The gossip elite has often been compared to the mafia and the CIA because of its power, influence and network of secret agents which need to be maintained at any cost in an increasingly ruthless industry. Indeed such a strong code of omerta pervades the upper echelons of the gossip business, none of its members has ever broken ranks and reveaed the true inner workings and tangled web of intrigue which goes into delivering the public its daily fix of scandalous and titillating tidbits. Until now.

Are you not entertained?!

After the jump, the bulk of Jared "Henry Hill" Stern's proposal.

STERN MEASURES
(working title)
By Jared Paul Stern

The gossip elite has often been compared to the mafia and the CIA because of its power, influence and network of secret agents which need to be maintained at any cost in an increasingly ruthless industry. Indeed such a strong code of omerta pervades the upper echelons of the gossip business, none of its members has ever broken ranks and reveaed the true inner workings and tangled web of intrigue which goes into delivering the public its daily fix of scandalous and titillating tidbits. Until now.

Jared Paul Stern, an 11-year veteran of the New York Post's Page Six, the world's most powerful gossip column, and the former executive editor of Star magazine, is writing the ultimate, definitive, no-holds-barred book on the gossip business and its movers, shakers, foot soldiers and subjects. No one with Stern's experience, expertise, stature, insider knowledge and access has yet written a work of non-fiction lifting the lid on life at the world's most powerful gossip column and the celebrity-industrial complex that feeds it - and feeds off of it. Stern Measures spills the secrets about the columnists themselves - the gossip on the gossips - and their often surprising sources, motives and manipulations as well as presenting a broad view of what goes on inside the nation's biggest gossip machines. In different ways, Stern Measures will do for the gossip business what best-selling Kitchen Confidential did for restaurants and You'll Never Eat Lunch In This Town Again did for Hollywood.

Stern Measures is an entertaining, amusing, eye-popping and completely unabridged lid-lifter on what goes into the all-important gossip column "mention" which can get you fired, hired, laid, made, make you rich or leave you for dead. You can never be too rich or too thin or have too many mentions on Page Six; as celebrity culture reaches a fever pitch, the column that started it all and towers over the gossip landscape is more important, influential and fascinating than ever. This is the story of who gets the breaks and who gets burned, who did what to whom and how it all went down.

Only Stern can deliver the scoop on the glamorous heights and seamy underbelly of the gossip industry and the New York tabloid wars; the behind-the-scenes machinations of moguls, celebrities, publicists and secret sources; the inside dish on the sometimes dirty business of churning out Page Six 365 days a year; and the increasingly brutal competition for dish from glossy magazines, websites and tabloid TV shows. Stern Measures is an explosive expose of the high-stakes gossip game that will send shockwaves through the media and generate a headline heatwave.

These are stories that have never been told before and you won't read them in Page Six - or anywhere else. You'll have to buy Stern Measures to find out...

• Which megawatt music mogul used the column to wage war on the sultry starlet wife he wanted to get rid of...

• Which colorful Conde Nast editor was coerced into killing an unflattering profile of a top tycoon...

• Which ritzy Manhattan restaurateur sent cash bribes to gossip columnists and showed off nude photos of his well-known glossy magazine editor girlfriend...

• Which handsome celebrity chef was caught having sex with a staffer on a food prep table in his downtown eatery's kitchen...

• Which other boldface celebrity chef's own publicist fed dirt about him to Page Six to get ink for her own event?

• Which Manhattan media mogul managed to keep his wife's Nazi art scandal out of the newspapers...

• Which New York newspaper editor made sure the strip club where he got free lapdances always looked good in print...

• Which same editor toed the party line and kept an unflattering story about President Bush's daughter out of the paper...

• Which diplomats extra-curricular antics went unreported thanks to his country's business dealings with the newspaper's megabucks media conglomerate-owner...

• Which celebrity fashion photographer took pictures of his three-way sex sessions with two famous supermodels, one of whom is now the wife of an A-list actor...

