so now I'm visualizing baby bear PC, in a sling, with a ball gag, dipped in crisco, on every single piece of advertising for next years folsom fair. make it happen.
Richard--pearls after swine, truly. More genius alchemy, turning a morally bankrupt, horrifyingly magnetic piece of television into art. I had resisted this hot mess o' high school but caught last night's episode and now that I read your brill deconstruction...well, I guess byBravo's got me again.
But these kids scare the crap out of me. Despite their awkward, adolescent posturing--it's all a little Bugsy Malone, isn't it?--their striving and misplaced self confidence is terrifying. Jessi wants to be in 'p.r. or marketing'? When I was in high school I didn't know what p.r. WAS. I STILL don't really know what 'marketing' is. And I fear I see the Great Crash of 2035 foretold in P.C.'s blase sense of entitlement...
@DorothyBarker: Marketing is the business of discovering what people are not yet insecure about, and then manufacturing/exploiting said insecurity by developing or repurposing a product, the purchase of which will (temporarily) assuage that insecurity.
@Richard Lawson: What would it take to get you to "guest recap" in the future? I don't yet have a firstborn, but I'm willing to create one and hand it to you. On a platter. Wrapped in a naked poster of Zachary Quinto.
On a totally unrelated note, anyone know where I could get a naked poster of Zachary Quinto?
@damedew: Sorrow here too. Still, I shall certainly follow Mr. Lawson's delightful essays over at the transvestite website TV.com.
I do imagine you won't be a stranger here in comments occasionally. Thanks for your wonderful work, you've made the recap an art form. An imaginative writer, you'll go far, dear.
Exactly how tall is PC? Because that photographer had looked kind of short, but in their shoot he towers over our wee closet case. Is he Tommygirl-sized?
Also, I actually squirmed in my seat during that whole fashion shoot sequence. He was so wrought with insecurity and thwarted desire. For the first time I saw him as the pitiably awkward little kid he is.
I think Camille is my favorite. And I got the impression that halfway through her interview with Jessi, she decided that, no, she was not going to be able to tolerate smiling and nodding and sucking up to Jessi, not even for Operation Smile and Harvard, so she just decided to say fuck it and unleash her bitchface.
Another thing that I find interesting is that Camille and Jessi both have sort of freakish eyes that are distracting and off-putting. In Camille's case, I think, "Oh, she's so close to being pretty, if it weren't for her eyes! I wish they would line up properly." And in Jessi's case, I think, "Ugh, what a monster, I can't even relate to her like she's a human being."
A. Seabasty-bast is def a virgin.
B. Camille's school ain't got shit on Convent of the Sacred Heart 91st street so she needs to just shut it.
C. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be in fashion? So unoriginal, Jessi.
D. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be a singer? So unoriginal, Kelli.
E. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be a superstar? So unoriginal, Rags.
@Conchie Birdie: I thought Rags wanted to be a philosopher and write thinkin' books. That was a couple episodes back, tho - maybe life just moves that quickly when you're in the NYC Prep lane.
Also, I loved her response to her mother's "You need to take fewer dance classes." She immediately whined, "No! I need MORE!" She's got some serious addiction to sprawling on folding metal chairs, Fosse-ish style.
@Conchie Birdie: I remember when I had my first aspirations to be an elephant trainer. Seems so silly, now that I'm a philosopher/entertainer. (Meh, I actually studied philosophy in college, so who'm I kidding. But back then all the big philosophy corporations were hiring like crazy!)
Wow he has a surprisingly good body for a (gay) high schooler. I didn't start carb counting and mainlining creatine until I was old enough to get into clurrbs and subscribe to fratmen.
bess marvin, girl detective promoted this comment
Edited by CaligulaSanchez at 07/22/09 1:21 PM
CaligulaSanchez was starred
CaligulaSanchez was unstarred
@Randy Slamberg: Personally, I am glad that knowledge of the dark arts of the weight-room reached me at a time appropriate to my psychological maturity. If I knew then, or in college, what I know now, I would surely be dead from sexual over-exertion.
@Randy Slamberg: You clearly didn't grow up in New York, because by 18 I was already sincerely saying things like "Oh, I don't go out any more. But remember when Roxy was so much fun? God, Roxy -- that was a million years ago. We were bay-bies. Maybe we SHOULD go out, for old time's sake."
Basically, New York is a terrible place to raise children.
@Solomon Grundy: Ha. I grew up (/growing up) on the Southern American Border, spending Friday, Saturday, and the occasional thirsty Thursday night adding to my Hepatitis collection in Juarez Mx.
As much as I dislike PC, I genuinely felt bad for him while he was at the photo shoot. I remember being asked questions like, "Do you think that girl’s cute? You should ask her out." etc. It made me uncomfortable because I still wasn’t confident to tell people that no, she’s not my type because she’s a she. Sigh, watching him squirm like that made me very uncomfortable as it brought back memories.
