Noonan thinks it is good that Obama is thinking! Noonan thinks it is bad that Obama is not asking the people who've been wrong about everything for years what they would do.

The president is not, apparently, holding serious discussions with the most informed and concerned Republicans from Capitol Hill and what used to be called the foreign-policy establishment, and this, if true, is bad.

Hah. Ha ha ha. The "foreign-policy establishment" is just made up of the hawkiest hawks in the world. The Republicans from Capitol Hill want us to nuke Iran and France.

The cliché that politics stops at the water's edge is a fiction worth preserving. It's a story that ought to be true and sometimes is true. There seems to be something in this president that resists really including the opposition.

His Army Secretary is a Republican! His Afghanistan commander was appointed a director of the Joint Staff by President Bush! The rest of the opposition is not serious. At all! The deny Obama's legitimacy, they seek only to destroy him, they are not interested in being "included" because they plan to campaign against whatever decision he makes, Peggy. (Unless the plan is endless war forever with everyone. They like that one.)

But! The important bit is that once JFK gave a good speech about the Cuban Missile Crisis—while his administration was in the midst of having no fucking clue what to do about it—and Obama should consider doing the same thing. But his speech should not be too good, because Americans are worried about the deficit.

Also Peggy used to like the TV show Dragnet, which was about a police officer who told ladies to man up and stop crying, and also he arrested hippies. That is what Obama should do, to show he is serious. The end.

Now, credit where credit's due: a few weeks ago, John wrote:

You do not want to miss the weekly festival of swooning self-regard and misty incoherence that will be Peggy Noonan's "Study Group" for undergrads this year, during her fellowship at the Kennedy School's Institute of Politics.

Let's see how on the money he was. Tipster, take us away:

After about an hour with the woman, I'm happy to report that she seemed incredibly inebriated, and seldom more than a little coherent. Peggy was a ridiculous and hilarious person to speaking with any authority on anything at all.

It gets better:

First of all, she spoke. Exactly. As. She. Writes. She emphasized these fragments by pounding on the desk with each word. Her eyes focused, and and more frequently unfocused. A couple of times she spit onto her brown vest and pretended it didn't happen. She looked older than her press photos. Ms. Noonan spoke in a sing-song, condescending voice reserved usually for developmentally delayed 2nd graders. After she completed a thought, she'd pause and smile, staring at the air in front of her, reflecting on her impeccable delivery and overreaching wisdom. She used baseball metaphors more than twice.

I'll count that as a double. More, please:

She isn't teaching a class. It's a study group. It's just two hours of listening to a woman who should not be permitted to operate heavy machinery.

Sometimes, this job does itself. Here are your Peggy Noonan Goes to Harvard quotes. Someone get this woman to a kegger. Or at least a regatta. I've provided context with them strictly with emoticons. I think, for all intents and purposes, they otherwise speak for themselves:

• "I'm not a brain surgeon. You have to be a professional. I did my best and I didn't kill anybody. I can't remember what the point of my answer is." : )
  
  
• "You know, and the problem with George W. Bush, is that he made the whole world so nervous. Y'know!" :-O
  
  
• "My study group is about being a person who thinks things and believes them and turns them into words that convey thoughts and feelings." : /
  
  
• "You never have to feel that you're not allowed to think what you think." (>.<)
  
  
• "I wasn't sure I could wear mascara every day. One should dress. One should wear mascara when one can." 8<
  
  
• "I wasn't sure I could stay awake all day. This is one of the major stresses of life - making sure you can stay awake all day. I happen to think sleep is one of the most important things in life. Trying to wake up, trying to fall asleep. I don't know why I'm talking about this." :,(
  
  
• "It's not a faux pas to love your country. Its history. Its traditions. Love it. Bring that love into the world. Share it and the world looks at you and says, ‘Oh, I get it!'" :D
  
  
• "My best advice for you is never feel bad about being a loser." :-#
  
  
• "You Have To Let Your Freak Flag Fly." >°,,,°<

That is what today's column is about. Maybe? It is a particularly digressive and rambling effort even by Peggy's standards.

