• Is Britney Spears cheating on her boyfriend/agent with some wanker named Dallas Austin? She was rumored to have spent a couple of days at his house in Atlanta, where they probably did lots and lots of boning. [Page Six]
  
  
• Christina Hendricks, who plays Joan on Mad Men, says she's been dying hair red for the last 20 years because she feels like a redhead inside. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, is definitely the subject of a homicide probe by the LAPD. [Mirror]
  
  
• Brad Pitt says that he often talks to Angelina Jolie while she is sitting on the toilet doing, well, you know. [Mirror]
  
  
• Brad Pitt laid into Ashton Kutcher for taking a picture of his wife's ass and posting it onto his Twitter account. [Sun]
  
  
• Two men died after a stage being set up for a Madonna concert gave way and collapsed. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• This is just basically a pic of Brad Pitt riding his motorbike, but I feel compelled to link to it anyway. [Sun]
  
  
• Renee Zellweger is going around showing off her skinny body before she piles on a bunch of fat in preparation for her role in the new Bridget Jones movie. [Mirror]
  
  
• Gerard Butler says that Jennifer Aniston is a "classy lady" which means that he is most definitely boning her, in case you were wondering. [DListed]
  
  
• Pete Doherty had to get special permission from a court to be able to spend time with his sister on her birthday. [Daily Mail]

• Susan Boyle's BACKINYOFACE, mothafuckas! She absolutely killed it on the first stop of the Britain's Got Talent tour, performing her standards from Les Miz and Cats [Ed: Blegh! I hate 'Cats.'] for a bunch of old church volunteers. Sounds like she's doing well, which makes everyone happy. [Daily Star]
  
  
• Britney Spears brought her kids and boyfriend with her to England, and the babysitter looks so pissed and unhappy in these photos. Seriously. [PopSugar]
  
  
• Yesterday was Kate and Jon Gosselin's 10th anniversary. She spent the day inflating a bounce-house, screaming at everyone, and eating a popsicle while her maternity amulet swung from her neck. Meanwhile, as you'll read further down, that bounce house is actually a BOUNCE HOUSE OF DEATH. [DListed]
  
  
• Some British tabloid is putting bad slang for "an erection" in their headlines about Paris Hilton giving soccer star Christiano Ronaldo a boner, noting that she gave him an "Eiffel." Right. Anyway, Paris and Ronaldo are hooking up and she spent the day after walking around in her pajamas with Nicky and he spent the day after showing his homies her dirty texts that're probably puns just as bad as Said British Tabloid's. Maybe something about balls, perhaps? [Obligatory "that's hot" here.] And yes, I said "soccer," goddamnit! You can only call it "football" if you're European. Also, if you're European and watch soccer instead of Quidditch, you're an idiot. [Daily Star]
  
  
• Pete Doherty showed up to court with a gigantic wad of cash after leading cops on some kind of wild car chace. This is the ninth time or something Doherty's been arrested this week, and at this point, the British legal system's just thrown up their hands and been like, "Fuck it!" Best part of the item: "Doherty "whooped" when he was granted bail on the grounds his manager Andrew Boyd would provide a £50,000 bond. He was ordered to obey a 12-hour curfew while not performing." Awesome. [Daily Star]
  
  
• Reese Witherspoon debuted her own perfume line, and P*r*z Hi*t*n made a joke about how much Jake Gyllenhaal would enjoy wearing it. Cute. [P*r*z Hi*t*n]
  
  
• Do you have any idea who Aubrey O'Day is? Neither did I, until I did my obligatory "research" (a single, wistful Googling): she was on Making The Band in that Danity Kane act, and it appears as though Diddy did not make her go get cheesecake. Anyway, she's just some D-List whatever, and she was really, really rude on the set of a shoot for some non-profit cause called the No H8 Campaign. Anyway, this could be real or it could jsut be a reach for PR by No H8, but, you know, non-profits reaching for PR isn't the worst thing, especially if they're trying to give me a decent item to run with. There are far worse things, you know? [P*r*z H*lt*n]
  