• Which stunning supermodel's ex-husband asked the column's help in selling a sex tape...

• Which New York gossip columnist frequented Hoboken bars in full drag and barely escaped being exposed on Page Six [Ed: Please let it be Lloyd Grove.]

• Which other gossip columnist had heroin delivered to the New York Post's midtown office building...

• And which very well-known columnist's junket to Brazil included an all-expenses-paid visit to a local brothel..........???

Working Outline

Ch. 1 - The big (and not so pretty) picture: Page Six - life force of the New York Post, bane and boon of celebrities, addiction of the masses. The sociology of gossip. Proust was right - gossip's "psychological value," the way it turns surface appearances inside out. How gossip has become news and an industry unto itself. Magazines are glossy versions of what we do best. What was once solely the province of Page Six now co-opted by the rest of the media. The history of the column and its founder. Page Six, Liz Smith and Cindy Adams - the Post's "Murderer's Row."

Ch. 2 - Getting started in the gossip game: Who's cut out for dishing dirt. The gossip's pathology. Bloodlust and bruising egos. The "feeder schools" and talent pools. Nightlife and parties and meeting the people who matter. Coming into contact with the fringe players on the gossip circuit and then the jaded professionals. The beautiful people - beautiful but stupid. Making your mark. Getting noticed. It's who you know. The road to landing a job at Page Six, the most powerful column of all. A day in the life of a gossip columnist. "It beats working."

Ch. 3 - Tips, leads, leaks and payback: Where gossip comes from. Developing sources and the fine art of favor banking: "I love this dirty town." Finding your niche. Working the contacts. "What conflict of interest?" [...]

Ch. 4 - The players and the outfield: Navigating the shark-filled gossip waters. The Dickensian cast of scroungers, crashers, spongers, suckerfish, bluffers, fluffers and freaks surrounding gossip columnistis. Working with colorful characters. A field guide to flacks. Publicists are paid to lie. Waging war with the Hollywood PR machine. The Harvey Weinstein tactical advantage. [...]

Ch. 5 - How the sausage gets made - read before eating: Everything the gossip columnist does is a transaction of one sort or another. The stories we couldn't run and why. How an owner's/newspaper's politics affects even the gossip pages. How to decode a Page Six item. [...]

Ch. 6 - Power over pay: The gossip's compensation isn't measured in money. The perks, freebies and droit du seigneur that come with the job. The world's your oyster. It's "The Sweet Smell of Success" for real. Close encounters of the celebrity kind. Sipping champagne with supermodels on crack. The right way to go about quid pro quo. The gossip's give and take. Throwing our considerable weight around. Ruling by fear. [...]

Ch. 7 - The competition and alterations to the gossip landscape: Extra space for Page Six to fill after the death of our colleague Neal travis and annexing his column inches. Expanding our coverage as a result and inevitable diluting. The column altered by the attacks of 9/11 - but not for long. [...]

Ch. 8 - Truth and consequences: Making and breaking careers - from Heidi Klum to Paris Hilton. Celebs suck up and suck it up. A subject driven to suicide? Branded for life. The power paradox - you can never leave. Retractions and clarifications. Skirting the libel laws - "Get it legaled." A cottage industry for one top Hollywood player. Letters by the bushel. Rubbing elbows and crossing swords with the likes of Graydon Carter and Tina Brown.

Ch. 9 - Black hearts and battle scars: Some say it's the Devil's work; "Your heart will turn black," according to Bruce Willis. Burnouts, flameouts and failures. Feuding with Alec Baldwin, Mickey Rourke, Al Pacino and Jennifer Aniston. 'Never get in a war of words with someone who buys ink buy the barrel.' A gossip's tragic suicide. "You can't do this job sober." Secret deals and supplementing your income. Pissing off the wrong people. Radar magazine's death wish. Pushed over the edge. "Guilt is for sissies."