It is about "The New Elders," by which she means people who are kind of old, but not yet dead, like Safire and Walter Cronkite are, now. It is the responsibility of The New Elders to be older than young people, who are not yet wise, because they are young.

So the New Elders should try to be responsible, like William Safire was when he repeatedly claimed that Saddam Hussein did 9/11, or like Robert Novak was when he smeared a Chilean diplomat assassinated by Pinochet.

But there is a problem: Peggy Noonan uses math to calculate that there are literally three million crazy people in the United States, and apparently they all listen to Alex Jones.

This is why, I think, so many people-I include, literally, every person I know, from all walks of life, and all ages-are worried that our elected leaders are not safe, that this overheated era will end in some violent act or acts.

Stop reading this and ask whoever's nearby, "Do you find yourself worrying about President Obama's safety?" I do not think you are going to get, "No."

But Peggy, what if you're reading this in the Wall Street Journal opinion section office? Don't you know that OBAMA LOVES DICTATORS?

(Also, like a month ago, it was Barry who was scaring us, according to Peg.)

For some ungodly reason, Harvard's Kennedy School of Government saw fit to make Noonan a fellow this year. As part of the application process, candidates are asked to write up a syllabus of the course they will enlighten impressionable young undergrads with. Noonan wrote hers like she writes her column: She poured a glass of white wine, put on some Commodores, curled up in a big comfy chair with a Snuggie, and turned on the crazy.

Herewith, annotated selections from the syllabus for "CREATIVITY IN JOURNALISM, IN POLITICS AND IN LIFE: A Writer's Perspective, a study group led by IOP fellow Peggy Noonan, Tuesdays 4:00-5:30 p.m., Faculty Dining Room."

A writer tries to make clarity out of confusion, to capture reality, to see what is. A good writer is trying to be alive. A columnist says, "I think this is true, I want to tell you about it, please listen to me, let's think about it together."

Oh, lord. I don't think we're thinking what you're thinking, Peggy.

It is often said that writing is a solitary act, and that is true –- it's you and your brain, your soul and your response to something that's happening either in the world or in your head. And you bring to it, to this subject, what knowledge you have of life, and of man, and of history. But at the same time it is not a solitary act if you are lucky enough to have an audience for your work.

OK, follow closely kids, cause this gets complicated and I'm not going over it again: Writing=You+your brain+your soul+the larger of either your response to the voices in your head OR the voices on the teevee DIVIDED BY everything you know TIMES the square root of your audience. WRITE THAT DOWN.

Ronald Reagan was interesting as a political figure in part because when he spoke there was a quality of mutual listening going on, a listening so intense it was like a form of communication. He would make his case and illustrate his points and you'd sit in the audience and think, "Yes, that's true, I agree" or, "Hmmm, I'm not sure."

Or you could think, Gosh, I'm a little chilly. Maybe I should switch to bourbon. Is it four yet? Oh well. This white wine's a little cold, though. Why did I choose the white wine? Oh, I wanted to polish off that bottle, that's right. OK, I'll just finish it off and then warm myself back up with the Knob Creek. I wonder what they would taste like if I mixed them together? My kingdom for an electric Snuggie! You know what's wrong with our culture? No one stands anymore—Ronald Reagan could stand, and he could walk, the way our fathers stood and walked when there were wars and everyone wore hats and carried handkerchiefs. A handkerchief is like a smile—a wry little smile that says, "Everything's going to be OK, miss. You just don't worry, we'll take care of everything." Are there handkerchiefs on the internet? Maybe there are, but I don't think so. I think we need a handkerchief, to lift us up and carry us back to when things like people and dogs and trees really mattered. Why are we always so angry? God I'd love 15 minutes in the back of a car with Lionel Richie. Where was I? You could think that, too.

So: onward, to a writer's life.

