With all of the sharp edges floating around society today, the risk of penis-severing has never been higher. Fortunately for mankind, researchers now say they may be close to perfecting lab-grown penises. Grown... I bet ;)

Syracuse's assistant basketball coach, Bernie Fine, was fired after being accused of child molestation. And now, on top of it all, there's this photo choice by the Tacoma News Tribune. When will this nightmare end?

To our dismay, unrepentant sock puppet Lee Siegel's column today about the preposterous fallacy of some imaginary golden age of sex is quite good, except when he refers to his own penis. Imagine: a sock puppet penis. Imagine it. [NYO]

Jeffrey Epstein penis-related legal woes update! The billionaire Bill Clinton pal is currently being sued by 14(!) women who are upset, in retrospect, that they sexually stimulated Epstein for money. He is therefore (legally) harassing them. Nice guy.

Yes, we know Bernie "Winky Dink" Madoff had a small penis, thanks to author/ lovah Sheryl Weinstein—but do we know enough about his penis' circumference and performance? Now we do.