacy for Speaker of the House, the Associated Press reports.
House Freedom Caucus Will Support Paul Ryan for Speaker of the House
Paul Ryan’s candidacy for the soon-to-be-vacant House Speaker position just got a major boost towards realization: the House Freedom Caucus now says they will support Ryan for the position, “all but guaranteeing he’ll get the job,” according to the Associated Press.
Sheryl Sandberg Gives Paul Ryan, Enemy of Women, the "Lean In Award of the Day"
Facebook COO and perpetual self-promotion machine Sheryl Sandberg has picked an odd choice for today’s “Lean In Award,” an imaginary honor she presents via Facebook: Paul Ryan. The same Paul Ryan who opposes, over and over again, workplace equality for women.
Paul Ryan Will Run for House Speaker if Everyone Promises to Like Him
Paul Ryan on Tuesday listed the conditions under which he would fill the Speaker of the House vacancy that has Republican lawmakers wailing and rending their garments, reports CNN. As much as anything else, Ryan’s conditions lay plain the distrust and discord among House Republican factions:
Paul Ryan Keeps Getting Confused for Anthony Weiner
Remember Paul Ryan, that guy who lifts weights in a backward hat? Well, some people must not, because Ryan keeps getting confused for Anthony Weiner, a different man who lifts weights without a shirt on and sometimes takes selfies.
Paul Ryan Lied About a Hungry Kid To Justify Killing School Lunch
During his Thursday speech at CPAC, the conserva-palooza, vice presidential also-ran Paul Ryan used a touching story about an undernourished child to argue why free or reduced-priced school lunches were a bad thing. Touching, but false. And he continues to perpetuate the falsehood.
Warm Yourself on a Cold Night with Paul Ryan-Aaron Schock Gay Erotica
Looking back, we now see it was inevitable. The internet has finally produced what we've apparently all been waiting for: an erotic gay slash-fic about conservative congressmen Paul Ryan and Aaron Schock.
Jan. 20, 2017 Will Signal the Dawning of President Paul Ryan's America
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) and his artificially obsidian widow's peak are running for president in 2016. Yesterday's events proved this, as surely as Ryan's continued political survival proves bros are the indestructible cockroaches, the reinventing Madonnas, the injured-but-always-starting Derek Jeters of humanity.
Shorter Paul Ryan in town-hall meeting: "Anchor babies... anchor babies... anchor babies." The Republican Party's Latino and millennial outreach continues apace.
Paul Ryan's Campaign Intern Indicted for Cyberstalking
Adam Paul Savader, the 21-year-old from Great Neck accused of internet extortion and cyberstalking 15 women by the FBI, also happens to have been Paul Ryan's "sole intern" during Mitt Romney's failed presidential bid.
