Cut My Hair Right
A-oooooga! The sound of the approaching tugboat shatters the night’s fog. I make the boat sound with my own wet mouth.
Marnie the Dog For Sure Dead Inside But What About Out
In photographs, Marnie the Dog looks dead. Sources who have met her say she “smells like death.” So, is Marnie the Dog...dead? “I heard that Marnie was originally named ‘Stinky’ before she was adopted,” a source said. (This is true.) “She still smells really bad.” Maybe because she’s dead—and rotting.
Public Dogs
Maybe you like dogs but you can’t have a dog. That’s where public dogs come in.
New Yorkers Are Giving Bullshit Names to Their Dogs
It is with a heavy heart that we bring you this tail of woe: most New Yorkers are giving wack names to their dogs.
Sadly, Bubba Is an Addict Who Cannot Be Trusted
Do not give any money to Bubba.
I Can't Read
I can’t.
Let The Woman Keep Her Gator!
Mary Thorn is great friends with her pet alligator, Rambo. She loves Rambo and Rambo loves her. Don’t let the government take Rambo away from Mary!
Dog Owner Fatally Struck By Car Just Moments After His Pet's Death
In a tragic incident in New York, authorities say a man who was washing the blood of his own yellow lab off the street was also stuck and killed on the roadway. The dog and his owner were killed just minutes apart.
I Have Found The One Good Cat
Cats are known the world over for being evil little shits. And this cat is also an evil little shit. But this cat puts his evil ways to use for the good of all living things, waging war for a thousand generations against flutists. The flute is the thing that is worse than cats, and this good cat, rather than compound…
Manipulative Dog Plays His Owner Like A Fiddle
There’s an ancient Latin proverb that says, “The wolf changes his coat, but not his disposition.”
Delicious, Meaty Dogs Available in San Diego
The San Diego Humane Society is now offering to the public 29 fresh, juicy dogs, specially raised for their succulence.
A Window on the World
A porthole is a boat, a boat a ship of life. Tossed upon the seas of life am I, watching from my porthole boat. A boat, a boat. A boataboat. Putt putt putt putt putt.
Dog Reporter
Beppppp. Bep bep bep. Here is my paper note pad and here is my pen, in my mouth along with the note pad. Hello I’m here for the interview. A real professional, live on the scene.
These Are Good Shirts
Looking for some new shirts?
Petco Stops Using Dryers That Allegedly Gave a Dog Fatal Heatstroke
After a two-year-old golden retriever died in one of Petco’s drying cages last week, allegedly of heatstroke, the pet store chain says it has stopped using kennel dryers at any of its locations. After a grooming and bath, Colby the dog was left inside one of the dryers while his groomer left the store to go to a…
Kill That Hoopla
Woot! Have you heard someone say this? Woot! (they say). Lordy, lordy.
This Guy's Pet Rabbit Brings Him Beer on a Tiny Cart
Rabbits! You could keep one as a pet, but cats exist, so ... why? Here is one reason, courtesy of a guy who trained his girlfriend's pet bunny, Wallace, to deliver a beer to him on a teeny-tiny little beer cart. Perhaps we have been drastically underestimating rabbits.
Sad Dog Abandoned at Train Station With Suitcase Full of His Stuff
An adorable, sad little Shar-pei mix named Kai was found tied to a railing inside a Scottish train station last Friday, along with a suitcase packed with all his worldly possessions: A pillow, a toy, and a food bowl with some food. The Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is searching for the…
Oh, Gifts?
O cummm, all ye faithfulllll. Cummm cummm cummm, it's Christmas.
Zookeeper: Justin Bieber Left His Illegal Monkey Frightened and Alone
The German government has been taking good care of musical skid mark Justin Bieber's former pet Capuchin monkey, Mally, since the Biebs abandoned him last year.
