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investigations

Together We Can Stop The Crotch-Cam Madman!

A crazy man may be videotaping YOUR crotch. And putting the footage on the internet for all to see! The Post, in what is (trend alert) almost surely another story developed solely by poking around on YouTube, alerts the city to a man known only as "househead7d5." He enjoys taping men's crotches—at a phone booth, on the bus, on the subway—and posting the videos online, with clever comments like, "guy on the phone showin a little......gay sweatpants bulge phonebooth NYC," or, even creepier, "I love it when they fall asleep! not the biggest basket but he was a cutie pie nonetheless!" So who is this penis-peering multimedia madman? After the jump, we will investigate! More »

10:41 AM on Tue May 6 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
4,082 views, 35 comments

Latest by katieee: A friend of mine, using her family computer, once made the horrible discovery that her dad was a member of Yahoo's 'Down Blouse' group. more »

journalismism

Post Demands The Government Make Terrorists Angrier

If the New York Post had to name three things that it can't stand, those things would be: cultural sensitivity, wisdom, and peace (fourth: stepping on gum). That's why the paper is outraged that "the Bush administration has gone all PC in the War on Terror." They've stopped using words like "jihad" and "Islamo-fascism" because they may be provocative or offensive. The Post's jaw literally dropped onto the floor at that news! Right onto the floor! So the neocon, Murdoch-owned scandal sheet had to evoke the memory of prominent socialist revolutionary George Orwell to help it call for harsher language about the Arabian menace: More »

10:15 AM on Thu May 1 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
810 views, 15 comments

Latest by Breliant: How long before Christopher Hitchens responds to this? more »

scolds

Andrea Peyser Gives Billy Ray Cyrus A Lot To Think About

Rabid New York Post attack columnist and X-ray pornographer Andrea Peyser finally weighs in today with her take on the Miley Cyrus uproar, and a breathless city exhales. She's upset! Now she has to add Miley to the list of pop stars "not welcome in my house" (you're on there too, Jamie Lynn Spears). But she reserves most of her contempt for Miley's dad Billy Ray Cyrus, a "one-hit wonder who lives like a leech off his billion-dollar baby." Zing! We agree the photo of the two together was a little weird. But Peyser is also mad that Billy didn't stop his teen daughter from being such a freaking idiot when she opens her mouth: More »

9:32 AM on Wed Apr 30 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
3,351 views, 38 comments

Latest by kenneth212: I'm still in shock that the New York Post would hire and transgender woman to be a columnist. more »

columnists

Andrea Peyser Demands To See X-Ray Cock

The Post's Andrea Peyser, who is like a mix of Ann Coulter, Ed Koch, and a rat with rabies, has a few things she can't stand: liberals, whiners, all things pure and good. Now you can add to that list "millimeter wave technology," an improved airport full-body security scanning method. It sees through clothes and leaves nothing to the imagination! "It's enough to make me rethink my hairstyle. I'm not referring to my head." Gross, Andrea Peyser. Jesus. She watches a woman go through the scan, and cleverly riffs, "The machine also shaved off 15 pounds, a good argument for scanning females." I get it, women are fat! Then, she insists that a man go through, so she can look at his penis: More »

9:19 AM on Fri Apr 18 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
3,219 views, 37 comments

Latest by EddieTheDane: Wait, are we really impugning the talent of self-proclaimed and self-advertised "Columnist of the Year" Andrea Peyser? more »

journalismism

Col Allan Has No Time For The Facts

Have you heard any wild rumors about anything in the news from any source at all? Why not call New York Post editor Col Allan so he can put it right in the paper! Last Thursday, Col's wife phoned him and said "Elaine died!"—referring to a family friend in Australia. But Allan, with a newspaperman's instincts, naturally assumed she was talking about famous restaurateur Elaine Kaufman. So he set his city desk to work calling all over town, asking her friends about her death. Finally some qualified reporter who should be fired immediately pointed out that, based on actual facts, Kaufman was not dead. Reminiscent of the Post's glorious, fictional splash about John Kerry choosing Dick Gephardt for his running mate, which likely originated with Rupert Murdoch. Ha, reporting for the Post is just like playing a game of Telephone! In Allan's defense, "Mistakes happen, chicken fish monkey pineapple." [Daily Intel]

10:31 AM on Wed Apr 16 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
286 views, 12 comments

