<![CDATA[Gawker: people]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: people]]> http://gawker.com/tag/people http://gawker.com/tag/people <![CDATA[In the Eye of the Levi Johnston Media Hurricane]]> At this very moment, Levi Johnston is undressing for a Playgirl photo shoot. But last night he was at The Box accepting an award from Fleshbot while a scrum of reporters poked and probed the Wasilla boy for a story.

He did a remarkable job of not saying much. At 8:15 the party had barely begun at the downtown hotspot, known for its strict velvet rope and the racy performances on its main stage, the gregarious Tank Jones and his brother Marvin (in the role as Levi's trainer) were some of the first people to arrive. They installed the one-time human campaign prop at a table in the corner of the balcony so that several PR people could start the parade of press. The rest of the venue was practically empty, but everyone was clustered around Levi.

As the Observer's John Koblin interviewed Playgirl's spokesman Daniel Nardicio about the future of the magazine, the Levi interviews started. Everyone made way for a camera crew from Entertainment Tonight, which has exclusive access to Levi for all the behind-the-scenes action for the photo shoot that is taking place right now (if everything goes according to schedule). We didn't get close enough to hear what they asked during their ten minutes with Levi.

As they clear out, there were more print interviews to do. Michael Musto came by to say hi, but he interviewed Levi at his hotel earlier. I asked Musto if he was a good interview. He said yes, but agrees that it's hard to get him to say much. Jo Piazza from CNN came in and taped a few second with the Johnston crew. Before she started her interveiew, Tank said he's not answering questions about Sarah Palin or about suing for custody of Tripp, Levi's son with Palin's daughter Bristol. Then he flirted with her a little bit as she squeezed in next to Levi to ask her questions. Most of the questions were the same all night: How is this different from Alaska? What is he going to show? Is he ready for the shoot? Does he know that he's a gay icon? Will he do more porn? What does the future hold?

Levi always answers with the fewest words possible. This may make him appear a bit dim, but it seems a smart move for a guy who's standing around a bunch of people paid to turn any utterance he makes into "news." With the reporters gone, he quietly joked with Tank and Marvin.

When Piazza was done, he joked a bit with Nardicio, teaching him how to tuck a dollop of chew under his lip. "Don't you throw up on this table!" Tank chided. A PR person came by and said there were more interviews to be done. "I know. This isn't my first rodeo," Levi said. Another reporter sat down, this one from People. They knew to send a pretty girl.

When she left, the PR man told Tank that Page Six boss Richard Johnson wanted an introduction. Tank responded, "We're not talking to them. No pictures, nothing." The PR man conveyed the message to Johnson. "He just wants to say hi," Mr. PR pleaded with Tank. But Tank had made up his mind: No Levi for Johnson. "That's fine," said the Page Six editor before heading back downstairs. After he left, Tank complained about a Page Six item accusing Levi having a small dick and thus afraid to do any full-frontal shots: "That's not true!"

There was a break in the action and a PR girl brought by the trophy Levi will receive later in the evening: an 11-inch dildo made of silver. Everyone at the table laughed nervously and made jokes about how Levi isn't going to accept a dildo. Levi returned his trophy to the nice lady and said, "I can't believe I just won a giant silver dildo." He and Tank conferred and decide there can't be any pictures taken of him holding it, so they plan to have Nardicio take the stage with him and hold the award.

Then the photographers arrived. In groups of two, they came by the corner, their flashbulbs blinding in the dark club. Levi knew to look directly into the camera and then occasionally look away to blink. He didn't look like he was having any fun. When all that was over, he passed some time ogling the scantily-clad go-go dancers down below. Tank said, "Those are all real women right? I don't want to look if they're not real women." Another laugh. Nardicio tells them that they're all real women. I pointed out that there were definitely some drag queens in the mix. "That's OK, I didn't want those ones anyway," Levi responded. He told me that he hadn't had any time to go out and party while in New York City. "It's been all work. I'm all about business," he says. "But I like New York more each time I come here." What does he think about this event? "It's different," is all he'll say.