Session One:
Introduction: An Overview:
Who I am. Where I am from. What I have done. My career. Being a speechwriter for Ronald Reagan; being young at CBS News when it too was young, and the Tiffany Network, and carried itself like the greatest army in the world, with spirit and élan and pride, and not a small amount of conceit.

No, not a small amount at all.

Session Two:
"What It Is to Work In a White House."
You've seen the television show The West Wing, on which I was for a short time a consultant. You've read What I Saw at the Revolution, or should have, God knows. Is there more to say? Yes. Herein I say it. Here's where I start: What a privelage, what a great exhausting drama, to do what you are doing, which is: Living History.

What an idiot, you are, to do what you have done, which is: Misspell "privilege."

Session Five:
"What It Is to be a Columnist."
"My column? I call it my pillar!" William Safire is said to have said. What columnists are trying to do. Why they do it. How they do it. Why it matters. Our guest will be, one hopes, a great columnist.

Great columnists. Write. In sentence fragments. Because. It's hard. To write complete. Thoughts.

Session Six:
"What It Is to Write A book?"
To write a book is to swing for the fences. Books last. The great CBS News anchor Charles Kuralt once said in my presence, gesturing toward the television, "That doesn't last, but this" – he gestured toward a book case – "does." (Actually if Google has its way maybe this will change; maybe they'll delete us.) But until they do, books are forever. I've written eight. All nonfiction. Let's talk about them, about the writing of them, and let us have as a guest a great book writer.

Let us!

Session Seven:
"Where Is America now, politically?"
And where exactly should it be? I have some thoughts.

No you don't, Peggy. You do not have any thoughts.

Is it good that what was essentially a media monopoly has been broken? Yes. And it's bad, too.

Knob Creek time!

Session Eight:
"Wrap Up Session."
What did we learn? What can we conclude about the writer's life? What interests you about politics? What is good about modern media, and what is bad? Let us talk about journalism, politics, and life.

This woman is a national fucking treasure. There's also a video of Noonan explaining the class, which she apparently confused with an appearance on Sesame Street.

You might think that the "scaring" is actually happening by the people claiming that Health Care reform will literally mean mass mandatory execution of the elderly, but no, Obama is scaring them, by trying to pass legislation that will expand health care coverage and maybe rein in costs. HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED.

We have entered uncharted territory in the fight over national health care. There's a new tone in the debate, and it's ugly. At the moment the Democrats are looking like something they haven't looked like in years, and that is: desperate.

They must know at this point they should not have pushed a national health-care plan.

Don't Democrats know that the fastest way to get a presidency declared dead by the media is for them to actually try to pass liberal legislation?

Despite the fact that the "protesters" showing up to Town Halls to abuse congressmen are made up entirely of a) rageful crazies who believe in conspiratorial lies and b) organized, professional stooges of major lobbying concerns, Peggy Noonan is right that it is stupid for Democrats to attack them, mostly because The Liberal Mainstream Media is unable and unwilling to distinguish "anecdotal evidence of a disenfranchised-feeling minority all ginned up on crazy lies" from "a grassroots popular movement with broad public support" or whatever. And it does just look like these congressmen are pissed that their actual idiot constituents are trying to tell them their concerns (which is how most congressmen feel about their idiot constituents but you're not supposed to say it).

Everything else, though, Peggy is wrong about.

The passions of the protesters, on the other hand, are not a surprise. They hired a man to represent them in Washington. They give him a big office, a huge staff and the power to tell people what to do. They give him a car and a driver, sometimes a security detail, and a special pin showing he's a congressman. And all they ask in return is that he see to their interests and not terrify them too much. Really, that's all people ask. Expectations are very low. What the protesters are saying is, "You are terrifying us."

If you think these people voted for Obama, or that they think he represents them, you are wrong. What they protesters are saying is, "We are trying to terrify you."

But it's nice that Peggy's column on how these people are honorable, innocent citizens who are merely frightened by the excesses of Washington or whatever ran on the day shit got violent.

