I am such a nerd I just spent time translating Courtney's Facebook post into English:
Golly. I don't know what people will say about my split with my daughter. The truth is that Frances is not going to be as rich as next year as people think she will be. She and I both got the same share of my husband's estate - which breaks down as 37 percent of the gross profits of the In Utero album. The $15 million in profits from the use of my ex husband's name and image all go to the record company - because they are so greedy they would take cash out of the hands of a fatherless child. I've always thought this was wrong but so much time has passed now that I don't care.
What I do care about is the attitude my teenage daughter is giving me at the moment. Sheesh! Kids these days! I love her but am going to have to give her some distance. What's sad is the people she thinks are her friends in New York really just like her because she's rich and her dad is famous. I'm so annoyed at her right now that I'm considering applying for a professorship at the college she wants to go to! That would teach her a lesson!
What really annoys me is that she's not living up to her potential. She tells herself she's doing stuff to build a life for herself but, really, she wastes all her time on Facebook.
I'm also annoyed because she's gotten into that teenage phase where she sometimes lies to me - her own mother. Also, my in-laws are a nightmare. Golly gee whillakers - why did I ever let her visit them so much! The son they raised turned out to be a suicidal junkie! I'm really worried they'll try to trick her into buying them a house and signing a lot of her money over to them. The good news is that well before this incident happened the lawyers locked up all the money in a trust so they can't steal from her. Thank god for that!
Please don't take all this the wrong way. I love my daughter and think she's a great kid. I'm just worried she's surrounded by people around her who are a bad influence. My late husband's sister has alcohol abuse issues - that are so bad that even Kelly Osbourne was worried about her.
Ok. Time for me to take a deep breath, step away from this situation and visit some friends for girl talk. It worries me that my daughter is going to be all over the tabloids over this and I hope she's strong enough to handle it. I just wish my daughter had considered her options. She could have enrolled at Simon's Rock of Bard College. She could have asked for legal emancipation. Heck, she is only a couple months away from legal adulthood and I trust her so I would not have fought that. It just tears me up inside to see her going to people I think are going to take advantage of her. She is going to be hanging out with the type of celebrity family blood suckers that led to all the problems with Britney Spears last year. And, doesn't she realize that these are the same people who raised her father in such a self destructive atmosphere that he had severe mental health issues that led to his addictions and eventual suicide? What is she thinking?
Drat! I have to deal with the real estate agent today. Frances Bean, you are my daughter and I hope you know I love you unconditionally - I'm just very, very worried about you and the choices you are making.
@Lysergic Asset: My current client has me on retainer and has paid me an advance and didn't have work for me today. But, under contract I had to be around at the computer in case he did have work for me today.
So, I made $200 for sitting around and figured I might as well do something with my brain while doing so.
@drunkexpatwriter: Wow. Now I'm even more impressed. That was really pitch-perfect, and so achingly funny, too. I'm sorry it kind of got lost in the shuffle, because it's one of my all-time favorites.
Whatever. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with Elin's press pass. The passes at golf tournaments are thick plastic and at least 3" x 5" but probably larger, so it should be visible. Apparently it is tucked into her shirt (lucky press pass) but where did it go? Are Swedes marsupials?
@son of spam: The lanyards that they wear them on are long, it's probably down around her stomach and out of the shot. I'm 5'6, and that's where things of that nature usually hang on me. Also, that shot makes her look flat-chested but she doesn't appear to be in a lot of the other photos I've seen of her, it's making the lanyard hide safely between her boobs.
You know what would really get you some media attention Elin? Dating an average college student from the University of Houston and making out with him at his commencement ceremony this Friday. Just my two cents.
-Zack from Houston
femputer promoted this comment
Edited by HughJackmanOffForMoney at 12/16/09 9:00 AM
HughJackmanOffForMoney was starred
HughJackmanOffForMoney was unstarred
Thank you for that period piece comment. I have long held the belief that women in the 1800s DID NOT have toned arms. Case in point: Gwyneth Paltrow as Emma, her guns kept distracting me from an otherwise pleasant film.
@pony_express: Yes, really. The literature of that period talks a lot about the beauties of "plump arms" and "round necks," not to mention that corsets are more of a hassle than anything else if you're naturally thin.
Of course, having a "good figure" still meant being slender, but I do wish they'd stop casting the smallest women possible.
@Airvault: You must be too young to remember Merv Griffen because HE was the gayest thing on TV ever.
As far as I can tell, Mr. Lambert never volunteered himself to be the Rainbow Rosa Parks. He's just a little twinkie who grew up watching Madonna and Christina rubbing themselves against any available surface and couldn't wait for his turn. David Bowie did something very similar to Mick Ronson's guitar in the 70s for god's sake. The first time I saw it I was 10 and I've survived (although I did develop a connoisseurs appreciation for a well done simulated blowjob).