As the show starts, Gawker alum Joshua David Stein showed up asking questions for New York magazine. It was getting loud, the house was full. Tank informed him they'd do an interview later. Levi leaned over the balcony to watching the award ceremony on stage and performances by the likes of boy/boy/girl aerialist trio Mantryx. When the intermission came, the crew decided to go outside for some air.

Out on the sidewalk, it is a whole different scene. Dressed in identical tuxedos like they all went shopping at the same men's store earlier that evening, they moved as a unit. Flanked by two enormous black men, Levi wasn't easy to approach. That didn't stop the reporters. Kelefa Sanneh from the New Yorker came up received a stern lecture from Tank about not asking about Palin or custody. Sanneh started his round of questioning but was cut off by the arrival of two 20-something guys who made up TMZ's camera crew. They'd been tailing Levi and his crew ever since they arrived in New York and seemed almost like old friends. Sanneh backed off, to avoid getting captured by their camera. TMZ doesn't care about restrictions and they began asking about custody and Palin. Tank demurred. "Come on, you know better than that."

While Tank was distracted by dealing with the TMZ mess, Jacob Bernstein from The Daily Beast snuck up and peppered Levi with questions and scribbled furiously in his notebook. A male-female duo from Hollywood Life sidled up and began asking their own questions and with a Flip camera. After the questions, the Hollywood Life crew each took their picture with Levi. With Levi alone again, Sanneh came back for a second attempt at an interview. This time, though, he talked more to Tank that Levi. It's easy to go that direction, since Tank is a gregarious quote machine while Levi answers everything with about three words.

Levi was scheduled to accept his award as soon as the ceremony restarted after the intermission. The PR girl shadowing him told him and Nardicio to go hang out at Nick Denton's table so they'd be right next to the stage. but there isn't any room at the Gawker Media overlord's table. Levi headed instead for socialite Tinsley Mortimer's table where photographers eagerly snapped the unlikely pairing. Joshua David Stein returned for his promised interview, but Levi said he needs clear it with Tank. Stein rebutted that Tank had already cleared it, but Levi — who either didn't remember, didn't care, or simply wanted to protect himself — turned him down again, this time a little more firmly. Marvin stepped in and said they'd talk to Tank and do the interview later.

Levi asked who he needs to thank in his speech which he obviously hasn't thought about until then. Nardicio told him to thank Fleshbot and The Box. Levi added that he should also say something about the upcoming issue of Playgirl and to tell people to buy it. He is all business.

When his award was announced he and Nardicio went on stage where Levi successfully avoided being photographed with a big silver dildo. His speech was exactly what he planned: He thanked Fleshbot and The Box and then told everyone to buy his issue of Playgirl.

After leaving the stage, he meets up with Tank and Marvin and they head out the door. He has to get up early to work out before his big shoot. Our colleague Irin over at Jezebel got her questions answered about the type of ladies Levi likes and JDS eventually got his interview, making poor Richard Johnson the only person denied the chance to exchange banalities with the man of the hour. Levi, like he said, was all about business, and last night his business was spectacle.

Top three photos by Hee Jin Kang, bottom by GuestofaGuest

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<![CDATA[Time Inc. Layoffs Hit People, Essence]]> In your completely laid-off Wednesday media column: details on more Time Inc. layoffs and buyouts at People and Essence, Fortune Small Business folds, and various ways that magazine publishers are terrorists.

Time Inc. layoffs: People magazine is looking for eight buyout candidates. The memo below went out to staff today:

From: Larry Hackett
Date: Wed, 4 Nov 2009 10:02:00 -0500
Conversation: Staff announcement
Subject: Staff announcement

As part of a broad Time Inc. cost savings initiative, I regret to announce
that People magazine will be making cuts in its editorial staff. We are
looking for 8 volunteers to accept severance packages among the
following Guild-covered job classifications:

Staff Correspondent
Reporter-Researcher
Writer-Reporter
Writer-Editor

I strongly urge each of you to contact People's human resources
representatives... for details regarding your
particular package.

The call for volunteers expires on November 19th. If necessary, we will
then follow the guild contract procedure for conducting involuntary layoffs
in these Guild categories.

If you have any questions, please see me or your department heads.



A tipster tells us the Time Inc. layoffs struck Essence today. We're told the mag had a total of 18 layoffs, including "the entire web team." If you know more, email us.


