The Los Angeles Times discovered that at least 50 people have reported scalding themselves this week while throwing boiling water in the air to watch it immediately freeze in subzero temperatures. Stop doing this shit.
What It's Like to Pee in -50 Degree Weather
Throwing a cup of boiling water into the freezing air and burning your penis in the process? Any dumbass can do that. But using your penis to expel hot water into a wind chill factor of minus 50 — that takes a real dumbass.
Kimmel Dumps Snow on LA Beach Bums for Bragging About Being Warm
While practically the entire country was doing its damnedest not to freeze to death, beach-goers in Los Angeles were walking around shirtless.
Escaped Prisoner Turns Self in to Avoid Polar Vortex in Kentucky
The Polar Vortex has made life difficult in many parts of the country, including in Lexington, Kentucky, where temperatures—with the wind chill factored in—dropped to 20 below on Monday. Any outdoor activity there is ill advised, but a prison break in out-of-season, jail-issued clothing is an especially bad idea.
NASA Satellite Photo Proves We're All Frigid and Screwed
The vortexpocalypse continues apace. Take the animals two-by-two and stock up on Sterno and shotgun shells.
Polar Vortex Can't Keep Man from Burning Penis (He Claims)
Chicago resident Micah Uetricht decided to put the Polar Vortex to use and have some fun by throwing a few pots of boiling water in the air and watching it freeze. He did this alongside his girlfriend while standing on his balcony, and each time the water blew back at him (hitting both of them), proving that one thing…
I Am in the Polar Vortex. Here's What to Expect.
Greetings from the Polar Vortex! No, that's not the name of your favorite new dubstep band. It's the terrifying swirl of arctic winter currently occupying the Midwest and poised to consume the rest of you poor bastards.
It's Gonna Be So Fucking Cold in the Midwest Tonight
Above you see the low temperature forecasts across the country for Sunday night. If you live in the Midwest you might want to turn on your oven and then lay across your stove.
