Richard Simmons Is Depressed, Let's Cheer Him Up
Richard Simmons! We love you! We want you to live!
Amanda Bynes Would Like President Obama to Intervene in Her DUI
Look, we all wish we could speak to Barack Obama directly — and thanks to the magic of Twitter, sometimes we pretend that we do. But we accept (hopefully) that he's a busy guy, currently working on getting reelected, and he probably doesn't have time to read all our pleas.
Cross-Dressing Drug Lord Dashes Hopes for Juicy Trial Details
Legendary cross-dressing Jamaican drug lord Christopher "Dudus" Coke, who was extradited to New York after setting off a bloody neighborhood drug war in Jamaica, yesterday pleaded guilty to racketeering charges and now faces just 23 years in jail instead of a possible life sentence for a lifetime's worth of scumbaggery
The Wire Actress Pleads Guilty to Dealing Drugs
In a case of life imitating art, Felicia "Snoop" Pearson, who played the drugland hitwoman of the same name HBO's The Wire, plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute heroin today to avoid going to trial.
Cyberdick Pleads Guilty to Being a Dick
Internet asshole Vitaly Borker — who bullied people into leaving negative online feedback about his bootleg sunglasses business to boost his Google search ranking — pleaded guilty in court yesterday to being an asshole, as well as to mail and wire fraud. His excuse for threatening people with sexual assault for…
No, Willie Nelson Won't Have to Sing in Court
Surprise: The Texas prosecutor who said a judge would let Willie Nelson off on a hotboxing charge if he sang "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain" (in addition to pleading guilty and paying a fine) in the courtroom was joking. Judge Becky Dean-Walker told the AP that the prosecutor's joke simply "got out of hand." Still, it…
Won't You Help James O'Keefe Pay off His 'Major Credit Card Debt'?
Conservative prankster James O'Keefe, the artless cad behind heavily edited video "stings" on NPR, ACORN, and other enemies of the state, has been paying for all of his work on his and his buddies' credit cards. Apparently it costs a lot of money to carry a camera and act like a jackass — $50,000, as it happens! So…
Let's Cool It With the Washed-Up Actors Playing Themselves Thing
News comes in today that James Van Der Beek, former Dawson's Creek star and beautiful weep-god from teary heaven, has taken a role on a new sitcom pilot, Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 (soon to be retitled The Girl Next Door or something equally tame, I'm sure). And it's not just any part; he'll be playing the…
Jared Loughner Pleads Not Guilty
Jared Lee Loughner, the 22-year-old accused of attempting to assassinate Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killing several others in a mass shooting spree in Arizona earlier this month, pleaded not guilty in federal court in Phoenix on Monday.
Public Masturbator Pleads Guilty to Gun Charge
In November, Illinois police discovered Vikki Myers masturbating topless in her van. They didn't charge her with the act, but for possessing a firearm without a license. Last month she pleaded guilty. For some reason, we love this nut.
All Those Bell, California Crooks Say They're Innocent
The gang of eight treasury-draining officials in Bell, California went to court and pleaded not guilty yesterday. All of them, not guilty! Even the city manager earning $800K, and the "disabled" running police chief. We were all wrong about them.
Fussy Flight Attendant Pleads Guilty
Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who walked off the job via inflatable slide, pleaded guilty today to two counts of criminal mischief. He will avoid jailtime by undergoing therapy and substance abuse treatment. Slater previously self-identified as an alcoholic.
Guilty Until Proven Innocent
[Paris Hilton's attorney couldn't keep his eyes to himself when the heiress appeared in a Las Vegas courtroom today. She pleaded guilty to cocaine possession and will serve a year of probation, but won't serve jail time. Image via AP]
Ponzi Schemer to the Stars Pleads Guilty
Ponzi schemer to the stars Ken Starr pleaded guilty today to wire fraud, money laundering, and investment advisor fraud; his plea deal will put him behind bars for10-12 years. His pole-dancing wife was "notably absent" from the courtroom. [image via]
Steven Slater Appears in Court, Begs for Mercy
Steven Slater—the JetBlue flight attendant who stormed off the job via inflatable slide—reported to court today as he negotiates with prosecutors to avoid jail time. While awaiting their moment before the judge, Slater's lawyer shared some new details.
David Paterson: Shana Tova! Ramadan Karim! Shut Up About the Ground Zero 'Mosque'!
Not long after getting involved in the Not At Ground Zero Park51 Community Center kerfuffle, Governor Paterson is asking everyone to "step back," chill out and shut up about it — at least during the next week of holidays.
State Department Puts Twitter To Good Use
State Dept's Philip J. Crowley: "Americans should heed our travel warning and avoid North Korea. We only have a handful of former Presidents."
Anderson Cooper: Please Don't Dye Your Hair!
A company promoting a pill that supposedly turns gray hair back to its original color has offered Anderson Cooper $1 million to get rid of his silver tresses. That is the stupidest thing we ever heard.
Snooki Pleads Not Guilty to Being a 'Public Nuisance'
Snooki pleaded not guilty to creating a "creating a public nuisance" today. Not guilty? Really?
Let's Put Jake & Vienna In Jail and Never Let Them Out
Did you watch the big Bachelor blowdown that aired during the The Bachelorette last night? Bitter exes Jake Pavelka and Vienna Sausages sat on a Loveseat of Awkwardness and dished about their nasty breakup. It was horrible.