Oh, and Time Inc. has decide to fold Fortune Small Business, a spinoff mag that was actually owned by Amex and sent directly to cardholders. Eleven layoffs there, reportedly.


Did you know that Al-Qaeda is bucking the current media trend, by publishing magazines? It's true. And the latest one has a nice grenade on the cover, proving they know how to move copies. Read all about it here, then explain why you did so to the NSA.


Hello, Vogue has a new publisher! Her name is Susan Plagemann, and Conde Nast lured her away from Hearst. John Koblin says that her hiring—and an accompanying broadening of Tom Florio's responsibilities—follows the recommendation of McKinsey, to ensure "a clearer bureaucratic structure is now in place." Everything is different now.

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<![CDATA[Stank Places More Hardcore]]> Brigham Young researchers have found that clean, fresh smells make people act "fairer and more generous." Makes sense—New York City is essentially a noxious, rat-infested garbage barge full of venal, corrupt hustlers. Fuck you, Utah. [Science Daily]

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<![CDATA[Bethenny Frankel's New Reality Show Will Also Star Her Unborn Child]]> That's right, today Real Housewife of New York Frankel confirmed that she is pregnant. Did she know before she signed on for her own reality show? Or before she got engaged? And what will Jill Zarin say? So many questions!

Bethenny told People magazine that she is only two months along, and is letting the world know about the news after Perez Hilton started gossiping about the bun in her oven. She told the tabs before her fiance, Jason Hoppy, even told his parents.

The plain-talking Frankel of course had something hilarious to say about the news.

"I got to be honest, we are both feeling kind of proud of ourselves. We are both 38 and we were like, 'Listen, your fish can swim and I am fertile.' So that's exciting."

Bravo announced Bethenny would get her own show October 1, so she was already a month pregnant when the deal became public. That probably means that neither she nor the network knew about this unexpected guest star when negotiations started, but it sure is going to add and exciting new dimension to her upcoming show. She got engaged to Hoppy earlier this month, so the two developments were occurring simultaneously.

Since Real Housewives of New York is currently filming for its third season, we'll get to see how all the ladies react to hearing the news. By all accounts, Frankel is out with the squad of faux-cialites, so this should make for a really interesting baby shower when producers force them all in the same room to play silly games.

Well, Congrats, Big B. We can't wait to see how you cope with motherhood on national television.

[Image via Getty]

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<![CDATA[Kim Jong Il's Three Sons: A Douche, A Gay, A "Brilliant Comrade"]]> Someday, one of whacked-out demon leader Kim Jong Il's sons is going to inherit the porcelain throne that is North Korea's government. What makes the spawn of a psychotic despot tick?

In an article that would make Freud convulse from the grave, the male offspring of this creature from movie-lovin' Hell suffer serious daddy issues. Here's your primer, from eldest to youngest, in who may one day lord over the Malnourished Empire of Malevolence.




Kim Jong Nam - The Douchebag

Jong Nam was detained in Tokyo for using a fake Dominican passport. He was trying to visit Tokyo Disneyland.... [S]eems more concerned about acquiring, or at least wearing, bling. He has been seen in Macau sporting Armani caps, and Bur-berry and Polo Ralph Lauren shirts and sunglasses.

How Nammie felt he, a Korean, could pass for Dominican is beyond us. Maybe, just maybe that Republic is more diverse than we think. Uh, no. Wanting to party at Disneyland, and sporting da sunglasses and da Armanay, Nam has zero interest in ruling a dictatorship. Yes, he's a douche, and yes, he's the better for it.




Kim Jong Chol - The Gay

In school, he wrote a poem:

"My Ideal World." It begins: "If I had my ideal world I would not allow weapons and atom bombs anymore. I would destroy all terrorists with the Hollywood star Jean-Claude Van Damme. I would make people stop taking drugs…" He wrote a somewhat chilling short story called "My Father Was a Ghost," in which his father haunts him by pretending to be a spirit.

By some accounts, his father regarded him as too soft to take power.

