• Republican-leaning movie star Bruce Willis opened a yuppie-friendly wine bar in the East Village, which prompted protests from neighborhood lefties and counterprotests from the Young Republicans. Turns out? He's not a partner in the bar, he just lent his name as a favor. Because, you know, wine, action movie star Bruce Willis — the connection is obvious. Plus he totally made those wine cooler commercials in the 80s. [Observer]
• Premium seats for Broadway's All My Sons will sell for $251, as opposed to the usual $100, because of sudden surge in the popularity of Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Arthur Miller. Ha ha, just kidding, it's because the play features Katie Holmes, the middling movie star married to insane cultist Tom Cruise. The market works! [E!]
• The threesome involving Scarlett Johansson, Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem takes up less than 20 seconds of Woody Allen's new movie, according to Allen, but the marketing department is going to milk those precious seconds for all they are worth, starting with the poster.
• OMG a fashiongay is going to ruin the Obama campaign! "Some Dems fear that in the months ahead, [Andre Leon] Talley, a huge fan of Oscar de la Renta, will steer Michelle into a Bolero jacket or an outfit even more ill-advised." Yes, a big public fight about which expensive outfits Michelle Obama should wear is just what Barack "Elite" Obama needs right now. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus' dad, country music star Bill Ray Cyrus, revealed that he left the Vanity Fair photo shoot before Annie Leibovitz took the infamous picture of his daughter in a bed sheet. "Stuff happens. That's life... It's not a mistake to me." [Daily Star]
• Here's a picture of Kate Moss flashing her boobs in Turkey and setting back Islamic/Western relations 20 more years. [Sun]
• Ashey Olsen went public with her dalliance with movie star Justin Bartha, then proceeded to get way too cutesy: "Told they had a reserved love seat in the theater, Olsen affectionately rubbed Bartha's back and giggled, 'That sounds good!'" Awww... barf.
• Matthew McConaughey's wife is pregnant, so he went "surfing" in Nicaragua alone, which of course means mostly carousing in bars. He denies hitting on various women, but admits to losing his left flip-flop, and even offers a reward, which is JUST bizarre enough to make you forget about the cheating. Smarter than he looks. [R&M]
• Police have been searching for Sam Israel, a hedge funder they think faked his own suicide just before starting a 20-year-prison sentence. But it turns out he thinks he can time travel, so the Post wonders if he "FLED TO THE PAST?"
• If her friends weren't here, Naomi Campbell would totally stab you! And then come back the next day to apologize! And then try to put the incident behind her! [Showbiz Spy]
• Britney Spears is selling her house, which means the paprazzi will leave and broke neighbor Ed McMahon may finally be able to sell his place. Spears will be destroying property values in Encino next. [E!]

TedSez's new line beats the original, "Ryan Reynolds? What's a Ryan Reynolds? Ryan Reynolds. I'll Tell Ya What, It's- It's- It's Crazy. Ryan Reynolds."

Cruz, for her part, has dealt with lesbian rumours for years regarding her friend, actress Salma Hayek. Not that she's discouraged them: "I grabbed Salma's ass just to keep things moving, because everyone was a little slow."

To conclude this chain, we bring to your attention the much-vaunted music video of Cruz kissing who people thought was her biological sister, who was also in the vid. (She was kissing another actress, her reps said! Jeez, people!) And so the snake eats its own tail.

We use Getty Images database as a proxy for measuring the social behavior patterns of celebrities. Getty Images collected almost 1,600 pictures from the 2007 Vanity Fair event. 248 different people were identified in these photos. The means, even if we discount the fact that not everyone at the event actually was photographed, at least 30,628 connections are mathematically possible. More interestingly, it seems that a surprising number of these potential connections are made throughout the year at various other events. When we looked at the entire database of Getty Images photos associated with entertainment events, we find that some of the people in attendance at the Vanity Fair party ended up at other events with at least 50% of those also at the party.

Take for example Jennifer Lopez: Of the 248 people photographed at the party, between 2006-2007, she ended up at other events throughout the year with 134 them while expectedly, given her social butterfly status, Lopez’s husband, Marc Anthony was at other events with 121 of the 248 photographed attendees. Similarly, Penelope Cruz ended up at other events with 123 Vanity Fair party attendees.

