It's true. There's a surprise ending. Did people like it? Find out for yourself. People did definitely like a film about people taking things called Takers, and people still feel pretty good about Julia Roberts too.

Poor, family-hating Jennifer Aniston stunk up the box office this weekend, while a bunch of grumpy old MEN once again grabbed the top spot. Vampires took a stake in the heart, hilariously, and piranhas raged.

Douche of the Decade Joe Francis is threatening to sue Piranha 3D for showing "someone loosely based on Joe Francis" screaming bloody murder while piranhas tear his penis from his body with their rusty saw blade teeth.