Latest by famousauthor: Tomorrow's headline: "COL ALLAN PROMOTED TO GENERAL. GEPHARDT TO BE NEW EDITOR OF POST." more »

bugs

Whole Foods, Environmentalists Support Cockroach Invasion

Being a limp-wristed, knee-jerk environmentalist liberal, you probably thought that Whole Foods' plan to phase out plastic bags in its stores was a good thing. Sure it is—if you love cockroaches. That's the sober warning in an editorial in the New York Post today, penned by Jeff Stier of the conservative "science" group ACSH, which is funded by Dow Chemical, Chevron, and a slew of other corporations. See, cockroaches "prefer paper (bags) to plastic," which logically means that Whole Foods is virtually holding your door open and setting up a nice buffet for the bugs! And it gets worse: they're also trying to give you asthma. More »

9:17 AM on Wed Apr 16 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
2,892 views, 59 comments

Latest by LUV2CattleCall: @hamburgerhotdog: Interesting that you mention this occurs in poor neighborhoods....perhaps because they can't afford the highly effective Ironic Breeze? more »

An Item Of Interest Are you aware that there's an entire blog on the New York Post's website which consists of nothing but Post staffers chronicling their own ongoing quests to lose weight? Water retention, battles with birthday cake, and the perils of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, all chronicled in loving detail. By New York Post writers. Were we not so supportive of health in the media, we might be tempted to make some sort of joke. [NYP]

47 comments

scandals

Spitzer Hooker #2 (?) Update: Everyone Is Lying, Says Everyone Else

Here we are in the fifth day of the Possible Spitzer Hooker #2 saga, and the tabloid accusations continue to fly back and forth like so many bullets made of sex. Kristin Davis, who everyone agrees ran several high-priced call girl rings, also stands accused by the Post of servicing Eliot Spitzer himself; the Daily News says she has no connection to the Love Guv. The latest developments: Daily News sez madam serviced big sports star; No way, sez Post. Plus: Is the Kristin Davis "Black Book" client list a hoax? The Post says yes, for some reason! More »

9:12 AM on Mon Mar 31 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
2,474 views, 14 comments

Latest by nltisme: I am depressed and lonely....gonna shoot myself with a gun fulla sex bullets and see if I feel better. more »

scandals

Did This Hooker Sleep With Eliot Spitzer Or Not?

The story of Kristin Davis, who the Post fingered yesterday as not only a high-priced madam, but also another hooker visited by Eliot Spitzer, is actually getting more interesting. Why? Because every new story that comes out makes it less clear if Davis actually has any connection to Spitzer. The Post says she does! The Daily News says she doesn't! And the Times doesn't really say anything! Verrrrrrrrrrryyy interesting. Somebody has screwed up on this story, big time. After the jump, we speculate—plus, we have some insight into the Daily News' big "Madam's Black Book" cover story today. More »

9:45 AM on Fri Mar 28 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
3,321 views, 27 comments

Latest by TripMcCane: "If the face is shit, you still must remit." Johnny Cockring, pimp to celebrity (kind-of) lookalike hookers. more »

eliot spitzer

Wowee, Another Spitzer Hooker

We never thought we'd see the day when the Governor of New York's illegal sex trysts would give us only a renewed sense of ennui, but: Okay, we get it. The guy liked hookers. If the Post keeps this up, lots of other valuable yellow journalism will fail to make the front page. Click to enlarge the cover shot. And after the jump, Eliot Spitzer hooker #2 Kristin Davis' MySpace picture, JUST TO GET IT OUT OF THE WAY: More »

9:42 AM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
25,806 views, 130 comments

Latest by noiseyneighbor: There is nothing "Lil" about Mama's "Lipgloss" more »

loss of innocence

New York Scandal Of Shame Video: Billy Crystal Bats

The shameful scandal that has engulfed New York over the past week to the outrage of one and all has finally come to a close. That's right: comedian Billy Crystal has now had his single at-bat in a Yankees spring training game. The ballclub's decision to offer Crystal a one-day contract as a promotional stunt threw a pall over the entire Empire State. Video from the stands of the funnyman's game appearance (not a bad swing!), which the New York Post suspects may have destroyed baseball's integrity, after the jump. Hopefully we can all now move forward with our lives. More »

9:54 AM on Fri Mar 14 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
1,181 views, 21 comments

Latest by In Other News...: @CaptainFantastic: @mitchel_stevens: @acridsheep: @Hamilton Nolan: @pre555soul: That swing was so good, I'll forgive him for the bad makeup job in Mr. Saturday Night. more »

loss of innocence

New York's Scandal Of Shame: Billy Crystal On The Yankees

There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth across the state of New York today as the citizenry tries to come to terms with the scandal that has ripped our illusions away: the Yankees signing comedian Billy Crystal to a one-game contract. He'll appear in a spring training game, as a publicity stunt. This sudden disgrace of our heroes is shaking us to the very core! The New York Post splashed the outrage on their (back) cover, and fired off a defense of our collective moral standards: More »