So without shitting on concerned citizens exercising their right to assemble, it should just be noted that these people are being lied to about the thing they are protesting, they are being organized and instructed to disrupt town halls by Republican political organizations and major media outlets, and their disruptions are then broadcast and celebrated by the people who lied to them, initially, in order to gin up the outrage.

It's all very pomo and complicated, actually, with the spectacle and whatnot.

Here are the rioting teabaggers in Florida. Ybor City throws such killer congressional town hall meetings!

But, you know, kind of wonderful. Especially when she does her Nixon impression. We'd like to hear her read this column out loud.

As Jack Kennedy used to say, and so eloquently, here you can really stick it to him and break it off.

And speaking of JFK, try to seize back a bit of the issue of health in general. Remember physical fitness and vigor and 50 mile hikes on the C&O Canal? Completely captured the public imagination. JFK himself didn't do it, he wasn't insane, and he had the bad back. He sent Bobby and that fat Pierre Salinger. Anyway, go with that: personal responsibility, strength, health. Steal it from the Dems. But don't imitate their censorious tone: ‘Ya can't smoke, put down that doughnut.' Let me tell you, doughnut eaters are the largest growing demographic in America. Don't get crossways with them!"

Hah. Can you imagine this coming out of her patrician mouth? No, but seriously, it's a very good Nixon pastiche, except not once does it say anything about the Jews. Come on, Pegs! You know Zombie Nixon would have plenty to say about the Jews!

Oh, but before Nixon advises the modern GOP to... lobby for Tort Reform (booooooorrrrrring!), Zombie Franklin Roosevelt appears before Obama and tells him to expand the politically popular Medicare program to all Americans, and call it the National Health Service. That would be a government-funded single payer national health insurance system, like they have in socialist Canada. It is a wonderful idea! We would let Zombie Nixon have his stupid "you're not allowed to sue doctors who maim you" reform if we got single-payer in exchange!

We know Peggy has always cared more about pretty words and fanciful narratives more than actual policy but now she is basically Bernie Sanders with a hard-on for cowboys.

PaidContent's Rafat Ali advised Lazard's Bruce Wasserstein to get his shit together before he starts messing around with BusinessWeek. Just a little not-so-friendly advice.

The Hollywood Reporter's Matt Belloni caught Fox News' Dennis Miller at the Comi-Con geekfest. We presume Miller's on-air report will go something like, ""The place is crawling with freakazoids, Chachi. I haven't seen this many virgins in one place since the Jonas Brothers' VH1 Behind the Music. Heh-heeeeehh."

Salon's Joan Walsh worried for G. Gordon Liddy's mental health. Specifically, that he might be getting it back.

The Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan found CBS' Andy Rooney to be the most "eloquent" eulogizer in a group of journalists.

Brian Stelter confirmed: There are waking moments when Brian Stelter won't tweet.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

The Twitterati wee just striving for a little normalcy.

Wired's Michael Calore wrestled with flashbacks and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Kim Severson, food writer for the New York Times, was severely bummed out by subpar charcuterie.

In her debut tweet, the Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan claimed to have arrived in the 21st century. We'll just see about that.

NBC News' Ann Curry plugged company sponsor Starbucks, but swore it was nothing untoward, just her crippling caffeine addiction speaking.

With a slight attitude adjustment, ABC's John Berman might have realized his vacation was already underway, and had the time of his life in the Minneapolis airport. (It could happen!)

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

Depending, perhaps, on her painkiller supply, Peggy Noonan veers wildly between hackish defenses of Republican doctrine and actual clear-thinking criticisms of politicians (and sometimes, when she's had a little Chardonnay, she goes to airports, or walks around the Upper East Side looking at buildings). The latter columns tend to trick people into thinking the former columns are something other than a lifelong party faithful carrying water. But we digress! As a Republican, she would like to see Republicans actually win elections, someday, and because she is already on record as hating Sarah Palin it would not damage her brand, too much, to continue the attack.

