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Porn

bullshit

Made-Up Japanese Sex Stories

The good news: Everything you ever read about the sexual perversities of the Japanese may still by true. The bad: If you read it in the "WaiWai" column of the Mainichi Daily News, it probably isn't. The English-language version of popular Japanese newspaper Mainichi Shimbun has been inventing all its best kinky features, or rather deliberately mistranslating them from the original. As it turns out, moms are not blowing their sons to get them to study harder, there is no bestiality restaurant in Tokyo, and housewives probably aren't turning tricks in suburban coin showers. The paper vows to start over fresh by hiring women to scrutinize its seedy reporting, and the internal investigation was said to rival the Times's after the Jayson Blair fiasco. The editorial apology after the jump (it does no good to nettlesome national stereotypes that the URL actually ends with "So sorry"). More »

fake ads

American Apparel Spoofer Embraces Equality In Genitalia

The notorious, mysterious, and sexy American Apparel ad spoofer raises so many philosophical questions: What is art? What is advertising? What is porn? And does showing blowjobs count as "sexual equality?" The spoofer has a long history of drawing female genitalia (and dildos). But now he or she has made the leap to showing penises for the cause—something Dov Charney can only dream of. Click through for the most overt (possibly NSFW, although it's just a drawing) example: More »

advertising

From The Cocksuckers At American Apparel

It must really kill Dov Charney not to be able to advertise his hipster robot clothes via hardcore porn movies starring himself and a bevy of 18-year-old Eastern European beauties recently unloaded from a shipping crate in the dead of night. So the pervy American Apparel CEO and hero to the downtrodden keeps edging as close to that vision as possible. His latest effort: a foreign ad featuring a model licking some dude's boxer shorts—and some believe the dude in them is Dov himself, based solely on the hairy legs. Full ad that will haunt you, below: More »

You Oughta Be in Pictures. Where You're Naked. For a while it seemed like it was just us and HGTV personality Michael Verdugo who didn't have porn pasts. Now it's just us. Yep, the Design Star contestant did some geigh stuff under the name Jeremy Wess for a time. [NSFW/L]

publicity stunts

The Big, Throbbing Porn-News Hustle

Over the past week, publications like the LA Times, New York Post and even our own Valleywag have parroted a report from the Adult Internet Market Research Company about how the recent federal taxpayer stimulus checks led to a spike in porn site membership. Predictable: it was an interesting piece of news dangled in front of the media in the lull leading up to the holiday weekend, when filler is traditionally needed. Unfortunately, it looks like the report was "total bullshit," at least judging by the reporting of Adult Video News columnist and porn-market scholar Tom Johansmeyer (pictured). More »

books

Books Best Used as Hiding Place for Homemade Porn

A book blogger bought a sackful of old books from a lady at Goodwill whose husband had recently died. Upon taking them home and opening them up, however... uh-oh! Turns out many of the books had been hollowed out and turned into stash-boxes for a collection of homemade porn. (Un-blurred pic after the jump.) More »

the cinema

Stripper Porn Will Get You Out Of Iraq

Five years into the war in Iraq, and I had no idea military guys aren't allowed to have any porn over there. That's perhaps because there don't seem to have been too many soldiers actually thrown out of the country over the stuff, probably because the armed services need every last person they can get. Six-figure private contractor gigs in Iraq, on the other hand, are still somewhat coveted, so ITT small-arms repairman Brian Sayler was pretty bummed to be ejected for possessing some DVDs he got free on a stateside break. A stripper, Cassidey (pictured), in Stoughton, Mass., patriotically donated a free lap dance to Sayler, along with a collection of free porn movies such as "Cassidey's Day Off." Both the military and its contractors have had a lax policy toward enforcing the porn ban, according to an article in Boston magazine, but for some reason Sayler's building in Iraq was searched and he was sent packing. He ended up winning reinstatement on appeal, but that's not the point: If porno freedom for brave troops abroad isn't Change We Can Believe In, then what is? [Boston]

advertising

How To Sell A Porn-Blocking Product With Class

Just like you can block pop-up ads on your computer, you can also buy software to block porn, if you wanted to do that for some odd reason. But that very software has to have its own ads—preferably ads that incorporate porn, for clarity's sake! You can see the quandary. One German porn-blocking company solved the problem with some strategic Photoshop work [UPDATE: A concept pioneered at Something Awful], and the result is so creative you almost want to buy their purifying product just to applaud the effort (not really). Two of the company's ads, via Copyranter, are after the jump. They're perfectly SFW, as long as you don't use any imagination. More »