Ch. 10 - Jared Paul Stern's Gossip Hall of Fame. The best and worst in the gossip game. The top 10 publicists, crisis control experts and fixers. The must-reads and never-minds, the has-beens and up-and-comers. The places to be seen and when to go. Who has the goods and who's just bluffing. The best scoops of all time. The A, B, C and D List. Who's hot and who's not.

Publishing Details

Length - 250 pages. [...]
Delivery - 6-8 months. Stern is friendly with several well-known authors who can be counted on to provide blurbs. Cross-promotion - Simultaneous marketing of film/TV projects will boost interest in publication. Publicity - There will obviously be no shortage of media attention for this project.

Attorney Ed Hayes says that this is just a "routine" Q-and-A, but because Hayes has previously represented Jared Paul Stern, he is not representing Johnson in this matter. New York suggests that Murray Richman is handling the federal probe, but Richman says he's "not involved." Richman's daughter, Stacey, is representing Johnson on his DUI charges, but isn't handling feds. So, um, who the hell is Johnson's lawyer? Certainly he needs representation in this matter. Perhaps there's a tumbleweed who might be interested in the gig?

We Hear... Stern Questions [NYM]
Earlier: Gawker's Horse-Beating Coverage of Payola Six

Since then, the magazine has stayed loyal to Stern, keeping him on staff and allowing his fedora to still grace Zink's pages. In fact, this month he's pictured on the contributor's page; the first line of his bio reads, "Jared Paul Stern is the former editor of Page Six magazine and the New York Post's Books section." Notes fellow Zink contributor Jason Feifer: "It's a bit like writing, 'Saddam Hussein is the former president of Iraq and leader of the Ba'ath party.'"

What, Did He Bribe Them for This? [Happyscrappy]
Earlier: Payola Six: 'Zink' Magazine is Uncorrupted! (Also, It Exists!)

Unfortunately for Burkle, his Yucaipa Companies doesn't seem to be winning its bid for the McClatchy Co.'s Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News, so those are two more papers free to cover his hidden camera habit. But we'll always have Radar. Speaking of which: the new staff might want to de-bug the offices.

L.A. Billionaire's Wife: Burkle Spied [WaPo]
Deal to Buy Inquirer May Be Near [Philly Inquirer]

The Manhattan U.S. attorney's office declined to comment, but Stern sent the following email to dogged News reporter William Sherman, who's been covering the story since it broke:

From: Jared Paul Stern
Date: May 18, 2006 6:14 PM
To: William Sherman
Subject: Daily News story tomorrow

Sure. You can quote me on the following. And if you don't print this you're not only a stooge but a pussy:

"The Daily News is a piece of shit."

"Ron Burkle should crawl back down his diamond-paved hole. His lies are gonna come back and bite his bloated billionaire ass hard."

Make sure you get the italics.

best
JPS

We hope he BCC'd Gonzalez on that one, too.

Page Fix Scandal on to AG [NYDN]

State Court Rejects Billionaire's Privacy Bid [LAT]

We saw this last week, courtesy of a bookland source, and were sworn to secrecy. But the questions we had then remain true now, and they all boil down to: Huh? The cover clearly says "A Memoir," but Stern is quoted by FB saying that it won't necessarily be a memoir. In fact, he won't say much of anything to him, except that he has hired "entertainment counsel" to deal with "offers." And he says he has no agent yet. So we're reading that as no book proposal, not even a solid book idea, and certainly no book deal. But a cover. Allegedly by Kidd. (Note the blurb on the back cover.) Has anyone even checked with Kidd to make sure he really did this? And, if you do touch base with him, one other question: Why?

UPDATE: JPS checks in to explain. "Chip's an old friend of mine, and I wouldn't let anyone else do my cover," he writes.

Chip Kidd's Jared Paul Stern Book Cover Concept [FBNY]
Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Jared Paul Stern.

What you should have done was to take the tape to Rupert Murdoch and offer a straightforward deal: You'd turn over the evidence to him and remain silent about the incident, provided Murdoch guarantee that your name would never reappear in the gossip pages. The ethics-in-media types would wince at such a suggestion, but Murdoch is a dealmaker, Ron. He would understand a proposal like that.