Figure 1: The celebrities who attended the most events with other Vanity Fair partiers

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Penelope Cruz
3. Marc Anthony
4. Beyonce
5. Helen Mirren
6. Jennifer Hudson
7. Sharon Stone
8. Will Smith
9. Forest Whitaker

Further, part of the appeal of the Vanity Fair party is that even if you don’t know everyone, there is an extraordinarily high chance that you will be able to meet that producer, director, actress etc. that you want to meet if you try just a little, and this meeting doesn’t have to occur at the party. Vanity Fair party goers are just more connected than the rest of us. As a whole, Americans have a maximum of six degrees of separation, which means that the worst case scenario is that you can reach anyone in America through at most six acquaintances. (No, this isn’t just a phrase, it’s been tested by social scientists ranging from Stanley Milgram to Duncan Watts, and Will Smith, ironically, even stars in a movie with the same title). Conversely, the people at the Vanity Fair party network have just 4 degrees of separation.

What this means is that those attending the Vanity Fair party not only have just 1 degree of separation from those also at the party (by virtue of being in the same place you only have to tap someone on the shoulder at the bar and say hello), they also can connect to anyone else in the entire database of people and events photographed by Getty through 3 mediators (or people). And there are some people who are even more connected – they need less than one person to get in touch with someone else. For example, Vanity Fair attendees, Oprah Winfrey and Kimora Lee Simmons are only 1.7 degrees of separation from anyone else photographed by Getty, while Suzanne Somers’ degrees of separation is 1.96 and Elton John’s is 1.78, which means that they need contact with, well, 0.7-0.96 of a another person to access anyone else.

Figure 2: Degrees of Separation for the Rich and Famous

1. Kimora Lee Simmons
2. Nancy Wilson
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Gayle King
5. Zhang Ziyi
6. Elton John
7. Brandon Routh
8. Fran Lebowitz

With the cancellation of the Vanity Fair party putting the kibosh on all those potential interactions with other beautiful, interesting celebrities, a star might be inclined to stay at home, order Chinese food and watch the Oscars on TV. And that decision, as it turns out, would be okay.

Because so many of those attending the Vanity Fair party end up at so many other events together, there is a high probability that the run-ins and social networking that occur at the Vanity Fair party will occur in other places to, albeit not quite to the same level. Now that the most fabulous party (and as it seems greatest networking event) of the year has been likely permanently cancelled, it would be useful to have a plan B, to know where to even bother showing up, and we’ll tell you. Sure, going to the actual Academy Awards or the Golden Globes would be an option. But with the cancellation of the raison d’etre for the evening, why bother getting all dressed up to sit quietly in an uncomfortable seat for 3 hours? Instead, we suggest hitting up the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Ball, New York Fashion Week or the Instyle and Warner Brother’s Golden Globes party. According to our research, you’re guaranteed to find some of your former Vanity Fair party BFFs there (See chart).

Elizabeth Currid, assistant professor at the School of Policy, Planning and Development at University of Southern California, is the author of The Warhol Economy: How Fashion, Art and Music Drive New York City. Gilad Ravid is a lecturer and researcher at Industrial Engineering and Management department, Ben Gurion University of the Negev in Israel.

• Britney Spears hanger-on Sam Lutfi must henceforth keep 250 yards from the singer because as Britney's mom reminded us, he "gave Britney Spears pills ground up in her food to keep her quiet and at one point he told Britney she had to take 10 pills a day if she wanted to see her two young children." [Reuters]
• Lutfi's lawyer tried to say he wasn't properly served with the restraining order paperwork. The judge basically laughed. Lutfi's legal team then asked if the judge would like maybe a home-made scone or some coffee or maybe an "aspirin."
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will supposedly come to Prince's hot Oscar party, along with Penelope Cruz. When the catfighting and Scientology recruiting speeches begin, scoot on over to the real LA Oscar party, hosted by queen diva Elton John.
• Ryan Phillippe endorsed Obama, and has the cool Shepard Fairey t-shirt to prove it. Against all odds, the left-of-Hillary, cool and charismatic black Democratic candidate is dominating among gorgeous celebrities. [X17]
• Brangelina were confused, until they realized Clint Eastwood and his wife were waiting for them at the uncool restaurant across the street. Then everyone not pregnant ordered wine and got drunk and happy. Lesson: Clint Eastwood likes to drink. Oh, and you'll usually have a better time at the uncool restaurant! [Showbiz Spy]
• Teen star Miley Cyrus apologized for not wearing her seatbelt in a movie or raising your children for you or transforming you into a responsible human being who has better things to do than yell at a teen star over some stupid shit. [AP]
• Riverbank Hotel staff "baffled" that Amy Winehouse trashed her room over two weeks, leaving "the floor strewn in champagne bottles and unwashed knickers." Maybe if she had checked in under the assumed name "I Live To Trash Hotel Rooms" they might have seen this coming. Probably not, though. [Showbiz Spy]
• Eminem to finally let the world in on his family dramas and emotional issues, in a book. [People]
• Moby thinks people hate him because Natalie Portman was his girlfriend this one time. Oh, Moby. [P6]