6:22 PM on Tue Mar 11 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
2,021 views, 23 comments

Latest by TheBigDoggy: Don't be surprised if the old man gets hurt. If he had a funny bone, he might break it. more »

investigations

"J.Lo Butt" Scam Threatens NYC Ass Health

WARNING: An unauthorized butt enhancer may be on the loose in Manhattan. The Post breaks an EXCLUSIVE story this morning about Kimberly Smedley, a wanton, unauthorized woman with no medical training who offers black market silicone injections out of an East 39th St. hotel. For $1,600, Smedley promises women "J.Lo butts." But if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. More »

1:33 PM on Sun Mar 9 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
6,076 views, 26 comments

crime

Rapist Unsuccessfully Terrorizes The Village

New York's latest sex fiend has been spotted on film! The villain who attacked two separate women in the West Village early Sunday morning was captured briefly by a surveillance camera while standing in a doorway. The mockery of a man was fought off by both women and forced to flee with his weasel tail between his legs [NYP]. One victim in fact confirmed that the rogue "looked like a little punk." The surveillance video below offers only a glimpse of the scoundrel; if any clue arises, contact your local constabulary. [Day Editor's note: Sometimes Hamilton, like all of us, gets a little too excited after reading a Post report of a sensational crime. Forgive his perhaps inappropriate old-timey language.] More »

12:01 PM on Wed Mar 5 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
2,299 views, 41 comments

Latest by famousauthor: Anybody notice the similarity between this guy and the Times Square bomber? more »

journalismism

Media Nerds Laugh As Post Says Buckley Founded Wrong Mag

"Newsweek galvanizes readers with several hard-hitting stories. The editors manage to eulogize William F. Buckley Jr. without lionizing him, making the case that the New Republic founder leaves behind an important political legacy." Most important legacy: founding the National Review, not founding the New Republic. The Post is supposed to know all this stuff about fellow conservatives. We expect more from a paper founded by William Kunstler. [NYP]

9:44 AM on Mon Mar 3 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
434 views, 19 comments

message from god

Symbolic Nature Of Rich Woman's Garbage Disaster Escapes The Media

Joanna Cutler, a rich real estate broker who lives in the opulent Plaza hotel, found herself trapped in a garbage room in the palatial building for seven hours last week, only steps away from her luxurious apartment. She had left her apartment unlocked, and the thought of someone walking in and stealing her precious Faberge egg tortured her during her accidental confinement. Sadly, none of the obvious universal, karmic, philosophical implications of this situation were recognized by the rich lady herself. Or the New York Post. More »

9:45 AM on Thu Feb 28 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
3,765 views, 70 comments

Latest by ANDSOITIS: I hear she is a familiar face down in the courts. She sues whenever she sees dollar signs....the NY stores know her well! more »

diablo cody

Post Finds Way To Make Oscars About Stripper Tattoo

Hey, New York Post: Was the Best Original Screenplay Oscar really the most important award of the night, and deserving of your cover shot? I mean, I know the Post is a strong supporter of the literary arts, but isn't that going a little overboard in terms of placement? Oh, right. The winner, Diablo Cody, has that big ass tattoo of a bikini-wearing stripper girl on her arm. Way to get it on the cover! And that other, oral sex-ish shot of her (after the jump) you got on the inside page—that's what makes you the leading entertainment news outlet that you are. More »

9:44 AM on Mon Feb 25 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
7,025 views, 39 comments

Latest by Truculent: You should have seen the tat before she modified it. Full-on naked. Not suitable for prime time, even on Fox. The cover-up came after the movie was picked up more »

richard martin

Crazy Old Bay Ridge Man Sparks Tabloid Frenzy

While media watchers speculated about the backstory over the Times' John McCain article, another journalistic tug-of-war was underway; this one over Richard Martin [photo via NYP], a crazy old coot handyman in Bay Ridge who leaves crazy, rude, threatening notes for his tenants. The blogs have been laughing at Martin for a while now, but today both the Post and the Daily News have stories about the man. For no apparent reason. It's a full-fledged tabloid war! What's the backstory here? We won't rest until we figure it out. [UPDATE: Could this link in an NYT blog have been the spark? Also, much more info and pictures of Martin's work here]. Below, two of Martin's helpful notes to his tenants—keep in mind his explanation that "They're Arabs, they don't give a fuck." More »

10:08 AM on Fri Feb 22 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
4,115 views, 47 comments

Latest by famousauthor: Let's take up a collection to enroll him in a Dale Carnegie course. more »