She throws a few sops to the believers: after the Palin pick "the left and the media immediately overplayed their hand, with attacks on her children" (if we remember correctly, "the left," as represented by Barack Obama, asked that her children be declared off-limits, and "the media" merely reported, belatedly and with obvious disbelief, on her bizarre family life). And there are attacks on unnamed "intellectuals," by which she actually means "the Republican party elite," but she knows quite well that the word she uses is dogwhistle for "liberals."

But maybe we should just enjoy the actually unbridled disdain on display, here.

"The elites hate her." The elites made her. It was the elites of the party, the McCain campaign and the conservative media that picked her and pushed her. The base barely knew who she was. It was the elites, from party operatives to public intellectuals, who advanced her and attacked those who said she lacked heft. She is a complete elite confection. She might as well have been a bonbon.

"She makes the Republican Party look inclusive." She makes the party look stupid, a party of the easily manipulated.

"She shows our ingenuous interest in all classes." She shows your cynicism.

"Now she can prepare herself for higher office by studying up, reading in, boning up on the issues." Mrs. Palin's supporters have been ordering her to spend the next two years reflecting and pondering. But she is a ponder-free zone. She can memorize the names of the presidents of Pakistan, but she is not going to be able to know how to think about Pakistan. Why do her supporters not see this? Maybe they think "not thoughtful" is a working-class trope!

From there, we go on to blaming Palin's fall on "membership in the self-esteem generation," and a repetition of Noonan's post-9/11 mantra: "the world is a dangerous place." She feels that if she repeats it often enough, the Cold War will reignite and Ronald Reagan will rise from the dead, to win it again, for the Gipper, and for the team.

We can't wait to hear what Meg Stapleton has to say about all this!

Beck, last seen around these parts babbling on and on about how ACORN is trying to assassinate him, sounds like he's looking for his own personal Peggy Noonan, someone whose flowery prose can transform his usual insidious tripe into Reaganesque towering rhetoric. So where does Glenn Beck turn in search of literary greatness? He turns to Craigslist, of course...

Mercury Radio Arts is the New York based production company owned by Radio and TV host Glenn Beck.

Mercury seeks a writer for contributions to Glenn's radio program, magazine, and web site. The ideal candidate will have a strong interest in news, current events, and politics.

Key responsibilities will include contributing original content to GlennBeck.com and to Glenn's radio program and magazine. Writing will include a mix of short pieces and long articles, fact-based commentary on the news of the day, etc.

Requirements:

• Strong written and verbal communication skills
• Research skills
• At least 2 years of journalism experience

Interested candidates, please send resume, cover letter, and at least 3 writing samples. Cover letters must include salary requirements to be eligible for consideration.

Location: New York, NY

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

Wow, there are jobs for writers all over Craigslist tonight! Could this have something to do with the sudden lack of whores on the site? Coincidence? The mind, it does wander.

Now, if you're planning on applying for the job, be sure to mention in your cover letter that you subscribe to the New American and that you're a card-carrying member of the John Birch Society. Just trust me on this one. Maybe the person who gets the gig can parlay it into a gig as Sarah Palin's memoir collaborator. Now hurry up and email Glenn! And be sure to send us all sorts of juicy tidbits about him once you infiltrate his little crazy world, okay?!

There were two other panelists at this IFC Media Project event in Midtown too, but they were both very reasonable, so who cares? Let's get to the highlights!

Tina Brown: She was the most glamorous of the bunch. Paps flashed their flashbulbs at her! And I must say, she holds the sanest views of any of our three stars!
Tina says Obama's made an honest attempt on the torture issue. She wants truth commissions in America to get to the bottom of it. She is the Steve Biko of IFC Media panel discussion!
Also: "TV doesn't do well with nuance." She learned that by having a failed TV show! Tina's not sweating the death of newspapers so much—rather, she's concerned about where the journalism will go. Screw newspapers, she said (paraphrase!).
At one point she told Peggy Noonan she was wrong.