In other words, Daddy weren't a-gonna have no sissy queer lord over the land, even if he's got pop's same taste in men: Jean-Claude Van Damme. A world without weapons, bombs and terrorists is inconceivable to Daddy, as is the endless years of psycho-analysis in that ghostly short story. The Tea and Sympathy-ness of Chol is touching. We wonder what his ideal world would have? We're guessing rainbows, dance music and summer weekends at The Pines.




Kim Jong Un - The "Brilliant Comrade"

When he was 7, the son was allowed to drive a Mercedes 600 with adjusted seat heights. He was also allowed to drink alcohol and dressed in a military uniform from an early age. At 12, after his younger sister had the temerity to call him "brother," he demanded that she call him "General Comrade." He was concerned for his people, after a fashion. When he turned 18 he supposedly said, "I get to ride Jet Ski and enjoy watersports, Rollerblading, and horse riding. But what are ordinary people doing?"

The middle son might break out in Camelot's "What Do the Simple Folk Do?', but Jong Un the Youngest reeks of pushy baby despot and is proud papa's first and only choice. At 26, everyone must call him the Brilliant Comrade in a slimy display of kiss-assery. One look at some entitled rich kids reveal the demon they're destined to be. For example, this spoiled brat.

Photos of the two younger sons are their childhood yearbook pictures. Obviously, they're all grown up now, but few public photos of them exist. Fade to ominous black...

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<![CDATA[Time Magazine Staffing Assignments To Sloppy Seconds From People]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.There're legions of uber-qualified writers who aren't employed right now due to the Sad State of Media. Funny, then, that Time Inc. hired a once-shitcanned People bureau chief accused of bad staff practices (nepotism, intern bedding) at their flagship, Time.

Last October, a Page Six item blew the lid off of a well-regarded quasi-secret in the People offices: Bryan Alexander, the West Coast deputy bureau chief, was placed on leave while his bosses tried to figure out what to do with Alexander, who was taking nepotism to new heights at a magazine that has strict policies in place against it.

Alexander was accused of promoting and favor-assigning items to both his brother Regan, and to one Mary Margaret Acoymo, a staffer promoted via the London bureau of People in 2006 by the mag's West Coast chief Elizabeth Leonard. She was given the promotion on Alexander's recommendation. Alexander and Acoymo then started publicly dating, which pissed off more than a few People staffers, who were severely annoyed with the fact that the girl an editor was dating got promoted over them. Even if Alexander was doing it on the merits of both his brother and his girlfriend's talents, it sure as hell didn't look that way.

Nevermind that the now-deceased Jossip chimed in with a lowblow tipster item suggesting Alexander swung both ways; two months later, in another round of People layoffs, Alexander was gone. His company found the most convenient way to get rid of him without having to address the embarrassing issues boiling to the weekly's surface.

So why - or rather, how, exactly - has Alexander resurfaced at Time Inc's flagship publication? Once you're done at that company, you're done. They're not the kind to believe in second acts. Alexander's received a string of bylines beginning Friday, all related to Michael Jackson. Three theories:

1. Time can't find anybody more reliable for this kind of thing than Alexander, a name they can trust (so long as he keeps out of the office).

2. Time's HR people don't know or forgot about the incident. Unlikely, but the distance between what Time does and what People does is pretty wide. Then again, paying freelancers might not require going through HR, so maybe he made it under the radar.

3. Alexander's about to file suit against the company and would rather just write for them instead. Least likely, but a possibility nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Alexander's squeeze Acoymo remained at People, though her last contribution to the website was in February, it appears. Jossip suggested this was "because it's more fiscally responsible to keep a junior staffer employed than entertain the possibility of a sexual harassment lawsuit." Can't really argue with that, and a lawsuit, however successful, is the kind of thing that could blackball one from a career of magazine writing.

Update: The reason Acoymo hasn't had any recent bylines at People is that she doesn't work there any more. She left in March to be a news editor at Radaronline.com.

The lesson, unemployed magazine writers? If you're slick enough, you can pretty much recover from anything. Personnel problems at magazines are as disposable as the products they produce, apparently. Oh, and also: you're not getting hired because employers are going with the same old shit that probably got them into the sad state they're in now. And with the methods Alexander worked in pretty wide practice as is, you're never going to. As always, it's who you know, and how much they care about getting busted.