  
• Lauren Conrad, wearing a strange wig for a photoshoot. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Kristen Stewart, looking all punk and crazy and awesome with black stringy hair. Related: what happens when Twilight finally makes Goth cool for the popular kids? What happens to the Goths? Do they go shopping at Hollister? DO NOT GET. [Pink Is The New Blog]
  
  
• Birds with arms. Weird! [URLesque]
  
  
• Evan Rachel Wood went from hooking up with Nazi pube shaver Marilyn Manson to the guy from ER who was in A Walk To Remember with Mandy Moore. Nicely done. A Walk To Remember started with this great New Radicals song, and that's the only reason this item is here. Seriously. So I could post that. [Daily Star]
  
  
• Not at all a Gossip Item, but: Six Flags is going bankrupt! Meanwhile, while I was researching something fun to write about this item involving roller coasters, I came across the aptly named tragedy-fetishist website, RideAccidents.com. Yes, every roller coaster and/or amusement park accident chronicled in one place, in what looks to be a fairly well-kept database, yet again proving that if there was something out there you weren't afraid of, the internet will make every attempt to put The Unimpeachable Fear in you about it. Including inflatables. Seriously: inflatables, Kate. Be scared. Be very scared. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• President Barack Obama in a gossip roundup? Yes! Because this isn't deserving of any kind of actual news cycle: he spoke up in favor of nicotine legislation to regulate tobacco sales even as his press man Robert Gibbs dodged questions from the White House Press Corps about the president's smoking habits. It goes like this: cigs are bad, and any president who didn't say that or do something about them being bad is bad. But! He smokes, because he's addicted. And that's bad, too. But he's also in better shape than so many of the other presidents we have. God, life is complicated. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• Not invincible from the recession: Baldwins. Stephen (who still has yet to match the brilliance of this in his career) is having his house foreclosed upon while filming I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. [Dlisted]

• Friends of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie say that the couple is planning to get married in New Orleans, perhaps at the end of the summer. Pitt and Jolie have resisted getting married in the past, but feel motivated to show the world that they're really in love and aren't breaking up any time soon by getting hitched, a move sure to kill the relationship once and for all. [UK Mirror]
  
  
• Brooke Shields has reached a settlement with the National Enquirer after reporters for the tabloid did one of the most bizarre things in history of "journalism"—-They showed up at a New Jersey nursing home that cares for Shields' dementia-addled mother and checked her out of the facility, claiming to be "friends" of hers. [Daily News]
  
  
• Mariah Carey is getting fat but her people claim that it's all good because she loves food and isn't afraid to pack on a few pounds to enhance her "curves." In other news, Mariah Carey recently got married, a social condition that often leads to weight gain by all parties involved. [New York Post]
  
  
• Britney Spears' LSU football-loving dad has banned booze from backstage during her concert tour in a desperate attempt to keep her sober, but that hasn't stopped Britney from hitting the London club scene during her time there. [Sun]
  
  
• Pete Doherty was on a British Airways flight to Switzerland and needed a fix, so he got out of his seat in coach, marched on down to the plane's bathroom and shot himself up. He was arrested when the plane landed. It's possible that his little act, which we suppose gives new meaning to the term "mile high club," may get him banned from the airline for life. [Dlisted]
  
  
• Denise Richards has had three boob jobs so far in her life, but she doesn't think that the kids out there should ever consider having one, because the kids are beautiful and don't need to have boob jobs, or something. [UK Sun]
  
  
• So Dr. Drew stated the obvious and said that Lindsay Lohan is a trainwreck who will more than likely wind up dead before she can clean her life up, then Lohan responded by trashing Dr. Drew on her Twitter and now the Dr. Drew/Lindsay Lohan catfight you've all been waiting for is in full swing. [EOnline]
  
