Philadelphia police are asking for the public’s help to track down a young man who recently picked a very silly, slippy night to halfheartedly attempt a murder.

Philadelphia, capital city of the United States*, is great at many things. It's great at being within relatively short driving distance of the Jersey shore. It's great at allowing you to bring your own wine to restaurants. The world's largest clothespin is there.

When the video of a guy talking about filming a naked "gorilla" man is as entertaining as the video of the naked "gorilla" man itself, that's how you know you're in Philadelphia, city of stars, cast of lunatics.

Her world may be caving in around her, but Lindsay Lohan rewarded herself with a jaunt to Philly—"America's Paris"—last night, to lust, to dance, and to Want.

Long story short, Philly.com ran a photo from Playboy in which a woman wantonly displays a hot naked boob as the illustration for a column today. This fact was noted by many readers and by Jim Romenesko, and the photo was removed. Will we allow faceless "news" organizations to try to erase the historical record like…

In 2010, Philadelphia weatherman John Bolaris was reportedly roofied and scammed out of $43,000 by two female Latvian escorts as part of a Miami-based crime ring organized by the Russian mob.

Wow, #smh.

Philadelphia is under siege by teenage flash mobs! Ha. Not really. A "flash mob" is when several dozen aspiring standup comics use the internet to meet in a certain place to do a funky collaborative dance. Philly's problem is just "kids being kids," which is to say, a bunch of teenagers beating you up, for fun.

Emily Guendelsberger, an editor at The Onion's AV Club in Philly, was walking along with seven friend Saturday night when they ran into a group of teenagers (between 20 and 40 of them, according to different sources). And teens being teens, they attacked everyone for no reason, including Guendelsberger, who was…

In your fearmongering Monday media column: vicious rumors of bedbugs at Elle, a mass exodus from the New York Observer, Sidney Harman has some ideas for Newsweek, media job moves afoot, and Philly wants to tax bloggers.

Philly fameball Arthur Kade is the self-proclaimed "White Oprah With Balls." Give him some props for that. And for the graphic you see here, which he made himself. Okay. So, how does White Oprah With Balls rate Lost's finale?

In your indignant Wednesday media column: yet another example of the WSJ's determined surliness, big media buys cheap ass stories, the battle for control of the doomed Philly papers, and Alex Pareene is somewhere else now.

Are you aware that we are currently living through "one of the most amazing and momentous weeks in the life of Arthur Kade in 'The Biz?'" Indeed. First, he got his own t-shirt made. Then he got a free ride!

Philly hero Arthur Kade was at the Black Eyed Peas show and the security guard totally left him hanging. Caught on tape! Kade would never do that to you, bro. That guard must have totally missed the Arthur Kade documentary.

While all you "Gen Poppers" were sleepwalking through your bland lives, Arthur Kade—our favorite thespian, author and vagina ponderer—was making his mainstream television debut!

"'If the Gen Pop doesn't understand how brilliant Arthur Kade is, then "The Year Of The Brand" will be like an explosion of science, sex, and orgasms, that will mold a generation. "Generation K" is upon us.'…Arthur Kade…12/24/09" Awww!

What is on the agenda of Philadelphia's most popular hero, Arthur Kade? "I need to practice riding horses, spear fighting, and sword fighting." Just like Napoleon Dynamite! But did Napoleon fend off thrown vagina with the ease of Kade?

Bitches want Philly fakeball Arthur Kade to take them to dinner in order to get inside their drawers. That's not Kade Style; but his little SEX DROUGHT is getting pretty bad. How bad?

Saw Arthur Kade goose-stepping his way through the 34th Street 123 station at 5:45 PM. He has the strangest walk; he puffs out his chest and thrusts his hips out. The overall effect is that of someone with something down the back of their pants. He was eating something doughy and chewing with his mouth open.