Dating People Set Off A Buzz
[Page Six]
The Final Round for People's Bryan Alexander [Jossip]

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<![CDATA[North Korea Planning To Fire Missile at Hawaii, Says Japan]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Japanese intelligence has learned that Kim Jong Il plans to fire a Taepodong rocket at Hawaii, possibly on the 4th of July. Wait, what?!

Reports the Daily Mail:

North Korea may launch a long-range ballistic missile towards Hawaii on American Independence Day, according to Japanese intelligence officials.

The missile, believed to be a Taepodong-2 with a range of up to 4,000 miles, would be launched in early July from the Dongchang-ni site on the north-western coast of the secretive country.

It is understood the communist state is likely to fire the missile between July 4 and 8. A launch on July 4 would coincide with Independence Day in the States.It would also be the 15th anniversary of North Korean president Kim Il-Sung's death.

Officials had initially believed that North Korea might attempt to launch a similar device towards either Japan's Okinawa island, Guam or Hawaii.

But the ministry concluded launches toward Okinawa or Guam were 'extremely unlikely' because the first-stage booster could drop into waters off China, agitating Beijing, or hit western Japanese territory.

The article goes on to explain that U.S. intelligence officials are not sure if a Taepodong rocket could reach the Hawaiian mainland, but, you know, better to prepare for it just in case.

To that end the AP is reporting tonight that Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered additional missile protection for Hawaii in the event that North Korea does launch an attack there. U.S. intelligence is also tracking a North Korean ship that they believe is carrying weapons.

What the heck is Kim Jong Il thinking here? If he attacks the U.S., who the hell will he sell generic Viagra and awful t-shirts to? And oh yeah, there's also the possibility that his nation will get blown off the face of the planet! Not exactly a minor detail to consider.


Japan Warns That North Korea May Fire Missile at Hawaii on Independence Day
[Daily Mail]

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<![CDATA[Tim Geithner's Brother Thinks He's Sexy]]> How did plain-jane Treasury Secretary Timmy Geithner make People's "Most Beautiful People" list? His brother works there. Yea WE FIGURED. Because they totally left out Larry Summers. [Business Insider]

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<![CDATA[People Is Out of Good Coverlines]]> People managed to rush Natasha Richardson's skiing accident on the cover this week, but it also appears to have pulled a magazine no-no by promoting advertorial on the cover.

The top coverline on this week's issue features a promo line for a "3-D PHOTO SPECIAL" with "GLASSES INSIDE!" The "special" is six spreads of nauseating 3-D photos sponsored by McDonald's, Hewlett-Packard, Intel, and something called "Real D 3D." It's introduced by a page—clearly labeled a "promotion"—with some strange language about how Time Inc. thinks 3-D technology is changing the world and therefore they got a bunch of companies to sponsor a very strange section featuring 3-D photos.

There's editorial content inside the section—profiles of animal actors, like the Taco Bell Chihuahua and that monkey from Friends—written by People staffers. But it's clear that the whole thing is sponsored, and wouldn't be in the magazine but for the good graces of McDonald's et. al.

It's run-of-the-mill desperate accomodation of advertisers in a dying business, but the American Society of Magazine Editors says you're not supposed to put ads on the front page. Not that anybody cares, and hopefully it will result in one less layoff at the magazine.

Still—do you have to promo that stuff on the cover, People? It's depressing.

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<![CDATA[Blago Passes on Senate Appointment]]> Sad! Crazy-coiffed, fabulously scandalous Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will not appoint anyone to fill Barack Obama's Senate seat, according to his fun-loving lawyer, Ed Genson. Why? Because Democrats are mean.

At a news conference, Genson explained there wasn't any point in Blagojevich exercising his authority to fill the seat. "Harry Reid said that they're not going to accept anybody he picks. Why would he do that?"

That's not quite what Reid, the Democratic Senate majority leader, said in a letter to Blagojevich, where he warned that the legal standing of any Blago appointee would face scrutiny. In fact, it's a really messy legal question! But now we will never know the answer. Blagojevich has deprived us of another round of this political circus. For this action alone, which will cost an untold number of constitutional-law scholars their jobs in a horrible recession, he must pay.

