From where do great leaders draw their inspiration? For George Washington, it was the Roman general Cincinnatus; for Abraham Lincoln, Kentucky’s greatest son, it was forebears like Henry Clay and great thinkers like Thomas Paine. For Matt Bevin, Kentucky’s present leader, it is a smear on the sidewalk that, if it…
For a man who is such an important father figure for bigots all across this great country, Donald Trump is not acting very fatherly.
A CCTV video that landed on LiveLeak earlier this week shows a small child deploying a stealthy poop in the middle of a supermarket aisle, allegedly somewhere in Russia. To watch the boy leave what the Mirror drolly calls “his nasty deposit”—it is to laugh. But wait: there’s even more to this multi-layered treasure,…
Everybody may poop, but there’s one, extra special corner of Amazon where everybody doesn’t just poop—they poop like goddamn clockwork. And they’re more than happy to share their shadooby-stained tales of nature’s call. A call they owe entirely to the laxative tea that they bought for their—uh, wives. Sure, yes. Their…
Last week, police in Galveston, Tx., arrested Jonathon Glenn for allegedly stabbing someone Tuesday night. Following a brief chase, the 29-year-old was placed in the backseat of a squad car, where he reportedly proceeded to shit his pants, scoop the excrement into his mouth, and then spit it at the arresting officers.
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. So goes the old axiom, apparently taken to heart by Melissa Jacobson—a woman whose current occupation is unknown, but who evidently aspires to the title of “lady who poops and pees inside cardboard boxes at Kmart.”
As the trade winds that blow across the seas are always in flux, so too are the diaper-buying trends of parents around the world. A powerful metaphor? Yes.
Life is mostly suffering—no matter how well you treat others and yourself, and no matter how much gratitude you claim to feel—because, at bottom, people are full of shit. But, it turns out, their shit is full of gold! So that's all right.
The Secret Service says a letter sent to the White House this week has tested positive for cyanide, confirming an earlier report by The Intercept. According to that story, the letter's return address matches that of a man who previously mailed the White House "a package covered in urine and feces."
A sour and slightly nutty cloud of uncertainty has descended on Akron, Ohio, after 19 incidents of public pooping over three years were potentially linked to the same single shitter. And those are just the documented cases—an Akron police officer told local NBC outlet WKYC he estimated at least 100 more.
Also they pooped in there.
There was no big secret to Cards Against Humanity creator Max Temkin's ploy to sell 30,000 boxes of actual bull feces on Black Friday. His game simply has a lot of fans, and some of those fans will evidently buy literally anything he sells. Still, Temkin broke down the finer points of shit-slinging in a blog post…
Well, it looks like Kim Kardashian's nude photos broke the internet after all.
A Seattle man grew suspicious and decided to review the footage from his home security cameras after friends told him there was no way the massive pile of shit in his front yard had come from a dog. He was rewarded with two different angles of a man walking onto his property, unhurriedly dropping his pants, and…
NYC's premier bike sharing operation, Citi Bike, has apparently been on the receiving end of an unwarranted smear campaign. While New York City's casual bike-riders rested sweetly in their beds on Friday, an unnamed perpetrator walked around a Midtown Citi Bike stand and wiped feces all over everything.
Frozen is an obsession of children (and bane of parents) everywhere, largely due to the inescapable, Oscar-winning earworm Let It Go. The song has been through a backlash, an anti-backlash, and Ben Affleck, and now it finally arrives at its endgame as a little girl's poop joke.
For the first few seconds, this is a perfectly pleasant vacation video. A woman in sunglasses waves to the camera—hi dad!— and describes the absolutely beautiful San Francisco beach on which she stands. Then, something white and gooey shoots down the frame.
Police officers returned to their cars outside an NYPD Athletic League building in Greenwich Village with human excrement smeared on the door handles. Someone (or multiple people!) really wanted to give the police some shit.
"My Life in Bicycles," a New York Times op-ed essay from Jennifer Finney Boylan, is a charming if slight account of, yes, a life filled with bicycles. Its most vivid passage describes the color of bird poop.
Scientists digging around an ancient Neanderthal campfire site in Spain called El Salt stumbled upon what they believe to be the oldest human poop. Other than the poop being 50,000-years-old, analysis of the feces, as published this week in the scientific journal PLOS One, indicates that Neanderthals may have enjoyed…
