Publishing houses can't possibly have beds for employees, right? I mean, the bed/book combination is an automatic trigger for the body to shut down and pass out for 5 to 8 hours.
Ugh. You know it's never a good day for parasitic infestations. These stories just make me think of 9th grade Biology...ringworms, guinea worms, those white maggot thingies that crawl up your nose, drink your blood, then crawl out while you sleep, those fish that travel up and stay stuck in the man-shaft....yeah, my sensibilities can't handle it. So, bed bugs seem like the cotton candy of the icky-fuck-ick-Good Jesus! things that could happen to you.
Also, David Attenborough and his wildlife series ruined everyone. Just everyone.
@scroll_lock: What you didn't know is that bedbugs can even be transmitted through internet posts and (especially) comments.
Yeah, I know, it's freaky. Fortunately for you, I'm a licensed anti-vermin technician -- so just take off all your clothes and lie down over there, and I'll be with you shortly.
Also you might enjoy this list of special offers -- good through the end of this month.
@scroll_lock: Possibly you didn't read every clause of the waiver I asked you to sign. That $120 has already been invested for your benefit in my wholly-owned corporation -- and with no commission cost to you! The bargains just keep on coming!
By the way, now would be a good time for you to sign that form. I believe I hear some rather heavy boot treads in the stairwell. That iPhone of yours pretty much does everything, doesn't it?
@scroll_lock: I would can him, but when it comes to negotiating rights agreements with drunken coeds, the man has no peer. And that's kind of a core competence of the little dream factory I'm trying to run here.
Anyway, I can't help noticing that your clothes are still (mostly) on. Any chance I can sweeten the offer with some free office supplies or perhaps menial cleaning services? I don't admit this to just any client, but I do own an apron.
08/22/09
08/21/09
08/21/09
08/21/09
'Cos otherwise they'll just keep riding back into the office at the bottom of someone's tote bag...
08/21/09
08/21/09
Also, David Attenborough and his wildlife series ruined everyone. Just everyone.
08/21/09
08/21/09
08/21/09
Yeah, I know, it's freaky. Fortunately for you, I'm a licensed anti-vermin technician -- so just take off all your clothes and lie down over there, and I'll be with you shortly.
Also you might enjoy this list of special offers -- good through the end of this month.
08/21/09
08/21/09
By the way, now would be a good time for you to sign that form. I believe I hear some rather heavy boot treads in the stairwell. That iPhone of yours pretty much does everything, doesn't it?
08/21/09
08/21/09
08/21/09
08/21/09
Anyway, I can't help noticing that your clothes are still (mostly) on. Any chance I can sweeten the offer with some free office supplies or perhaps menial cleaning services? I don't admit this to just any client, but I do own an apron.
08/21/09
I know I wouldn't be coming in Monday, that's for sure.
08/21/09
02/12/09
This kind of grim shit makes me glad Studs Terkel isn't around to see this.
02/12/09
02/12/09
02/12/09
Childhood, Or The Psychological Damage That Having A Name That's A Synonym for "Penis" Can Have For Future Decision-Making
Chapter Two
Shaking Down A Children's Hospital: "Those Fuckers Had It Coming"
Chapter Three
I Have This Thing And It's Golden: My Foiled Plan To Fix The Illinois Economy
Chapter Four
A Complete Index of Black and/or Disabled People I Know
02/12/09
02/12/09
02/12/09
02/12/09