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<![CDATA[Why the Hell Was Time Inc. Interviewing Angelina Jolie Over Email?]]> Yes, People is a softball celebrity magazine. But editor Larry Hackett has been defending his publication as a deeply ethical, serious crown jewel in the Time Inc. empire, despite its obvious kowtowing to powerful subjects like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Who the hell is he kidding?

First the Times showed how  People shamelessly fulfilled actress Angelina Jolie's publicity wishes right after Jolie sold the magazine exclusive baby pictures. Then the paper's public editor, in a column criticizing the Times' earlier Jolie takedown, let slip this:

I have read the seven-page contract for the photos and interview... It said... Jolie and Pitt would answer e-mailed questions.

Mary Green, the People reporter who conducted the e-mail interview, said no one put any limits on what she could ask.

So People agreed to interview "Angelina Jolie" not face to face but over email. The magazine sends the questions, and answers come back with Jolie's name on them.

As a tipster reminded us, this means there's a good chance Jolie didn't write the answers herself. Her flack or assistant or manager would write a response, maybe Jolie would read and approve it, or not, and off it would go, under Jolie's name, for publication. An exciting "interview" with "Angelina Jolie!"

It's one thing to obtain factual information through an email interview, or get quotes from someone who doesn't have a professional entourage eager to craft her every word.

But People sells the actual words of actual celebrities. That's the whole point: Not what's going on in Cambodia but what the hell does Angelina Jolie herself personally say about what's going on in Cambodia. There's no point, then, in interviewing Jolie if it's not really her, but just pure, synthetic drivel churned out by her machine. If you want the consensus of a team about Cambodia, go to the UN, or a think tank.

The biggest loss here isn't one of journalistic ethics — expectations for People seem fairly low in that regard — but for the magazine's future. If the magazine offers neither an authentic (if pandering) glimpse into celebrities' emotional lives or a buch of scandals, why shouldn't readers just flip on the TV? At least they'll know the quotes are real.

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<![CDATA[Obama Crap Making Insane Millions For Media]]> Amid pandemic media bloodletting and global financial meltdown, it's nice to finally find a silver lining: All those silly Barack Obama trinkets are making insane amounts of money for media companies and providing precious little stimulus to the economy. The Times estimated roughly $200 million sold so far, including more than $15 million in commemorative issues and books from People and Time, somewhere around $1.5 million for the online store set up by the New york Times Company and $700,000 for the Los Angeles Times. Commemorative plates and coins, meanwhile have become ubiquitous enough that Lewis Black ranted about them on the Daily Show (clip after the jump). The downside?

Iconizing Obama is likely to harden some opposing voters against him, feeding the perception his supporters are blind cult worshippers and, perhaps, that the token-hawking media are complicit. But then someone will remember it's possible to create "Obama the secret muslim" dolls or somesuch, and actually do it, and we'll all finally rejoice that capitalism is working like it's supposed to again.

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<![CDATA[People Surrenders London To Redcoats]]> E3Q9G3P_large.jpg Time Inc. CEO Ann Moore shamed all of the United States of America by ceding hegemony over House Of Windsor gossip to filthy British tabloids. People is flying the white flag of surrender over its London bureau and shutting it down, two tipsters inform us, sending its handful of staffers, like writers Courtney Rubin and Pete Norman, packing. Former bureau chief Simon Perry was purportedly told to work from home after a demotion to "correspondent," but there's skepticism he'll comply. Good luck trying to crack the Brits' white-glove treatment of their silly "royal" family now, People! Meanwhile, a reckoning is coming in the U.S.

One tipster reminded us the deadline to apply to join the round of 18 buyouts at U.S. People is Dec. 1, so responses to the applications, and any needed layoffs to meet the goal of 18, are expected thereafter.

We are also told of grumbling about a People editor who flew her best friend (also with People) out from across the country to complete an interview — apparently an annual tradition for the buddies, but one staff now trash as an extravagance amid the layoffs. Know anything?