Steverino's new line beats the original, Mona Lisa, 2008.

But intellectually, I'm still curious: What makes someone famous? The obvious answer concerns talent, beauty, or profession. But celebrity validates itself. No one is ever just famous for what they do or what they look like. People are also celebrities because they spend time with other famous people. In other words, they reinforce their status and power by virtue of remaining an exclusive network of celebrities. So how does one even begin to penetrate the celebrity network?

I wanted to get to the bottom of this. But good luck getting someone like Nicole Richie to fill out a survey on who she was hanging out with and where last week. So my colleague at the University of Southern California Gilad Ravid and I figured out the next best thing. How do we know what celebrities do, who they hang out with, and where they go? Because at every great celebrity event is an even greater photographer documenting the entire thing. Getty Images is by far the best, most comprehensible international database of photos and so we looked at every documented entertainment-related event occurring around the world from March 2006 through March 2007. And then we took all this data and ran extensive social network analysis on the people in the photos (who else was at the event, who is in each photo, where the event is located). We wanted to see if we could find patterns in celebrity social behavior. Where do celebrities go and who do they hang out with?

This isn't to say famous people don't have non-famous friends, or that they don't act like regular people in their not-in-the-spotlight moments (remember, US Weekly's mantra, they're just like us!). But we're interested in the public social behavior of celebrities—the events "that matter", the ones that normal people aren't invited to—not so much their morning run to Starbucks. So far, we've figured out a thing or two about the nature of celebrity.

Celebrity is like getting accepted at Harvard: Hard as hell, but once you're in, you're in. Everyone knows everyone. And even if Celebrity X invited you to the party, you will likely know everyone else at the party through a different channel. The celebrity network reinforces itself and its exclusivity. Everyone stays friends with the same people and the gang of beautiful people moves from event to event together—no interlopers allowed.

Look at the social network of the Queen Bee of exclusivity herself, Anna Wintour, darling editrix of Vogue magazine. Between March 2006-2007, Ms. Wintour attended 57 events around the world at which she was photographed by Getty. (This is not a large number, considering Paris Hilton was photographed at approximately 2000 events and Penelope Cruz at more than 1700. And an "event" can be the Costume Institute Benefit and it can also be a boutique opening. Either way, Hilton and Cruz are far more social and out and about than Wintour. Though, this isn't surprising. Ms. Wintour is nothing if not selective in her social life).

While there may have been other people at the events, only 1242 people in events around the world were photographed at the same events as Ms. Wintour. (Contrast this with American Idol star and Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson, who was at events with 2239 other people in just California alone). Ms. Wintour's social life can be categorized as a "fully-connected network," which means that all the people who attend events that Ms. Wintour attends tend to attend them together, meaning that they all go to the same events—as opposed to attending discrete events with her. In other words, they run in a pack, so to speak, even if their packs are made up of limos.

Within her network, five of the most important people (what social networkers like to call "authorities") are Vogue's main man Andre Leon Talley, Fashion Week organizer Fern Mallis, premier fashion stylist Phillip Bloch, InStyle's editor-in-chief Hal Rubenstein, and socialite Tinsley Mortimer. These people have the most connections with the most connected, which means they have a knack for attending events and being in photographs with the most social of social butterflies.

Another crew within the Wintour crowd worth befriending are those that tend to be friends outside of Wintour. They go to events together even when Wintour is not holding court. Maybe they are genuinely friends. Or married, like Donald and Melania Trump. But count burlesque goddess Dita Von Teese, designer Zac Posen, and musician Harry Connick Jr. in this crowd too. These people go to events together outside of the ones that Ms. Wintour attends.