Ari Fleischer: Virtually everything he said made one want to choke on one's own scoffing. He's very smirky at all times.
What grade would he give the Obama administration on "Transparency"? C. That means you get a G, Ari.
Ari is surprisingly against truth commissions exploring the various tortures sanctioned by his bosses and explained away by him daily, for years, because were there to be a torture investigation, it would devolve into "acrimony." And anyhow it should be done by Congress, but oh it can't be done by Congress, because Congress is too partisan.
Then he said: "I'll be proud" to answer a subpoena. "Much of (our various torturing) is questionable in the day's light... but people are proud of what they did to keep us safe." Yea? Somebody subpoena this guy already.
Ari lives in Westchester county and didn't read any international news sources when he was in the White House and he still doesn't, so don't ask him about un-American news like that.

Peggy Noonan: A very strange person. There is no way not to describe her as "doddering," as she enjoyed looking up at the ceiling wide-eyed as others were speaking. But so many things to say!
At the recent Obama press conference, she said, "We saw the return of the Obama thinking look... you could actually see him thinking!"
What about this Obama White House? "This is a big White House and a consequential one, making big decisions." Expertise gleaned at the highest levels of government, ladies and gents. "Obama as an individual is something new. [BLACK GUY??] There's a certain level of cool, of shrewdness."
At one point the moderator asked Peggy if she wanted to respond to a point. "Actually I was daydreaming about something I read in the newspaper," she replied. "It was that George Will column."

TOP THREE PEGGY NOONAN QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"If I say I'm Peggy Noonan from PeggyNoonan.com, he's not gonna feel like he has to take that call." OH?
"I believe I know the lyrics to every Al Jolson song."
"I love. The fizz."

Yes, it's absurd to argue with straight face that "walling" isn't so terrible, or that America's enemies will, somehow, cleverly exploit the country's apparent limit of 183 waterboardings against a single individual.

But Jon Stewart and company made the pro-torture spin-storm seem farcical on a whole other level, thanks in part to an incredible Karl Rove clip, and of course one Peggy Noonan.

You should really watch the whole segment below, but we've distilled the best minute and a half above.

Also, there was a lady who had too many children! So many children she had! She was also a Spiderman villain, or maybe a Spiderman villain's mom. They called her "Dr. Octopus Mom" and everyone in the country was so mad at her, and Peggy wondered if maybe some of her children could walk around the Upper East Side so it wouldn't feel so empty, because all the money is in Washington now. Oh, what a fact!

Peggy saw this woman on TV, and also on her TV she saw a man with a mustache who landed a plane in a river!

It's Sully and Suleman, the pilot and "Octomom," the two great stories that are twinned with the era. Sully, the airline captain who saved 155 lives by landing that plane just right-level wings, nose up, tail down, plant that baby, get everyone out, get them counted, and then, at night, wonder what you could have done better. You know the reaction of the people of our country to Chesley B. Sullenberger III: They shake their heads, and tears come to their eyes. He is cool, modest, competent, tough in the good way. He's the only one who doesn't applaud Sully. He was just doing his job.

This is why people are so moved: We're still making Sullys. We're still making those mythic Americans, those steely-eyed rocket men. Like Alan Shepard in the Mercury rocket: "Come on and light this candle."

But Sully, 58, Air Force Academy '73, was shaped and formed by the old America, and educated in an ethos in which a certain style of manhood-of personhood-was held high.

What we fear we're making more of these days is Nadya Suleman. The dizzy, selfish, self-dramatizing 33-year-old mother who had six small children and then a week ago eight more because, well, she always wanted a big family. "Suley" doubletalks with the best of them, she doubletalks with profound ease. She is like Blago without the charm. She had needs and took proactive steps to meet them, and those who don't approve are limited, which must be sad for them. She leaves anchorwomen slack-jawed: How do you rough up a woman who's still lactating? She seems aware of their predicament.

Peggy went to a liquor store.

In a liquor store just off 82nd, the owner, from India, says volume is still high but profits are down. "In business, if you have a product under $15, is good. People used to spend $70, $80 on a bottle of wine, all the bankers, the young kids. Nothing moving more than $15."

