Sophisticated soda connoisseurs drink Diet Mtn Dew. Average people drink Diet Coke. Then there are the loners, misfits, and weirdos, who drink Diet Pepsi. They’re always hollering about some obscure grievance.
Do you enjoy the exquisite thrill of the hunt? Do you crave the visceral experience of—using nothing more than your wits and a weapon—stalking the most dangerous game of all: cow?
McDonald’s will soon be rolling out a new, “cleaner” version of its Chicken McNuggets. Ronald McDonald, please don’t monkey with the Dimethylpolysiloxane!
“If the shell isn’t fried the proper 90 seconds or if it sits for more than 15 minutes after cooking, the cheese hardens and won’t be melty enough for a proper stringy bridge between separated pieces.” The complex machinations behind the Taco Bell Quesalupa.
When it comes to shelf-stable macaroni and cheese products, today’s consumers expect a premium brand offering a premium product. That’s what makes it so exciting to be alive in the United States of America in 2016.
Americans are drinking less soda with each passing year—which makes the remaining soda that we do drink all the more important. Sadly, new evidence indicates that this country’s taste in soda is going to hell. Hey, someone call a “Doctor....”
People these days are drinking less soda, because that shit will kill you. Hey asshole: that’s all over now. Because Coca-Cola has a new slogan—and marketing strategy—that you need to know about—right now—amazing.
A man who was once convicted of poisoning a group of children because they allegedly bullied his son was, until this week, in charge of the drinking water for a much larger group of people: the citizens of the city of North Las Vegas, who probably, most likely, had nothing to worry about.
Mustard-colored mustard merchant McDonald’s cares about kids, to the extent that kids can whine enough to convince their parents to take them to McDonald’s. McDonald’s: heroic, or most heroic?
Soon, Americans will able to purchase bags of “Doritos Roulette” in which one in every six chips is “melt-your-face hot.” Previously, regular consumption of Doritos had been considered risky enough.
Americans, who fancy themselves sophisticated nutrition experts even as they consume a diet increasingly made up of petroleum byproducts, are no longer content to drink just any swill. They now prefer to drink swill that is worse than the previous swill of choice.
You, the American soda consumer, should be aware that your precious swill contains a chemical called 4-MeI, which has the unfortunate side effect of giving humans cancer. How many of you will get a deadly disease as a direct result of this chemical? Consumer Reports kindly figured out the answer.
Pizza is killing your kids.
Kuntal Patel, 37, is currently on trial in the UK for the attempted murder of her mother, whom she allegedly poisoned with abrin after seeing a similar stunt on Breaking Bad. The ricin-esque substance was purchased with bitcoin on a dark web site and delivered to a friend's home, disguised in a candle.
If you are the hopeful, "never say die" sort of person who consumes artificial sweeteners in your diet in order to lower your sugar intake, allow me to inform you that you may have been accomplishing the opposite of what you wanted, all this time. Burn.
Here you will find a story that will make you seriously question whether an ingredient in your Colgate Total toothpaste is disrupting your endocrine system, reducing your fertility, and damaging your baby's bones. (This should not be interpreted as medical advice!)
Police in Gettysburg, Penn. arrested Samantha Elizabeth Unger, 23, after she confessed to having put bottles of Visine in her three-year-old son's drinks. Her son had to be airlifted to a hospital earlier this year after his heartbeat dropped to 40 beats per minute. Unger's one-year-old son also became sick after…
Burger King today announced that it will serve its burgers for breakfast now, as part of their new corporate philosophy, "Why try harder than absolutely necessary when the American people want nothing more than to eat themselves into oblivion to erase the pain of being locked into this zombie-like existence?"
Hot Pockets, a brand of garbage available in your grocer's freezer until this week's recall, apparently has many fans who share their love for the diseased-meat snacks on Twitter. But how many of these pre-recall Hot Pockets tweets ended in death?
What does Chevron owe the people of a small Pennsylvania town after two of the oil giant's fracking wells exploded and burned for five days? A free pizza and a two-liter bottle of soda, that's what. At least that's better than being immediately killed in the explosion.