  
• Gordon Ramsey got pissed at an Australian journalist and called her a "lesbian pig," and now women's groups are calling Ramsey a pig. [UK Mirror]
  
  
• Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish spent the weekend watching Phillippe's children with Reese Witherspoon play Little League baseball. [PITNB]

Earlier: Rolling Stone Writer Convinces Us That Amy Winehouse Is Going To Die

Conceptual Confrontations: Judge Judy Vs. Latarian Milton

[via Fametastic]

As the Daily Mail reports, Moss was on her way back to her hotel after a night of celebrating Velvet Hour, her new fragrance which presumably smells like a floral mix of baby powder, laxatives and regret, as one silky hair extension broke free and landed (in a very photo spread-worthy fashion, actually) right on the red carpet outside the party. Though Moss didn't appear to care, distracted by bouts of nose-swiping instead, a paparazzo took it upon himself to grab the fake golden locks and we expect to see the flawless token on auction sites any second. Should this have happened to say, Britney Spears or Paris Hilton last night, the hair piece would maybe rack up a decent hundred bucks or so, but this is Cocaine Kate! There might even be a few snortable crystals in the threads! We predict the bidding to begin at a few thousand euros at the very least. And in a late-night state of self-degradation, Britney may even find herself the lucky winner.

[Photo credits: WENN]

• KATE MOSS LOSES HER HAIR (EXTENSIONS)...ON THE RED CARPET [Daily Mail]

• Bill Murray's wife wants a divorce and claims the actor is a pot-smoking globe-trotting sex addict who is physically abusive. The Daily News recalls: "At a bash at Robert De Niro's Tribeca Grill in the '90s, we watched as Murray punch-shoved photographer Diane Cohen in the chest."
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a housewarming party at their new Beverly Hills mansion tomorrow, all the other Scientologist living gods are sure to be there.
• In the meantime, Holmes conducted a big business meeting at the Carlyle Hotel in New York, which illustrated that she is "a very strong and determined" actual businesswoman who can do important businesswoman stuff. Evidence: During the meeting, which was related to her coming role in a Broadway play, she listened intently, took notes, and when her phone rang SHE DID NOT ANSWER IT. This is the glory of being a "clear," people. [OK!]
• Amy Winehouse if a filthy drug addict with a disgusting skin condition, so logically men are fighting over her. Fellow druggie musician Pete Doherty wrote to Winehouse's jailed husband, Blake, demanding he divorce Winehouse so Doherty can finally seal his bond of desperation with her. Nelson Mandela is also into Winehouse, but only as a performer at his 90th birthday.
• Remember how Kirsten Dunst said she went to rehab for depression instead of for drugs? Now Steven Tyler of Aerosmith insists he checked into rehab to recover from a foot injury. It's amazing how rehab clinics have diversified these days, now that all the stars are clean. [Us]
• Britney Spears' lawyer argued her health is too "fluid" for the singer to participate in the court case over her posessions, now under the care of her father. This may just be a ploy to ensure visitation with her sons until she stabilizes, since the visitation is better protected when her father is acting as conservator.
• John Mayer, former Perez Hilton make-out partner, gets pretty gushy toward fellow musician Pete Wentz on his blog. "I think the world of you." [Showbiz Spy]
• Recent drunk driver Mischa Barton continues to act erratic, and now her legs look screwy. [Rush & Molloy]
• Charlie Sheen may be on his fourth baby. It's the third mom. [Rush & Molloy]
• Clay Aiken, 29, donated sperm to his record producer, 50, and plans to be "part of the baby's life." [P6]
• Bill Cosby's famous Cosby Show sweaters are being auctioned for charity. [NY Sun]

