If the Beatrice Inn were to close forever, rather than just temporarily, what would we say at its funeral? Because we're feeling wistful this afternoon, we're going to attempt something of a eulogy.

Billy Joel will be dissed, forever, by various critics. Now we're told the singer is a whiny misogynist — and 'The Worst Pop Singer Ever' — by Ron Rosenbaum in Slate.

Uh-oh: it's the brand-new blog of Lindsay Lohan father/religious fanatic/jailed DUI-er Michael Lohan. Don't hope for gossip, however: "let me say that this website is NOT about Lindsay or Samantha."

Did anyone receive a new calendar for Christmas? (I got a puppy one.) Perhaps you received the Sarah Palin 2009 calendar—it's the #1 most popular "Office Product" on Amazon!

Sadly, suicides (and pet deaths) rise during the holidays. John Costelloe, the actor best known for playing Johnny Cakes on the Sopranos, was found dead in from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head.

We gotta hand it to actor Jeremy Piven: 'mercury poisoning,' unlike 'exhaustion' or 'dehydration,' is an excuse we've never heard from a celeb. Let's help diagnose him—what could have caused it?

Would you like to buy the actual Ikea beds from the Real World Brooklyn? The reality stars might have, you know, done it in said beds. Now you can. STD screening not included.

Rocco DiSpirito used to be a critically-acclaimed chef, but then he did that show the Restaurant and then Top Chef and The Biggest Loser and finally Dancing With the Stars. Now nobody respects him!

By now, we've seen lots of fly-on-the-wall, non-MTV-sanctioned psychodrama between the Real World Brooklyn kids, who had to do much of their filming in Manhattan due to Brooklyn bars not wanting them around.

Last week the Times started a booze blog! Who knew? Today contributor Susan Cheever weighed in with a provocative, some might say intemperate, thesis: There are no more drunks at New York parties.

Where did disgraced governor and brush-fanatic Blago get his hair? Astute Simpsons historian and Gawker videoguy Mike B. points out that it was clearly from "ancient Simpsons pre-Kent Brochman anchor Scott Christian."

Bettie Page, whose saucy photo spreads helped get men through, and then end, the sexual repression of the 1950s, died of a heart attack in Los Angeles. She was 85.

Remember SaveKaryn.com? Back in 2002, a young blondie NYC lass in major credit-card trouble posted an online plea for donations towards her "cause"—crowdsourcing her debt solution, as it were. The Observer certainly remembers: "Ms. Bosnak parlayed her moment of internet 'fame' into a book called Save Karyn and then a…

Katelynn, the token transsexual cast member of the Real World Brooklyn, has a freaking Livejournal! We're so excited—it's called "Indigo Child Kate." As you surely remember from an old NYT trend piece, "indigo children" are especially "gifted" kids that "share traits like high I.Q., acute intuition, self-confidence,…

How long does it take to snow a Paris Harry Winstons jewellry store for everything they've got—$102 mil worth of jewels, to be precise? Less than twenty minutes, if you're good. And dressed as women (wait, is this just the filming of a new Borat?) "The raid at 5.30pm on Thursday was the largest ever gems theft in…

Oh, God, three of the cast members of the Real World Brooklyn plan on staying in New York after the show is over, reports the Daily Intel via Gothamist, who were granted a tour of the house. No, wait: the NY Press says that four "of the eight cast members who were so charmed that they decided to stick around."

The cast members (and executive producers) of the MTV's Real World Brooklyn will be doing a very, very important Q&A at the Paley Center for Media this Friday. They are actually charging money for tickets. If you go to the website you can write in the questions you would like the panelists to be asked. We had a few…

Us Weekly ate up Hills "stars" Spencer and Heidi's story that they got married on the spur of the moment while on vacation in Mexico. A photographer just happened to be there to capture their beautiful declarations of love! Heidi just happened to have a white, full-length Balenciaga sundress lying around that doubled …