You can be sure Page Six wishes Burkle had taken that path. How many freelancers would have been saved? With what grace might Richard Johnson have been wed? And to what exotic location might those unscrutinized junkets take our gossips next?

Is Market Mogul Left Holding the Bag? [Variety]
Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Payola Six

Ron Burkle made a surprise appearance at the Us Weekly Hot Hollywood style party last night in LA at Republic. He ate dinner with a bunch of models beforehand at Bridge, then came and seemed really smug and laid back. But his eyes lit up when he went into swag suite set up at the party by M. Frederic. He went through the whole suite, and was super happy to be getting his free Solstice sunglasses and jeans. Was taking pictures on his personal camera with his friends. He then was hanging out with Jamie Lynn Discala and later was hanging out with his guy friends. He was telling all of his friends he was having a great time..he was just freaking over the gift suite!!! Yep, a billionare going nuts over free jeans and free sunglasses.

We'd make a "billionaires — they're just like us" joke here, but we're not even allowed near the swag suites.

* We probably ought to disclose here that the Gawker editors count Miss Piazza among their few friends.

you know all that fuss about ron burkle, the supermarket billionaire who got blackmailed by the page six guy? i know that guy! when i went to modelfest 2005 in new york city (thinly disguised as a "free trip to new york for the night!!" by my friend), he took us there — it was his private jet that we flew on with him & his cronies. when we all convened in nyc with his east coast buddies and their model collection, he took all of us out to dinner at nobu and paid for everything— a bill that had to be in the thousands — but what i remember most is him having the personality of a sea slug, talking only to the crusty businessmen at the table, and only about his bud p. diddy and their wild times.

The modelizing is no secret, but nobody can withstand having Page Six uncover their secret sea slug side.

Ridiculous! [Rotk ppchen]

The divorce lawyer, Dennis M. Wasser, whose clients have included the actor Tom Cruise and the MGM mogul Kirk Kerkorian, is among the most prominent Hollywood figures under scrutiny in the nearly four-year federal investigation of Mr. Pellicano, who was charged in February with wiretapping and conspiracy.

None of which is untrue. But, then, there's also this, tucked into a March L.A. Times piece:

Wasser, along with Christensen's firm, is now representing billionaire supermarket magnate Ron Burkle in litigation relating to his divorce.

Would seem to be somewhat relevant now, no?

Stars' Lawyer Linked to Wiretapping Case [NYT]
Earlier: Payola Six: Check and Double-Check Your Burkle

What we hear actually went down: Schoeneman asked a colleague if a certain Page Six staffer was at the party, as they had been sending her very hostile emails. Alas, no Sixers showed. So it was relief, not nervousness. Though that'll likely change soon.

Novel Just Might Be Thisclose to Real Page Sixcapades [R&M (2nd item)]

From: Nancydrew90211@xxx.com
Sent: Tue 4/25/2006 12:19 PM
To: Gil, Fernando
Subject: From Arlene Friedman, PI

Dear Mr. Gil:

I'm a licensed private/legal investigator in Beverly Hills. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss Page Six with you. If you are currently in the U.S., please call me at your earliest convenience.

Thank you in advance for your attention. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

ARLENE FRIEDMAN
Investigator's License Number 12382

At least it's not from Anthony Pellicano. More from Friedman, P.I. after the jump.

——-Original Message——-
From: Nancydrew90211@xxx.com
Sent: Tue 4/25/2006 4:15 PM
To: Gil, Fernando
Subject: Re: From Arlene Friedman, PI

Hi, Mr. Gil:

Thanks very much for your response.

I'm sorry, but I can't divulge the name of my client. I understand why you want to know, and believe me, I'd ask the same question. However my client's name must remain confidential at this time.

