If you’ve ever been to Chicago, chances are you’ve been dragged to a “local joint” to get that “famous Chicago pizza.” Here is the thing though: Chicago pizza actually sucks and is bad.

Stock analysts have upgraded their projections for Papa John’s, based on the rationale that “diners, concerned about political and civil unrest, are choosing to stay home for pizza delivery rather than head out for a meal.”

When he stopped for lunch at Penn Station today, Bill Kristol thought he was merely getting a slice of pizza. Instead, he received a directive to spare America from the horrors of a Donald Trump presidency.

Last week, Julie Bogen, social media editor at Refinery29 and resident of Washington Heights, spotted a rat carrying a slice of pizza in the subway. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s happened before, at a different subway station, and probably a different rat—pizza rat. Remember that?

In Brooklyn on Sunday, an unlicensed driver jumped a curb and struck a 30-year-old woman, Victoria Nicodemus, killing her. Surveillance video appears to show a female witness taking bites from a piece of pizza as she walks away from the scene unhurriedly.

It seems like every animal who gets a little hungry and thinks to himself, “Hmmm, you know what I’d love right now? I’d really just like to indulge myself with a big ol’ cheesy slice-a-pizz’!” these days must face the glare of national news cameras in his face, intruding on what could have been a quiet meal alone.

Advertising the ability to keep a pizza “piping hot” en route to the curbsides and driveways of America, Domino’s is rolling out a fleet of DXP “Delivery Expert” vehicles equipped with a friggin’ oven behind the driver, reports the Los Angeles Times.

To honor the pontiff’s visit to the United States this week, New York pizza chef Tony Salihaj worked for hours—days maybe, who knows—recreating Pope Francis’s face with cheese and sauce for a special papal pizza.

Rats rarely bring us joy, so let’s take the opportunity to cherish this wonderful video of a little cheesehound dragging a slice of pizza down the steps of the First Avenue L station in Manhattan.

A Lexington, Ky., Pizza Hut employee has reportedly been fired after a teenage customer snapped a photo of him with his hand down his pants. The photo got a lot of attention on Facebook and Reddit, and the teen girl’s mom has alleged that our erstwhile pizza boy was “playing with himself.”

How does 2 Bros Pizza—the popular New York hot-cheese-n-crust-for-just-a-buck joint—keep its prices so nice? By underpaying its employees and working them to the bone, according to a new lawsuit.

A Florida man has been charged with misdemeanor simple battery and probation violation after allegedly throwing a slice of pizza at his roommate during an argument about (quite possibly the same) pizza, The NY Daily News reports.

Highlands County, Fla., police were able to rescue a mother and her three children allegedly being held hostage by her knife-wielding boyfriend after the woman made a Pizza Hut order online for one large, hand-tossed pepperoni pizza with special instructions to “Please help. Get 911 to me.”

UPDATE 2:45 p.m.: According to the San Antonio Express-News, Josh Lewis denies his boss’s version of events, saying the attacker stole his car with the pizzas in it and he did not complete his delivery. Our assessment of Lewis (who was stuck with “a huge dagger” in the line of duty) as a pizza hero stands.

At some point in your life you will be asked to order pizza for a group. When that time comes, don’t be afraid. All the information you need to determine how many pies to order can be found in the pizza itself. Because what is a pizza if not a tool for learning fractions?

The problem with lending your home out for TV productions is someone still has to live there afterwards.

Not until Monday night did it occur to me how badly I wanted to own a shirt that said SAVOR THE FLAVOR. On a free-standing garment rack, wedged between an apron, a black vinyl puffer vest, and several other shirts of sartorial insignificance, there was a bright-red women's v-neck t-shirt demanding that I put a…