obscenity

Google to Prove You're a Sex-Fiend In Court

This is why Google has spent a decade collecting and preserving all the information it can gather about everyone on Earth: so it can prove in a court of law that your neighbors are perverts. There's an obscenity trial going on down in Florida, where life itself is generally obscene, against an icky hardcore pornographer (first they came for CumOnHerFace.com, and I said nothing, because I preferred alt-porn). In an obscenity trial, the prosecutors must prove that the material is in violation of "community standards." This is, obviously, a ridiculous yardstick. Everyone who watches movies knows that just below the friendly surface of American Suburbia lies violence, depravity, secret gay neighbors, and Dean Stockwell in eyeshadow. But jurors like to pretend that they've never enjoyed a little Skinimax. This is where Google—and your deepest, darkest secrets—come into play! More »

mishaps

Two Types of Black Books

The Blackbook, a creative-talent publication, shares a similar name with "XXXBlackBook," an adult-dating site. Blackbook's poor phone girl has to occasionally field calls from porn enthusiasts needing their login info. Needless to say, "likeslongnipples," while it may be an appropriate username for www.xxxblackbook.com, is not going to help if you've actually phoned www.blackbook.com. [Dazzling Delta]

gadgetry

iPhone Porn Unsurprisingly A Growth Industry

Now made for masturbating during overlong board meetings or car trips — the iPhone. The burgeoning mobile porn business, which was once confined to slow-loading sepia-tinted Jpegs of flappers in bathing suits, now features all kinds of fun applets for erotic text chatting, "moan tones," and video. The $1.7 billion industry set to balloon even further once the iPhone 2.0 debuts on July 11. The Google search results on "iPhone porn" are tumescent, too, and there are many, many websites in existence that can cater to all your hand-held smut needs. Here are a few: More »

obscenity

The Porno Judge and the Newspaper

Remember Alex Kozinski, the 9th Circuit Court Judge who's been forced to recuse himself from an obscenity trial because of BESTIALITY PORN POSTED ON HIS WEBSITE? What a wacky story, right? Hah! That maroon! Yes well it turns out it's actually a depressing tale of outright journalistic malfeasance that could impact an important first amendment case, but whatever. The Judge, Alex Kozinski, has already declared a mistrial, and all that's left is for his wife to pen angry letters to blogs. It's all the L.A. Times' fault! More »

child porn

Why Verizon, Sprint And Time Warner Shouldn't Block Child Porn

The New York attorney general's office ran a "sting" in which agents posed as customers and complained to the companies that they could see child porn. When the service providers ignored them, the agency threatened the companies with fraud. Now, according to the Times, the ISPs are paying over a million dollars to Andrew Cuomo's office and promising to block child porn sites as identified by the office — to all their subscribers across the U.S. As despicable and exploitative as child porn is, blocking it this way is a terrible move. More »

Uncorrupted People A pornographer known as Max Hardcore is on trial for obscenity in Florida. The judge originally said that the jury should watch eight and a half hours of his porn tapes, so they could get a complete picture. But she had to reconsider, because the jurors got so squeamish after less than an hour that she feared they wouldn't be able to make it all the way through. A mere 8.5 hours of filth? We call that a "weekday." [THR Esq.]

the most important movie ever

'Times' Shock: Colored Folk in Other Boroughs Watch 'SATC' Too

It... it leads to babies? [NYT]

child porn

Teen Arrested On Child Porn Charges After Posting Photos Of His Ex

Note to the kids: I know you are not gonna stop sending each other naked photos of yourselves, but when your hot girlfriend becomes your ex, do not post those photos on MySpace with the caption "Yo tell me this bitch desurves this!!!!!!! This is HLK yall! Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me! TF gets my leftover's to bad she fucked." That's what Alex Phillips did to his 16-year-old ex, and now the 17-year-old boy is facing charges of sexual exploitation of a child and possession of child pornography. Obviously he's a twat and deserving of the defamation charge that he's also getting. But is this really a child porn case? More »

freaks

No One In Chicago Fit To Serve On R. Kelly Jury

Freaky deaky swinger singer R. Kelly is about to go on trial in his hometown of Chicago for the crime of child pornography. But first, they have to find a jury. And that seems to be more difficult that you would think, because, judging strictly by media coverage, Chicago is full of weasels, crazy people, and child porn supporters. After the jump, the five best reasons [from a longer list at the Chicago Tribune] that people have given to get out of serving on the jury in this case of the century: More »

Why Playboy Is In Decline Doesn't quite understand its audience: "'People don’t come to us for explicit content,' said [CEO Christie Hefner]. 'In fact, they’d be very disappointed if that’s what they were looking for and they bought Playboy magazine or went to Playboy.com.'" [Times]