Yesterday, the federal government decided to change its course regarding emergency contraception and uphold a New York judge's ruling that it can be sold to girls at any age without a prescription.

Sugar cereal! Plan B! Nocturnal diabetes! Elderly presidents! Breast cancer! Parkinson's dancing! Bedbug breeding! Marathon hearts! And America's most and least healthy states, revealed! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—grrrrreatly!

XOJane.com blogger Cat Marnell attempted to write a column about Plan B today. Instead, she ended up with a bizarre 1000-word treatise on why she never uses birth control or condoms, just the morning-after pill, even though she thinks it's murder:

Having just hit his stride with an Emmy-buzz-building role and a cast that he genuinely enjoyed seeing every day, Alec Baldwin seems to us as apt a poster child as any for the tragic human toll the writers strike has taken on our creative community. In his darkest moments, Baldwin has turned to the Huffington Post…

We knew you people were sluts, but we had no idea just exactly how slutty you actually were. Barr Pharmaceuticals has announced that Plan B, the morning-after instabortion pill for ladies who are easy or drunk enough to buy the "shooting blanks" line, is selling far beyond their wildest dreams. They project $80…

Nope. Too late. If you don't have plans already, there's no chance you'll end up anywhere tonight that doesn't involve Plan B and a watery Bloody Mary in the morning. If you do have plans, well, they probably mostly suck and/or require trekking to outer Brooklyn. Better start preparing the Monday-morning revisionism…

Yesterday, we were befuddled by what we thought might be a birth control conspiracy in the making. Why were two West Village CVSes bereft of Plan B, just days shy of Everyone Gets Laid Nite? Luckily, an apparently frequent Plan B purchaser had some inside information about the morning-after madness.

Seriously, save it for the morning after! This sign was spotted at the CVS on the corner of Christopher and 7th, not far from the other CVS out of lady-helper. Similar handwriting; dissimilar spelling skills. The plot thickens, like fertility-indicating cervical mucus.

Earlier: 'Morning After' Crisis in West Village

At this CVS on 6th Avenue near Bleecker, there are no second chances for young ladies after a rough night of "Oh, well, I don't have a condom either...." This Valentine's Day, the socially-active N.Y.U. set is encouraged to double bag it.