Teenagers! They love their phones as if they are humans with real feelings! A German teenager, after accidentally dropping his phone into a pond on a fishing trip, decided to drain the pond in order to get it back. Not that he thought it was working or anything—he just really needed it.

The Transportation Security Administration has announced that they'll be asking random passengers boarding flights from overseas airports with direct flights to the U.S. to power on their devices before boarding. If the device won't turn on, they won't be let on planes and passengers will have to undergo additional…

Earlier today, in Taiwan, the smartphone company HTC held its annual investor's meeting. HTC's stock price is in the toilet. Investors are demanding: hey, how about a free phone?

A woman whose phone was recently pickpocketed found a surprise when she checked her online storage account a week later: Uploaded to the account, apparently directly from her phone, were a series of nude selfies and a pornographic video of the couple the woman believes stole her phone.

In the olden days, in order to make a phone call to someone farther than shouting distance, you had to stand in one place and speak into a receiver wired to a wall, and if someone called you, you had to dash from wherever you were to wherever the phone was anchored. Most people still do this, apparently??

There are two kinds of phone users in the world: people who leave voicemails for other people and people who ignore voicemails from other people.

Have you ever baked your phone into a dessert? Lost it up a cow's butthole? Dropped it off the side of a cruise ship while recreating the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic with a guy you met in the buffet line?

News flash: Americans, who are, on average, not a bunch of wealthy muckety-mucks lighting their cigars with Benjamins, are spending too much money on their stupid cell phones. We as a nation have cut back on our overall spending even as we're spending more on our precious "smart phone" bills. Smart phone? More like...…

An Oxford University study examining the basis of how romantic relationships are formed found that ladies are all about calling and texting their men—bug-a-boo-ing, if you will—until around their mid-thirties, at which point they drop those scrubs in favor of chatting up women half their age.

WNBC has decided not to renew longtime anchor Sue Simmons' contract, probably because she is at 68 an old lady — they are of course renewing her co-anchor Chuck Scarborough's contract, but he is at 68 distinguished — and will scare all the youths away from the television. Which is silly, because Sue Scarborough …

Bathroom lines are the bane of nightlife, and they only seem to be getting longer. Maybe this is because people are increasingly distracted by their smartphones in the bathroom, unable to go even a single stinky second without human contact. Stop.

The FBI has files from a phone-monitoring company whose notorious software was on iPhones, Android phones, Nokias and BlackBerries. But since the files are being used "for law enforcement purposes," the feds won't talk about their contents. So you can't know what secrets the feds have gleaned from your phone, because…

Facebook wants you to trust it to live in your pocket wherever you go, to get inside your GPS-enabled cell phone. That's a bold request from a company famous for its flagrant privacy violations. But Facebook is charging ahead.

With all that fun British phone hacking news, you may have missed some exciting phone surveillance news here in the States. The NSA's lawyer says the U.S. government might have the authority to physically track Americans with their cell phones.

At the end of last night's fluffy-duffy speech to the public about the debt ceiling, President Obama urged everyone to call their representatives to request his "balanced" approach to deficit reduction, which apparently means $3 trillion dollars in spending cuts along with zero dollars in new tax revenue. What the…

San Francisco supervisors voted 10-1 to require mobile phone dealers to warn customers about radiation from wireless handsets. Can't wait to see where they put that sign in the Apple store.