• An LA band called Lustra called out Miley Cyrus by name for a song that sounds way, way too much like one of their songs. But it turns out Cyrus doesn't write any of her own songs, so now the band kind of looks like a bunch of assholes. [P6]
• Natalie Portman took a jet ride with movie producer Ryan Kavanaugh and then supposedly "looked smitten." But she's still in love with hippie folksinger Devendra Banhart. [P6]
• Sarah Jessica Parker insisted she is not in a massive catfight with Sex And The City co-stars, particularly Kim Cattrall. Supposedly Cattrall refused to sit through the movie's premiere. Parker said, "I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else," which doesn't really address the rumor. [Daily Star]
• Pete Doherty keeps writing songs for Amy Winehouse, who keeps calling them "shit" and "rubbish." [Mirror]
• You know how you can tell Britney Spears is, indeed, pregnant? Because she recently visited a doctor. [Showbiz Spy]
• First Jack Black revealed Angelina Jolie is pregnant, now Dustin Hoffman has leaked the due date, August 19. More cameos! [Sun]

• This gold bust of Oprah features two dogs above her head, begins showing next week at a gallery and is intended to highlight "the overlooked threat of accidental pet fatality by common household products." [Oh No They Didn't] (Photo from Caplakesting.com via OhNoTheyDidn't)
• There are rumors of a sex tape involving crazy Britney Spears and former slimy hanger-on and alleged drugger Adnan Ghalib. Also, there are again rumors Spears is pregnant. All this according to the Sun, which provides no details whatsoever. [Sun]
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz sent out Evites for their wedding, then started auctioning off press access. The bidding is somewhere above $1 million, because it is surely a once-in-a-lifetime event for both bride and groom: "Ashlee is so needy - she just hangs all over Pete... He's always had a thing for vulnerable girls... I can't imagine one would ever leave the other." [Daily News]
• Michelle Trachtenberg of Gossip Girl fainted Tuesday night at a Sunglass Hut store in SoHo. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie confirmed the rumors she is pregnant with twins on the Today show, where she was plugging the movie Kung Fu Panda. None of her previous opportunities to speak out on the matter provided equivalent gravitas. [P6]
• Pete Doherty buys pregnant mice to feed to his cat, probably to keep them from slashing him up again. [Sun]

• David Lauren, the Jewish fashion scion barred from Jenna Bush's wedding, hit on some other woman while girlfriend Lauren Bush was at the nuptials, so grandpa and grandma Bush were totally right about him being a non-commital dirty old man, according to the right-leaning Post. This piece of gossip sounds like a total slam dunk. [P6]
• Leven Rambin of All My Childen reportedly threw herself at actor Shia LaBeouf and everything turned out "just as she hoped it would." [Daily News]
• Lexus offered Paul McCartney an environmentally friendly hybrid limousine, and he accepted, because he didn't realize the vehicle would be sent to him by airplane, "creating a carbon footprint almost 100 times bigger than if it was shipped." [Showbiz Spy]
• Freedom hater Oliver Stone's critical George W. Bush biopic? Totally funded by the Chinese, Germans and, worst of all, AUSTRALIANS. [P6]
• Beyoncé, who married fellow musician Jay-Z just over a month ago, is now pregnant, supposedly. An associate figured this out when she gained some weight and did not do the "Def Jam detox," whatever that means. [P6]
• Anne Hathaway's Italian boyfriend is off the hook for writing a $215,000 check against an account with just $39.08 in it, so she can stop crying to the police about it. [P6]
• Rapper Remy Ma's fiancée Papoose tried to sneak a handcuff key into their jailhouse wedding but was caught, so no ceremony was allowed. Def Jam detox time! [P6]
• On Britney Spears' latest How I Met Your Mother cameo: "The fact that Britney’s second guest spot really didn’t work was no fault of hers. She’s not at all bad at playing clunkily-sweetly dumb... But the script was an awful piece of specialty construction." [People]
• The headline is sufficient: "Pete Doherty Sought Help After Trying To Kill Cat With Shovel." [Showbiz Spy]