ARLENE FRIEDMAN
Investigator's License Number 12382

——-Original Message——-
From: Nancydrew90211@xxx.com
Sent: Tue 4/25/2006 5:06 PM
To: Gil, Fernando
Subject: Re: From Arlene Friedman, PI

Mr. Gil:

Thanks for your response.

In answer to your question, I'd like to talk to you in general about Page Six. I've worked with the print and broadcast media, but have never worked with reporters in your particular field of journalism.

I'm interested in ascertaining background information relative to how "gossip columnists" (for lack of a better term) report stories, whether you are bound by the same guidelines and restrictions as hard news reporters, etc.

Arlene

ARLENE FRIEDMAN
Investigator's License Number 12382

Do we even need to clarify that Friedman's worked with California Democrats? Or is that totally obvious without confirmation?

Naturally, the Page Sixers were livid about Dechert's piece and his assertion that Chris Wilson would be the first head to roll when Col Allan "tightened ship." Wilson, in particular, was overheard at the Hustler Club's rooftop opening last night calling Dechert "pond scum," adding, "I hope he gets cancer."

Well, we've no idea if Dechert has any life threatening diseases, but it sounds as if he's being treated like a tumor around the Press. Odd; we thought the Press thrived on its malignancies.

UPDATE: Press editor Adario Strange clarifies that they never had any plans to give Dechert, who is purely a freelance writer, any sort of regular column, nor are they making any efforts to distance themselves from him. Pity.

Earlier: Payola Six: Poopy Pants Are Not Tolerated

Correction: April 25, 2006
A front-page article on Sunday about former President Bill Clinton's friendship with Ronald Burkle, the California financier and grocery chain operator, referred incompletely to the fate of Mr. Burkle's supermarkets during the Los Angeles riots of 1992 (an event that led Mr. Clinton to seek out the businessman after being told that rioters had spared some of his markets because of his reputation for fairness). Although some of Mr. Burkle's markets were spared, others were burned or otherwise damaged by rioters.

Hopefully, the Gray Lady has learned her lesson: Always fact-check a sketchy billionaire's story. Meanwhile, we'd like to know how Burkle and Clinton really did meet — and, more importantly, what lovely young lady brought these two together.

How a Billionaire Friend of Bill Helps Him Do Good, and Well (Correction Appended) [NYT]
Earlier: Payola Six: Burkle Charms the Pants Off the 'NYT'

The two men first met when Mr. Clinton was running for president in 1992 and touring neighborhoods in Los Angeles that had been torched during riots after the acquittal of several police officers charged with beating Rodney King. Mr. Clinton noticed that some supermarkets were still open, and asked why, his aides recalled. He was told that those stores were not burned because the owner, Mr. Burkle, treated his customers and employees fairly. Mr. Clinton asked to meet him.

How moving. Except that it's probably not true, notes Mickey Kaus. He did a quick Nexis-Lexis search and turned up an article from the June 1, 1992 edition of the Orange County Register, which reported that Burkle's buildings were, in fact, burned in the riots, sustaining around $25 to $30 million in damages. Asks Kaus, "What other Burkle-related BS is the gullible NYT buying into?"

Excellent question. But, to be fair, the President-meets-the-supermarket-savior story is certainly more compelling. You can't blame the Times for swallowing such well-spun crap, especially when the spoonfuls are so darn heartwarming.

Burn, Burkle, Burn! [Kausfiles, Slate]
How a Billionaire Friend of Bill Helps Him Do Good, and Well [NYT]

UPDATE: Chris Tennant telephones — so old-fashioned, that one! — to let us know he departed the Post two weeks ago. Entirely amicably, he says, which makes this in no way a sacking, at least in his case.

Post Cans Four Gossip Scribes [NYDN]

As it turns out, the writer who destroyed his room (and not necessarily with feces, either) was not Chris Wilson — it was, rather, a lad who was then working at Complex (whose name, on second thought, isn't worth being forever haunted by this in Google). As we understand it, the room was given the typical rock-star thrashing, but his bowels were definitely under control.