Considering all the fuss, Adam should have just freed willy and received a REAL blowjob for his trouble.
@topsy: That's what this feels like: a debate between young and old. A lot of the younger gays out there are showing no signs of being offended/ashamed of what he did and are in fact happy to see someone doing something - finally.
Of course it was a calculated move on his part. I don't think he thought he was going to break down any walls with those gestures. But now he's facing the sort of backlash that comes with expressing your (homo)sexuality in such an overt way. And he will have to start considering himself as some sort of a figure who's representing something bigger than his shitty performances.
I don't want to turn him into one, but he is now a central figure in the American homosexual movement whether he planned on it or not. So far he's faced the "Is he gay enough?" debate and now he's facing the question of "How gay is too gay?"
No one recognizes it yet, but he's the first of his kind.
Again, I want to see what OUT magazine has to say after accusing him of "de-gaying" himself.
And to all the people complaining Lambert did some harm to the gay rights movement or is in some other way a horrible person, give me a break. He's a pop singer. He gets to do outrageous garbage. He didn't do anything new and he didn't even push the limits of what other people have done.
Homophobes are not the only people who don't want to see blatant, queer-ness. Sadly, plenty of gays want to keep it in the closet, too.
Yes, the country is soooooo full of homophobic prudes that a whopping .0005% of the country called to complain about it. We're being overrun by homophobic prudes!
The guy simulated getting a blowjob on stage and got some complaints...a number that ABC called "moderate." Let's not make the guy out to be some brave martyr for homosexuality who is being attacked because he decided to wave a rainbow flag on stage. It was a trashy move that would have gotten some calls (from angry parents and feminists) even if it was a chick pretending to blow him.
There are other stories to tout as evidence of society's lack of acceptance of homosexuality that would go a lot farther in proving the point than this.
1.) Double standard? Yes. A fuss shouldn't be made, but if Adam wanted to break into "O HAI GAYZ, I'M FERRILZ!" there were a lot less trashy ways to do that.
Simulating the blow job wasn't one of them. Sure, Britney, Janet, etc does it, but I don't really consider Janet or Britney classy either.
2.) Good Morning America? Who's even up at that hour? I don't think it's a crucial performance.
3.) Plenty of celebrities do far more "revolting" things and don't sink like stones. Some do though. These days, it's not the story you're in, but the next trick up your sleeve. Plenty of stars are scandal-proof.
4.) As a gay man, I don't look up to Adam as some public icon I need to look good to advance my rights in some way. He's a singer.
5.) GeH SeX or not, that song was terrible. If that's the song he's pushing as the face of the album, then his album is in trouble regardless of the boy kisses he's giving on screen. In fact, this "scandal" will probably sell more copies than the music will.
12/16/09
I think she should be thrilled at the attention!
12/16/09
Golly. I don't know what people will say about my split with my daughter. The truth is that Frances is not going to be as rich as next year as people think she will be. She and I both got the same share of my husband's estate - which breaks down as 37 percent of the gross profits of the In Utero album. The $15 million in profits from the use of my ex husband's name and image all go to the record company - because they are so greedy they would take cash out of the hands of a fatherless child. I've always thought this was wrong but so much time has passed now that I don't care.
What I do care about is the attitude my teenage daughter is giving me at the moment. Sheesh! Kids these days! I love her but am going to have to give her some distance. What's sad is the people she thinks are her friends in New York really just like her because she's rich and her dad is famous. I'm so annoyed at her right now that I'm considering applying for a professorship at the college she wants to go to! That would teach her a lesson!
What really annoys me is that she's not living up to her potential. She tells herself she's doing stuff to build a life for herself but, really, she wastes all her time on Facebook.
I'm also annoyed because she's gotten into that teenage phase where she sometimes lies to me - her own mother. Also, my in-laws are a nightmare. Golly gee whillakers - why did I ever let her visit them so much! The son they raised turned out to be a suicidal junkie! I'm really worried they'll try to trick her into buying them a house and signing a lot of her money over to them. The good news is that well before this incident happened the lawyers locked up all the money in a trust so they can't steal from her. Thank god for that!
Please don't take all this the wrong way. I love my daughter and think she's a great kid. I'm just worried she's surrounded by people around her who are a bad influence. My late husband's sister has alcohol abuse issues - that are so bad that even Kelly Osbourne was worried about her.