Peggy bought her 15 dollar bottle of vodka and went home to writer her column.

Sure? Kinda? Both of them, oddly, are writing about the logistical nightmare that will be Inauguration Day. Gene is pretty sure Washington will be reduced to rubble by partying hordes of change-junkies drunk on hope.

Basically, traffic already sucks, all the bridges in and out of town will be closed, along with many streets in Washington, there's no room for the tour buses, no one will even see anything, and the balls will suck. BUT:

The Obama administration begins at a moment of crisis, but also, perhaps, of opportunity. The nation has elected its first African American president. The government he will head has been forced to take a larger role in the economic life of the nation than at any moment since World War II. If ever there was a time to send a new administration to work with the nation's best wishes, that time is now. This inauguration really does matter more than most.

So let the party begin. Somehow, we'll make it to Wednesday. Won't we?

Hopeful! There's that Obama charm in action!

But let's move on to Noonan, who is penning one of her laudanum-inspired tributes to being an old pleasant person in the company of other old, pleasant people. She rode an airplane to Washington, and she still finds the Capitol very impressive, as does this other old lady, "a woman of the Reagan era, an old acquaintance," who she meets on the airplane. "I buy a friend an Obama Action Figure whose arms and legs can be configured to walk forward, pointing us toward the future." There is one of those iconic column-ready cabdrivers! He leads to this odd little reverie

The cabdriver handed him a fully written inaugural address, and asked him to pass it on. Later, thinking of this, unbidden and for no clear reason, the words of the theme of the 1956 movie "Friendly Persuasion" came to mind: "Thee is mine, though I don't know many words of praise / Thee pleasures me in a hundred ways."

Ok, sure! Really you should read the entirety of this wonderful feat of word-stacking. Inaugurations are like Romeo and Juliet and brass donkey paperweights and also let us all raise a toast "To the president of the United States."

In short it looks like what Obama talked about with the liberals and conservatives was Inauguration Day traffic.

Noonan, remember, was caught on a live mic talking about how the selection of Sarah Palin as VP was "bullshit." A fact that was referenced repeatedly by Ken Auletta! So what did Noonan spend the bulk of her time on the panel (subject: "Covering the Candidates") doing? Defending Sarah Palin.

It was far too early to take notes, but I'll sum up Peggy's arguments: "Sarah Palin, fresh, new, American, real, six-pack, women, sexism?, the American people." The experience was strange because every single person sitting in the room—the panelists, the moderator, the audience, the security guards—was well aware how dumb Sarah Palin is. But there was Peggy, gamely searching for some all-American Reaganesque prose to elevate Palin into something legitimate. The panel was about the media, so the bold political hackery was jarring and out of place, like when those crazy Christians wave signs at the funerals of dead soldiers saying God killed them because of fags. There's a time and a place for your brand of lying, Peggy. It's on the weekend talk shows, after you sign on as a speechwriter for the sure-to-be successful Palin administration. There are lots of political hacks writing columns; but Noonan always wants to pop up as some sort of spokeswoman for Middle America, in the most patronizing way possible to actual Middle Americans.

You failed at the New Yorker Festival, Peggy Noonan.

The contrast between Noonan and the other panelists was what made the entire ordeal grimace-worthy. Bill Keller has more political pressure on him than almost anyone in the entire media. But when Ken Auletta asked him how it affected him when the McCain campaign charged the Times with being in the tank for Obama, Keller said (approximately): "It makes me want to find the toughest, hardest story about McCain we have and put it on the front page the next day."