@TubOfHowardTaft: It's heartwrenching in a way I wasn't expecting from reality television. I keep hoping that someone with a few years on him has already taken him for a long walk and told him that it really is going to be okay, eventually, like, five minutes after high school is over.
you are brilliant as always, Richard, but why so hard on Taylor?
She's the prettiest, gorgeous actually, and seems to be the one with a shot at actual talent at something. Even if it is authenticity.
People who make their way in the world -- make a difference and achieve things -- a shock to all these spoiled brats -- come from all walks of life. All the private schoolers I knew squandered their riches and ended up drugged up and strung out sleeping out of their cars (paid for by their parents).
@gravytoss: Because she reeks of the same exact desperation as the rest of them. And her eyes are absolutely empty. She seems to me to be one of those girls that figured out really early on that she's boring, so to hide that, she doesn't say anything so that she seems mysterious. Also, I think your assumption that she is from a different walk of life than the others may be off--I mean, she lives and goes to school in NY. I think she's doing all right. She may not be swimming in money like the rest but she's certainly doing fine.
@FiorellaDighton: In my fantasies, a roomful of sexy Andy Cohen clones create these fagtastic Bravo clips, and one day one of the slightly defective Andies will notice me pressed against the window and invite me in for a nosh, a shtup, and a plotz.
PC awakens the next morning, the alcohol still a tight hot ball in his stomach. Nantucket, of all places. He goes to the WC, as it calls it now, splashes water on his face, and looks hard into the mirror. The tracery around his eyes is getting deeper and more complex. White boys crack. They all do. It happens overnight. That’s what the black bellhop told him ten years ago at the Hotel Bel Air. He had pinned PC to the bed and was looking into his then porcelain-smooth face, which glossed tighter as the thrusts deepened. The cracking—when did it happen? His skin is like a drying leaf; his hairline a creeping famine offset by the black windblown crop on his chest, stomach, and back. His form is changing like a snowman in the sun.
07/23/09
Or, the episode did.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
But these kids scare the crap out of me. Despite their awkward, adolescent posturing--it's all a little Bugsy Malone, isn't it?--their striving and misplaced self confidence is terrifying. Jessi wants to be in 'p.r. or marketing'? When I was in high school I didn't know what p.r. WAS. I STILL don't really know what 'marketing' is. And I fear I see the Great Crash of 2035 foretold in P.C.'s blase sense of entitlement...
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
I'm sad too.
07/22/09
On a totally unrelated note, anyone know where I could get a naked poster of Zachary Quinto?
07/22/09
I do imagine you won't be a stranger here in comments occasionally. Thanks for your wonderful work, you've made the recap an art form. An imaginative writer, you'll go far, dear.
07/22/09
Cue the funeral march. Le sigh.
07/22/09
07/23/09
07/22/09
Also, I actually squirmed in my seat during that whole fashion shoot sequence. He was so wrought with insecurity and thwarted desire. For the first time I saw him as the pitiably awkward little kid he is.
07/22/09
Another thing that I find interesting is that Camille and Jessi both have sort of freakish eyes that are distracting and off-putting. In Camille's case, I think, "Oh, she's so close to being pretty, if it weren't for her eyes! I wish they would line up properly." And in Jessi's case, I think, "Ugh, what a monster, I can't even relate to her like she's a human being."
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
@metoometoo: My husband figured it out last night. Camille looks like a Tim Burton animation. Not unattractive, just...off.
07/22/09
07/22/09
B. Camille's school ain't got shit on Convent of the Sacred Heart 91st street so she needs to just shut it.
C. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be in fashion? So unoriginal, Jessi.
D. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be a singer? So unoriginal, Kelli.
E. What Bravo reality show girl doesn't want to be a superstar? So unoriginal, Rags.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
Also, I loved her response to her mother's "You need to take fewer dance classes." She immediately whined, "No! I need MORE!" She's got some serious addiction to sprawling on folding metal chairs, Fosse-ish style.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
Also, Chris Hansen says high everybody.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
Basically, New York is a terrible place to raise children.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
What's Yankee outfielder Nick Swisher's porn name?
07/22/09
NICK SWISHER!
HIIII OOOOOOOOOO
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
As much talk as these kids do about sex, I agree that I don't think many are getting it or have ever had it. All talk and no action if you will.
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/22/09
07/15/09
She's the prettiest, gorgeous actually, and seems to be the one with a shot at actual talent at something. Even if it is authenticity.
People who make their way in the world -- make a difference and achieve things -- a shock to all these spoiled brats -- come from all walks of life. All the private schoolers I knew squandered their riches and ended up drugged up and strung out sleeping out of their cars (paid for by their parents).
No thank you.
07/15/09
But yes--she is pretty....
07/15/09
Oh and kudos to Bravo for making such a fantastic clip, haha!
07/16/09
Thank you for bringing them to my attention.
07/15/09
07/15/09
07/15/09