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<![CDATA[Scratch 'N' Sniff The Sexiest Men Alive]]> This year's edition of People magazine's hugely popular "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Hugh Jackman takes top honors) will feature... um... scratch 'n sniff photos of famous dudes, like Gossip Girl actress Chace Crawford, TV show kryptonite Taye Diggs, Law & Order: SVU brute Chris Meloni, and young god swain of the oceans Michael Phelps. Each of the guys chose a scent that makes them feel sexiest, from fresh cut grass (Mr. Crawford) to L’Homme YSL parfum for Mr. Phelps. We'll take a look at each fellow's preferred odor and analyze what it's supposed to say about them and what it really says, after the jump.

Chris Meloni, "a day at the beach"
What It's Probably Supposed to Say: Meloni is really a fun lovin' guy! He's not that brooding, getting-too-close-to-the-case-all-the-damn-time Eliot Stabler he plays on SVU. He really is just like that funny man we've seen in Wet Hot American Summer and Gym Teacher.
What It Really Says: Aside from the obvious, you know, seafood jokes, that he's quietly sad and wishes he could have fun and stare at the ever-rolling waves rather than talk about rape and murder all day.

Michael Phelps, L'Homme YSL
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: That he's suave and classy.
What It Really Says: While People apparently denies this is product placement, we kinda doubt it isn't. So this means that lil' Neptune has become a total corporate shill since winning 1.5 million gold medals at the Chinalympics. I mean, we've known this for some time, and who can blame the kid for cashing in on his new-found fame. But you'd think that a young man as passionate about swimming as he seems to be would chose, like, "the smell of chlorine" or something. But he probably doesn't find that sexy anymore. No, that's work. The money is sexy. Giant swimming pools full of cologne-smelling money.

Taye Diggs, “vanilla, chocolate, sandalwood and musk essential oils"
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: These are pretty cliche! And sorta like sexy sexy. I guess this means that he's a just a smooth, sensual, lover brother who will give you the passionate time of your life when you're on vacation in Jamaica, escaping the grind with your friend, happy to be briefly away from your busy life being a single mom to your son back in San Francisco. Oh. Wait. That was just a movie. Um, I guess it just means that his wife, Broadway star Idina Menzel, is just a very, very happy woman.
What It Really Says: Actually, that's probably it.

Chace Crawford, "fresh cut grass"
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: Well apparently Miss Crawford says of the smell: "[I] grew up playing a lot of football and golf ... When I smell freshly cut grass I get this air of competition. It wakes me up, gets me going." So, he's a good clean all-American boy!
What It Really Says: That thinking of football and sweat and sports makes him feel sexy! That is totally normal! Lots of men feel like that. Big, strong manly men like Rock Hudson and Richard Chamberlain and Tab Hunter. Either that or he's just a young man who gets a bit peckish when thinking of balmy, breezy summer and, well, um, the neighbor boy who used to mow the lawn across the street in nothing but gym shorts.

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<![CDATA[Grading The Celebrity Glossies' Jennifer Hudson Coverage]]> Yesterday we took a look at the celebrity glossies' websites, to get a sense of how this weeks issues would cover the Jennifer Hudson story. People and Us Weekly seemed like they planned to devote the most space reporting on the murders of the singer/actress's mother, brother, and nephew. And, sure enough, they were the only two to run the story as the main image on their covers. But what's inside?

Us spoke with people who described the inciting incident, a fight between Hudson's brother and the man suspected of doing the killings. That story isn't really featured in any of the other five magazines we looked at, so I guess Us gets the points for that. People's is typically heavy on the personal interest, though surprisingly they didn't set aside a space for other celebrities to weigh in on the tragedy, as three others, Life & Style (they got fellow Chicagoan Barack Obama!), Us, and InTouch, did. They pretty much all have the same photos, especially the terribly cute and just, well, terribly sad photos of Hudson's seven-year-old nephew.

So, who wins? Us Weekly, we guess. Though, it also kind of feels like nobody won.

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<![CDATA[Handicapping How the Gossip Glossies Will Cover Jennifer Hudson's Family Tragedy]]> When the celebrity weeklies unveil their new covers tomorrow, we can bet they'll be dominated by coverage of the terrible Jennifer Hudson news story, in which the singer and actress's mother, brother, and 7-year-old nephew were murdered on Friday. And we suppose they're right to, it being big news and all. Since the issues went to print yesterday, it's up to the websites to tease what each publication has in store (and to keep up with breaking developments). So what might each magazine be featuring? We took a look at five magazines' websites today to try to see if there were any hints of what their coverage will look like tomorrow.