Ok. Time for me to take a deep breath, step away from this situation and visit some friends for girl talk. It worries me that my daughter is going to be all over the tabloids over this and I hope she's strong enough to handle it. I just wish my daughter had considered her options. She could have enrolled at Simon's Rock of Bard College. She could have asked for legal emancipation. Heck, she is only a couple months away from legal adulthood and I trust her so I would not have fought that. It just tears me up inside to see her going to people I think are going to take advantage of her. She is going to be hanging out with the type of celebrity family blood suckers that led to all the problems with Britney Spears last year. And, doesn't she realize that these are the same people who raised her father in such a self destructive atmosphere that he had severe mental health issues that led to his addictions and eventual suicide? What is she thinking?
Drat! I have to deal with the real estate agent today. Frances Bean, you are my daughter and I hope you know I love you unconditionally - I'm just very, very worried about you and the choices you are making.
Love,
Mom.
12/16/09
12/16/09
So, I made $200 for sitting around and figured I might as well do something with my brain while doing so.
12/16/09
05:12 AM
Maybe she'll do another post and I can have fun with that.
12/16/09
12/16/09
12/16/09
12/16/09
That's what we're talking about right?
12/16/09
12/16/09
That my friend is the question of the decade
12/16/09
(very lucky press pass)
12/16/09
12/16/09
-Zack from Houston
12/16/09
Sometimes it is hard to tell when reading Gawker if what you see is a simple mistake or some sort of reverse-meta-self-snark.
12/16/09
12/16/09
12/16/09
12/16/09
And, I'm not sure. Leon might go for the idea of a celebrity teacher.
We certainly had some oddball professors there when I was a student.
12/16/09
12/16/09
And they never got a zit before the big cotillion.
12/16/09
09:58 PM
Of course, having a "good figure" still meant being slender, but I do wish they'd stop casting the smallest women possible.
11/24/09
If GMA is so scared of gays rubbing their gay parts on each other - fuck em. Leave 'em behind.
11/24/09
As far as I can tell, Mr. Lambert never volunteered himself to be the Rainbow Rosa Parks. He's just a little twinkie who grew up watching Madonna and Christina rubbing themselves against any available surface and couldn't wait for his turn. David Bowie did something very similar to Mick Ronson's guitar in the 70s for god's sake. The first time I saw it I was 10 and I've survived (although I did develop a connoisseurs appreciation for a well done simulated blowjob).
Considering all the fuss, Adam should have just freed willy and received a REAL blowjob for his trouble.
11/24/09
I remember the 70s, and all I have to say is, "Topsy, I'll take Paul Lynde in the center square for the win."
11/24/09
Of course it was a calculated move on his part. I don't think he thought he was going to break down any walls with those gestures. But now he's facing the sort of backlash that comes with expressing your (homo)sexuality in such an overt way. And he will have to start considering himself as some sort of a figure who's representing something bigger than his shitty performances.
I don't want to turn him into one, but he is now a central figure in the American homosexual movement whether he planned on it or not. So far he's faced the "Is he gay enough?" debate and now he's facing the question of "How gay is too gay?"
No one recognizes it yet, but he's the first of his kind.
11/24/09
And to all the people complaining Lambert did some harm to the gay rights movement or is in some other way a horrible person, give me a break. He's a pop singer. He gets to do outrageous garbage. He didn't do anything new and he didn't even push the limits of what other people have done.
Homophobes are not the only people who don't want to see blatant, queer-ness. Sadly, plenty of gays want to keep it in the closet, too.
11/24/09
The guy simulated getting a blowjob on stage and got some complaints...a number that ABC called "moderate." Let's not make the guy out to be some brave martyr for homosexuality who is being attacked because he decided to wave a rainbow flag on stage. It was a trashy move that would have gotten some calls (from angry parents and feminists) even if it was a chick pretending to blow him.
There are other stories to tout as evidence of society's lack of acceptance of homosexuality that would go a lot farther in proving the point than this.
11/24/09
Simulating the blow job wasn't one of them. Sure, Britney, Janet, etc does it, but I don't really consider Janet or Britney classy either.
2.) Good Morning America? Who's even up at that hour? I don't think it's a crucial performance.
3.) Plenty of celebrities do far more "revolting" things and don't sink like stones. Some do though. These days, it's not the story you're in, but the next trick up your sleeve. Plenty of stars are scandal-proof.
4.) As a gay man, I don't look up to Adam as some public icon I need to look good to advance my rights in some way. He's a singer.
5.) GeH SeX or not, that song was terrible. If that's the song he's pushing as the face of the album, then his album is in trouble regardless of the boy kisses he's giving on screen. In fact, this "scandal" will probably sell more copies than the music will.
11/25/09