Did you know that if you believe in universal health care, you believe in slavery? Well: It's true! Kentucky Senator Rand Paul said so during a Senate hearing today, and he is a doctor, so you'd better listen to him.

Philosophy! Not only are just about all of us ignorant of the field's meaning, teachings, and history—we're also ignorant of its gossip. That ends today, lucky philosophites! Everyone's talking about Philosophy Department sexual harassment.

Jeffrey Locker (pictured) was a motivational speaker. He was good enough to motivate a random guy that he met on the street, Kenneth Minor, to take his ATM card in exchange for holding a knife as Locker repeatedly impaled himself on it, and died.

Comedian Patton Oswalt is fretting about the culture-destroying age of "Everything That Ever Was—Available Forever" ("etewaf"). Which is what philosopher Martin Heidegger meant by "Gestell" as the "essence" of technology. (This means Patton Oswalt is a Nazi.)

"Shit happens," Hawaii community college philosophy teacher Daniel Petersen tells his students, and Osama bin Laden could "kill you and your goddamn god." For this provocative philosophical cussing, some girl's dad complained, and now Daniel Petersen's out of a job.

We finally got our copy of Canadian soul chanteuse Justin Bieber's new autobiography First Step 2 Forever, and we are so excited to share it with you! Let's ease into the material with some textual pictures, shall we?

Remember when Lady Gaga posed as a man for Vogue Hommes Japan? Well, she is apparently really committing to this thing: The magazine has now come out, and it includes an interview with "Jo Calderone," who says he fucked her.

Jón Gnarr, the radio host, philosopher and Mayor of Reykjavík, would like to welcome you to his city. And he would like to do so by considering the nature of existence, and the question of "elves and trolls."

iPhone users: You have been living a lie! A LIE! Apple says that the formula it uses for calculating signal bars has been wrong for years, and that this is the cause of the iPhone 4's mysterious reception problems.

A British scientist says he's discovered a secret code in the works of the ancient Greek philosopher Plato. What is "the hidden philosophy of Plato"? And how can we market it?

What do scientists have in common with four-year-olds and people who are stoned, besides social ineptitude and a fondness for sweets? They have all asked the question "Why do we exist?" The only difference is, scientists might have an answer.

Rejoice, sheeple, because the NYT's blog called "The Stone" (HEH) is attempting to answer the eternal question, "What is a philosopher?" God, they go on so long. My fellow undergrad philosophy major dropouts already solved this ancient riddle long ago.

Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek has a new book, End Times, out later this month which analyzes the end of the world as we know it. And, quite appropriately, there's a section on Sarah Palin.

France is so weird. It's a magical land where philosophers are famous, and a journalist's philosophical spoof can be popular enough to spawn "a fan club that meets monthly in salons throughout Paris," and many members of the public know what "philosophy" means. By contrast, here in America many members of the public…

"Why have kids?" So asks Motherlode blog reader "Bailey," in a heartfelt effort to get to the bottom of the mystery of human reproductive urges. She came to the right place; if anyone can solve philosophical conundrums, it's internet commenters.

If you are unfortunate enough to have tastes and budget in clothing similar to mine, you may own several Freshjive shirts. Keep them! The entire Freshjive brand is disappearing. It's going "brandless." Is that even philosophically possible?

Question for insane advice columnist Cary Tennis: "Should I ask you for advice?" Response: "Some days I ask myself if I want to live and the answer is eight pelicans going north in a gray sky." In other words, "No."

Sometimes Page Six goes crazy and runs items about history, like this week, writing about a book coming out in September revealing Jean-Paul Sartre's real reason for thinking the universe was meaningless. In other news, I <3 the universe. [Page Six]