Then there are the social butterflies themselves. These individuals are the "most connected" of all people at the events and they have been photographed with more people and at more events than anyone else within the Wintour circle. These people know everyone. Knowing these people is generally a good idea if you want to expand your celebrity social network. This group overlaps a lot with the others. For example, Andre Leon Talley not only appears at events with very connected people, he is also very connected to lots of people himself. Same with Zac Posen and Donald and Melania Trump. Other really connected people include the rapper Eve and Ms. Wintour's daughter, Bee Schaffer.

If you really want to become BFF with Ms. Wintour, you might want to befriend those people who go to the most events that Wintour attends. Take a look at the chart above. Ms. Wintour obviously has the most connections within her network, and thus is ranked first. But of all celebrities, Talley, Tinsley Mortimer, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger and Kanye West are among those who tend to go to most events that she does.

People who are not so likely to help your cause if you're trying to become famous are designers Donna Karan and Doo Ri and actress Cameron Diaz. Don't mistake these people for not being cool enough; by the numbers, they're actually too cool. They attend events Ms. Wintour attends but don't tend to go to all the events, and they are unlikely to go to events with the crowd at Wintour's events if she isn't also there.

On the other hand, if your focus is less on getting into the network and more on just getting celebrity publicity, you might want to start hanging out with the people in Ms. Wintour's network that get photographed the most. These are not, interestingly enough, the same people who go to the most events with Ms. Wintour. But, when they do go to an event with Ms. Wintour in attendance, they are photographed more than anyone—sometimes even more than the Queen Bee herself. We analyzed the 11, 740 pictures within the Wintour network and found that fashion designer John Galliano was photographed 321 times, while Ms. Wintour was photographed 192 times. Getty photographers took 97 shots Sienna Miller, 75 of Victoria Beckham and 68 of Katie Holmes.

Of course this makes sense: Consumers of celebrity love these ladies. They are photographed more, we hypothesize, because the press love them and want more pictures of them. In other words, media drives photographs—but that's not the same thing as being at a lot of events. Since the top people who go to events with Ms. Wintour are not the same people who get photographed by the media the most, you'll have to make a choice whether you want to be in the network or just be in a lot of photographs. Your safest bet is becoming chummy with Ms. Wintour herself.

But good luck with that. Unless you're Governor of Fantasyland, you recognize the impossibility of that quest.As it turns out, being a celebrity is hard work and probably a little boring. Becoming famous—really famous—is virtually impossible unless you know exactly the right people. But that might be a good thing, because once you're in, you're just meeting the same people over and over again. The allure of celebrity world is that no one else is invited, so you must be special. But once you join, it just might be the end to your wild and interesting social life as you know it.

Elizabeth Currid is assistant professor at University of Southern California's School of Policy, Planning and Development. Her first book, The Warhol Economy: How Fashion, Art and Music Drive New York City, will be published by Princeton University Press this September.

Dr. Gilad Ravid, a post-doctoral researcher at University of Southern California and Lecturer at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Israel, assisted with this column.

Penelope Cruz is a nice looking woman, if you dig that whole big-lips, dark-hair, skinny-with-huge-boobs, I-can-barely-speak-English type, which, apparently, most men do. Another thing men enjoy is the idea of a hot lady who enjoys other ladies, and it's becoming clear that Penelope is most likely one of those types as well.

What is that you say? Dressing like a lumberjack and wearing ill-fitting pants does not make a woman a lesbian, you stereotype-embracing douchebags? Fair enough. But, like the Scott Peterson case, the circumstantial evidence is beginning to look overwhelming.

Let's start with the fact that the woman spent three years pretending to have sex with Tom Cruise; a man whose recent exploits have somewhat overshadowed his previous conflicts with male porn stars.

She followed that up by dating her Sahara costar Matthew McConaughey. Surprisingly, they split after only one year, and Matthew has since moved on.

More than just a beard, Penelope also starred in 2004's Head in the Clouds and had a love scene with Charlize Theron. Obviously, any actor who can believably perform a love scene with someone of the same sex must be actually attracted to that sex. That's just common sense. Not to mention the fact that she was quoted as saying that kissing Charlize was the best on-screen kiss she ever had.

Finally, there is the fact that she grabbed Salma Hayek's ass at a press conference and blamed her behavior on "the flu." That excuse doesn't even make sense. Seriously, she's not really trying anymore. Maybe because she realizes that coming out can totally help one's career.

Gawker Stalker