People, the longstanding classy version of the other tabloids, has a story (kinda far down the page, honestly) about Jennifer's bond with her mother, featuring recollections about Darnell Donerson from Jennifer's acting coach and from people in Donerson's Chicago neighborhood. It's the kind of sad human interest story that People has made their name doing. Expect sidebar reactions from American Idol judges (Hudson was a contestant on the show) and maybe one of the bigger gets, like Beyonce, Hudson's Dreamgirls costar.

Us Weekly reports at a more breathless, staccato clip, giving us gory details about the number of times Hudson's young nephew was shot and quoting from Hudson's sister's MySpace, in which she mourns her lost loved ones and imagines them as her guardian angels now. In your face awfulness.

InTouch, Life & Style, and OK! aren't giving the story as much prominence as Us (their older and more popular sibling). OK! does a small dissection of the dispute that lead to the whole tragedy InTouch covers Idol judge Randy Jackson's reaction to the sad news. And Life & Style has nothing about the incident on their sparsely updated site.

So, once again, it looks as though Us Weekly leads the pack toward getting the scoop, though their hand at the necessary quiet, soft-touch pieces is not as nimble as People's. Us ought to get the early lead while People follows up in the coming weeks with a punch-in-the-gut Hudson interview.

Or not. Maybe we'll get surprised with a big Exclusive. It could happen.

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<![CDATA[Paul Newman's Final Donation Goes To People]]> People is coming out with a 96-page "tribute" "book" "honoring" the recently dead Paul Newman. It will sell for $12, and none of the proceeds will go to charity, despite the fact that Newman dedicated the latter part of his life to working for charitable causes. But, to use the line that Jossip unfortunately beat us to this morning, it's "sort of okay, because this year, the print industry basically is a charity." Yep. [Folio]

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<![CDATA[ Get Used To It: Just when we thought we...]]> Get Used To It: Just when we thought we were done with today's People-led insurrection of the Claymates, this post from "NClayolina" pulls us back in: "I will never be able to listen to [Clay Aiken] sing, 'O Holy Night,' knowing he desires unholy nights." [The Clayboard]

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<![CDATA[Inside Clay Aiken's Unforeseen Revelation That He Is, In Fact, 'A Gay']]> Now that America has had time to process yesterday's shocking bombshell that Clay Aiken is gay (and now that Debbie from accounting has gotten her breathing under control), People magazine has released excerpts from their exclusive cover interview. In it, Aiken discusses coming out to his mother four years ago, a rocky experience that may have prepared him for the real hurdle: weathering reaction from millions of hysterical Claymates.

Aiken says he expects the news may overwhelm some of his fans. "Whether it be having a child out of wedlock, or whether it be simply being a homosexual, it's going to be a lot," said Aiken, who returned to Broadway last week as Sir Robin in Monty Python's Spamalot.

He adds that he hopes his fans "know that I've never intended to lie to anybody at all. ... But if they leave, I don't want them to leave hating me."

...As for his own child, Aiken tells PEOPLE that Parker – who was conceived via in vitro fertilization with his best friend, music producer Jaymes Foster – will be raised in an environment that is "accepting and allowing him to be happy."

Says Aiken: "I have no idea if he'll be gay or straight. It's not something I'll have anything to do with, or that he'll have anything to do with. It's already probably up inside the code there ... No matter what the situation you're in, if you're raised in a loving environment, that's the most important thing."

We can only hope that Aiken's dedicated fans can overcome their devastation to realize that though they may never be Mrs. Clayton Holmes Grissom Aiken, neither will any other woman. Eventually, when Aiken finds love with a Tennessee personal trainer who then goes on to sell his story for $50,000 and photo refusal to InTouch Weekly, Aiken will need each and every one of you. Be there for him, won't you?

[Photo Credit: AP]

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<![CDATA[Brangelina Baby Photo Rumormonger]]> We hear that People is feverishly closing its upcoming issue tonight, so that the magazine can be on newsstands by Monday with its $10-15 million worth of Brangelina baby pictures. The spread, we hear, will be in the neighborhood of 30 pages. Babylicious!

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