• Tom Cruise sent wife Katie Holmes to a three-day Scientology boot camp at "Gold Base" to prevent her from working on her Broadway play in New York without him, said Star magazine.
• Paris Hilton looks frighteningly skinny in this picture. [Sun]
• Miley Cyrus "skipped" a Disney event in Orlando, Florida, which would have been her first public outing since her racy Vanity Fair shoot. [LA Times]
• Druggy singer Pete Doherty is the guy who managed to shoot up not just in jail but in the detox unit of the jail. So the Brits decided to just let him go, one month into a three month sentence. [Sun]
• Former child star Gary Coleman went on Divorce Court with his 22-year-old wife Shannon Price. Coleman failed to support Price in a fight with a stranger about when the world was ending. [DListed]
• Jason Biggs from American Pie married actress Jenny Mollen in a private ceremony last week. [People]
• When singer Lou Reed and performance artist Laurie Anderson got married, they paid $10 to be wed in the "Boulder Mountain marriage license office." [Gigwise]
• Dennis Rodman, the former basketball star, was arrested for hitting a woman in a hotel. [Enquirer]
• Singer Usher denied rumors he wanted to auction pictures of his baby son. [P6]

Here's his bloody needle pen:

This is his own blood, and his ex-girlfriend, model Kate Moss:

"Ms. Moss Reclines"

• Actress Cate Blanchett had her third son, Ignatius Martin, with husband Andrew Upton. Ignatius was born in Sydney. [People]
• Britney Spears rear-ended someone on the freeway and proceeded to dinner. The singer's ex, Adnan Ghalib, got stabbed and returned home from the hospital.
• Sting paid $27 million for his second apartment on Central Park West. The singer's new place is on the 16th floor of 15 CPW. [P6]
• Pete Doherty gets his own cell and a special mattress in jail after missing repeated drug tests. The other prisoners are pissed because they have to earn those privileges, but the junkie singer gets them for being famous. [Sun]
• According to Alicia Keys, the U.S. government invented gangsta rap to get black people to kill each other [Sun]

As some of you may recall, after Kate Moss finally and triumphantly dumped Pete after one too many caught-on-camera drug/sex/rock 'n roll escapades, he poured his barely pumping heart out to the UK tabs, revealing everything under the sun about their sex life and all the bad behavior she'd allegedly engaged in while they were dating. With that in mind, we have all of our fingers and toes crossed that Doherty manages to weasel his way into the church. We would be ecstatic if Doherty reached OT-VIII, only to fall off the wagon and turn back to the white lady, which would undoubtedly lead him to divulge just about everything that's been going on inside the House of Hubbard for a dimebag of skunkweed. Go forth, Pete, and come back with some great stories. We support you!

• PETE DOHERTY - BABYSHAMBLES FRONTMAN - GETS INTO SCIENTOLOGY [The Sun]

• Game over, Scientology wins, they have Pete Doherty and Sumner Redstone. Viacom chairman Redstone hasn't actually converted but did have lunch with Scientology bigshot Tom Cruise, probably canceling in his area a personal and business rift with the actor and paving the way for more sweet Mission Impossible money. Doherty has been reading up on the religion and shacking up with a Scientologist DJ who probably hasn't yet mentioned the religion's stance on psychoactive drugs.
• Accidental gay porno fan (and singer) John Mayer posted a long rambly blog "about a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog... who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man." Then, mercifully, "I'm going quiet now." [JohnMayer.com]
• Star overlord Bonnie Fuller said singer Britney Spears' parents are "pimps" who treat their daughters like "cash registers" and "bank machines." To back this up, the American Media editorial director has both an anonymous quote and a book-plugging psychiatrist. Air. Tight. [HuffPo]
• There's talk of a Hills movie. Well, of course there is. The question is, have they stockpiled enough stares. [MTV]
• Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt "work on their relationship" by going to Vegas and staying in different rooms, in different hotels and barely talking. Actually, that is seriously a dream vacation for some couples. [People]
• Atress Lindsay Lohan will play a member of the Manson family. [E! Online]
• She's supposedly jetting off to rehab soon, but singer Amy Winehouse still can't manage to get to the jail on time to visit her husband. [Sun]