That's called honesty, Peggy Noonan. Retire with your trademark false grace. [Pic via Startraks]

Mainstream media outlets — and our very own Richard! — have dipped into the market for Palin family fan fiction. Two weeks ago this market seemed the exclusive domain of independent satirists like Something Awful — which portrayed a young Levi Johnston as harboring an elaborate Sarah Palin wet nurse fantasy — and Jeff Johnson's blog, which imagined Todd Palin as the type of dude for whom "whiskey makes him more sober." Well this week New York's blog went there, inspired by the Sarah Palin's real-life, closed-to-the-press meeting with Henry Kissinger:

Kissinger: Zen I am very interested in vat you think of my legacy of realpolitik.
Palin: In what respect?
Kissinger: Vell, vat do you interpret it to be?
Palin: You mean your worldview? I think when someone like you says "Real Politics," you mean a clear, honest effort to rid the world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell-bent in destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way, though. There have been mistakes made, and with new leadership, and that's the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy, is with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better.
Kissinger: I see. Can you get that bowl of vater for my dog, please?
Palin: Oh, I thought I just explained. I'm not a concierge — I'm Sarah Palin, I'm the woman John McCain selected as his vice-presidential running mate.
Kissinger: I know.
Palin: Oh! Sure, okay. So, you're German, right? I've been to Germany!
Kissinger: I am American.
Palin: Then why do you talk that way? You don't even say the "s" at the end of "politics."

L-U-L! But ugh, now the conservative establishment kind of has a point about lobbing whole "sexism" charge whenever the media makes a funny, right? Well, here's today's briefing from the Oracle of our Great Nation of Wasillas herself Peggy Noonan.

As for Sarah Palin, the McCain campaign continues to make mistakes. They don't seem to understand her strengths and weaknesses. The U.N. photo-ops were a staged embarrassment. Keeping the press away made her look infantilized. When she finally began to sit for television interviews, the atmosphere was heightened, every misstep magnified. With Katie Couric she seemed rattled. In the Charlie Gibson interview it was not good when she sounded chirpy discussing possible war with Russia. One should not chirp about such things. Or one wouldn't if one knew the implications. And knowing the implications is part of what we hire leaders for.

Okay, well, it's not like anyone really believed anything other than Peggy is an elitist liberal double agent of the chattering classes. But surely the prolific feminazis over at the National Review's Corner blog are national guarding their their favorite pitbull, right? Here's Palin fangirl Kathleen Parker today:

Circumstances have changed since Palin was introduced as just a hockey mom with lipstick — what a difference a financial crisis makes — and a more complicated picture has emerged.
…
Palin didn’t make a mess cracking the glass ceiling. She simply glided through it.

It was fun while it lasted.

Palin’s recent interviews with Charles Gibson, Sean Hannity, and now Katie Couric have all revealed an attractive, earnest, confident candidate. Who Is Clearly Out Of Her League.

No one hates saying that more than I do. Like so many women, I’ve been pulling for Palin, wishing her the best, hoping she will perform brilliantly. I’ve also noticed that I watch her interviews with the held breath of an anxious parent, my finger poised over the mute button in case it gets too painful. Unfortunately, it often does. My cringe reflex is exhausted.

Palin filibusters. She repeats words, filling space with deadwood. Cut the verbiage and there’s not much content there. Here’s but one example of many from her interview with Hannity: “Well, there is a danger in allowing some obsessive partisanship to get into the issue that we’re talking about today. And that’s something that John McCain, too, his track record, proving that he can work both sides of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must be surpassed to deal with an issue like this.”

When Couric pointed to polls showing that the financial crisis had boosted Obama’s numbers, Palin blustered wordily: “I’m not looking at poll numbers. What I think Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who’s more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who’s actually done it?”

If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself.

HOLY SHIT.

So folks, there you have it: Sarah Palin is officially too much of a joke for conservatives with brains to have to pretend isn't a joke anymore. For this Noonan blames McCain's disregard of the Conservative Thinkosphere, but I actually think it's more like the subsector of conservatives that occasionally commits the gaffe of independent nonpartisan thought, which is something it turns out women — just not Sarah Palin — are capable of. Perhaps the continuing chaos on Wall Street, as notably communicated and commented upon to America by such gorgeous broads as Erin Burnett, Nancy Pelosi, Becky Quick and Maria Bartiromo, has reminded "Main Street" that the presence of lipstick doesn't necessitate being graded on a curve. But if they didn't get the message, Katie Couric sure hammered it home.