Intentional hilarity!

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Can we all just take a vote on two 'propositions' that I'll nominate for consideration below?? We'll call 'em nine and ten, just to make em easy to remember:

Prop 9> We collectively agree that anyone employed in the self-sucking, incestuous, masturbatory, sociopathic, over-pampered, and over-funded film business is henceforth legally banned from any and all sorts of conduct, speech, or other expressions which, whether intended or accidental, in any way praise, aggrandize, slobber over, acknowledge the accomplishemnts of, or otherwise express satisfaction or even approval of themselves OR ANY OTHER person place or thing employed by the industry, due to the fact that being served whole grain bagels with imported pink south asian lemon rind essence butter from virgin midget organic tibetan cattle, while being emotionally fanned over by a staff of sycophants all day and being famous and rich... is award in itself and you giving yourselves or those among you such attention, actors though you may think you are, somehow fails to convince us that you have souls, brains, or any room for anything within your psyche(s) besides ego.

Please indicate that you either: A) Agree or B) Are an asshole [read: just getting home from the after-orgy]

Prop 10> In the event of the passage of the above, we as a society will consider the possibility of thinking about allowing Hollywood to earn it's annual rainbow party back if the following condition is met: it begins to make films that do not suck as opposed to the two decade long process that currently passes for making movies in which an idea as empty as the atmosphere of Mars that made money in the 80's when people were still figuring out what cable was is re-packaged w/ ever-lazier, less talented staff who gobble up the repackaged ideas again, after which begins the digestion of the ideas and then the shitting them out as really bad, fecally bad, films... then gobbling up the shat-out idea again, shitting it out again, eating it up again, then vomiting that shit up... and calling it a movie. In the unlikely even that this process of regurgitation/psuedo-excuse-for-employment ceases to be horrible, we do hereby agree to consider the possible expiration of prop 9 no earlier than 1000 years from the opening date of the first good movie the film industry manages.

Please indicate whether you: A) Agree, or B) Are considering getting some auditing done as a way to really 'key yourself out'.

Why can't we all just admit that the whole damn thing is a bunch of over-compensatory d-bags pretending to be what they weren't in high school: socially acceptable... then demonstrating their inability to perform their 'craft' of make-believe by the annual futile attempt to make America believe that they all fuck!ng love each other so much they jizz themselves every time they see each other when it's so obvious that not one single person in the room either has a soul, or doesn't want to murder every other person in the room.

Let's just label them the lame group of dickheads they all are, yank their community redneck beauty pageant, and move the hell on!!! Their puffy trailer-park-girl dresses, nuevo riche tackiness, and obnoxious sense of entitlement in the face of all of them combined not having enough brain cells collectively as to be sufficient in number so that one could ball em all up and plug a gnat's asshole without leaving a fart-gap, is just, taken together, making me kinda nauseous.

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Note also how Penn failed to thank his gorgeous wife of however many insufferable years- robin wright penn? Odd.

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Works for me.

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It was one of the few things that actually demonstrated the alleged theme of the night, which was celebrating rather than watching a horse race or a bad game show. It also demonstrated, for once, that it really is an honor just being nominated.

Or it was all concocted as a way to keep Mickey Rourke from getting violent when he lost. One of those.

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She no longer has a proper name--she is now and forever just "Sean Penn's mother", by her own admission.

We won't even deal with Sean's failure to mention Robin Wright Penn...

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